Need advice- Husband won't ';Leave and Cleave'; and then some...?

I have been married almost 4 months and have issues with my husband's attachment to his family. My husband moved into my apartment when we married where he was leaving the house he grew up in. The problem is my husband has been paying the mortgage on the house he grew up in for his mother and his healthy 35 year old sister also lives there and just chips in for groceries for the mother. Only after we married my husband told me paying his mother's mortgage has been and will continue to be his obligation until it is paid off. Because of this my husband cannot afford to equally pay half of our apartment expenses. I am trying to pay down my bills which I can accomplish in a year if he pays his half of our household expenses.





Also I made it very clear that I did not want to to raise future children in Los Angeles and want to raise them in the Northeast and he said before marriage ';whatever makes you happy';, now after visiting a Catholic marriage counselor (yep we are both catholic) he says he doesn't want to move to the East Coast. He said ';you married a California Boy'; to which I said '; You married an East Coast woman';.





I pushed to live together before marriage and he refused because of the whole Catholic thing now I am miserable. I am trying to focus on other things right now and trying to be positive in my thoughts however I don't plan on staying in an unhappy marriage and am considering an annulment. I do have good values I kept my virginity until marriage (he did not).





I feel my husband wasn't honest about his plans to continue paying the mortgage for his mom and he is too attached to his sisters and treats his nephews as if they were his own kids. I am not a drama Queen that needs a bunch of attention however I feel he has been too attached to his mother and sisters that live out here.





I have lived independently on my own since I moved to California in 2001.





Unfortunately he had to jump in financially when his dad passed away (1994) which I give him credit for helping in a pinch but he continues to be a surragate father and husband. Keep in mind the youngest sibling is 28 years old out of the house and has two kids of her own.





I got the impression from my husband's brother and brother's wife who live out of state that he was afraid of losing me so he might have gone along with what expressed was important to me.


Any thoughts????Need advice- Husband won't ';Leave and Cleave'; and then some...?
sounds like a great IdeaNeed advice- Husband won't ';Leave and Cleave'; and then some...?
Actually I think you have a very valid point. If you two plan to build a future together he needs to cut his financial ties to his very capable family. He is not taking care of incapacitated people but he is enabling capable adults.





You seem to have expressed yourself quiet clear prior to marriage and he is ';changing the deal'; so to speak. Yes life changes but only 4 months into it he seems to be acting like ';now I have you so your stuck';. This attitude does not change as the marriage goes on. If you do end up moving on in this relationship I would definitely consider living together prior to marriage a deal breaker. That is you require that you live together before getting married. Good luck to you!
I would get an annulment on the grounds of fraud. First he agreed before marriage to move to the east, and second he kept his financial responsibility to his mom in the dark until after you married him.


He misrepresented himself until he figured it was too late for you to do anything about it. That was cruel, selfish, dishonest, and just plain wrong all around.....He's not the man you thought he was.
If his mom is unable to care for herself and support herself then its time to put her in a home and time for her mooching daughter to get out and get a life of her own!


I know that sounds harsh but she is one woman who has no one to worry about but herself at this point. She doesn't need a big house she can get a small apartment. If his sister wants to stay in the home then she can buy it or resume the mortgage. He no longer lives there and needs to support himself and his WIFE and their financial obligations!


If he cant handle that then annul away! Because I would never put up with that!
The Catholic church allows for an annulment. You have grounds. See your priest and set up an appointment to discuss it. Let your husband know you believe he misled you before you married, and that you are researching an annulment. Let him know what it will take for you to stay in the marriage. If he's not willing, then get the annulment.
sit down with your husband and talk to your priest... tell him everything you wrote here... Yes your husband has deceived you... 4 months and you can still get your marriage annulled... THE A HOLE figure that you would not file for divorce because of the ';catholic thing'; but he didn't read up on Annulments....
I am also catholic and have a strong belief in getting married - staying married.





However, he also has an obligation as a husband -to you- as his wife.





Genesis 2: 24





';For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.';





No matter how bad he wants to help his mother, you are now his first family, then comes his mother and then his sisters.





but you must first do everything in your hands to make him reflect on this and let him know how you really feel and what your plan of action is.

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