Hi hon-
I feel I know what you're going through. I am 21 and my husband is 19. We've been married for nearly two years, have a five month daughter and I'm three and a half months pregnant with the next child. My husband seems to have this cycling phase where every six months or so he goes off the deep end and decides that he's not happy and finds another woman to hang up under until he comes to his senses. I have tried to get him to seek professional help with no luck. We had moved into our new place and were doing really well together-- until this morning. He woke up and all of a sudden, the rain came pouring down again. He informed me that he would be happier being a ';free man'; and he didn't want to be married anymore. I've been through this several times, and I suppose it does get a little easier in the sense that you learn how to cope. Your husband sounds a bit like mine-- a selfish a**hole who was not ready to play house. But, you, like myself, took your vows seriously and probably rationalize your thinking by telling yourself that you promised for better or for worse, and this happens to be one of the ';worse'; times. I do applaud you for trying to save your marriage. It is reasons like this that one out of every two marriages end in divorce. Your first option is to stick it out. This, I do warn you, will put you through some of the worst heartache and pain you'll ever feel. Men, especially young men, do not see nor care how badly they are hurting their wives when they do things like this. Then again, you cannot scold the child for not understanding what he's doing wrong. You can only scold the act itself. If you choose to do this, I suggest maintaining contact with those who have been through or are going through the same things as you are. Support helps- trust me. Also, if you can, pick up a copy of ';Divorce Busting';. It's a wonderful book that will help you get through the bad times. (Google it- it should give you a site where you can read the first chapter or so.) It's by Michelle Weiner-Davis. Your second option is to get out of the relationship. In your situation, this is what I would do. You don't want to be like me-- a young woman capable of doing so much with her life, but having to care for an infant while carrying another. I have wished so many days that I would have just ran when I had the chance- the first time he cheated on me. Back then, I had no children, I was employed, and about 80 lbs lighter. I had a chance to bounce back and reinvent myself. It's going to be a hundred times harder now-- but I'm sure that I can do it. I have to. And so do you. :)
Take time to heal yourself, and feel free to message me for support.Need more advice.... husband left, drinkin n meetn girls now, should I be try and still be friends? whats next
to be frank, he is bored of you. Get over it. use this opportunity to find something that truely belongs to you. u're only 20 !
He made his choice and obviously likes his decision.
Now you can tinkle or get off the potty and rock and roll...it's your call!
thats terrible
you should definately move on...
if he did that to you,, there is no point of coming back into his life,
you will find someone better...
and leave him with his terrible life, but enjoy your good life!
=]
good luck
sounds like he has you under his thumb.just leave him alone if he cared about ur relationship,let alone your freindhip he would not have did u like that.sounds like he just wants a peice of a$$ whenever he wants it.
Since he thinks himself single and goes about his own way as if he were. I suggest you do the same. Go out meet people date.
I'll comfort you !
All i can say is hes so luckily unlucky .......like youre so loving ,cute and all that n hes not intrested even though u both re married i swear if it was me instead f him i would hav been opp to wat he is i mean most f them would hav been.Dont opt for bars n clubs lookin for guyz ull end up as slut ...the first thig u do is try 2 avoid him ...if possible leave him then you can look for sme other guy.....i mean join sme university work and study since ure still 20 make ur self busy...and im sure btween this ull find some one .u cant find someone like goin to bars etc...and not so fast as well ,so tat was my advise bst f luck
You were way to young. It's that simple. He didn't get to go out and party because he was to busy being in a relationship. He didn't get to go out and date around, because of being in a committed relationship.
Let him go. If he comes back to you, he's yours, and always has been, if not, it was never meant to be.
about staying friends, that is totally up to you. It will be painful for quite some time, and only you can determine if you want to stay friends.
How to meet guys. How about taking some YOU time? You've been in a relationship for atleast 5 years (4 together, and 1 married right?). It's time you take a time out, go an have some fun, and figure out what YOU want.
buddha: I know LOTS of people (men and women) that are PLENTY respectable that goes out to bars and clubbin. So do not classify ALL people that do this as not respectable. It's plain crude and sterotyping!
Well my dear that is definitely a sad situation no body likes to feel played or used so I think until you get over the initial shock and pain of your failed relationship you should cut him off completely being friends with the man who betrayed your marriage and friendship should not have the luxury of still being able to refer to you as a friend maybe down the line once you have moved on but not right now you would be asking for trouble shug. Good luck go be with friends and keep yourself busy to get over the pain.
WOW! I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. It is pretty simple....your husband does NOT want to married anymore. Let him go, get a divorce....otherwise..you will be wasting precious time of your life....when you could be with someone worth the effort.
He obviously wants to party and holds little value in your marriage.
As far as you meeting other men (decent ones)...do not go to the bars for that!
If you meet a man at a bar....you will lose him to the bar! My mom used to tell me that! lol
Good luck....
ps. I must be old fashioned ... what is ';cock blocked';?
Your additional details, boiled down, are this: ';I don't like reality.'; Look, this guy didn't turn out how you thought he would. If my so-called friend treated me with the same disrespect with which your husband treated you, I wouldn't WANT to be his friend anymore! Maybe someday you could be freinds again, after he grows up a little, but don't hold your breath.
As for meeting new men, DON'T. You need time away from all romantic relationships for awhile. You need to do some growing of your own, figuring out who you are and what your relationship expectations should be. You've been with this guy for a long time, considering your age. Please don't jump from this relationship into another one. Spend some time talking to trusted friends and/or relatives about what you went through, figure out where you went wrong, or what you didn't see that should have been red flags with your husband, and learn your lessons. Become a stronger, more mature, more independent person before you get involved with anyone else.
You are both too young to be married.
I would ask you to let him go and do not contact him at all.
Get a divorce and start fresh...If you have family elsewhere, see if there is an opportunity for you with them , in another place, or city or state.
Exes are exes for good reasons.
And when men break up with you and tell you they want to remain ';friends'; with you; what they really mean is that they want to keep you ';leashed'; until they find someone else; then they will drop you like a hot potato.
Right now, your ex is telling you he wants to be ';friends'; because he knows you still care for him and that if he pushes things hard enough chances are you might even sleep with him again...
So be smart, be strong, and do not fall for his BS. (It is one of the classic lines...';I want to continue seeing you and knowing you are my friend...';)
The fact he has already been out partying and has met a girl already is something you cannot ignore. If you do, you are immature ....and you will suffer greatly when he hurts you in the future.
So no. You should not be cordial or nice at all. You should be distant and unavailable, since it's over between you two.
IF you don't stop contact with this man, he will continue to hurt your heart and mind....So be smart and protect yourself.
Good luck. You have your entire life ahead of you !
Im sorry to say, but I think that you guys married too young, before each of you had explored the world. You need to get over him and move on.
To be nice or not depends on how you feel he is treating you; if he is dragging your name and reputation through the mud, then it is past time to be cordial. Get yourself a divorce lawyer and end the marriage and find someone that will make you happy and treat you the way you want to be treated.
Get yourself out of his life and let him destroy himself....if he wakes up one morning and decides that you were what he wanted....too late....leave him now.
if you want to put yourself in a world of pain go ahead and be friends with him. why would you want a friend that has lost all respect for you? he was suppose to be your best friend yet did all of that and hurt you. he is not even worth being friends with. you seem to know that you deserve better and seem smarter than him. you know that going clubbing and going to bars you will never find a respectable guy and its just not the way to meet good people. you have to be strong because it definitely won't be easy. you need to get him out of your life as soon as possible before he does more damage to you self-esteem. trust me!!!!
Try and make it work ! Seek professional help. It sounds like yall married too young but neither one of you are being mature enough to seek help. Both of you are running and seeking the first option.
It is really crappy what he is doing. but he is obviosuly hiding his emotions behind the drinking and partying!
Good luck!
It doesn't seem like he wants to be in a relationship/married. I dont think you should be friends. You'll always be hoping that he ';grows'; out of it and you will get hurt.
He still hasn't matured yet and besides he just picked up and left so to me that's not man you want to be married too. Just move on. Your only 20~go have some fun. You need to get over him.
Your only sane choice is to follow through with the divorce and have nothing more to do with him, period.
Since he chooses to mess around with whoever he can find regardless of whether he knows them or not, such as Miss Tattoo On The Butt, then if you have any dealing with him, even a kiss, you are putting yourself at risk.
The stds (Socially Transmitted Diseases) are running rampant today. Some are curable and some are not. If you let him near you then you are susceptable to catching what he may have caught. If you will put up with it, on nights when he doesn't get lucky, he will come back to you when he is drunk to have sex.
Protect yourself. Write him off as a bad experience at least for about six months after he comes to his senses and then only after he shows you a copy of a blood test. The reason being that AIDS especially has a six months hibernation period before one becomes HIV+.
This happens to many couples who marry way too young, the out grow the relationship. Your husband is recapturing his youth by going out and partying now. Either one or two things will happen, he will either like it or find that the grass is not always greener on the other side. In the mean time, you cannot expect yourself to sit and wait around for him to get it out of his system. He obviously was not ready for the responsibilities and commitment that comes with being married and it can take years until he ever will be. The good thing in this is that you are still young, you have time to do all the things you have not been able to do in the past. It would be good for you to first consult a divorce attorney to see what your rights are. Then you may wnat to consider taking a college course so that you can get a good job. This will not only keep you busy but also you will be out there making new friends. And yes, of course if you can be cordial to your husband then do so, no use being rude to one another. Your husband is being honest with you, he has told you he no longer likes being married, he at least told you the truth instead of lying to you and doing these things behind your back. By being cordial with him does not mean you have to hang out with him or have sex with him or anything else. It only means that when and if you both need to converse that you both will be able to do so without hostility. My guess is that your husband, once he sees that you have set him free without begging him and that you have made positive efforts to move on that he will come to re-think his desire to be single. This is usually what happens in most cases. Just do not let yourself put your life on hold waiting for him to come around. Good luck to you!
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