Conflict with husband, need advice?!?

We've been living with my in-laws since my husband lost his job almost a year ago. We've had plenty of disagreements with them and I haven't felt welcome here (we moved from Tennessee to Washington state when he lost his job). Last night DH went upstairs because his dad wanted to talk to him... I had to assume it was about me because I'd had an argument with his sister during the day.





Anyway, he says his parents want to make peace with him and his Christmas wish is for me to make peace with his dad. I know his dad hates me, and didn't request my presence during the peace making conversation (I was left stewing in our room/taking care of our baby). It REALLY pisses me off when his parents pull him into their room, close the door, and conference about who knows what.





I guess what I'd really like to know is, from others' perspective, should I try to make peace with my in-laws? Do they deserve that? I don't see my FIL trying too hard to be nice to me... The first thing I ever said to him was ';you have a beautiful house';, to which he replied ';I bet you think so';. Our interactions have been just that pleasant ever since.





Sorry to unload here, but I don't have anyone to talk to. Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
Always make peace.





The real ticker is, how to do it?





If you deny yourself justice in the situation, you'll never feel at ease. If you deny your in-laws justice, you'll hate yourself.





Find a compromise that you can all agree on. Try to get along with the dad by putting yourself in his shoes, trying to understand/see things as he does. Ask him questions. Even if he gets smart, don't respond to him in a smart way. Ask to make sure you understand him right.





And if you suspect that his parents are going to talk to him about you, demand that you be present as well. Talk to your husband about why he doesn't pull you in on it - the idea of marriage is LEAVE and CLEAVE. He needs to support you over his parents. He was supposed to leave his parents...to marry you.





Whatever happens, pray hard and hang tight. You can all work something out together if you are all adult about it.





And lastly, encourage your husband to get a job - any job! My older brother always worked odd jobs when he was fired from his professional career. It still didn't keep him from earning jobs that paid over $100k a year salary. Employers like to see that you're being busy, even if you're not doing what you prefer. (just expect to be asked about it in an interview)Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
I say do it for your child, and make peace. As long as they are not abusive in any way. Some times you have to stand up and be the hero. It will make you feel good.
As long as you are living with them, it would be wise to try and make peace.


It is fair for you to ask them why they appear not to like you.
You need to move....somehow, even if it's into someone else's house. Parents should not come inbetween husband and wife. Your husband also needs to stand up for you, you're the mother of his child.
You guys need to get out of there ASAP, even if it means you BOTH work making $8 an hour at McDonalds living in a 1 bedroom ecno apartment in a crappy neighborhood.
Ya'll need to move out...both of you get jobs working opposite shifts and pay rent yourselves...GET OUT OF THERE...it is harming your marriage.
make peace and move on, or fake like you made peace.
It seems like living there is your only resort- but honestly it's really toxic for you right now...it will cause problems in your marriage..it isn't your fault your husband lost his job..what about your family? Have you considered both of you working even if it means living in a one bedroom or studio- just so the two of you can love each other without the negative influence of your husband's family? I just couldn't deal with being treated that way..You could try to have a talk with them- (make sure your husband is present) find out why they dislike you so much..maybe you can make things better - try to do nice things for the in laws- cook and clean for them in exchange for letting you guys live there...good luck
I would like to commend you for being there for a year. I know that it is very difficult to live with family because we were in a similar situation. but we only were there 6 weeks. If you don't have any other choice but to be there. (you have no other options) then yes I would recommend you make the peace. But on that same not this is not a one sided agreement. I think all of you need to sit down and discuss this as adults. Some ground rules need to be laid out, such as if they have a conference, you should be included because all they are doing is putting your hubby in the middle. That really isn't fair to him or you. But if you do have the option of getting your own place even a small one I would try to do that so save any relationship that may be there. It is very generous of them to open their home to you for so long, but from personal experience when you have two families living together with different values and rules, it is very difficult. So again I commend you for sticking it out as long as you have, and if it needs to continue, there needs to be communication on all ends to get the peace that is desired. Good luck. I hope this answers your question.
For your in-laws, keep behave polite although they show that bad attitude. Polite means you can just say hi and bye if you leave them, show to them your respect. It seem they don't respect you at all so it's ok you don't need to be forced to act like sweet person, just do that small common attitude about respecting the older should have enough meaning of your peace signs.





For your husband, he seem doesn't hear you that much, say to him you want to make peace with in-laws but you wont ';kiss their ***';, or acting over-nice, because you can't push it, unless they (somehow) start to accept you to be part of family.


Keep telling your husband to find a job so you can get out from there faster.





Since i here don't know your exact condition, or know your in-laws that well, you can't hope 100% good solutions here. Good luck.
ok first no your husband should not have private meetings with his family, you guys are married make that clear whatever can be said to him can be said in front of you. secondly stand up to your husband ,tell him find a job no matter the pay and get u and you child the hell out of there. If he doesnt get a job you go find one and make him watch the baby.Tell husband he better start standing up for you or he will be without a wife.When u are married your spouse should always stand up for you even if they disagree they can talk to you later about it, but in front of people he should always be on your side. tell him he better shape up or your gone, also no you don't have to make peace make them appologize for being rude first than work on it if you choose.
Having room mates of any type is hard, in-laws are even harder. Try to get along with them as best you can because they are always going to be around. It sounds like your father in law is just as frustrated about the living arrangements as you are, so just try to be nice and if you feel like your about to get in a fight just walk away. Fighting never fixes anything and will cause tension with your in-laws even after you move out. Also I would suggest moving out of their place as soon as possible, you and your husband will be a lot happier.
Sorry to hear about your problems but hey.chin up. Briefly, if you love your hubby and want to make it work it might be better to go along with him just to ensure a peaceful xmas....BUT.make sure he understands that you're doing this for him and that you expect to see changes( ie: moving house) soon in the new year. Also remember, any conflict between you and his parents must cause him alot of problems being stuck in the middle and all. Have a thought for him.


I have always stood by the maxim that communication makes the marriage, and I stand by it in this case. TALK to each other.........Good luck!
You sound overloaded with resentments. Let go and forgive. Feel yourself with the love of Jesus this Christmas. You do it for yourself as forgiveness is the soul medicine you need right now.





I can understand living with your in-laws, no matter how good they might be, you have to find a place of your own, one year is too long to be in your situation. Your husband must take responsibility for you and your child and not depend on his parents.





Look at your baby and thank God. Feel the peace of forgiveness, be wise enough and love your baby enough to meet with your in-laws and tell them you love them and wish to have the happiest Christmas ever, give them your baby to hold at that moment. Expect tears of joy, let them flow as they will cleanse you all of any hard feelings and tell your husband its time to get an apartment. God bless you