Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?

Married 27 years. I do all of the cooking, most of the cleaning, most of the laundry (she insists on doing her own) and I do all of the shopping and dropping off and picking up of the two teen aged children. Our sex life went from fabulous, to great, to about every ten days. I have always put her needs first. I have tried everything I can to be patient and understanding but after romance, love letters, candles, conversations, books, subtle hints, the not so subtle direct approach, nothing changes. She admits her need to pay more attention and the guilt sex happens but then it's right back to the routine. I am on the edge and just about ready to give up and walk.


Okay ladies, what do I do?Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Perhaps ask her what she needs and try to meet her needs. Cheating is not an answer and will come back to bite you in the butt. Someone mentioned menopause, certainly plausible. She may need to be checked by your family physician to make sure there are not any underlying medical issues. Beyond this, I would consider couples therapy to get to the root of the problem. I hope your marriage is happy otherwise. I do commend you for your part in making your house a home and sharing int he demands of parenthood. You are my friend, one in a million.Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
';I am on the edge and just about ready to give up and walk.';





Then you need to give her fair warning and let her know that. She needs to know how close she is to losing you for good.





I recommend you make an appointment with a marriage counselor and take her with you so you can figure out what's going on and if your relationship can be saved.





you've been married almost 30 years and have teenagers, then she could be in perimenopause and her hormones are out of whack. An appointment with her doctor and a simple blood test will tell you if that is what is going on.





Good Luck.
Get out and get active with her. Sometimes women need a jump start. Exercise can do that. Nothing serious, just something fun. Go play hopscotch or really anything that will get you moving. Just make sure its fun for you. Or you may need a more direct approach. Pick up a vibrator and stimulate her at random. Or you and can take a more extreme approach. Take on the 30 day challenge. Talk to her and see if she is up for it. Have sex every nite for a month. Whether you feel like it or not. Just commit to it for a month. You should feel closer and it should give that jump start she needs.
You sit her down and you tell her everything you said here. She needs to know how unhappy you are. And you need to hear from her own lips why her sex drive took a nose dive. You have to work this out together, but if she won't even attempt to compromise, then you need to decide what you really want. But give her heads up first, and you be sure to tell her how serious you take this and that you are considering leaving beacuse of it.





This is your only life, your one chance to be fulfilled sexually. That's important. Fight for it.





Good luck!
show her what she's got, and what she'll be missing if you weren't there. if it were me, i'd stop the cooking, cleaning and ';most'; of the laundry. i'd stop the picking up and dropping off of the teenagers. i'd start living my life and doing things that i want to do. i wouldn't neglect my children, and i wouldn't cheat on my wife. but i'd definitely stop showing her what she has...





you're giving way too much. it's supposed to be 50/50 - time for wifey to pay up.





ever heard the saying ';you never know what you have until it's gone';? well - maybe your wife needs a reality check. talk to her, let her know how you're feeling, and then back it up. take a weekend break at a hotel and just be you for a minute. give her a chance to see that she might just actually lose you.





good luck.
well if all you say is true she is one lucky gal!


having said that though, she is pretty self centered.


you need to fess up and be brutally honest.


tell her how this makes you feel. tell her you are still young people who should have a healthy sex life.


tell her she could lose you if she doesn't think this is important enough to address.


thereapy, workshops, loads of books to help.


but good old fashioned hard work is the best way and she needs to realize that marriage doesn't get easier it's always hard work!
Somebody give this guy a useful answer. I have been married just about 12 years and I already have the same problem. My wife does more around the house than his, but the sex just isn't good. More like 15 days for us. She just make no effort. Flirty when the kids are still awake, but shuts down once they are asleep. Please... any advice for on this one probably helps tons us us.
you guys are missing some communication somewhere and need to sit down and talk some. she maybe feeling unattractive or something and no matter what you do for her she is not going to give in or change anything unless you get to talking. something might be going on. she might be disteting heself for somereason. Please sit her down some where where you are alone and noone to interrupt and get to talking about you marrage before it is to late.
Find out why she has lost interest in having sex. I know when a woman has so much on her mind and if things are going on around her it's hard to get in the mood. Talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you feel. Good Luck, my situation was in reverse it was my husband who didn't want it.
After 27 years, you are doing every it sounds like you should give your wife one more chance and explain to your wife that you are seriously thinking about splitting if things don't change. You sound like a good catch, so I'm sure your wife doesn't want to give up her life of luxury. Good Luck!!!
is she going through menapause? not sure about her age, but i'm guessing mid 40's-50's? menapause messes with a woman's hormones a great deal and usually puts a damper on a sex life. talk to her about how you feel. let her know that you're noticing this routine and that it's not working for you.
Hmm....she sounds really spoiled. Have you tried being more assertive in what you want? Maybe do a little less around the house. I know it sounds weird but sometimes you gotta go the opposite and give them a taste of their own medicine in order to gain respect. It sounds like she doesn't really respect you.
Dude, I am not trying to be funny, but do you know how much you sound like a bored housewife? Man up and initiate sex already, it sounds like you are sitting around waiting for a pity *** whenever she will have you. MAKE her pay attention.
Walk away and let her decide wether she is goign to change and make things work or it will be over. You did all you could, you can not save your marriage if she doesn't want to save it or feels that it does need to be saved.
get HER 2post on here and lets us hear Her side s that we can talk some sense into her a lil, cus till i know whats up with her, its hard 2advise :s
Hook up with '; Midnight ';. She sounds '; ready ';...
Since you'e tried everything else





Get a mistress....





JK LOL :)
find yourself a hot babe!
I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. As a matter of fact.. you sound like my kind of guy!
Married 27 years, wow!! You have had to see a lot of changes in each other over the years. Obviously her need for sex and yours are not in line right now. You can work through it.





Is your wife depressed? Is she premenopausal or menopausal? Maybe there are other things that are suppressing her sex drive? Often these things are treatable and she should seek a doctors advice.





If it is just a matter of your needs being different perhaps you can discuss this and come up with an agreement on how often to have sex. It doesn't sound romantic or the way it should be, however we are talking about fulfilling a physical need right now so you have to start somewhere. If she wants it once a month and you are hoping for several times a week, there will have to be a realistic compromise to meet each other in the middle. Agree to something and put it in writing like a contract.





Consider a counselor or a sex therapist.





One thing you could probably do is stop focusing so much on sex. I know that sounds hard but sometimes (especially in long term relationships) that within itself is what makes women turned off to it and when men stop making that the center of their universe it makes sex appeal to us more.





If you walk you will probably meet a woman who will be really into sex for a short time then she will become like the rest of us. So what will the gain be besides short lived gratification? Your best bet is to stay right where you are and work things out. You didn't get to 27 years of marriage by giving up, so don't start now!!! Communicate with your wife to find a reasonable answer and you two will be able to work this out!!
CHEAT!
She's just not into you:(
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