Seperated from husband need advice please?

About a week ago i found my husband was involved in dating services and lied to about ALOT of things, also found box of condoms with half missing. He got mad at ME for finding them leading him to tell me he only married me for money, and is not in love with me, has no feelings for me. Needless to say i was crushed and so very hurt. I have gave up alot of this person. We been togeather for 9 yrs married 5 and before we got married him and i had issues but he joined the navy and i seen he changed (least i thought) and we got married. Im only 24 so most of my teen and young adult life was spent with him. Its hard to pull away from that. After i found out about all of that stuff a week ago i moved into my dads and my husband has been in contact with me a few times...the first few times the phone calls where him putting me down and blaming me for everything and honesty i still dont see how he can blame me for it all. Am i purfect? Not at all. But he knows i love him and would do anythingSeperated from husband need advice please?
First of all, it sounds like he was obviously just trying to rationalize what he did wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you--just that he made some very HUGE mistakes. It also doesn't mean that you need to forgive him for those mistakes. I'd say it's a good sign that he's willing to go to counseling with you, though. If I were you, I wouldn't go back just yet. Is there any way that you can afford to move into a motel room temporarily? Because you can tell him that you need to clear your mind right now.





If you go back to him too soon, then you might hold a lot of resentment towards him. This will not help if he wants you to ';act right';. This could mean anything from the fact that you nag him to the fact that you won't have sex with him often enough. But if you try to figure it out right now, you might still be too angry with him to want to totally understand him. So what I would do is take some time to be alone and figure out if this is the right guy for you.Seperated from husband need advice please?
Are the both of you covenant spouses? If so, then you need to stay married and work on your marriage. God said He hates divorce and Jesus said remarriage is adultery.





If you truly want a restored marriage, you need to turn your life over to God and He will restore your marriage. It takes faith, but He will answer your prayers. I recommend you look at the links below to help you learn how to stand for your marriage and for your husband. Your husband is not the enemy. It is Satan. He has trapped your husband. (If your husband is serious about working with you on your marriage, have him look at Jimmy and Karen Evan's videos on the internet-info is towards bottom of message)





Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.


https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.p鈥?/a>





I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org鈥?/a>





Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/





Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/





Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. I think you will be surprised. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.


http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/d鈥?/a>





Good luck and God Bless!
Blame it on him being to young and dumb. It is not your fault that he went out and had an affair. He is putting the blame on you to get out of his responsibility in all of this. I say leave him alone and ignore his calls and move on. He is not worth it if he cannot love you and just you. He is being mental abusive in order for him to feel better about his wrong doings. The only time you should contact him is if you have children and it is an emergency.
First off you did nothing wrong it was all him. Him blaming you is his way of controlling the situation and making himself feel better. I would meet him tomorrow with divorce papers in hand. I know that your hurt and you have every right to be, but you need to think of this how many women has he slept with? What could he have given to you (STD)? Can you really ever trust him again? Why on earth would want to be with someone who could say such horrible things to you and act like he had done nothing wrong? I may not know you but I know that you deserve better than that. You need to find some inner courage and walk away what is left of your pride, dignity, and self-respect.





goodluck. I hope I didn't not offend you in anyway.
hon, you need to stop being a doormat to this bad husband!





You have to decide if you love him enough despite him cheating and turning this all on you so he doesn't have to feel guilty. Me thinks you deserve so much better.





I guess you don't have a good relation with dad, so maybe as a kid growing up, they didn't treat you right and you got low self-esteem and that's why you accept crappy hubby.





Until you realize this and heal, you'll continue to accept this treatment or attract bad guys into your life.





I recommend, you get in touch with your spiritual side. It might be hard b/c it's not seen and not really give instant gratification. BUT when we get in line with the Divine Healing can happen and guide us. Is there local group meditation in your area? Check meetup.com or google ';group meditation'; and your city.


You will find higher qulaity people in general...and more decent men than in bar.





*You can also start a mantra to help with your concentration (which is the key to success) and the Sanskrit words are very healing vibration.





Try Om Namah Shivaya





';...the name ';Shiva'; means ';the one who purifies the one that repeats His name.';





';...Aum Namah Shivaya is also alright for practise by worldly people, as gradual repetition makes the mind proceed from the gross to the subtle.


It is said...that if you practise this mantra enough so that it vibrates continuously in your heart, then you don't need to do any yoga or further practises like pranayam, because this mantra is enough to make the practitioner attain liberation.';


--Wikipedia








This page has pronunciation:


http://home.earthlink.net/~dmswanson/ons鈥?/a>
First, what you're feeling is normal. Confused, wondering what you should do etc. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't commit to anything with your husband.





Your 20's are a difficult time because you're maturing, discovering who you are, ';what you want to be when you grow up,'; all of that stuff. Now you're adding a mentally and verbally abusive husband to the equation, and that just piles it on even more.





Let yourself grieve, feel sad, angry, etc. Stay with your father for a while, and contact a marriage %26amp; family counselor as soon as possible. Initially go without your husband, and discuss with the counselor what is going on. Depending on whether you decide to reconcile with your husband, the counselor will be able to assist you in determining when you should bring in your husband. And that still will depend if he is willing to go and actually participate.





The biggest thing is taking care of yourself. Your husband has his own agenda, and that does not include being compassionate or sympathetic to your feelings and needs. My opinion is that you deserve someone who is going to love you, honor you, and respect you. From what you're telling us, he isn't doing any of those things.





Only you can make the decision as to what is going to be your best interest. God bless!
You need to divorce him and move on cause he is not going to change.
I know exactly how you feel. i am 25 and been divorced for almost a year. we were married for 5 years and together for 9... but things were a little more about me wanting out.. and that seems like what he is doing........ your 24 and you still have your whole life ahead of you.. go out, have fun.. setteling down so young is hard - - - but only when you realize there is still life out there in the world is when you will feel that way.. go out and meet people.. then decide if thats really what and how you want to live your life.. happy or with someone that makes you feel the way you are feeling...
he was turning it around and mad at you to deflect from what he did, dont let him do that! if you found a box of half used condoms, hello! your gut tells you listen to it! he is cheating! if you want to work it out you got to go to therapy with him. but why would you want to be with someone that is cheating on you? he might have given you AIDS! if someone really loved you they would not put your life in danger, best of luck. but i say move on, i know it hurts and you feel like your life may be over but it is not, there is someone out there for you that will love you and never cheat on you.....
Sorry but you have to give him up. It's not your fault either. He is an ***.





If you can you should try to get him to admit that he married you for money again. Try to tape it or see what you can do. Maybe even have him investigated and catch him in his infidelities. Might help you in your divorce.
Listen to everyone except I think Janet is confused yes God hates divorce but cheating in that time was cause for being stoned and divorce wouldn't have been an issue if you get stoned to death. also don't think because you feel bad you should feel bad about feeling bad LOL. My wife was 17 when we married she did stuff early in our marriage that some think is cheating others don't I am still giving her chances but yours is harder. I say forget him he forgot you a long time ago and don't worry about finding someone else or being put down GOD takes care of those who let him.
You are allowed to be upset for as long as you need to be but you also need to start thinking that you deserve better and one day you'll find it and will laugh at your ex because he will always be a liar and won't ever be able to carry on a healthy honest relationship. Take comfort in that.