Saturday, July 31, 2010
Feelings after husband died. Advice please?
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Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
We've been living with my in-laws since my husband lost his job almost a year ago. We've had plenty of disagreements with them and I haven't felt welcome here (we moved from Tennessee to Washington state when he lost his job). Last night DH went upstairs because his dad wanted to talk to him... I had to assume it was about me because I'd had an argument with his sister during the day.
Anyway, he says his parents want to make peace with him and his Christmas wish is for me to make peace with his dad. I know his dad hates me, and didn't request my presence during the peace making conversation (I was left stewing in our room/taking care of our baby). It REALLY pisses me off when his parents pull him into their room, close the door, and conference about who knows what.
I guess what I'd really like to know is, from others' perspective, should I try to make peace with my in-laws? Do they deserve that? I don't see my FIL trying too hard to be nice to me... The first thing I ever said to him was ';you have a beautiful house';, to which he replied ';I bet you think so';. Our interactions have been just that pleasant ever since.
Sorry to unload here, but I don't have anyone to talk to. Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
Always make peace.
The real ticker is, how to do it?
If you deny yourself justice in the situation, you'll never feel at ease. If you deny your in-laws justice, you'll hate yourself.
Find a compromise that you can all agree on. Try to get along with the dad by putting yourself in his shoes, trying to understand/see things as he does. Ask him questions. Even if he gets smart, don't respond to him in a smart way. Ask to make sure you understand him right.
And if you suspect that his parents are going to talk to him about you, demand that you be present as well. Talk to your husband about why he doesn't pull you in on it - the idea of marriage is LEAVE and CLEAVE. He needs to support you over his parents. He was supposed to leave his parents...to marry you.
Whatever happens, pray hard and hang tight. You can all work something out together if you are all adult about it.
And lastly, encourage your husband to get a job - any job! My older brother always worked odd jobs when he was fired from his professional career. It still didn't keep him from earning jobs that paid over $100k a year salary. Employers like to see that you're being busy, even if you're not doing what you prefer. (just expect to be asked about it in an interview)Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
I say do it for your child, and make peace. As long as they are not abusive in any way. Some times you have to stand up and be the hero. It will make you feel good.
As long as you are living with them, it would be wise to try and make peace.
It is fair for you to ask them why they appear not to like you.
You need to move....somehow, even if it's into someone else's house. Parents should not come inbetween husband and wife. Your husband also needs to stand up for you, you're the mother of his child.
You guys need to get out of there ASAP, even if it means you BOTH work making $8 an hour at McDonalds living in a 1 bedroom ecno apartment in a crappy neighborhood.
Ya'll need to move out...both of you get jobs working opposite shifts and pay rent yourselves...GET OUT OF THERE...it is harming your marriage.
make peace and move on, or fake like you made peace.
It seems like living there is your only resort- but honestly it's really toxic for you right now...it will cause problems in your marriage..it isn't your fault your husband lost his job..what about your family? Have you considered both of you working even if it means living in a one bedroom or studio- just so the two of you can love each other without the negative influence of your husband's family? I just couldn't deal with being treated that way..You could try to have a talk with them- (make sure your husband is present) find out why they dislike you so much..maybe you can make things better - try to do nice things for the in laws- cook and clean for them in exchange for letting you guys live there...good luck
I would like to commend you for being there for a year. I know that it is very difficult to live with family because we were in a similar situation. but we only were there 6 weeks. If you don't have any other choice but to be there. (you have no other options) then yes I would recommend you make the peace. But on that same not this is not a one sided agreement. I think all of you need to sit down and discuss this as adults. Some ground rules need to be laid out, such as if they have a conference, you should be included because all they are doing is putting your hubby in the middle. That really isn't fair to him or you. But if you do have the option of getting your own place even a small one I would try to do that so save any relationship that may be there. It is very generous of them to open their home to you for so long, but from personal experience when you have two families living together with different values and rules, it is very difficult. So again I commend you for sticking it out as long as you have, and if it needs to continue, there needs to be communication on all ends to get the peace that is desired. Good luck. I hope this answers your question.
For your in-laws, keep behave polite although they show that bad attitude. Polite means you can just say hi and bye if you leave them, show to them your respect. It seem they don't respect you at all so it's ok you don't need to be forced to act like sweet person, just do that small common attitude about respecting the older should have enough meaning of your peace signs.
For your husband, he seem doesn't hear you that much, say to him you want to make peace with in-laws but you wont ';kiss their ***';, or acting over-nice, because you can't push it, unless they (somehow) start to accept you to be part of family.
Keep telling your husband to find a job so you can get out from there faster.
Since i here don't know your exact condition, or know your in-laws that well, you can't hope 100% good solutions here. Good luck.
ok first no your husband should not have private meetings with his family, you guys are married make that clear whatever can be said to him can be said in front of you. secondly stand up to your husband ,tell him find a job no matter the pay and get u and you child the hell out of there. If he doesnt get a job you go find one and make him watch the baby.Tell husband he better start standing up for you or he will be without a wife.When u are married your spouse should always stand up for you even if they disagree they can talk to you later about it, but in front of people he should always be on your side. tell him he better shape up or your gone, also no you don't have to make peace make them appologize for being rude first than work on it if you choose.
Having room mates of any type is hard, in-laws are even harder. Try to get along with them as best you can because they are always going to be around. It sounds like your father in law is just as frustrated about the living arrangements as you are, so just try to be nice and if you feel like your about to get in a fight just walk away. Fighting never fixes anything and will cause tension with your in-laws even after you move out. Also I would suggest moving out of their place as soon as possible, you and your husband will be a lot happier.
Sorry to hear about your problems but hey.chin up. Briefly, if you love your hubby and want to make it work it might be better to go along with him just to ensure a peaceful xmas....BUT.make sure he understands that you're doing this for him and that you expect to see changes( ie: moving house) soon in the new year. Also remember, any conflict between you and his parents must cause him alot of problems being stuck in the middle and all. Have a thought for him.
I have always stood by the maxim that communication makes the marriage, and I stand by it in this case. TALK to each other.........Good luck!
You sound overloaded with resentments. Let go and forgive. Feel yourself with the love of Jesus this Christmas. You do it for yourself as forgiveness is the soul medicine you need right now.
I can understand living with your in-laws, no matter how good they might be, you have to find a place of your own, one year is too long to be in your situation. Your husband must take responsibility for you and your child and not depend on his parents.
Look at your baby and thank God. Feel the peace of forgiveness, be wise enough and love your baby enough to meet with your in-laws and tell them you love them and wish to have the happiest Christmas ever, give them your baby to hold at that moment. Expect tears of joy, let them flow as they will cleanse you all of any hard feelings and tell your husband its time to get an apartment. God bless you
Anyway, he says his parents want to make peace with him and his Christmas wish is for me to make peace with his dad. I know his dad hates me, and didn't request my presence during the peace making conversation (I was left stewing in our room/taking care of our baby). It REALLY pisses me off when his parents pull him into their room, close the door, and conference about who knows what.
I guess what I'd really like to know is, from others' perspective, should I try to make peace with my in-laws? Do they deserve that? I don't see my FIL trying too hard to be nice to me... The first thing I ever said to him was ';you have a beautiful house';, to which he replied ';I bet you think so';. Our interactions have been just that pleasant ever since.
Sorry to unload here, but I don't have anyone to talk to. Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
Always make peace.
The real ticker is, how to do it?
If you deny yourself justice in the situation, you'll never feel at ease. If you deny your in-laws justice, you'll hate yourself.
Find a compromise that you can all agree on. Try to get along with the dad by putting yourself in his shoes, trying to understand/see things as he does. Ask him questions. Even if he gets smart, don't respond to him in a smart way. Ask to make sure you understand him right.
And if you suspect that his parents are going to talk to him about you, demand that you be present as well. Talk to your husband about why he doesn't pull you in on it - the idea of marriage is LEAVE and CLEAVE. He needs to support you over his parents. He was supposed to leave his parents...to marry you.
Whatever happens, pray hard and hang tight. You can all work something out together if you are all adult about it.
And lastly, encourage your husband to get a job - any job! My older brother always worked odd jobs when he was fired from his professional career. It still didn't keep him from earning jobs that paid over $100k a year salary. Employers like to see that you're being busy, even if you're not doing what you prefer. (just expect to be asked about it in an interview)Conflict with husband, need advice?!?
I say do it for your child, and make peace. As long as they are not abusive in any way. Some times you have to stand up and be the hero. It will make you feel good.
As long as you are living with them, it would be wise to try and make peace.
It is fair for you to ask them why they appear not to like you.
You need to move....somehow, even if it's into someone else's house. Parents should not come inbetween husband and wife. Your husband also needs to stand up for you, you're the mother of his child.
You guys need to get out of there ASAP, even if it means you BOTH work making $8 an hour at McDonalds living in a 1 bedroom ecno apartment in a crappy neighborhood.
Ya'll need to move out...both of you get jobs working opposite shifts and pay rent yourselves...GET OUT OF THERE...it is harming your marriage.
make peace and move on, or fake like you made peace.
It seems like living there is your only resort- but honestly it's really toxic for you right now...it will cause problems in your marriage..it isn't your fault your husband lost his job..what about your family? Have you considered both of you working even if it means living in a one bedroom or studio- just so the two of you can love each other without the negative influence of your husband's family? I just couldn't deal with being treated that way..You could try to have a talk with them- (make sure your husband is present) find out why they dislike you so much..maybe you can make things better - try to do nice things for the in laws- cook and clean for them in exchange for letting you guys live there...good luck
I would like to commend you for being there for a year. I know that it is very difficult to live with family because we were in a similar situation. but we only were there 6 weeks. If you don't have any other choice but to be there. (you have no other options) then yes I would recommend you make the peace. But on that same not this is not a one sided agreement. I think all of you need to sit down and discuss this as adults. Some ground rules need to be laid out, such as if they have a conference, you should be included because all they are doing is putting your hubby in the middle. That really isn't fair to him or you. But if you do have the option of getting your own place even a small one I would try to do that so save any relationship that may be there. It is very generous of them to open their home to you for so long, but from personal experience when you have two families living together with different values and rules, it is very difficult. So again I commend you for sticking it out as long as you have, and if it needs to continue, there needs to be communication on all ends to get the peace that is desired. Good luck. I hope this answers your question.
For your in-laws, keep behave polite although they show that bad attitude. Polite means you can just say hi and bye if you leave them, show to them your respect. It seem they don't respect you at all so it's ok you don't need to be forced to act like sweet person, just do that small common attitude about respecting the older should have enough meaning of your peace signs.
For your husband, he seem doesn't hear you that much, say to him you want to make peace with in-laws but you wont ';kiss their ***';, or acting over-nice, because you can't push it, unless they (somehow) start to accept you to be part of family.
Keep telling your husband to find a job so you can get out from there faster.
Since i here don't know your exact condition, or know your in-laws that well, you can't hope 100% good solutions here. Good luck.
ok first no your husband should not have private meetings with his family, you guys are married make that clear whatever can be said to him can be said in front of you. secondly stand up to your husband ,tell him find a job no matter the pay and get u and you child the hell out of there. If he doesnt get a job you go find one and make him watch the baby.Tell husband he better start standing up for you or he will be without a wife.When u are married your spouse should always stand up for you even if they disagree they can talk to you later about it, but in front of people he should always be on your side. tell him he better shape up or your gone, also no you don't have to make peace make them appologize for being rude first than work on it if you choose.
Having room mates of any type is hard, in-laws are even harder. Try to get along with them as best you can because they are always going to be around. It sounds like your father in law is just as frustrated about the living arrangements as you are, so just try to be nice and if you feel like your about to get in a fight just walk away. Fighting never fixes anything and will cause tension with your in-laws even after you move out. Also I would suggest moving out of their place as soon as possible, you and your husband will be a lot happier.
Sorry to hear about your problems but hey.chin up. Briefly, if you love your hubby and want to make it work it might be better to go along with him just to ensure a peaceful xmas....BUT.make sure he understands that you're doing this for him and that you expect to see changes( ie: moving house) soon in the new year. Also remember, any conflict between you and his parents must cause him alot of problems being stuck in the middle and all. Have a thought for him.
I have always stood by the maxim that communication makes the marriage, and I stand by it in this case. TALK to each other.........Good luck!
You sound overloaded with resentments. Let go and forgive. Feel yourself with the love of Jesus this Christmas. You do it for yourself as forgiveness is the soul medicine you need right now.
I can understand living with your in-laws, no matter how good they might be, you have to find a place of your own, one year is too long to be in your situation. Your husband must take responsibility for you and your child and not depend on his parents.
Look at your baby and thank God. Feel the peace of forgiveness, be wise enough and love your baby enough to meet with your in-laws and tell them you love them and wish to have the happiest Christmas ever, give them your baby to hold at that moment. Expect tears of joy, let them flow as they will cleanse you all of any hard feelings and tell your husband its time to get an apartment. God bless you
Has my husband cheated? advice please?
Me and my husband split up recently for a few weeks because we were having problems, we have made up now and its been a month. Today morning I went through his pockets for some cigarettes whilst he was showering and I saw a phone which was switched of. I switched in on and looked through his inbox messages and there was none ther, I then looked in sent messages and I saw various non sexual messages sent to a girl called Rachal, messages were like ';I'm at work etc.';. I tried calling the person but they hung up many times as soon as they heard my voice. By this time my husband came out of the shower and he snatched the phone of me, I didnt even have time to get the number down. He kept saying how it was his friends phone and he wouldnt give me the number even though I was screaming and crying in so much distress. He left for work leaving me in such a state. If he was so innocent why didnt he give me the number? He tried so hard to keep the phone away from me, pushing me etc. His excuse was he didnt want me to disturb anyone because it was his work. But surely seeing me in such a state, he would've given it to me just to reassure me. By now he would have erased the messages or even called this person and told them what happened. I cannot think of where it went wrong. If anything I should be cheating on him, since he doesnt even satisfy me sexually, he's always so tired after coming from work. I feel really upsetHas my husband cheated? advice please?
He is cheating. Divorce the bum, it will turn around and bite him in the a$$ one day...Has my husband cheated? advice please?
If it was really nothing, she would of never hung up in your face when she heard your voice and he would of easily gave you the number or called her with your present. He indeed has something to hide, either he has, wants to or was. As far as what to do, I can not say. Only you know what you can and cannot deal with.
i went thru similar a while ago i was lookin at my b/f phone he caught me, snatched it off me and immediately threw it down the toilet!! if he had nothing to hide he would not have done that...there were no otha signs he was cheatin but men can be so sly, we got thru it and r still together.
You stated his texts were non-sexual.
And if it is a co-worker, she doesn't want to be involved with your drama or accused of something she isn't doing.
Apparently, you two needed to see a marriage counselor while you were separated because there's still issues that revolve around insecurity, trust, fidelity, and sex.
Come on Kitty... The worse thing you can do to yourself is lie. He is cheating. He is a cheater and the sooner you accept that the sooner you can move on and dump him. I know it sux. But remember this... Eventually you will have to leave him if you wanna be happy, do it now then later.
I think if you didn't suspect something was going on you would not have been searching through your hubby's pockets? If you don't trust him, and your actions say you don't, then leave! If you do trust him then why are you searching his clothes?
You act like an immature little girl not a wife.
Don't fool yourself Kitty, you know what's going on. If he had nothing to hide, he'd be wide open about it, just to show you that you were wrong to mistrust him.
He could be cheating but your insecurity would validate his actions. You should mind your own business if you ever want to trust a man you are with. You don't sound like you posess the maturity for marriage.
He is cheating. He is not tired because of work. He is tired because he has been seeing Rachal! Plus, like Ross said. YOU WERE ON A BREAK!!!
YES YES YES he cheated do not try to convince yourself any different it seems like us women try to do that he cheated THE END!!!!!!!!
Yeah, he cheated, and he's trying to cover his tracks. He's too interested in the girl at work. Dump him.
Leave him and move on
cheating
what a dog
~MeL~
that is very suspicious i would definitely look deeper into this because if he is seeing her then maybe you and him should not be together, I can't believe he just left while you were so upset instead of staying until the issue was solved talk to him when he gets home tell him if he doesn't come clean you are gonna file for divorce you deserve to know the truth you are his wife, tell him to be a man and just be honest. i would start asking around about this girl rachael.
you should go to the computer and look at the phone bill online there you will find all the answers u need it keeps a record off all the calls that was mad and the text number he sent to but u will not get the text that he wrote and don't do nothing to notice that u went on line to find out keep your cool,
next thing if he did cheat on u u can tell all men smell like a woman down there a woman's sent stays with him for afew days and his under ware will have a stain on it off his juices so do a little investigating
sounds like rachal is someone he was seeing while you two were on a break. or it could be he is still kinda chatting with her. why would she hang up on you when yuo would call? sounds like she knows he is back with you and she still talks to him, but gotput off guard by you calling from his phone.. i say its his phone, because who actually holds onto someone elses phone anyways?
the last part of your question was you should be the one cheating b/c he dosnt satify you in bed. i dont know if that wasyou being angry and hurt, but cheating on him would only make you look just as bad as him. if you are not fully satified, then leave and find happines somewhere else.
I'll admit his story sounds fishy, but what would you have done if you'd gotten the number, in your crying and screaming state? Called the person again right away? If they were innocent, I wouldn't want to put them in the middle of that, either.
Proof is not the issue here. Your lack of trust and attraction is. Get yourself to counseling if you're not already there, and ask yourself whether coming back was the right thing to do if you have this many doubts.
You know the answer... He is seeing this woman that you called... Kick his @ss out and file for divorce... Its obvious he doesn't love you and you deserve better.
First the few weeks of splitting up may have been the right thing to do!! Splitting up means there was a problem in your relationship that you two didn't or couldn't resolve ,so why get back together??But since you went back together I suggest that you do not focus so much of your attention on him and his phone and give him that much power and control over your emotions. You need to focus on you and your happiness and contentment and the best way to do that is find another male interest to occupy your time and mind because the best way to get a man's attention is to ignore him and with a male on the side to give you smiles, giggles and laughs this should be easy to do. It's like a dose of his own medicine and I know for sure most men can't take that because I am a man!! GOODLUCK!!
He is cheating. Divorce the bum, it will turn around and bite him in the a$$ one day...Has my husband cheated? advice please?
If it was really nothing, she would of never hung up in your face when she heard your voice and he would of easily gave you the number or called her with your present. He indeed has something to hide, either he has, wants to or was. As far as what to do, I can not say. Only you know what you can and cannot deal with.
i went thru similar a while ago i was lookin at my b/f phone he caught me, snatched it off me and immediately threw it down the toilet!! if he had nothing to hide he would not have done that...there were no otha signs he was cheatin but men can be so sly, we got thru it and r still together.
You stated his texts were non-sexual.
And if it is a co-worker, she doesn't want to be involved with your drama or accused of something she isn't doing.
Apparently, you two needed to see a marriage counselor while you were separated because there's still issues that revolve around insecurity, trust, fidelity, and sex.
Come on Kitty... The worse thing you can do to yourself is lie. He is cheating. He is a cheater and the sooner you accept that the sooner you can move on and dump him. I know it sux. But remember this... Eventually you will have to leave him if you wanna be happy, do it now then later.
I think if you didn't suspect something was going on you would not have been searching through your hubby's pockets? If you don't trust him, and your actions say you don't, then leave! If you do trust him then why are you searching his clothes?
You act like an immature little girl not a wife.
Don't fool yourself Kitty, you know what's going on. If he had nothing to hide, he'd be wide open about it, just to show you that you were wrong to mistrust him.
He could be cheating but your insecurity would validate his actions. You should mind your own business if you ever want to trust a man you are with. You don't sound like you posess the maturity for marriage.
He is cheating. He is not tired because of work. He is tired because he has been seeing Rachal! Plus, like Ross said. YOU WERE ON A BREAK!!!
YES YES YES he cheated do not try to convince yourself any different it seems like us women try to do that he cheated THE END!!!!!!!!
Yeah, he cheated, and he's trying to cover his tracks. He's too interested in the girl at work. Dump him.
Leave him and move on
cheating
what a dog
~MeL~
that is very suspicious i would definitely look deeper into this because if he is seeing her then maybe you and him should not be together, I can't believe he just left while you were so upset instead of staying until the issue was solved talk to him when he gets home tell him if he doesn't come clean you are gonna file for divorce you deserve to know the truth you are his wife, tell him to be a man and just be honest. i would start asking around about this girl rachael.
you should go to the computer and look at the phone bill online there you will find all the answers u need it keeps a record off all the calls that was mad and the text number he sent to but u will not get the text that he wrote and don't do nothing to notice that u went on line to find out keep your cool,
next thing if he did cheat on u u can tell all men smell like a woman down there a woman's sent stays with him for afew days and his under ware will have a stain on it off his juices so do a little investigating
sounds like rachal is someone he was seeing while you two were on a break. or it could be he is still kinda chatting with her. why would she hang up on you when yuo would call? sounds like she knows he is back with you and she still talks to him, but gotput off guard by you calling from his phone.. i say its his phone, because who actually holds onto someone elses phone anyways?
the last part of your question was you should be the one cheating b/c he dosnt satify you in bed. i dont know if that wasyou being angry and hurt, but cheating on him would only make you look just as bad as him. if you are not fully satified, then leave and find happines somewhere else.
I'll admit his story sounds fishy, but what would you have done if you'd gotten the number, in your crying and screaming state? Called the person again right away? If they were innocent, I wouldn't want to put them in the middle of that, either.
Proof is not the issue here. Your lack of trust and attraction is. Get yourself to counseling if you're not already there, and ask yourself whether coming back was the right thing to do if you have this many doubts.
You know the answer... He is seeing this woman that you called... Kick his @ss out and file for divorce... Its obvious he doesn't love you and you deserve better.
First the few weeks of splitting up may have been the right thing to do!! Splitting up means there was a problem in your relationship that you two didn't or couldn't resolve ,so why get back together??But since you went back together I suggest that you do not focus so much of your attention on him and his phone and give him that much power and control over your emotions. You need to focus on you and your happiness and contentment and the best way to do that is find another male interest to occupy your time and mind because the best way to get a man's attention is to ignore him and with a male on the side to give you smiles, giggles and laughs this should be easy to do. It's like a dose of his own medicine and I know for sure most men can't take that because I am a man!! GOODLUCK!!
Any diabetics out there with sexual healing advice for my non desirous husband?
I'm not diabetic, but it runs in my family. I went through this about three years ago. I lost all interest and it drove my wife bonkers. She took me (literally) to the doctor, filled out all the papers, and made sure I didn't skip out. I had high blood pressure and am now taking meds for that. It took about a year, maybe longer, to get back on keel. But, things work now and it's all good. Take your husband to the doc and specifically check for high blood pressure. Also, check testerone levels and thyroid. Both are cheap tests. Good Luck
Seperated from husband need advice please?
About a week ago i found my husband was involved in dating services and lied to about ALOT of things, also found box of condoms with half missing. He got mad at ME for finding them leading him to tell me he only married me for money, and is not in love with me, has no feelings for me. Needless to say i was crushed and so very hurt. I have gave up alot of this person. We been togeather for 9 yrs married 5 and before we got married him and i had issues but he joined the navy and i seen he changed (least i thought) and we got married. Im only 24 so most of my teen and young adult life was spent with him. Its hard to pull away from that. After i found out about all of that stuff a week ago i moved into my dads and my husband has been in contact with me a few times...the first few times the phone calls where him putting me down and blaming me for everything and honesty i still dont see how he can blame me for it all. Am i purfect? Not at all. But he knows i love him and would do anythingSeperated from husband need advice please?
First of all, it sounds like he was obviously just trying to rationalize what he did wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you--just that he made some very HUGE mistakes. It also doesn't mean that you need to forgive him for those mistakes. I'd say it's a good sign that he's willing to go to counseling with you, though. If I were you, I wouldn't go back just yet. Is there any way that you can afford to move into a motel room temporarily? Because you can tell him that you need to clear your mind right now.
If you go back to him too soon, then you might hold a lot of resentment towards him. This will not help if he wants you to ';act right';. This could mean anything from the fact that you nag him to the fact that you won't have sex with him often enough. But if you try to figure it out right now, you might still be too angry with him to want to totally understand him. So what I would do is take some time to be alone and figure out if this is the right guy for you.Seperated from husband need advice please?
Are the both of you covenant spouses? If so, then you need to stay married and work on your marriage. God said He hates divorce and Jesus said remarriage is adultery.
If you truly want a restored marriage, you need to turn your life over to God and He will restore your marriage. It takes faith, but He will answer your prayers. I recommend you look at the links below to help you learn how to stand for your marriage and for your husband. Your husband is not the enemy. It is Satan. He has trapped your husband. (If your husband is serious about working with you on your marriage, have him look at Jimmy and Karen Evan's videos on the internet-info is towards bottom of message)
Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.p鈥?/a>
I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org鈥?/a>
Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/
Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/
Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. I think you will be surprised. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/d鈥?/a>
Good luck and God Bless!
Blame it on him being to young and dumb. It is not your fault that he went out and had an affair. He is putting the blame on you to get out of his responsibility in all of this. I say leave him alone and ignore his calls and move on. He is not worth it if he cannot love you and just you. He is being mental abusive in order for him to feel better about his wrong doings. The only time you should contact him is if you have children and it is an emergency.
First off you did nothing wrong it was all him. Him blaming you is his way of controlling the situation and making himself feel better. I would meet him tomorrow with divorce papers in hand. I know that your hurt and you have every right to be, but you need to think of this how many women has he slept with? What could he have given to you (STD)? Can you really ever trust him again? Why on earth would want to be with someone who could say such horrible things to you and act like he had done nothing wrong? I may not know you but I know that you deserve better than that. You need to find some inner courage and walk away what is left of your pride, dignity, and self-respect.
goodluck. I hope I didn't not offend you in anyway.
hon, you need to stop being a doormat to this bad husband!
You have to decide if you love him enough despite him cheating and turning this all on you so he doesn't have to feel guilty. Me thinks you deserve so much better.
I guess you don't have a good relation with dad, so maybe as a kid growing up, they didn't treat you right and you got low self-esteem and that's why you accept crappy hubby.
Until you realize this and heal, you'll continue to accept this treatment or attract bad guys into your life.
I recommend, you get in touch with your spiritual side. It might be hard b/c it's not seen and not really give instant gratification. BUT when we get in line with the Divine Healing can happen and guide us. Is there local group meditation in your area? Check meetup.com or google ';group meditation'; and your city.
You will find higher qulaity people in general...and more decent men than in bar.
*You can also start a mantra to help with your concentration (which is the key to success) and the Sanskrit words are very healing vibration.
Try Om Namah Shivaya
';...the name ';Shiva'; means ';the one who purifies the one that repeats His name.';
';...Aum Namah Shivaya is also alright for practise by worldly people, as gradual repetition makes the mind proceed from the gross to the subtle.
It is said...that if you practise this mantra enough so that it vibrates continuously in your heart, then you don't need to do any yoga or further practises like pranayam, because this mantra is enough to make the practitioner attain liberation.';
--Wikipedia
This page has pronunciation:
http://home.earthlink.net/~dmswanson/ons鈥?/a>
First, what you're feeling is normal. Confused, wondering what you should do etc. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't commit to anything with your husband.
Your 20's are a difficult time because you're maturing, discovering who you are, ';what you want to be when you grow up,'; all of that stuff. Now you're adding a mentally and verbally abusive husband to the equation, and that just piles it on even more.
Let yourself grieve, feel sad, angry, etc. Stay with your father for a while, and contact a marriage %26amp; family counselor as soon as possible. Initially go without your husband, and discuss with the counselor what is going on. Depending on whether you decide to reconcile with your husband, the counselor will be able to assist you in determining when you should bring in your husband. And that still will depend if he is willing to go and actually participate.
The biggest thing is taking care of yourself. Your husband has his own agenda, and that does not include being compassionate or sympathetic to your feelings and needs. My opinion is that you deserve someone who is going to love you, honor you, and respect you. From what you're telling us, he isn't doing any of those things.
Only you can make the decision as to what is going to be your best interest. God bless!
You need to divorce him and move on cause he is not going to change.
I know exactly how you feel. i am 25 and been divorced for almost a year. we were married for 5 years and together for 9... but things were a little more about me wanting out.. and that seems like what he is doing........ your 24 and you still have your whole life ahead of you.. go out, have fun.. setteling down so young is hard - - - but only when you realize there is still life out there in the world is when you will feel that way.. go out and meet people.. then decide if thats really what and how you want to live your life.. happy or with someone that makes you feel the way you are feeling...
he was turning it around and mad at you to deflect from what he did, dont let him do that! if you found a box of half used condoms, hello! your gut tells you listen to it! he is cheating! if you want to work it out you got to go to therapy with him. but why would you want to be with someone that is cheating on you? he might have given you AIDS! if someone really loved you they would not put your life in danger, best of luck. but i say move on, i know it hurts and you feel like your life may be over but it is not, there is someone out there for you that will love you and never cheat on you.....
Sorry but you have to give him up. It's not your fault either. He is an ***.
If you can you should try to get him to admit that he married you for money again. Try to tape it or see what you can do. Maybe even have him investigated and catch him in his infidelities. Might help you in your divorce.
Listen to everyone except I think Janet is confused yes God hates divorce but cheating in that time was cause for being stoned and divorce wouldn't have been an issue if you get stoned to death. also don't think because you feel bad you should feel bad about feeling bad LOL. My wife was 17 when we married she did stuff early in our marriage that some think is cheating others don't I am still giving her chances but yours is harder. I say forget him he forgot you a long time ago and don't worry about finding someone else or being put down GOD takes care of those who let him.
You are allowed to be upset for as long as you need to be but you also need to start thinking that you deserve better and one day you'll find it and will laugh at your ex because he will always be a liar and won't ever be able to carry on a healthy honest relationship. Take comfort in that.
First of all, it sounds like he was obviously just trying to rationalize what he did wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you--just that he made some very HUGE mistakes. It also doesn't mean that you need to forgive him for those mistakes. I'd say it's a good sign that he's willing to go to counseling with you, though. If I were you, I wouldn't go back just yet. Is there any way that you can afford to move into a motel room temporarily? Because you can tell him that you need to clear your mind right now.
If you go back to him too soon, then you might hold a lot of resentment towards him. This will not help if he wants you to ';act right';. This could mean anything from the fact that you nag him to the fact that you won't have sex with him often enough. But if you try to figure it out right now, you might still be too angry with him to want to totally understand him. So what I would do is take some time to be alone and figure out if this is the right guy for you.Seperated from husband need advice please?
Are the both of you covenant spouses? If so, then you need to stay married and work on your marriage. God said He hates divorce and Jesus said remarriage is adultery.
If you truly want a restored marriage, you need to turn your life over to God and He will restore your marriage. It takes faith, but He will answer your prayers. I recommend you look at the links below to help you learn how to stand for your marriage and for your husband. Your husband is not the enemy. It is Satan. He has trapped your husband. (If your husband is serious about working with you on your marriage, have him look at Jimmy and Karen Evan's videos on the internet-info is towards bottom of message)
Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.p鈥?/a>
I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org鈥?/a>
Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/
Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/
Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. I think you will be surprised. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/d鈥?/a>
Good luck and God Bless!
Blame it on him being to young and dumb. It is not your fault that he went out and had an affair. He is putting the blame on you to get out of his responsibility in all of this. I say leave him alone and ignore his calls and move on. He is not worth it if he cannot love you and just you. He is being mental abusive in order for him to feel better about his wrong doings. The only time you should contact him is if you have children and it is an emergency.
First off you did nothing wrong it was all him. Him blaming you is his way of controlling the situation and making himself feel better. I would meet him tomorrow with divorce papers in hand. I know that your hurt and you have every right to be, but you need to think of this how many women has he slept with? What could he have given to you (STD)? Can you really ever trust him again? Why on earth would want to be with someone who could say such horrible things to you and act like he had done nothing wrong? I may not know you but I know that you deserve better than that. You need to find some inner courage and walk away what is left of your pride, dignity, and self-respect.
goodluck. I hope I didn't not offend you in anyway.
hon, you need to stop being a doormat to this bad husband!
You have to decide if you love him enough despite him cheating and turning this all on you so he doesn't have to feel guilty. Me thinks you deserve so much better.
I guess you don't have a good relation with dad, so maybe as a kid growing up, they didn't treat you right and you got low self-esteem and that's why you accept crappy hubby.
Until you realize this and heal, you'll continue to accept this treatment or attract bad guys into your life.
I recommend, you get in touch with your spiritual side. It might be hard b/c it's not seen and not really give instant gratification. BUT when we get in line with the Divine Healing can happen and guide us. Is there local group meditation in your area? Check meetup.com or google ';group meditation'; and your city.
You will find higher qulaity people in general...and more decent men than in bar.
*You can also start a mantra to help with your concentration (which is the key to success) and the Sanskrit words are very healing vibration.
Try Om Namah Shivaya
';...the name ';Shiva'; means ';the one who purifies the one that repeats His name.';
';...Aum Namah Shivaya is also alright for practise by worldly people, as gradual repetition makes the mind proceed from the gross to the subtle.
It is said...that if you practise this mantra enough so that it vibrates continuously in your heart, then you don't need to do any yoga or further practises like pranayam, because this mantra is enough to make the practitioner attain liberation.';
--Wikipedia
This page has pronunciation:
http://home.earthlink.net/~dmswanson/ons鈥?/a>
First, what you're feeling is normal. Confused, wondering what you should do etc. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't commit to anything with your husband.
Your 20's are a difficult time because you're maturing, discovering who you are, ';what you want to be when you grow up,'; all of that stuff. Now you're adding a mentally and verbally abusive husband to the equation, and that just piles it on even more.
Let yourself grieve, feel sad, angry, etc. Stay with your father for a while, and contact a marriage %26amp; family counselor as soon as possible. Initially go without your husband, and discuss with the counselor what is going on. Depending on whether you decide to reconcile with your husband, the counselor will be able to assist you in determining when you should bring in your husband. And that still will depend if he is willing to go and actually participate.
The biggest thing is taking care of yourself. Your husband has his own agenda, and that does not include being compassionate or sympathetic to your feelings and needs. My opinion is that you deserve someone who is going to love you, honor you, and respect you. From what you're telling us, he isn't doing any of those things.
Only you can make the decision as to what is going to be your best interest. God bless!
You need to divorce him and move on cause he is not going to change.
I know exactly how you feel. i am 25 and been divorced for almost a year. we were married for 5 years and together for 9... but things were a little more about me wanting out.. and that seems like what he is doing........ your 24 and you still have your whole life ahead of you.. go out, have fun.. setteling down so young is hard - - - but only when you realize there is still life out there in the world is when you will feel that way.. go out and meet people.. then decide if thats really what and how you want to live your life.. happy or with someone that makes you feel the way you are feeling...
he was turning it around and mad at you to deflect from what he did, dont let him do that! if you found a box of half used condoms, hello! your gut tells you listen to it! he is cheating! if you want to work it out you got to go to therapy with him. but why would you want to be with someone that is cheating on you? he might have given you AIDS! if someone really loved you they would not put your life in danger, best of luck. but i say move on, i know it hurts and you feel like your life may be over but it is not, there is someone out there for you that will love you and never cheat on you.....
Sorry but you have to give him up. It's not your fault either. He is an ***.
If you can you should try to get him to admit that he married you for money again. Try to tape it or see what you can do. Maybe even have him investigated and catch him in his infidelities. Might help you in your divorce.
Listen to everyone except I think Janet is confused yes God hates divorce but cheating in that time was cause for being stoned and divorce wouldn't have been an issue if you get stoned to death. also don't think because you feel bad you should feel bad about feeling bad LOL. My wife was 17 when we married she did stuff early in our marriage that some think is cheating others don't I am still giving her chances but yours is harder. I say forget him he forgot you a long time ago and don't worry about finding someone else or being put down GOD takes care of those who let him.
You are allowed to be upset for as long as you need to be but you also need to start thinking that you deserve better and one day you'll find it and will laugh at your ex because he will always be a liar and won't ever be able to carry on a healthy honest relationship. Take comfort in that.
Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
Married 27 years. I do all of the cooking, most of the cleaning, most of the laundry (she insists on doing her own) and I do all of the shopping and dropping off and picking up of the two teen aged children. Our sex life went from fabulous, to great, to about every ten days. I have always put her needs first. I have tried everything I can to be patient and understanding but after romance, love letters, candles, conversations, books, subtle hints, the not so subtle direct approach, nothing changes. She admits her need to pay more attention and the guilt sex happens but then it's right back to the routine. I am on the edge and just about ready to give up and walk.
Okay ladies, what do I do?Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Perhaps ask her what she needs and try to meet her needs. Cheating is not an answer and will come back to bite you in the butt. Someone mentioned menopause, certainly plausible. She may need to be checked by your family physician to make sure there are not any underlying medical issues. Beyond this, I would consider couples therapy to get to the root of the problem. I hope your marriage is happy otherwise. I do commend you for your part in making your house a home and sharing int he demands of parenthood. You are my friend, one in a million.Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
';I am on the edge and just about ready to give up and walk.';
Then you need to give her fair warning and let her know that. She needs to know how close she is to losing you for good.
I recommend you make an appointment with a marriage counselor and take her with you so you can figure out what's going on and if your relationship can be saved.
you've been married almost 30 years and have teenagers, then she could be in perimenopause and her hormones are out of whack. An appointment with her doctor and a simple blood test will tell you if that is what is going on.
Good Luck.
Get out and get active with her. Sometimes women need a jump start. Exercise can do that. Nothing serious, just something fun. Go play hopscotch or really anything that will get you moving. Just make sure its fun for you. Or you may need a more direct approach. Pick up a vibrator and stimulate her at random. Or you and can take a more extreme approach. Take on the 30 day challenge. Talk to her and see if she is up for it. Have sex every nite for a month. Whether you feel like it or not. Just commit to it for a month. You should feel closer and it should give that jump start she needs.
You sit her down and you tell her everything you said here. She needs to know how unhappy you are. And you need to hear from her own lips why her sex drive took a nose dive. You have to work this out together, but if she won't even attempt to compromise, then you need to decide what you really want. But give her heads up first, and you be sure to tell her how serious you take this and that you are considering leaving beacuse of it.
This is your only life, your one chance to be fulfilled sexually. That's important. Fight for it.
Good luck!
show her what she's got, and what she'll be missing if you weren't there. if it were me, i'd stop the cooking, cleaning and ';most'; of the laundry. i'd stop the picking up and dropping off of the teenagers. i'd start living my life and doing things that i want to do. i wouldn't neglect my children, and i wouldn't cheat on my wife. but i'd definitely stop showing her what she has...
you're giving way too much. it's supposed to be 50/50 - time for wifey to pay up.
ever heard the saying ';you never know what you have until it's gone';? well - maybe your wife needs a reality check. talk to her, let her know how you're feeling, and then back it up. take a weekend break at a hotel and just be you for a minute. give her a chance to see that she might just actually lose you.
good luck.
well if all you say is true she is one lucky gal!
having said that though, she is pretty self centered.
you need to fess up and be brutally honest.
tell her how this makes you feel. tell her you are still young people who should have a healthy sex life.
tell her she could lose you if she doesn't think this is important enough to address.
thereapy, workshops, loads of books to help.
but good old fashioned hard work is the best way and she needs to realize that marriage doesn't get easier it's always hard work!
Somebody give this guy a useful answer. I have been married just about 12 years and I already have the same problem. My wife does more around the house than his, but the sex just isn't good. More like 15 days for us. She just make no effort. Flirty when the kids are still awake, but shuts down once they are asleep. Please... any advice for on this one probably helps tons us us.
you guys are missing some communication somewhere and need to sit down and talk some. she maybe feeling unattractive or something and no matter what you do for her she is not going to give in or change anything unless you get to talking. something might be going on. she might be disteting heself for somereason. Please sit her down some where where you are alone and noone to interrupt and get to talking about you marrage before it is to late.
Find out why she has lost interest in having sex. I know when a woman has so much on her mind and if things are going on around her it's hard to get in the mood. Talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you feel. Good Luck, my situation was in reverse it was my husband who didn't want it.
After 27 years, you are doing every it sounds like you should give your wife one more chance and explain to your wife that you are seriously thinking about splitting if things don't change. You sound like a good catch, so I'm sure your wife doesn't want to give up her life of luxury. Good Luck!!!
is she going through menapause? not sure about her age, but i'm guessing mid 40's-50's? menapause messes with a woman's hormones a great deal and usually puts a damper on a sex life. talk to her about how you feel. let her know that you're noticing this routine and that it's not working for you.
Hmm....she sounds really spoiled. Have you tried being more assertive in what you want? Maybe do a little less around the house. I know it sounds weird but sometimes you gotta go the opposite and give them a taste of their own medicine in order to gain respect. It sounds like she doesn't really respect you.
Dude, I am not trying to be funny, but do you know how much you sound like a bored housewife? Man up and initiate sex already, it sounds like you are sitting around waiting for a pity *** whenever she will have you. MAKE her pay attention.
Walk away and let her decide wether she is goign to change and make things work or it will be over. You did all you could, you can not save your marriage if she doesn't want to save it or feels that it does need to be saved.
get HER 2post on here and lets us hear Her side s that we can talk some sense into her a lil, cus till i know whats up with her, its hard 2advise :s
Hook up with '; Midnight ';. She sounds '; ready ';...
Since you'e tried everything else
Get a mistress....
JK LOL :)
find yourself a hot babe!
I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. As a matter of fact.. you sound like my kind of guy!
Married 27 years, wow!! You have had to see a lot of changes in each other over the years. Obviously her need for sex and yours are not in line right now. You can work through it.
Is your wife depressed? Is she premenopausal or menopausal? Maybe there are other things that are suppressing her sex drive? Often these things are treatable and she should seek a doctors advice.
If it is just a matter of your needs being different perhaps you can discuss this and come up with an agreement on how often to have sex. It doesn't sound romantic or the way it should be, however we are talking about fulfilling a physical need right now so you have to start somewhere. If she wants it once a month and you are hoping for several times a week, there will have to be a realistic compromise to meet each other in the middle. Agree to something and put it in writing like a contract.
Consider a counselor or a sex therapist.
One thing you could probably do is stop focusing so much on sex. I know that sounds hard but sometimes (especially in long term relationships) that within itself is what makes women turned off to it and when men stop making that the center of their universe it makes sex appeal to us more.
If you walk you will probably meet a woman who will be really into sex for a short time then she will become like the rest of us. So what will the gain be besides short lived gratification? Your best bet is to stay right where you are and work things out. You didn't get to 27 years of marriage by giving up, so don't start now!!! Communicate with your wife to find a reasonable answer and you two will be able to work this out!!
CHEAT!
She's just not into you:(hand lotion
Okay ladies, what do I do?Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Perhaps ask her what she needs and try to meet her needs. Cheating is not an answer and will come back to bite you in the butt. Someone mentioned menopause, certainly plausible. She may need to be checked by your family physician to make sure there are not any underlying medical issues. Beyond this, I would consider couples therapy to get to the root of the problem. I hope your marriage is happy otherwise. I do commend you for your part in making your house a home and sharing int he demands of parenthood. You are my friend, one in a million.Sexually frustrated husband needs advice?
';I am on the edge and just about ready to give up and walk.';
Then you need to give her fair warning and let her know that. She needs to know how close she is to losing you for good.
I recommend you make an appointment with a marriage counselor and take her with you so you can figure out what's going on and if your relationship can be saved.
you've been married almost 30 years and have teenagers, then she could be in perimenopause and her hormones are out of whack. An appointment with her doctor and a simple blood test will tell you if that is what is going on.
Good Luck.
Get out and get active with her. Sometimes women need a jump start. Exercise can do that. Nothing serious, just something fun. Go play hopscotch or really anything that will get you moving. Just make sure its fun for you. Or you may need a more direct approach. Pick up a vibrator and stimulate her at random. Or you and can take a more extreme approach. Take on the 30 day challenge. Talk to her and see if she is up for it. Have sex every nite for a month. Whether you feel like it or not. Just commit to it for a month. You should feel closer and it should give that jump start she needs.
You sit her down and you tell her everything you said here. She needs to know how unhappy you are. And you need to hear from her own lips why her sex drive took a nose dive. You have to work this out together, but if she won't even attempt to compromise, then you need to decide what you really want. But give her heads up first, and you be sure to tell her how serious you take this and that you are considering leaving beacuse of it.
This is your only life, your one chance to be fulfilled sexually. That's important. Fight for it.
Good luck!
show her what she's got, and what she'll be missing if you weren't there. if it were me, i'd stop the cooking, cleaning and ';most'; of the laundry. i'd stop the picking up and dropping off of the teenagers. i'd start living my life and doing things that i want to do. i wouldn't neglect my children, and i wouldn't cheat on my wife. but i'd definitely stop showing her what she has...
you're giving way too much. it's supposed to be 50/50 - time for wifey to pay up.
ever heard the saying ';you never know what you have until it's gone';? well - maybe your wife needs a reality check. talk to her, let her know how you're feeling, and then back it up. take a weekend break at a hotel and just be you for a minute. give her a chance to see that she might just actually lose you.
good luck.
well if all you say is true she is one lucky gal!
having said that though, she is pretty self centered.
you need to fess up and be brutally honest.
tell her how this makes you feel. tell her you are still young people who should have a healthy sex life.
tell her she could lose you if she doesn't think this is important enough to address.
thereapy, workshops, loads of books to help.
but good old fashioned hard work is the best way and she needs to realize that marriage doesn't get easier it's always hard work!
Somebody give this guy a useful answer. I have been married just about 12 years and I already have the same problem. My wife does more around the house than his, but the sex just isn't good. More like 15 days for us. She just make no effort. Flirty when the kids are still awake, but shuts down once they are asleep. Please... any advice for on this one probably helps tons us us.
you guys are missing some communication somewhere and need to sit down and talk some. she maybe feeling unattractive or something and no matter what you do for her she is not going to give in or change anything unless you get to talking. something might be going on. she might be disteting heself for somereason. Please sit her down some where where you are alone and noone to interrupt and get to talking about you marrage before it is to late.
Find out why she has lost interest in having sex. I know when a woman has so much on her mind and if things are going on around her it's hard to get in the mood. Talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you feel. Good Luck, my situation was in reverse it was my husband who didn't want it.
After 27 years, you are doing every it sounds like you should give your wife one more chance and explain to your wife that you are seriously thinking about splitting if things don't change. You sound like a good catch, so I'm sure your wife doesn't want to give up her life of luxury. Good Luck!!!
is she going through menapause? not sure about her age, but i'm guessing mid 40's-50's? menapause messes with a woman's hormones a great deal and usually puts a damper on a sex life. talk to her about how you feel. let her know that you're noticing this routine and that it's not working for you.
Hmm....she sounds really spoiled. Have you tried being more assertive in what you want? Maybe do a little less around the house. I know it sounds weird but sometimes you gotta go the opposite and give them a taste of their own medicine in order to gain respect. It sounds like she doesn't really respect you.
Dude, I am not trying to be funny, but do you know how much you sound like a bored housewife? Man up and initiate sex already, it sounds like you are sitting around waiting for a pity *** whenever she will have you. MAKE her pay attention.
Walk away and let her decide wether she is goign to change and make things work or it will be over. You did all you could, you can not save your marriage if she doesn't want to save it or feels that it does need to be saved.
get HER 2post on here and lets us hear Her side s that we can talk some sense into her a lil, cus till i know whats up with her, its hard 2advise :s
Hook up with '; Midnight ';. She sounds '; ready ';...
Since you'e tried everything else
Get a mistress....
JK LOL :)
find yourself a hot babe!
I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. As a matter of fact.. you sound like my kind of guy!
Married 27 years, wow!! You have had to see a lot of changes in each other over the years. Obviously her need for sex and yours are not in line right now. You can work through it.
Is your wife depressed? Is she premenopausal or menopausal? Maybe there are other things that are suppressing her sex drive? Often these things are treatable and she should seek a doctors advice.
If it is just a matter of your needs being different perhaps you can discuss this and come up with an agreement on how often to have sex. It doesn't sound romantic or the way it should be, however we are talking about fulfilling a physical need right now so you have to start somewhere. If she wants it once a month and you are hoping for several times a week, there will have to be a realistic compromise to meet each other in the middle. Agree to something and put it in writing like a contract.
Consider a counselor or a sex therapist.
One thing you could probably do is stop focusing so much on sex. I know that sounds hard but sometimes (especially in long term relationships) that within itself is what makes women turned off to it and when men stop making that the center of their universe it makes sex appeal to us more.
If you walk you will probably meet a woman who will be really into sex for a short time then she will become like the rest of us. So what will the gain be besides short lived gratification? Your best bet is to stay right where you are and work things out. You didn't get to 27 years of marriage by giving up, so don't start now!!! Communicate with your wife to find a reasonable answer and you two will be able to work this out!!
CHEAT!
She's just not into you:(
My husband and I are looking to spice things up in our marriage. Any suggestions or advice?
Same answer I always give to these questions. My husband and I started going to clubs and one night while my husband was using the restroom, I got up and danced with another guy, the next one was a slow one, and I stayed and danced that one also. I expected Ken to throw a fit, but he was totally turned on by watching me dance with another man. It actually gave me a huge rush to feel a different man up close. Ken was on fire that night in bed. Since then, that's just one of the things we do periodically to keep things cooking.My husband and I are looking to spice things up in our marriage. Any suggestions or advice?
Have you done the high heeled boots fun.
Try the chocolate treatment.
Cooking with your spouse.
Movie time with each other. Check out a movie called, ';The Casino Job,'; strippers robbing a casino. Let me tell you very sexy kind of movie.
What kind of fantasy do you both like. Cable guy and the single girl at her apartment. Done it. Loved it with my husband.
Try a date night. Go get dressed up, go to your favorite restaurant and share a dessert together. One dish and 2 forks. Feed each other.
Be careful with the alcohol. (Note: always go with a cab if you are drinking, even 1 glass of wine.)
If you want to do this at home that is even better. PJs, have a light dinner, and have a white chocolate cake with camarel frosting. Feeding is fun. If that is not your favorite dessert: strawberry shortcake-Patridge Farms. It is about $3.00-$4.00 at the store. Or buy one at the bakery in the store.
Light pasta dish with penne pasta, perdue chicken, mixed veggies, parmesan cheese, and alfredo sauce. Or substitute alfredo sauce with a garlic and oil or marinara sauce with breadsticks. A nice bottle of wine.
Feed each other. Have fun so you can have some hot, yummy fun!
Rent out your favorite movie.My husband and I are looking to spice things up in our marriage. Any suggestions or advice?
Give him a show. Sit him down and tell him all he can do till YOU tell him otherwise is watch. Start pleasuring yourself...how far you go and for how long is up to you....and he can not move till you say so. If you can time it right just before you are about to orgasm tell him to come over beside you and give him a BJ as you orgasm....he will never forget it trust me. what ever you decide to do...just make sure its something that you will enjoy too....its a BIG turn on for a guy to know that his partner is really into what is happening....not that they are just doing it for them.
Have fun *S*
A sex life plays an important role in a relationship to a man.
Although you may not want to have one, he still does. Having a stirdy sex life can help a man and woman stay focused.
Not to mention, he'll be less likely to cheat if you have a sex life!
Best Of Luck To You,
..:: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ::..
role play. have him pick you up at a bar and seduce you, or you seduce him. tie one up with his neck ties. cover your eyes. whipped cream, choc. suryp, play games with each other. make wish cards for what you want the other to do for / to you.
Make love in different enviornments.
On the green Summer field under the sun after a picnic.
In an empty elevator there someone might open the door.
In the zoo with wild animals attracting you.
Let the imagination decide.
talk and see what u both are looking for ten after u both know see what works. go to adult shop store they can help and with ur ideas in mind u will get something. there's toys, dress-up and lots of toher things ending possibilites i am sure u will find something.
i would say role play in i think its great to do and its fun as long as your will in to play along and so is he me and my hubby sometime do role playin and it really great thing
each of you write out you own fantasy. Then exchange them. You will set up a time to act out his and he yours. Have any limitations to the Fantasy laid out before you write them. Have fun!!!
Yeah, go for the porn and contribute to the filth of society and suicide rate among porn ';stars'; mostly women. THATS THE TICKET!
what do you like?
wild like animals
or easy like water flowing downstream
or strong and mystic of the wind in the night...
Add another woman for a night.
Role play, toys, porn. Outside, in/on top of car. Honey get creative!!!!
love eachother more than before.
Go bowling.
try reading the song of soloman.
Toys.. I know it seems a little out there, but it helps.
Toys.
Sex in bed...?
porn
f**k him with a strap on
bringing another man home helps a lot if the 2 of you can handle it.
Have you done the high heeled boots fun.
Try the chocolate treatment.
Cooking with your spouse.
Movie time with each other. Check out a movie called, ';The Casino Job,'; strippers robbing a casino. Let me tell you very sexy kind of movie.
What kind of fantasy do you both like. Cable guy and the single girl at her apartment. Done it. Loved it with my husband.
Try a date night. Go get dressed up, go to your favorite restaurant and share a dessert together. One dish and 2 forks. Feed each other.
Be careful with the alcohol. (Note: always go with a cab if you are drinking, even 1 glass of wine.)
If you want to do this at home that is even better. PJs, have a light dinner, and have a white chocolate cake with camarel frosting. Feeding is fun. If that is not your favorite dessert: strawberry shortcake-Patridge Farms. It is about $3.00-$4.00 at the store. Or buy one at the bakery in the store.
Light pasta dish with penne pasta, perdue chicken, mixed veggies, parmesan cheese, and alfredo sauce. Or substitute alfredo sauce with a garlic and oil or marinara sauce with breadsticks. A nice bottle of wine.
Feed each other. Have fun so you can have some hot, yummy fun!
Rent out your favorite movie.My husband and I are looking to spice things up in our marriage. Any suggestions or advice?
Give him a show. Sit him down and tell him all he can do till YOU tell him otherwise is watch. Start pleasuring yourself...how far you go and for how long is up to you....and he can not move till you say so. If you can time it right just before you are about to orgasm tell him to come over beside you and give him a BJ as you orgasm....he will never forget it trust me. what ever you decide to do...just make sure its something that you will enjoy too....its a BIG turn on for a guy to know that his partner is really into what is happening....not that they are just doing it for them.
Have fun *S*
A sex life plays an important role in a relationship to a man.
Although you may not want to have one, he still does. Having a stirdy sex life can help a man and woman stay focused.
Not to mention, he'll be less likely to cheat if you have a sex life!
Best Of Luck To You,
..:: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ::..
role play. have him pick you up at a bar and seduce you, or you seduce him. tie one up with his neck ties. cover your eyes. whipped cream, choc. suryp, play games with each other. make wish cards for what you want the other to do for / to you.
Make love in different enviornments.
On the green Summer field under the sun after a picnic.
In an empty elevator there someone might open the door.
In the zoo with wild animals attracting you.
Let the imagination decide.
talk and see what u both are looking for ten after u both know see what works. go to adult shop store they can help and with ur ideas in mind u will get something. there's toys, dress-up and lots of toher things ending possibilites i am sure u will find something.
i would say role play in i think its great to do and its fun as long as your will in to play along and so is he me and my hubby sometime do role playin and it really great thing
each of you write out you own fantasy. Then exchange them. You will set up a time to act out his and he yours. Have any limitations to the Fantasy laid out before you write them. Have fun!!!
Yeah, go for the porn and contribute to the filth of society and suicide rate among porn ';stars'; mostly women. THATS THE TICKET!
what do you like?
wild like animals
or easy like water flowing downstream
or strong and mystic of the wind in the night...
Add another woman for a night.
Role play, toys, porn. Outside, in/on top of car. Honey get creative!!!!
love eachother more than before.
Go bowling.
try reading the song of soloman.
Toys.. I know it seems a little out there, but it helps.
Toys.
Sex in bed...?
porn
f**k him with a strap on
bringing another man home helps a lot if the 2 of you can handle it.
My husband is thinking about joining the marines. Any advice or experiences would greatly help.?
My husband has always wanted to join the marines. He wants to support his family (me and our 12 month old daughter). He wants to serve his country and feels that something is missing in his life and feels this would be a good experience. Our concerns are about money he is the breadwinner and I stay home with our daughter. I have found the pay scales on line and that alone wouldnt beable to support us. How does housing and bills and everything else work? I have read about different allowences (housing, clothing etc) We want to make sure this is something that can support us while making his dreams come true. Any advice or experiences would really be appreciated I am looking for the truth don't sugar coat it if it isnt a good idea or doesnt seem like it would be a good move for our family. please let me hear it. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to answer seriously.My husband is thinking about joining the marines. Any advice or experiences would greatly help.?
First of all, why does he want to join the Marines? Not that I'm knocking that branch of service. In other words, what's his motivation for joining? Does he know what job he wants to do?
Does he have any college? A recruit will get moved up in pay grade coming out of basic for having so many college hours. Also, if he signs up for six years, he'll be an E-3 after graduation.
Housing depends on where you're located. While I was active duty Air Force, a base I was at had a wait of over a year for housing. We lived off-base %26amp; never had a problem, but my wife also worked. If you live off-base, then he'll receive a basic housing allowance, along with a basic subsistence in addition to his regular pay. But at the lower enlisted ranks, it won't be all that much.
If he's in a job that puts him in the field or on deployment a lot, then you'll need to learn how to deal with that. All bases %26amp; posts should have a family support center to help you with things like that.
The military isn't a bad life per se. But it's definitely different from civilian life for sure. Getting hurt or killed is an occupational hazard, especially if he's in a combat arm field such as infantry. Daily business operates differently as well. For instance, your husband just can't call in sick %26amp; leave it at that. He'll have to report to the clinic %26amp; they'll determine if he's ill enough to stay home. If you're sick %26amp; can't care for the baby, he'll have to take YOU to the clinic %26amp; get a doctor's recommendation. That happened to me personally when our oldest girl was an infant %26amp; my wife was running a 102 temp.
I think it's honorable that an individual would want to serve their country. However, he needs to have a good idea of what it is he wants to do. Serving is one thing, but if he's miserable in his chosen field, then neither of you will be happy.
I would suggest that he talk to recruiters of each branch to see what they have to offer. Remember though, recruiters are there to paint a perfect picture of the military. It probably wouldn't hurt to have him contact a friend or relative who has served %26amp; go down with him.My husband is thinking about joining the marines. Any advice or experiences would greatly help.?
Dude, Don't do it. You'll probably end up going to Iraq to fight someone elses war. Use your head, take care of your family and live to see another day. The military is not the answer. If we were defending our country you could have the place in line behind me.
Don't join the Marines. The Marines are the worst branch for taking care of a family. For example: If your husband is in the Army, he sends you the paperwork to get your military spouse ID and children's IDs. You will then go to the office and get enrolled in the military health care program (TRICARE). after that you start having benefits and are covered medically. This is a week or two after he ships out.
The Marines make you wait until after he finishes training. Then you get the ID card and coverage, 4 months later. Also, the Marines spend more time at sea than Sailors in the Navy. He may miss your children growing up, your anniversary, graduations, birthdays. That is just during time of peace.
The basic pay you saw is just that, the pay. This is the taxable portion. The housing allowance is separate and not listed because it goes by the zipcode assigned at, along with $260 a month to feed himself, the free medical care, etc. The money is actually alot more than you realize.
Let's add it up for where I live. Start with the base pay (actually less than $1800, it is $1427 a month). You have a housing allowance, or equitable quarters equal in value (in San Francisco that equals $1753 in single and with a family that is equal to $2412) a month. Plus food or an allowance equal to $260 per month. Medical coverage that would cost $475 for 1 person (or $780 for a family) through Kaiser Permanente per month. An E-2 in San Francisco will also earn 11% of his or her Base Pay tax free for the higher cost of living. And with 30 days vacation with pay, annually, that means one month is free. Also, Soldiers not deployed get over 125 days off a year, so that said, it is $378 a day...and will be an E-3 or E-4 in a year or less.
Add in the tax free advantage on all but the base pay, the Tuition that is available per year and the annual clothing allowance, an E2 with a family, in San Francisco earns $6616.08 per month or $79392 a year. This does not include a possible $40,000 sign on bonus and a $71,000 College Fund for AFTER the Army.
Where can an 18 year old with a high school diploma (or in exceptional cases a GED) earn that much their first year on the job?
go to officers school, while he is doing that you should find a job transcribing or something of that sort
I am a male. first thing. just let him do what he wants. i know that you don't want to do (hear) this. find a job that interests you. in the end , he will either figure out that he needs to come back to you or you will have to find another man.
The military is an honored profession. It has programs to assist with family housing, ect. However, when your Husband goes to basic training; it may take some time to receive family housing and other benefits. If housing is not available at the base; you will probably receive a family housing allowance that you can use for rent. I would check with the local marine recruiter on how long it will take for the family housing allowance and medical benefits for family members to be approved and awarded. You may have to stay with family if your not able to afford to stay where you are until the financial aspects are completed. He'll receive a clothing allowance, but this is for uniforms only. If you have to stay off base if family housing is not available on base (usually base housing is approved from the top ranks down, with the lowest enlisted the last to be served); you'll need to come up with the rental deposit - ask your recruiter if the family housing allowance provides monies for deposits. Also, go online to the Marine's or VA web pages, a lot of your questions may be answered their as well. Being part of the military is being a part of a team that has a mission that usually is for the greater good; that in itself is very satisfying for many citizens whom serve.
Hi, Im actually getting married next month to someone in the Navy. I can tell that you have looked into this. Even with all the bonuses and benefits, like housing, military discount, ect...; the hardest part is them being gone. I've been dating my fiancee for three years and he's been gone 2 out the three years on the opposite side of the country and he goes out to sea often. He tells me stories of other men in the service who lack respect for their loved ones back at home and do crazy things in other ports. My biggest concern would be something bad hapening to him because the military owns them once they join. If he really wants to do this and you are really willing to put all your effort into it working, it will work out for you; but if your having doubts, you should sit down and talk to him about your concerns. Depending on what he ends up doing will determine how ofter he is around to spend time with you and your child. I have to admit it gets really hard when you dont get to see them for a long time, you have your ups and downs; but the best thing about them being in the service is that when you do get time to see each other, you appreciatte it a lot more and you dont take anything for granted. My best friend amd her boyfriend just had a baby last may and he wants to leave for the army in November, my fiancee and I are really trying to talk him out of going to be honest. It all really depends on you two though, if you feel that this is really what you to would like to do, they have different amounts of time you can sign up for. If he's really for it, maybe you two can talk about him enlisting for a 2 year tour and see how things go; that way he can get out after two years if things dont work out or reenlist if you feel that you two can handle the big change. If you wuold like to talk more, you can email me.
well I was a military wife for two years and it is going to be tough at first but if you can get base housing it will be so much easier on you cause u will not have the rent and utilities to worry about the only bills you will have will be insurance fone and cable and internet so i mean it is worth it and God bless your husband and your family if you want u can email me at dianashingleton@yahoo.com good luck with the future
I'm retired military, I retired at 39 and was able to start a second career .. Most of my friends were still smoking dope and drinking beer for that good time... while I traveled the world.. the only hard part was of course war Viet Nam for me But I did my part to keep America free .. The Marians are a good branch of service he can't go wrong what ever branch he joins the AIR FORCE seams to have the best technical schools the Navy also.. I was ARMY so of course they are my favorite
I am a very proud former Marine that served from 1990 to 1996 and I grew up a military brat. I was single during my tour but had many friends that were married with children. First, your husband and you are heros in my book just for wanting to earn the honor and priveleage of being a United States Marine and a member of the military family, especially in the times we live in.
As far as money, most people don't join the military for money because it doesn't pay much. The medical care is handled by the Navy and the medical benefits are great. As far as housing, there is an allowance for housing and food that never seems to cover everything but it is there. Its really going to depend on where your husband will be stationed. Some bases have extremely cheap apartments and housing around them while others do not. It may take a year or so but base housing is your best bet since that will take care of your housing costs. Many marine spouses got jobs on base and most bases have assistance outside of the military, especially if you have kids.
If he does join, there will be some tough times, but that is the sacrifice military families make everyday. Money may be short but families in the military are good at taking care of each other. Make sure he is aware of the job he will be given and the bases that those types of jobs work out of. For instance, I was a 5954 or a type of electronics tech that works on air traffic control equipment so there was only a few places I could be stationed. It lessoned my likelihood of being on the front lines, however it is a possiblity for every marine. Make sure he knows what kind of MOS (job) he is going to get and have him try to learn something he can use after the military. In my case, it turned into some good paying jobs soon after my tour was over even though I have switched careers since then.
Something he can try first is the reserves instead of going full active duty although that usually means he will be committed for a longer term. He can always switch to full active duty later if he likes it.
Good luck and Semper Fi
if he has children, then no. my dad was in the marines and enjoyed it very much. he said it is the most difficult branch and the most honored. they are usually the first to go into combat and the last to come out. my dad almost went to desert storm leaving my mom at home pregnant with me. i would recomend him going into the air force or the army reserve.
I was a Marine's wife during the VietNam war. My advice.....don't! The thing i remember most was the saying ';if the Marine Corps wanted him to have a wife and kids, they would have issued them to him!'; You'll get no respect, the marine corps will send him to Iraq, posthaste, and you will be left here alone with your children for (up to) several years).
I would recommend the Army as well. The Marines arent handing out $40,000 dollar bonuses. To anyone hating on that, I hope your Eagle, Globe and Anchor can feed your family.
Well, my husband is in the Marines..the pay scale is something that gives you an idea of what he will be making....if u already saw that the pay wont cover your living expenses then maybe its not a good idea....Me and my husband have been doing fine with the military pay....we have a daughter who is 17 months but he is overseas and will be home on the 15th so the separation pay and the extra money he get paid by being overseas is a huge help....As far as housing goes with yell being married the marines will supply yall with housing and most of the housing bills they will pay...if u choose not to live on base then they will hive yall BHA (Basic Housing Allowance) to cover where u plan to stay....As far as Clothing...the Marines have to purchase their own uniforms but they get the money back through closing allowance provided by the government....This is a huge decision and the both of u have to be willing to deal with him being away at ANY giving time he have to be able to deal with not seeing his daughter grow and experience life so i mean its a HUGE decision...but you and your daughter will be well taking care of by the military (education, insurance, and etc.) So I hope that helped...you can also e-mail me if u have any more questions.....GOOD LUCK!!!!
AND TO MARK WHO IS TRYIGN TO RECRUIT UR HUSBAND IN THE ARMY HE IS LYING IT DOES NOT TAKE THAT LONG TO GET YOUR ID FOR YOU AND UR CHILD THATS A BUNCH OF BULL......STOP HATING ON THE MARINES AND GET LIKE THEM.......THE ARMY DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER THAN THE MARINES...NEVER HAVE NEVER WILL!!!!!!!!SO STOP TRYING TO RECRUIT ONLINE.....THATS THE PROBLEM WITH THE ARMY...THE HAVE TO RECRUIT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE THEY GO CAUSE PEOPLE DONT WANT TO JOIN!!!!! (GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MARINES!!!!!!)
The military is the military do not go with who is better or worse. I was a sailor with a Marine unit and have never been to sea. Talk to the recruiter, and get everything in writing. The Marines do have the best medical support in the world, because they use the Navy's. Their base housing and allowances for housing, he will also get a higher base salary for each dependant.
You are doing a great job supporting his decision. Keep it going.
And Mark stop trying to recruit everyone into the Army.
First of all, why does he want to join the Marines? Not that I'm knocking that branch of service. In other words, what's his motivation for joining? Does he know what job he wants to do?
Does he have any college? A recruit will get moved up in pay grade coming out of basic for having so many college hours. Also, if he signs up for six years, he'll be an E-3 after graduation.
Housing depends on where you're located. While I was active duty Air Force, a base I was at had a wait of over a year for housing. We lived off-base %26amp; never had a problem, but my wife also worked. If you live off-base, then he'll receive a basic housing allowance, along with a basic subsistence in addition to his regular pay. But at the lower enlisted ranks, it won't be all that much.
If he's in a job that puts him in the field or on deployment a lot, then you'll need to learn how to deal with that. All bases %26amp; posts should have a family support center to help you with things like that.
The military isn't a bad life per se. But it's definitely different from civilian life for sure. Getting hurt or killed is an occupational hazard, especially if he's in a combat arm field such as infantry. Daily business operates differently as well. For instance, your husband just can't call in sick %26amp; leave it at that. He'll have to report to the clinic %26amp; they'll determine if he's ill enough to stay home. If you're sick %26amp; can't care for the baby, he'll have to take YOU to the clinic %26amp; get a doctor's recommendation. That happened to me personally when our oldest girl was an infant %26amp; my wife was running a 102 temp.
I think it's honorable that an individual would want to serve their country. However, he needs to have a good idea of what it is he wants to do. Serving is one thing, but if he's miserable in his chosen field, then neither of you will be happy.
I would suggest that he talk to recruiters of each branch to see what they have to offer. Remember though, recruiters are there to paint a perfect picture of the military. It probably wouldn't hurt to have him contact a friend or relative who has served %26amp; go down with him.My husband is thinking about joining the marines. Any advice or experiences would greatly help.?
Dude, Don't do it. You'll probably end up going to Iraq to fight someone elses war. Use your head, take care of your family and live to see another day. The military is not the answer. If we were defending our country you could have the place in line behind me.
Don't join the Marines. The Marines are the worst branch for taking care of a family. For example: If your husband is in the Army, he sends you the paperwork to get your military spouse ID and children's IDs. You will then go to the office and get enrolled in the military health care program (TRICARE). after that you start having benefits and are covered medically. This is a week or two after he ships out.
The Marines make you wait until after he finishes training. Then you get the ID card and coverage, 4 months later. Also, the Marines spend more time at sea than Sailors in the Navy. He may miss your children growing up, your anniversary, graduations, birthdays. That is just during time of peace.
The basic pay you saw is just that, the pay. This is the taxable portion. The housing allowance is separate and not listed because it goes by the zipcode assigned at, along with $260 a month to feed himself, the free medical care, etc. The money is actually alot more than you realize.
Let's add it up for where I live. Start with the base pay (actually less than $1800, it is $1427 a month). You have a housing allowance, or equitable quarters equal in value (in San Francisco that equals $1753 in single and with a family that is equal to $2412) a month. Plus food or an allowance equal to $260 per month. Medical coverage that would cost $475 for 1 person (or $780 for a family) through Kaiser Permanente per month. An E-2 in San Francisco will also earn 11% of his or her Base Pay tax free for the higher cost of living. And with 30 days vacation with pay, annually, that means one month is free. Also, Soldiers not deployed get over 125 days off a year, so that said, it is $378 a day...and will be an E-3 or E-4 in a year or less.
Add in the tax free advantage on all but the base pay, the Tuition that is available per year and the annual clothing allowance, an E2 with a family, in San Francisco earns $6616.08 per month or $79392 a year. This does not include a possible $40,000 sign on bonus and a $71,000 College Fund for AFTER the Army.
Where can an 18 year old with a high school diploma (or in exceptional cases a GED) earn that much their first year on the job?
go to officers school, while he is doing that you should find a job transcribing or something of that sort
I am a male. first thing. just let him do what he wants. i know that you don't want to do (hear) this. find a job that interests you. in the end , he will either figure out that he needs to come back to you or you will have to find another man.
The military is an honored profession. It has programs to assist with family housing, ect. However, when your Husband goes to basic training; it may take some time to receive family housing and other benefits. If housing is not available at the base; you will probably receive a family housing allowance that you can use for rent. I would check with the local marine recruiter on how long it will take for the family housing allowance and medical benefits for family members to be approved and awarded. You may have to stay with family if your not able to afford to stay where you are until the financial aspects are completed. He'll receive a clothing allowance, but this is for uniforms only. If you have to stay off base if family housing is not available on base (usually base housing is approved from the top ranks down, with the lowest enlisted the last to be served); you'll need to come up with the rental deposit - ask your recruiter if the family housing allowance provides monies for deposits. Also, go online to the Marine's or VA web pages, a lot of your questions may be answered their as well. Being part of the military is being a part of a team that has a mission that usually is for the greater good; that in itself is very satisfying for many citizens whom serve.
Hi, Im actually getting married next month to someone in the Navy. I can tell that you have looked into this. Even with all the bonuses and benefits, like housing, military discount, ect...; the hardest part is them being gone. I've been dating my fiancee for three years and he's been gone 2 out the three years on the opposite side of the country and he goes out to sea often. He tells me stories of other men in the service who lack respect for their loved ones back at home and do crazy things in other ports. My biggest concern would be something bad hapening to him because the military owns them once they join. If he really wants to do this and you are really willing to put all your effort into it working, it will work out for you; but if your having doubts, you should sit down and talk to him about your concerns. Depending on what he ends up doing will determine how ofter he is around to spend time with you and your child. I have to admit it gets really hard when you dont get to see them for a long time, you have your ups and downs; but the best thing about them being in the service is that when you do get time to see each other, you appreciatte it a lot more and you dont take anything for granted. My best friend amd her boyfriend just had a baby last may and he wants to leave for the army in November, my fiancee and I are really trying to talk him out of going to be honest. It all really depends on you two though, if you feel that this is really what you to would like to do, they have different amounts of time you can sign up for. If he's really for it, maybe you two can talk about him enlisting for a 2 year tour and see how things go; that way he can get out after two years if things dont work out or reenlist if you feel that you two can handle the big change. If you wuold like to talk more, you can email me.
well I was a military wife for two years and it is going to be tough at first but if you can get base housing it will be so much easier on you cause u will not have the rent and utilities to worry about the only bills you will have will be insurance fone and cable and internet so i mean it is worth it and God bless your husband and your family if you want u can email me at dianashingleton@yahoo.com good luck with the future
I'm retired military, I retired at 39 and was able to start a second career .. Most of my friends were still smoking dope and drinking beer for that good time... while I traveled the world.. the only hard part was of course war Viet Nam for me But I did my part to keep America free .. The Marians are a good branch of service he can't go wrong what ever branch he joins the AIR FORCE seams to have the best technical schools the Navy also.. I was ARMY so of course they are my favorite
I am a very proud former Marine that served from 1990 to 1996 and I grew up a military brat. I was single during my tour but had many friends that were married with children. First, your husband and you are heros in my book just for wanting to earn the honor and priveleage of being a United States Marine and a member of the military family, especially in the times we live in.
As far as money, most people don't join the military for money because it doesn't pay much. The medical care is handled by the Navy and the medical benefits are great. As far as housing, there is an allowance for housing and food that never seems to cover everything but it is there. Its really going to depend on where your husband will be stationed. Some bases have extremely cheap apartments and housing around them while others do not. It may take a year or so but base housing is your best bet since that will take care of your housing costs. Many marine spouses got jobs on base and most bases have assistance outside of the military, especially if you have kids.
If he does join, there will be some tough times, but that is the sacrifice military families make everyday. Money may be short but families in the military are good at taking care of each other. Make sure he is aware of the job he will be given and the bases that those types of jobs work out of. For instance, I was a 5954 or a type of electronics tech that works on air traffic control equipment so there was only a few places I could be stationed. It lessoned my likelihood of being on the front lines, however it is a possiblity for every marine. Make sure he knows what kind of MOS (job) he is going to get and have him try to learn something he can use after the military. In my case, it turned into some good paying jobs soon after my tour was over even though I have switched careers since then.
Something he can try first is the reserves instead of going full active duty although that usually means he will be committed for a longer term. He can always switch to full active duty later if he likes it.
Good luck and Semper Fi
if he has children, then no. my dad was in the marines and enjoyed it very much. he said it is the most difficult branch and the most honored. they are usually the first to go into combat and the last to come out. my dad almost went to desert storm leaving my mom at home pregnant with me. i would recomend him going into the air force or the army reserve.
I was a Marine's wife during the VietNam war. My advice.....don't! The thing i remember most was the saying ';if the Marine Corps wanted him to have a wife and kids, they would have issued them to him!'; You'll get no respect, the marine corps will send him to Iraq, posthaste, and you will be left here alone with your children for (up to) several years).
I would recommend the Army as well. The Marines arent handing out $40,000 dollar bonuses. To anyone hating on that, I hope your Eagle, Globe and Anchor can feed your family.
Well, my husband is in the Marines..the pay scale is something that gives you an idea of what he will be making....if u already saw that the pay wont cover your living expenses then maybe its not a good idea....Me and my husband have been doing fine with the military pay....we have a daughter who is 17 months but he is overseas and will be home on the 15th so the separation pay and the extra money he get paid by being overseas is a huge help....As far as housing goes with yell being married the marines will supply yall with housing and most of the housing bills they will pay...if u choose not to live on base then they will hive yall BHA (Basic Housing Allowance) to cover where u plan to stay....As far as Clothing...the Marines have to purchase their own uniforms but they get the money back through closing allowance provided by the government....This is a huge decision and the both of u have to be willing to deal with him being away at ANY giving time he have to be able to deal with not seeing his daughter grow and experience life so i mean its a HUGE decision...but you and your daughter will be well taking care of by the military (education, insurance, and etc.) So I hope that helped...you can also e-mail me if u have any more questions.....GOOD LUCK!!!!
AND TO MARK WHO IS TRYIGN TO RECRUIT UR HUSBAND IN THE ARMY HE IS LYING IT DOES NOT TAKE THAT LONG TO GET YOUR ID FOR YOU AND UR CHILD THATS A BUNCH OF BULL......STOP HATING ON THE MARINES AND GET LIKE THEM.......THE ARMY DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER THAN THE MARINES...NEVER HAVE NEVER WILL!!!!!!!!SO STOP TRYING TO RECRUIT ONLINE.....THATS THE PROBLEM WITH THE ARMY...THE HAVE TO RECRUIT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE THEY GO CAUSE PEOPLE DONT WANT TO JOIN!!!!! (GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MARINES!!!!!!)
The military is the military do not go with who is better or worse. I was a sailor with a Marine unit and have never been to sea. Talk to the recruiter, and get everything in writing. The Marines do have the best medical support in the world, because they use the Navy's. Their base housing and allowances for housing, he will also get a higher base salary for each dependant.
You are doing a great job supporting his decision. Keep it going.
And Mark stop trying to recruit everyone into the Army.
Im having breast reduction but I have three kids 1yr 3yr 4yr. Husband overseas and no one to help advice?
You really really need to get someone to help you with kids that age for at least a month or two, depending on how well you heal.
You should not be lifting them or playing with them for a while.
http://www.breasthealthonline.com
Reduction Feb 2006Im having breast reduction but I have three kids 1yr 3yr 4yr. Husband overseas and no one to help advice?
no one to help? are you nuts? breast reduction is a good step, but you have to have someone to help you for at least a week after. You won't be able to pick up the baby at all, so, if you cannot find someone to help you, postpone that surgery until hubby gets home.
You should not be lifting them or playing with them for a while.
http://www.breasthealthonline.com
Reduction Feb 2006Im having breast reduction but I have three kids 1yr 3yr 4yr. Husband overseas and no one to help advice?
no one to help? are you nuts? breast reduction is a good step, but you have to have someone to help you for at least a week after. You won't be able to pick up the baby at all, so, if you cannot find someone to help you, postpone that surgery until hubby gets home.
Dear all,my abusive husband gets access to my emails ,he is sending stupid emails from my name ,need advice?
we are going thru divorce now.Everytime I change my password ,he gets access again,I don`t know what to do,I also make new email adresses but he reach them as well thru some software,I don`t know,
please advice me what to do??Dear all,my abusive husband gets access to my emails ,he is sending stupid emails from my name ,need advice?
Maybe he has installed a keylogger on your computer (monitors every keystroke on your keyboard). Either restore your computer to its factory settings, you use another computer entirely. Use an obscure email account, with a fake name, with an obscure user name and password. That is the only thing I can think of, dear. Hope that helps.Dear all,my abusive husband gets access to my emails ,he is sending stupid emails from my name ,need advice?
I had that same problem before. Always delete your history after you use the computer. He can retrace your email address and sometimes open your account when you do not sign out after you have sent your emails or check your emails. so be careful, always delete your cookies, delete your history.
Well, that's actually electronic fraud, and if they can prove it's him, that is a felony...
Buy a laptop and go to Starbucks or another wi-fi spot.
Get a software that blocks intruders...he is obviously one of them.
please advice me what to do??Dear all,my abusive husband gets access to my emails ,he is sending stupid emails from my name ,need advice?
Maybe he has installed a keylogger on your computer (monitors every keystroke on your keyboard). Either restore your computer to its factory settings, you use another computer entirely. Use an obscure email account, with a fake name, with an obscure user name and password. That is the only thing I can think of, dear. Hope that helps.Dear all,my abusive husband gets access to my emails ,he is sending stupid emails from my name ,need advice?
I had that same problem before. Always delete your history after you use the computer. He can retrace your email address and sometimes open your account when you do not sign out after you have sent your emails or check your emails. so be careful, always delete your cookies, delete your history.
Well, that's actually electronic fraud, and if they can prove it's him, that is a felony...
Buy a laptop and go to Starbucks or another wi-fi spot.
Get a software that blocks intruders...he is obviously one of them.
Leaving husband. Any advice would be helpful.?
We have 2 kids, school age, a house, 3 vehicles, and other small assets. I am walking away with joint custody, my car, and the contents of the house...which is my choice. He and I have agreed to this but have yet to speak to a lawyer. Any advice?Leaving husband. Any advice would be helpful.?
It is never easy yet no one should live un happy.
You are smart to say that your kids will benefit they are so receptive to their surroundings.
Here is a number you can call for legal aid located in Santa Ana Ca. 714) 571-5200
Good luck
Btw, legal aid can help you with your optionsLeaving husband. Any advice would be helpful.?
I really don't know the detail of your problem, you said he's a good father but a shitty husband, I just presumed he abused you physically, mentally or verbally. Anyway, If he abused you physically, you have to move out. Talk to a lawyer and consult your problem. If your children are all below 7 years old, then they can stay with you. But please try to settle it nicely for the sake of your children, after all you said he's a good father. Who knows he might change his behavior/attitudes towards you.
I would file first. He can promise you the moon, but until it is on paper, you have nothing, girlfriend. If you are walking away without those kids in your hands, you will lose them.
Why are you leaving the house? Why isn't he? Why are you giving him so much and taking so little? He's going to take you for everything once you walk out that door. I would think twice. If there is another man involved, I can promise you that he will not be what you think he is, and you will always regret leaving this way for a man who promises you the moon and once again, gives you nothing but heartache. No, he is not ';different';.
the fact that you have taken the step and decided to make a better live for you and your 2 kids is a big plus. Everybody can give you advise and tell you to do this or that, but at the end of the day you must think of whats best for you and your 2 kids and that is going to make the 3 of you happy. I can only say that you must do and think of what is reasonable and make sure you get what you deserve and move on to a future you and your 2 kids deserve. It's not an easy situation, but remember of what is best for you and your 2 kids and what will make the 3 of you happier in the long run. Don't just let go of everything you've build up while married, but be fare and reasonable and move on with your life and it's hard now, but as time go you will never look back and be glad and proud of what you did. so good luck and stay strong and only think of doing what will give you and your 2 kids happiness.
Legally, get a lawyer and make sure the ';agreement'; you both have becomes legal. Until you do that, there is no agreement. So act on this now.
As for anything else, stay away from him, if you don't, it will send mixed messages to both him and the children.
Lastly, raise the children well and have a good life.
family counseling better.
kids are there which forms family.
family ties go with society and social ethics.
so why not compromise and live happily?
life is short and family goes with future.
future is best for children.
think it over, both of you.
Going thru a similar situation.
Go to the lawyer, make it official and start you life over.
Its always better to get that stated in writing, you never know when he might decide to change his mind and want more.
if you both agree i dont think that the lawyer would have any objection to it.take whats your and thats it hun.
good luck with everything xoxox
Speak to a lawyer and good luck to the start of your new life!
go to the law and ethics section in the politics section.
good luck.
It is never easy yet no one should live un happy.
You are smart to say that your kids will benefit they are so receptive to their surroundings.
Here is a number you can call for legal aid located in Santa Ana Ca. 714) 571-5200
Good luck
Btw, legal aid can help you with your optionsLeaving husband. Any advice would be helpful.?
I really don't know the detail of your problem, you said he's a good father but a shitty husband, I just presumed he abused you physically, mentally or verbally. Anyway, If he abused you physically, you have to move out. Talk to a lawyer and consult your problem. If your children are all below 7 years old, then they can stay with you. But please try to settle it nicely for the sake of your children, after all you said he's a good father. Who knows he might change his behavior/attitudes towards you.
I would file first. He can promise you the moon, but until it is on paper, you have nothing, girlfriend. If you are walking away without those kids in your hands, you will lose them.
Why are you leaving the house? Why isn't he? Why are you giving him so much and taking so little? He's going to take you for everything once you walk out that door. I would think twice. If there is another man involved, I can promise you that he will not be what you think he is, and you will always regret leaving this way for a man who promises you the moon and once again, gives you nothing but heartache. No, he is not ';different';.
the fact that you have taken the step and decided to make a better live for you and your 2 kids is a big plus. Everybody can give you advise and tell you to do this or that, but at the end of the day you must think of whats best for you and your 2 kids and that is going to make the 3 of you happy. I can only say that you must do and think of what is reasonable and make sure you get what you deserve and move on to a future you and your 2 kids deserve. It's not an easy situation, but remember of what is best for you and your 2 kids and what will make the 3 of you happier in the long run. Don't just let go of everything you've build up while married, but be fare and reasonable and move on with your life and it's hard now, but as time go you will never look back and be glad and proud of what you did. so good luck and stay strong and only think of doing what will give you and your 2 kids happiness.
Legally, get a lawyer and make sure the ';agreement'; you both have becomes legal. Until you do that, there is no agreement. So act on this now.
As for anything else, stay away from him, if you don't, it will send mixed messages to both him and the children.
Lastly, raise the children well and have a good life.
family counseling better.
kids are there which forms family.
family ties go with society and social ethics.
so why not compromise and live happily?
life is short and family goes with future.
future is best for children.
think it over, both of you.
Going thru a similar situation.
Go to the lawyer, make it official and start you life over.
Its always better to get that stated in writing, you never know when he might decide to change his mind and want more.
if you both agree i dont think that the lawyer would have any objection to it.take whats your and thats it hun.
good luck with everything xoxox
Speak to a lawyer and good luck to the start of your new life!
go to the law and ethics section in the politics section.
good luck.
Hi ladies. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4 months and i need your advice!!!!?
Yesterday I should have started my period and I took a pregnancy test but tested negative. This morning I tested negative again. Also, my breasts which were swallen and sore for 1 week, have now stopped hurting yesterday. Does it mean that my period is just late and about to start, and for that reason my breast have stopped hurting? please help?Hi ladies. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4 months and i need your advice!!!!?
The fastest way for a healthy person to fall pregnant (apart from the obvious) is to not stress and test themselves constantly and worry over every little thing. Just enjoy the baby making sex.
Pregnancy tests can often give a false negative as there may not be enough of the pregnancy hormone in your system yet. When it does read positive though you can usually be sure. To get the best result wait at least a week from when your period should have started, no matter what the packet says.
ED: Sorry I'm not a 'lady' but I do have 2 kidsHi ladies. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4 months and i need your advice!!!!?
Last month, my period was late, I also had sore breasts and felt sick. I tested the day my period was due and 3 days after, it was negative. The soreness in my boobs started to wear off... My period started 9 days later.
You could be pregnant and the test just is not sensitive to detect it or you could be about to start you period.
You could keep testing if you do not come on, it wouldn't do any harm (just to your wallet lol)
Good luck, hope you get the BFP you want:o)
you could just be causing your period to delay from the stress... Only 4 months... some people will say that you are just getting started. I hope everything works out for you!hand lotion
The fastest way for a healthy person to fall pregnant (apart from the obvious) is to not stress and test themselves constantly and worry over every little thing. Just enjoy the baby making sex.
Pregnancy tests can often give a false negative as there may not be enough of the pregnancy hormone in your system yet. When it does read positive though you can usually be sure. To get the best result wait at least a week from when your period should have started, no matter what the packet says.
ED: Sorry I'm not a 'lady' but I do have 2 kidsHi ladies. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4 months and i need your advice!!!!?
Last month, my period was late, I also had sore breasts and felt sick. I tested the day my period was due and 3 days after, it was negative. The soreness in my boobs started to wear off... My period started 9 days later.
You could be pregnant and the test just is not sensitive to detect it or you could be about to start you period.
You could keep testing if you do not come on, it wouldn't do any harm (just to your wallet lol)
Good luck, hope you get the BFP you want:o)
you could just be causing your period to delay from the stress... Only 4 months... some people will say that you are just getting started. I hope everything works out for you!
Alcoholic husband... Need Advice?
So I need an outside opinion so thought this would be a good place. My husband had a drinking problem before we met, he's always been an occassional drinker but just in the past 2 months he's been drinking a BIG bottle of vodka every two days. He goes through all my stuff, checks all my phone calls and yells at me alot. We have 3 kids and I don't want them to grow up without a father due to the drinking. I wanted to help and talking to him was doing nothing, so I emailed his sister to tell her what was going on and to see if I could get together with the family to talk about what was happening. Well she took the email copied and pasted it to her mom which is wrong because I sent it in confidence to her but whatever, my mother in law then copied and pasted it to an email to my husband saying look what she is saying about you. They know he had a drinking problem before why do they think I'm messing around about this. Well he got mad at me and annoyed at them which now is going to make the situation worse. I emailed his sister and mom yesterday and asked them why they would email that to him, this is something serious that he needs to be sat down with to talk about. Well they got all upset that I told them it was wrong to send that to him and they broke my trust and for now on they would not get any emails from me about anything. They needed to talk to him to get any information about the kids or anything else. They called him and were like she is awful and we do not like her and she is wrong and all this stuff about me. I WANT MY HUSBAND TO LIVE A FULL LIFE AND TO WATCH HIS KIDS GROW UP. They just made the situation way worse and I don't know what else to do to make him get better, I can't do it alone. They just hate me and I guess don't care if he kills himself from drinking. Was I wrong to email them to tell them they were wrong to email that to him? What do I do next? How do I help him?Alcoholic husband... Need Advice?
just a guess.. talk to him really early in the am after he gets up.. about it.. sounds like he doesnt trust you, if u like some eye drops in his liqour the night before should keep him sober enough to try and save your marrageAlcoholic husband... Need Advice?
Alcoholics travel in packs... there is more than one in his family and the ones who aren't are co-dependent enablers. You should not have gotten them involved. They are defending him. It's their ';role'; in the alcoholism. Everyone has one.
When I met my husband I'd already been in a long term relationship with an alcoholic and my father/brother are as well. When I saw the red flags I told him no friggin way and that I was leaving. He said he'd get help for me. My response was, you can't get help ';for me'; it has to be ';for you'; or it will never work and you are in denial there even IS a problem since you've been ';doing it for others'; for years now and failing. I said I wished him well but I need not to have that in my life. I was the first person who refused to enable him. I refused to see it as a disease. I refused to feel sorry for him or to scream and yell and give ultimatums.
He's been sober for 3 years now. His mom/brothers/sister etc all said it would never last. They said he's done this before and always goes back. They are stunned but still try to tell me he will do it again. Whatever. I am not sure why it worked this time. Maybe because I didn't give him a choice - stop or lose me... I said you lost me babe... period.
There isn't a lot you can do for him if he doesn't think he has a problem. He won't do it for himself or you and everyone else is helping him think his behavior is normal and yours isnt.
Maybe you can attend al-anon meetings, for family members of acoholics. They will help you decide what to do. OR not to do.
How do you help him? You leave...you take the children and bounce. I know that's not your idea of helping him, but he needs help and in order for him to get help, he has to know he needs it. right now he doesn't.
in the meantime, find a local Al-Anon group that you can go to. it's for the families of alcoholics where you can process what you're going through. you may even find other resources that can help.
bottom line, he's not going to get better unless he wants to get better. there is no ';cure'; for alcoholism. the same was he became addicted is the same way he has to come un-addicted. and it takes a lot of time.
i'm not suggesting divorce, i'm suggesting separation. that's what he really needs.
good luck.
say this prayer together so you can get to know God and He can help you, if you are embarrassed say it alone in your room etc. (I can assure you He will hear you!) Go ahead put aside your unbelief and say it!
God can help you, If only you ask Him.
If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:
';Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always.'; Amen
He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.
Then take a few seconds to print it out and give it to others so they may be Blessed by His presence also. :)
This is why you don't involve inlaws in your marriage blood is thicker than water.
I am guessing he has other alcoholics in his family.
That is why all the dysfunctional crap is going on.
Talking to him isn't going to do anything.
You need to find an Al Anon group in your area.
just a guess.. talk to him really early in the am after he gets up.. about it.. sounds like he doesnt trust you, if u like some eye drops in his liqour the night before should keep him sober enough to try and save your marrageAlcoholic husband... Need Advice?
Alcoholics travel in packs... there is more than one in his family and the ones who aren't are co-dependent enablers. You should not have gotten them involved. They are defending him. It's their ';role'; in the alcoholism. Everyone has one.
When I met my husband I'd already been in a long term relationship with an alcoholic and my father/brother are as well. When I saw the red flags I told him no friggin way and that I was leaving. He said he'd get help for me. My response was, you can't get help ';for me'; it has to be ';for you'; or it will never work and you are in denial there even IS a problem since you've been ';doing it for others'; for years now and failing. I said I wished him well but I need not to have that in my life. I was the first person who refused to enable him. I refused to see it as a disease. I refused to feel sorry for him or to scream and yell and give ultimatums.
He's been sober for 3 years now. His mom/brothers/sister etc all said it would never last. They said he's done this before and always goes back. They are stunned but still try to tell me he will do it again. Whatever. I am not sure why it worked this time. Maybe because I didn't give him a choice - stop or lose me... I said you lost me babe... period.
There isn't a lot you can do for him if he doesn't think he has a problem. He won't do it for himself or you and everyone else is helping him think his behavior is normal and yours isnt.
Maybe you can attend al-anon meetings, for family members of acoholics. They will help you decide what to do. OR not to do.
How do you help him? You leave...you take the children and bounce. I know that's not your idea of helping him, but he needs help and in order for him to get help, he has to know he needs it. right now he doesn't.
in the meantime, find a local Al-Anon group that you can go to. it's for the families of alcoholics where you can process what you're going through. you may even find other resources that can help.
bottom line, he's not going to get better unless he wants to get better. there is no ';cure'; for alcoholism. the same was he became addicted is the same way he has to come un-addicted. and it takes a lot of time.
i'm not suggesting divorce, i'm suggesting separation. that's what he really needs.
good luck.
say this prayer together so you can get to know God and He can help you, if you are embarrassed say it alone in your room etc. (I can assure you He will hear you!) Go ahead put aside your unbelief and say it!
God can help you, If only you ask Him.
If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:
';Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always.'; Amen
He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.
Then take a few seconds to print it out and give it to others so they may be Blessed by His presence also. :)
This is why you don't involve inlaws in your marriage blood is thicker than water.
I am guessing he has other alcoholics in his family.
That is why all the dysfunctional crap is going on.
Talking to him isn't going to do anything.
You need to find an Al Anon group in your area.
Cheating husband Need advice?
can someone who has been in my shoes please give me some advice. if your husband of 6 years and the father of your 2 small kids was in a relationship with another woman for 2 years and fathered a one week old baby with her and you just found out that he had 3 other women on the side, (for a total of 4 other women) would you try to stick it out for the kids? I don't know what to do. My heart still loves him of course. How can I not, we have 6 years and he is the father of my sons. My heart says yes but my brain says leave now. why cant I??? Please someone say something, Im going insane picturing my husband having unprotected sex with all these women and then coming home begging me for sex. I feel like such a fool. sorry for the bad grammar and everything but this is the least of my worries right now. and plus i have tears in my eyes. omgCheating husband Need advice?
Oh, dear - I am sorry. People who say to stick it out for the kids don't know what they are asking for.
Kids don't need a mom who is stressed, angered, tormented, abused and possibly diseased by their father. You should be free to be a parent that can focus on the happy and healthy aspects of life. This man is trash - he treats you like trash and you should not allow it any longer. Perhaps he has some serious issues that he needs counseling for. If he wants help and sees that he needs help only the two of you can determine whether or not his actions will end! This is not healthy. You are being mistreated and you deserve better. You deserve someone who is yours - no sharing! How can you be the best mom when you have to worry about all this baggage? If his problems were gambling or alcohol... I would suggest therapy and intervention. He needs the same for this if he wants it and IF he sees that it is a problem. I have to children. I am happily married to their step-father who would never dream of cheating on me or on our family. He did this - not you!! Would you do the same to him? I doubt it. My idea of a marriage is one guy/one girl. I won't accept less than that. You deserve to be loved, as the one and only mother of his children. He has four other One-And-Only's now? How many families are you willing to share him with? Does he owe child support to them all? He sounds like a real slime ball. It is not doing you nor your children any good to stay in a relationship where you are not valued. Over the years you will be worn down and perhaps start seeing yourself differently, and not in a good way. Get out now! Keep your head up and stay strong. You are not in a good place and I am sorry for that. I have come to see that most times, once a man is cheating with multiple women, he may always be prone to stray. I feel that if you were out of this relationship you would feel better about yourself. Feeling better will allow you to be the best mom! Stay strong, keep your friends close to you, keep your guardian angel by your side. You'll make it through happier and stronger on the other side. Let him live with regrets. Good luck! Cheating husband Need advice?
Well, the heart rules how we feel and the head how we think. Your feelings can't be changed, but your actions can be. Keep in mind that the same compassion, kindness and love you show is not given to you in return. I wish you much happiness ahead - stay strong for you and your kids.
I have not been in that situation but NO do not try to stick it out. Face it, your guy is a complete jerk and you don't deserve someone who is going to cheat on you. I'm sure your kids would be happier for you (once they understand and are older) that you are not with this guy. Cheating is, by far, one of the worst things anyone can do in a relationship. It shows disrespect and it is not worth it.
He is an animal, i hope he one day feels pain 100 times greater than what U are now feeling.
if it wasn't for the kids, I would say get rid of him FAST.
Unfortunately, there are kids invloved, and they need a father. So Lawyer up. Make sure he will be financially responsible for the children. Then get rid of him. I don't think you can stick it out for the kids. He is too much a jerk. but don';t let him go without paying out the nose!!!
I've been in that situation if you stay with him, like I did, you'll never trust him. I don't trust my husband I just found out he's had pics of a stripper he said this was a long time ago. If he did it once he will keep doing it. You need to leave him and start a new life for yourself and your kids. Good Luck
Unless you want your children to grow up having no respect for women, you, or themselves, you should definitely leave. Staying for the kids is a cop-out. Leaving would do them a favor...
I'm no saint, but even I think that you only have 2 phone calls to make.
1. Attorney
2. Locksmith
Lock him out and take all the financial support you can. He is the one that needs a wake up call!
4 other women and you are still with him....are you braindead?
Get the hell outta there and find a decent guy. And I'd get checked for STDs too if I were you.
I feel your pain. I know it is a tough decision. You have to love yourself. He has been loving everyone else. You are in love with him and he is in love with himself. Listen to your brain. Your heart will heal in time. True love will find you and you will not have to share him with 1-2-3-4 or more other women. Who wants a man who shares his love around the entire neighborhood? You want someone who wants to love only you. There is someone out there, you just have to let this lunatic go. You made a bad choice, but it is good that you know you should leave. You just need the courage to do it. Good luck.
hey girl,
you know i have so experienced the truth about my spouse, and i have stayed with him as well however at times i so feel like suicide and leaving the bastard. he has blamed me for any and everything and everything is always my fault just today i found out that he went to a club with this person that freaking night and he had over and over again told me that he only took her to a friends house. i know he had sex with her and possible multiple times i also found a empty pregnancy box in the front seat of the car of course this is not theirs he don't know where this came from. yeah right that alone told me she may have been impregnated by him too. i also wanna state that this same man had his girl so to say call me at the house to question me and told her that if she had a problem with what happened to call his wife and question me about it all. i am here today this happened 3 years ago and i have since then gained so much weight that i am severely depressed. i have a deep hate for this man that i really am very in love with hard to explain but i just don't know if leaving him after 16 years would make me feel better and happy again.
I'm so SORRY.
First, you need to seek help. Go to your doctor, and talk.... cry if you must. Take care of yourself.... Get plenty of sleep (if you can).... seek counseling!
Second... you know better than anyone what you really want to do, and what is making you make your choice. Unfortunately you are married and as you said you have two children, so walking away may not be as easy as ';I'm out';....... Six years is a long time... bearing two children makes it even longer. Get help... and take time to take care of yourself. Can you trust him? Will staying together be beneficial to your children, or will it affect them more in the long run when they hear their parents argue.... or find out their father disrespected their mother?
Oh, dear - I am sorry. People who say to stick it out for the kids don't know what they are asking for.
Kids don't need a mom who is stressed, angered, tormented, abused and possibly diseased by their father. You should be free to be a parent that can focus on the happy and healthy aspects of life. This man is trash - he treats you like trash and you should not allow it any longer. Perhaps he has some serious issues that he needs counseling for. If he wants help and sees that he needs help only the two of you can determine whether or not his actions will end! This is not healthy. You are being mistreated and you deserve better. You deserve someone who is yours - no sharing! How can you be the best mom when you have to worry about all this baggage? If his problems were gambling or alcohol... I would suggest therapy and intervention. He needs the same for this if he wants it and IF he sees that it is a problem. I have to children. I am happily married to their step-father who would never dream of cheating on me or on our family. He did this - not you!! Would you do the same to him? I doubt it. My idea of a marriage is one guy/one girl. I won't accept less than that. You deserve to be loved, as the one and only mother of his children. He has four other One-And-Only's now? How many families are you willing to share him with? Does he owe child support to them all? He sounds like a real slime ball. It is not doing you nor your children any good to stay in a relationship where you are not valued. Over the years you will be worn down and perhaps start seeing yourself differently, and not in a good way. Get out now! Keep your head up and stay strong. You are not in a good place and I am sorry for that. I have come to see that most times, once a man is cheating with multiple women, he may always be prone to stray. I feel that if you were out of this relationship you would feel better about yourself. Feeling better will allow you to be the best mom! Stay strong, keep your friends close to you, keep your guardian angel by your side. You'll make it through happier and stronger on the other side. Let him live with regrets. Good luck! Cheating husband Need advice?
Well, the heart rules how we feel and the head how we think. Your feelings can't be changed, but your actions can be. Keep in mind that the same compassion, kindness and love you show is not given to you in return. I wish you much happiness ahead - stay strong for you and your kids.
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I have not been in that situation but NO do not try to stick it out. Face it, your guy is a complete jerk and you don't deserve someone who is going to cheat on you. I'm sure your kids would be happier for you (once they understand and are older) that you are not with this guy. Cheating is, by far, one of the worst things anyone can do in a relationship. It shows disrespect and it is not worth it.
He is an animal, i hope he one day feels pain 100 times greater than what U are now feeling.
if it wasn't for the kids, I would say get rid of him FAST.
Unfortunately, there are kids invloved, and they need a father. So Lawyer up. Make sure he will be financially responsible for the children. Then get rid of him. I don't think you can stick it out for the kids. He is too much a jerk. but don';t let him go without paying out the nose!!!
I've been in that situation if you stay with him, like I did, you'll never trust him. I don't trust my husband I just found out he's had pics of a stripper he said this was a long time ago. If he did it once he will keep doing it. You need to leave him and start a new life for yourself and your kids. Good Luck
Unless you want your children to grow up having no respect for women, you, or themselves, you should definitely leave. Staying for the kids is a cop-out. Leaving would do them a favor...
I'm no saint, but even I think that you only have 2 phone calls to make.
1. Attorney
2. Locksmith
Lock him out and take all the financial support you can. He is the one that needs a wake up call!
4 other women and you are still with him....are you braindead?
Get the hell outta there and find a decent guy. And I'd get checked for STDs too if I were you.
I feel your pain. I know it is a tough decision. You have to love yourself. He has been loving everyone else. You are in love with him and he is in love with himself. Listen to your brain. Your heart will heal in time. True love will find you and you will not have to share him with 1-2-3-4 or more other women. Who wants a man who shares his love around the entire neighborhood? You want someone who wants to love only you. There is someone out there, you just have to let this lunatic go. You made a bad choice, but it is good that you know you should leave. You just need the courage to do it. Good luck.
hey girl,
you know i have so experienced the truth about my spouse, and i have stayed with him as well however at times i so feel like suicide and leaving the bastard. he has blamed me for any and everything and everything is always my fault just today i found out that he went to a club with this person that freaking night and he had over and over again told me that he only took her to a friends house. i know he had sex with her and possible multiple times i also found a empty pregnancy box in the front seat of the car of course this is not theirs he don't know where this came from. yeah right that alone told me she may have been impregnated by him too. i also wanna state that this same man had his girl so to say call me at the house to question me and told her that if she had a problem with what happened to call his wife and question me about it all. i am here today this happened 3 years ago and i have since then gained so much weight that i am severely depressed. i have a deep hate for this man that i really am very in love with hard to explain but i just don't know if leaving him after 16 years would make me feel better and happy again.
I'm so SORRY.
First, you need to seek help. Go to your doctor, and talk.... cry if you must. Take care of yourself.... Get plenty of sleep (if you can).... seek counseling!
Second... you know better than anyone what you really want to do, and what is making you make your choice. Unfortunately you are married and as you said you have two children, so walking away may not be as easy as ';I'm out';....... Six years is a long time... bearing two children makes it even longer. Get help... and take time to take care of yourself. Can you trust him? Will staying together be beneficial to your children, or will it affect them more in the long run when they hear their parents argue.... or find out their father disrespected their mother?
Racist husband..need advice.?
Ok so my husband %26amp; I been togeather for 9yrs, married 5 1/2yrs. He was never racist before we married, however after he joined the Navy I started to notice it.(he served his time, not in no more) Now im not saying the navy did this to him, but only thing i can think of is the dept he was in was mostly blacks and the few white ppl in his dept had alot of issues with getting treated unfair then the blacks. I told my husband many times he can not blame the whole black race for these few ppl on his ship, I told him there are bad ppl in every race just as good ppl. He seems to not get it at all, he thinks he is right...talking to him about this get no where. I seriously feel like if i was to bring home a black female friend to hang out with, shop, ect he would flip out. So im wondering do you think i should just forget about let him think what he wants %26amp; me keep thinking how i do? think im making a big deal about it? He even makes comments about me watching ';black shows';on the BET channel.Racist husband..need advice.?
I'm sure it has a lot to do with him being a white man who became the minority. It bothered him more than he thought and instead of realizing how other races would feel being the minority he now got to experience it first hand. I think he feels it's still a white man's world and how could he be in the military surrounded by mostly black men. I'm also sure that everything about the experience was different than what he is accustomed. Imagine you living on a ship full of muslims or someone from another country. Think about how you would feel? We all want to be surrounded by people we relate too and maybe your husband didn't relate...obviously. However, this experience caused him to be a hater! It's completely ridiculous I know. He would have changed his mind had he been in the middle of a war and a black man saved his white ***!
If he's choosing to live life not surrounding himself around black people then why does he have to ***** or bring it up to you at all? He's not in the Navy anymore tell him to get over it.
It's difficult to go through life with someone who is a racist or does not share the same views that you do. But it certainly reminds me of my ex husband who was the biggest racist. I wasted a lot of time arguing with him about it too. However, I found out that he was calling singles hotline phone numbers and posing as a black dude trying to hook up with black women. What kind of racist was he anyway? LOL Maybe he slept with a black woman and he wants to play it off that he hates black people. Hey! It could happen.
Regardless....ignore his ***! Why waste a second trying to prove to him that black people are good people? The more you say the more he will say. Shut him up by ignoring him or take off and go somewhere.Racist husband..need advice.?
The word racist is thrown around too much. Why don't you listen to his points of view maybe he's not racist, he just feels that black people are getting preferential treatment (which they are.) And you don't divorce someone because they think a different way, you try to understand their reasoning. And don't watch BET because it's retarded and it only promotes his thinking that blacks get treated better. White Entertainment Television = Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton ';racism, racism'; outcry.
He is just getting a taste of being a black man.
There is one in every family. Husband, wife, child, grandfolk, sibling, aunt, uncle... pick one and run with it like you were Kunta Kinte.
good reason to divorce
Ask him to keep his comments to himself, you wont change him. Racism is hereditary ignorance
maybe he hasn't met a black person who's been a good person in awhile maybe he just needs to meet one and maybe that will change his view or not
make friends of all races and your husband will realize that race has no impact on what a quality person or friendship is..
Okay, to the first person...get real. They have been together 9 years....everyone has issues, everyone has personality flaws. If you have kids, no you don't want that one to be passed down, but honestly I know A LOT of people who are racist. Does that make it okay? NO NO NO! Is that worth leaving him? no! But you do need to make him see that it is something he needs to work on. I would bring a black girlfriend home and let him see how lovely she is. Talk to him about how much it bothers you. If you are religious, have him talk to a religious leader. He needs to be deprogrammed and you need to help. If you guys have been together this long and he loves you, then if you make it known how much this is bothering you...he will try to change! Bring home books that might help address this issue..make it an issue and make it known it is unacceptable.
Get out before you have kids. I am on my 3rd wife, and she si the best! You will find somebody better than this rascist clown. Unless he is rich. Does he take care of you? I guess that is what is really important.
I think he has issues, and it could create a problem for you later. Tell him that racism is hate. Pure and simple, and if he cannot find a way to deal with it, I personally would not be able to be with him. I am not saying for you to leave your husband, you just need to make him understand that hate is not healthy, and it only leads to violence. Not good.
I'm sure it has a lot to do with him being a white man who became the minority. It bothered him more than he thought and instead of realizing how other races would feel being the minority he now got to experience it first hand. I think he feels it's still a white man's world and how could he be in the military surrounded by mostly black men. I'm also sure that everything about the experience was different than what he is accustomed. Imagine you living on a ship full of muslims or someone from another country. Think about how you would feel? We all want to be surrounded by people we relate too and maybe your husband didn't relate...obviously. However, this experience caused him to be a hater! It's completely ridiculous I know. He would have changed his mind had he been in the middle of a war and a black man saved his white ***!
If he's choosing to live life not surrounding himself around black people then why does he have to ***** or bring it up to you at all? He's not in the Navy anymore tell him to get over it.
It's difficult to go through life with someone who is a racist or does not share the same views that you do. But it certainly reminds me of my ex husband who was the biggest racist. I wasted a lot of time arguing with him about it too. However, I found out that he was calling singles hotline phone numbers and posing as a black dude trying to hook up with black women. What kind of racist was he anyway? LOL Maybe he slept with a black woman and he wants to play it off that he hates black people. Hey! It could happen.
Regardless....ignore his ***! Why waste a second trying to prove to him that black people are good people? The more you say the more he will say. Shut him up by ignoring him or take off and go somewhere.Racist husband..need advice.?
The word racist is thrown around too much. Why don't you listen to his points of view maybe he's not racist, he just feels that black people are getting preferential treatment (which they are.) And you don't divorce someone because they think a different way, you try to understand their reasoning. And don't watch BET because it's retarded and it only promotes his thinking that blacks get treated better. White Entertainment Television = Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton ';racism, racism'; outcry.
He is just getting a taste of being a black man.
There is one in every family. Husband, wife, child, grandfolk, sibling, aunt, uncle... pick one and run with it like you were Kunta Kinte.
good reason to divorce
Ask him to keep his comments to himself, you wont change him. Racism is hereditary ignorance
maybe he hasn't met a black person who's been a good person in awhile maybe he just needs to meet one and maybe that will change his view or not
make friends of all races and your husband will realize that race has no impact on what a quality person or friendship is..
Okay, to the first person...get real. They have been together 9 years....everyone has issues, everyone has personality flaws. If you have kids, no you don't want that one to be passed down, but honestly I know A LOT of people who are racist. Does that make it okay? NO NO NO! Is that worth leaving him? no! But you do need to make him see that it is something he needs to work on. I would bring a black girlfriend home and let him see how lovely she is. Talk to him about how much it bothers you. If you are religious, have him talk to a religious leader. He needs to be deprogrammed and you need to help. If you guys have been together this long and he loves you, then if you make it known how much this is bothering you...he will try to change! Bring home books that might help address this issue..make it an issue and make it known it is unacceptable.
Get out before you have kids. I am on my 3rd wife, and she si the best! You will find somebody better than this rascist clown. Unless he is rich. Does he take care of you? I guess that is what is really important.
I think he has issues, and it could create a problem for you later. Tell him that racism is hate. Pure and simple, and if he cannot find a way to deal with it, I personally would not be able to be with him. I am not saying for you to leave your husband, you just need to make him understand that hate is not healthy, and it only leads to violence. Not good.
Ex husband asks advice about new girlfriend should i tell him what i think?
We have 2 boys (14,6) he would never stick with one job,car,women. hHe has cheated many times and we would get back together. After 14 yrs i said no more! My boys should not have this idea this is what marriageis all about. the new gf is o n a schedule every day!! wake up at this time ,brush teeth ,fix hair,go to work,come home eat ,get ready for bed,no drinking no smoking and you cannot deviate from this routine. My reply was ';you do not need anotrher mother'; he said she is leading him down the right path! What!
i think she would like to change him. I says you love someone through thick and thin. NO ONE can change another person, and i believe you love someone for thier assets and faults. should i have said that?Ex husband asks advice about new girlfriend should i tell him what i think?
It sounds like your ex was looking for someone to help him stay organized and she is the type to organize everything including him.
I'm not saying that it will work or that it won't but that he sounds excited about the opportunity to be lead down the right path.
If he is a cheat though and likes to drink and smoke I think that he is just stringing you both along. He appears to have wanted to see you get a reaction (jealousy) and he wants to make good impressions with her so she won't throw him out with the dirty bathwater.
You know him better than me though. Some faults are better not dealt with when they effect you and your kids.Ex husband asks advice about new girlfriend should i tell him what i think?
I think if he asked yea tell him but you know men they will go and do whatever they want anyway...oh don't get me wrong they do listen but still make that u turn...Usually if he is a ex i would not give him the my time of consultation:)
I am truly not trying to see mean here but it seems as though you are jealous.
If he is saying that she it leading him down the right path then be happy for him...be happy that he has a women that can keep him ';in line';.
Be happy for your children that their father is with some one who cares enough to tell him not to drink and smoke..
Things could be a heck of a lot worse..
Yes i think thats straight up.
It seems that you played the game of love all wrong. Nope, you shouldn't love someone for all their faults, that's a mistaken thinking. Men actually DUN like that! They are actually searching for someone who can change them, control them, make them a better person. They dun just need your unconditional love. They also need structure. That's why he cheated on you, because he simply could get away with it! I think you are still in love with your ex-husband from the way you still try to dissuade him from his gf. I say, get over him and dun play the game wrong again.
i think you should tell him to do what hes gotta do, who cares if thats the right path or not as long as its not affecting the boys, and he's telling you that he thinks its the right path for him..hmm then why even ask, looks to me like this guy is having a hard time moving on and he's very indecisive. Dont fall into this trap break the triangle and just get involved when it only involves the children.
He probably shouldn't be asking you for advice. It seems as if his being happy in this new relationship and being -for a change- an ';obedient'; husband, has made you feel a bit jealous. At least he's not drinking or smoking, meaning he's leading a much healthier life, which is setting a good example for your boys. Be happy that the father of your children is being ';good'; now and that he's finally found someone who won't tolerate the irresponsible behavior he had been having for the 14 years that he was with you.
Depends how ex he is, is it a number of years now? If its recent then don't talk to him about it. If its been a while and there's no longer any feelings between you two, then of course he's going to turn to you for advice, you were his wife and he probably trusts your opinion on many things. But if you think he still has feelings for you, don't allow yourself to be roped in. He could trying a new tactic to get your guard down...
Sorry but it sounds like ur a jealous ex wife, why? because look what you wrote.. ';he has cheated many times and we would get back together. After 14yrs i said no more!'; , then a couple lines later u said '; I think she would like to change him. I say u love someone through thick and thin.'; .. U said u love someone through thick and thin yet after 14 years of dealing with infidelity u say YOU threw in the towel. (which i understand) but you contridict your own self by saying u stay together through thick and thin. Yet you didnt. I think if she is good for him, if she does bring out the best in him, why wouldnt u want him to be happy and show your sons a healthy relationship. It seems as though your worried that she will be able to do what you couldnt. (although u were not at fault by any means, its just some people can and some cant) , If she can get him to grow up an act like a man, and have a healthy relationship then why wouldnt u want that for your kids? instead of constantly having a dad that was immature, neglectful, irrepsonsible, etc? I mean at 14 and 6 they still need really good male role models in their life, especially a good role model from their father.. So if she can whip him into shape why wouldnt u want that.. the past is in the past.. what happened happened, but dont let your own emotional turmoil of the fact that for what ever reason maybe he just wasnt ready to grow up, but maybe he is now.. keep him from doing so.. and btw.. the ';you do not need another mother'; comment.. your right he doesnt, so why is he asking you advice like a child would their mother about rating the new gf?????? u need to start practicing what your preach..
Actually I disagree with you. I think he needs another mother! I mean, if he wants to play house outside the marriage, wants his ex to assist him in decisions of relationships, I think he needs someone making his decisions for him. Shoot girl, he's still an adolescent!
I would tell him that you do not want to discuss his problems with him. You are only hearing one side of the story. This could come back to bite you later. I would only discuss the kids with him and nothing else.
Is he looking for an approval? If he loves her because the way she is then so be it. Let just say you don't like this girl friend, the next one and the next one, what would he do? Just turn the table around, what if he doesn't like any one of your boyfriends, would you stop dating that person because he's not approved.
I think you guys should stay out each other business and move on with your life. That's why you're divorced in the first place. The only connection you should have is your two boys with your ex. The rest of it is his business. I wouldn't get involved.
You can't be expected to give him relationship advice. That's beyond what he can ask of you. Stay out of it. She's not your concern unless she is abusing your children.
sounds like the girl runs a tide ship, this loser might just need this? Aren't you lucky you got ride of this loser?
My ex left me 4 weeks ago to go back to his girlfriend after he came back twice. We have been together for 7 years. I hear him telling she can't flush the toilett after using it!! Well she is 27 he is 42 do i need to say more?
He is happy with his trailer trash.
I guess your ex got what he deserved. Yes you said the right thing, he will cheat on her like he did on you, people don't change pattern. I would have told him a lot of other things but you are a nicer person than I.
I am happy you over this meat head and moved on with your life, I wish i could do the same.
/that is good he having problems, he should have tried to be there for you the grass ain't greener on the other side, there ain't any.
/stay sweet.
YES I WOULD- BE THE BIGGER PERSON
i would say deffo stay out of it ... if/when they break up he will blame you or she will blame you . look straight ahead and go in that direction . good luck .
i think she would like to change him. I says you love someone through thick and thin. NO ONE can change another person, and i believe you love someone for thier assets and faults. should i have said that?Ex husband asks advice about new girlfriend should i tell him what i think?
It sounds like your ex was looking for someone to help him stay organized and she is the type to organize everything including him.
I'm not saying that it will work or that it won't but that he sounds excited about the opportunity to be lead down the right path.
If he is a cheat though and likes to drink and smoke I think that he is just stringing you both along. He appears to have wanted to see you get a reaction (jealousy) and he wants to make good impressions with her so she won't throw him out with the dirty bathwater.
You know him better than me though. Some faults are better not dealt with when they effect you and your kids.Ex husband asks advice about new girlfriend should i tell him what i think?
I think if he asked yea tell him but you know men they will go and do whatever they want anyway...oh don't get me wrong they do listen but still make that u turn...Usually if he is a ex i would not give him the my time of consultation:)
I am truly not trying to see mean here but it seems as though you are jealous.
If he is saying that she it leading him down the right path then be happy for him...be happy that he has a women that can keep him ';in line';.
Be happy for your children that their father is with some one who cares enough to tell him not to drink and smoke..
Things could be a heck of a lot worse..
Yes i think thats straight up.
It seems that you played the game of love all wrong. Nope, you shouldn't love someone for all their faults, that's a mistaken thinking. Men actually DUN like that! They are actually searching for someone who can change them, control them, make them a better person. They dun just need your unconditional love. They also need structure. That's why he cheated on you, because he simply could get away with it! I think you are still in love with your ex-husband from the way you still try to dissuade him from his gf. I say, get over him and dun play the game wrong again.
i think you should tell him to do what hes gotta do, who cares if thats the right path or not as long as its not affecting the boys, and he's telling you that he thinks its the right path for him..hmm then why even ask, looks to me like this guy is having a hard time moving on and he's very indecisive. Dont fall into this trap break the triangle and just get involved when it only involves the children.
He probably shouldn't be asking you for advice. It seems as if his being happy in this new relationship and being -for a change- an ';obedient'; husband, has made you feel a bit jealous. At least he's not drinking or smoking, meaning he's leading a much healthier life, which is setting a good example for your boys. Be happy that the father of your children is being ';good'; now and that he's finally found someone who won't tolerate the irresponsible behavior he had been having for the 14 years that he was with you.
Depends how ex he is, is it a number of years now? If its recent then don't talk to him about it. If its been a while and there's no longer any feelings between you two, then of course he's going to turn to you for advice, you were his wife and he probably trusts your opinion on many things. But if you think he still has feelings for you, don't allow yourself to be roped in. He could trying a new tactic to get your guard down...
Sorry but it sounds like ur a jealous ex wife, why? because look what you wrote.. ';he has cheated many times and we would get back together. After 14yrs i said no more!'; , then a couple lines later u said '; I think she would like to change him. I say u love someone through thick and thin.'; .. U said u love someone through thick and thin yet after 14 years of dealing with infidelity u say YOU threw in the towel. (which i understand) but you contridict your own self by saying u stay together through thick and thin. Yet you didnt. I think if she is good for him, if she does bring out the best in him, why wouldnt u want him to be happy and show your sons a healthy relationship. It seems as though your worried that she will be able to do what you couldnt. (although u were not at fault by any means, its just some people can and some cant) , If she can get him to grow up an act like a man, and have a healthy relationship then why wouldnt u want that for your kids? instead of constantly having a dad that was immature, neglectful, irrepsonsible, etc? I mean at 14 and 6 they still need really good male role models in their life, especially a good role model from their father.. So if she can whip him into shape why wouldnt u want that.. the past is in the past.. what happened happened, but dont let your own emotional turmoil of the fact that for what ever reason maybe he just wasnt ready to grow up, but maybe he is now.. keep him from doing so.. and btw.. the ';you do not need another mother'; comment.. your right he doesnt, so why is he asking you advice like a child would their mother about rating the new gf?????? u need to start practicing what your preach..
Actually I disagree with you. I think he needs another mother! I mean, if he wants to play house outside the marriage, wants his ex to assist him in decisions of relationships, I think he needs someone making his decisions for him. Shoot girl, he's still an adolescent!
I would tell him that you do not want to discuss his problems with him. You are only hearing one side of the story. This could come back to bite you later. I would only discuss the kids with him and nothing else.
Is he looking for an approval? If he loves her because the way she is then so be it. Let just say you don't like this girl friend, the next one and the next one, what would he do? Just turn the table around, what if he doesn't like any one of your boyfriends, would you stop dating that person because he's not approved.
I think you guys should stay out each other business and move on with your life. That's why you're divorced in the first place. The only connection you should have is your two boys with your ex. The rest of it is his business. I wouldn't get involved.
You can't be expected to give him relationship advice. That's beyond what he can ask of you. Stay out of it. She's not your concern unless she is abusing your children.
sounds like the girl runs a tide ship, this loser might just need this? Aren't you lucky you got ride of this loser?
My ex left me 4 weeks ago to go back to his girlfriend after he came back twice. We have been together for 7 years. I hear him telling she can't flush the toilett after using it!! Well she is 27 he is 42 do i need to say more?
He is happy with his trailer trash.
I guess your ex got what he deserved. Yes you said the right thing, he will cheat on her like he did on you, people don't change pattern. I would have told him a lot of other things but you are a nicer person than I.
I am happy you over this meat head and moved on with your life, I wish i could do the same.
/that is good he having problems, he should have tried to be there for you the grass ain't greener on the other side, there ain't any.
/stay sweet.
YES I WOULD- BE THE BIGGER PERSON
i would say deffo stay out of it ... if/when they break up he will blame you or she will blame you . look straight ahead and go in that direction . good luck .
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