Husband is over all a good guy, responsible, nice, etc...
But he has lied to me 4x about the 'same' issue.
My husband is from another country and the girls I am referring to live in another country, so no immediate physical threat.
Found out one week after marrying he was still talking to ex, calling her baby and stuff. She wanted him back, he was leading her on. Said he would not talk to her again and we agreed that if she calls he should just tell me.
He did talk to her again 2x (that I know of) and lied directly to my face about it.
The 'agreement' became that if ANY ex's call he should just tell me - I don't mind the occasional, once a year 'hey how are you, how's life' type phone calls from ex's....but just tell me about it, right?
So recently, a DIFFERENT ex called him, he lied straight up about who she was, etc....
She called cuz she wanted to get back together.
The POINT - He keeps lying even though it would not even be a fight if he told the truth, he knows that. I am reasonable, not jealous psycho chick.
He is not going to stop lying, he has no prob lying straight to my face as demonstrated 4x. I feel like I can't trust him. I have a major problem w/ not being able to trust my husband.
What he says and what he does are two different things. What it comes down to is that he is a liar and will not change.
I can't accept a liar in my life but don't like the idea of divorce, so the position he has put me in is to find a way to deal with it.
We have talked, talked, talked, talked. No more talking, he gets it, but this is just him, he says he will change but in reality will not.
I am starting to resent him very much. I am starting to get angry at myself for being with him.
I don't know what to do. Accept it or leave...I feel like the lies and stuff will only get worse - basically I envision that these little lies are only the beginning of a long a s s marriage....filled w/ a lot of this and then some.
Accept it or go?
If Accept, then how do I do that w/out resentment? How do I continue to live w/ him and have sex w/ him? How do I continue to have sex w/ him?
The resentment is starting to make me not even attracted to him...
Help.I am starting to resent my husband..Please advice.?
i would go if i were you I am starting to resent my husband..Please advice.?
It's not possible to just accept it. You will be miserable. It's obvious that he is never going to change because he has no reason to. I'd leave if I were you. At least then he will know you are serious....and it's possible that he will change after that. Good luck.
I think it is time for you to move on. You cannot have a successful marriage without trust. He has proven that he is not trustworthy. Leave now before you had kids to complicate matters.
making excuses why you don't want to leave means that your not dealing with the problem, really you should either go to couseling, give each other space or divorce him
If you cannot trust him, why are you still married to him?
He's still looking for Mrs. Right!
Perhaps you two could go to counseling together. You mentioned you two have talked and talked about it. And that he 'gets it' but that doesn't seem to change his behavior. You two are married not bf and gf, it sounds like he's treating you like a gf where the easy simple thing would just be to break up, a divorce is not just simply breaking up. No other woman should be contacting your husband in that manner (wanting to get back together) ex's or not. He's got to make the ex's stop contacting him plain and simple, from what you've described he doesn't seem to want to do that. So I'd say go to counseling if that doesn't work, divorce him, you've already outlined how you think it will be if you choose to accept it.
You have every right to feel the way you do. I can't stand liars myself. Liars tend to go to the way side for me. My ex wife was a pathological liar and so was a very very close person to me. Those people are out of my life...in my case...I hope you do not have children nor are you planning to have any. I would say that you will have to lay the law of the land and if he does not correct himself...well...(you know).
I would flat out ask him if he wants to be married to you and how would he feel if the roles were reversed.
Let him know that you are concerned that your marriage will not last based on what has happened, and does that matter to him.
Finally, follow your heart and decide if this is what you want to be dealing with.
baby complicates things, how difficult is he likely to be over a child if you divorce? chances are one of these ex's could end up your childs step mother!
I really can't tell you what to do for the best, you guys need marriage counselling. If you weren't pregnant I'd tell you to ditch his sorry a ss but baby on the way makes that difficult.
Leave him! In a heart beat! Even if he's not sleeping w/them, what he's doing is emotional cheating. Please really think about this, because if you resent him now, eventually you will hate him. And it will be alot harder to leave. He's acting like he's single not to mention treating you with disrespect. If you're not ready for a divorce then seperate, give him a time limit to prove himself. Once you're gone, I promise you he's gonna think twice about what a fool he's been. Life is too short, don't let anybody treat you like this. I hope things work out for you!
Well you realize, that a lot of overall good guys are still some of the biggest a**holes out there. You have found yourself in a marriage to one of the bigger ones. I have a little saying that you need to hear. Life is short, and if something in your life is causing you stress or pain, you eliminate that stress or pain, then you will have a happy life. Do not waste anymore of your time or energy on this man. You deserve to be happy. Good luck.
the thing you must say is that it is you who is by his side now he didn't choose any one among all his ex but he choose you and you have a kid together.even though all his ex are trying to get him back by calling him at home (all they want to do is to break your marriage )be more clever than them ..don't fall in their wicked game dear .chance your way of always asking hubby about his calls you will see it will be him who will make you know about all his calls .why should you stop having sex with him ,he will surely go and search for someone else if you don't do what a wife is suppose to do.you are not angry after you hubby but after all his ex.don't you have confident in you.you have been with him since one year now (marriage is all about building thing together ,i mean trust love and faith that you can have a nice family in the future if he used to do that in the past maybe thats why he chose you ..to help him out of this bad abit
There's no easy answer to this. You know he won't change. You know in your heart you don't accept it. Something has got to give.
I would first work on getting him to understand how uncomfortable you are knowing he instinctively lies, without remorse.
Also, try to understand why he jumps to the lie first, what bad experience has conditioned him this way?
If he can just open up, just once, and see that your reaction is pleasant (no drama) maybe that will be a stepping stone to opening up more often.
He has broken the bond of trust with you. How can you go on with your marriage and not be able to trust your life long soul mate? What choices do you have? Resentment has already festered and you know the outcome of it, so why beat around the bush? Send him back to his exes and don't look back. Keep moving forward. A mistake learned the hard way and one that will never be made again. Good Luck!
You're right--you have to accept it or leave. To do it w/o resentment, you have to accept that people don't, and can't, change just because you want them to, and there's nothing wrong with that. One problem here seems to be your totally unproductive arguments. He agrees to what you say, then does what he wants.
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