Advice? My husband is making me insane.?

So tonight my husband and I got into a big fight because he just says out of the blue ';It's time to let the baby spend the night with people'; to which I responded, ';No, it's not. I'm not ready and I'm not letting him stay anywhere when I'm not comfortable with it'; Our son isn't even six months old yet, and I see no need in leaving him with anyone right now unless it was an emergency and we had to. Why does anyone need to keep him? Can't they just spend time when him when we're around? He's so dead set on his parents keeping him overnight and I told him no and he said ';Yea, well we'll see about that'; WHAT? How can he TELL me, his MOTHER, that I HAVE to let him do anything I don't want him to? I don't know what to say to him. (I particually don't want his parents watching him because, as some of you may remember, I had a problem with them when he was first born being very possesive of him and calling themselves mom and dad to my son. That's over now, but I'm still bothered by it) So yea, how do I convince him that it has to be BOTH of our decision and he has to wait until I'm ready? Just because he wants to, he thinks that's the end of it and he will.. and I guess I don't get a say. IDK, I'm so upset about this, I don't want him out of my sight.. let alone overnight!Advice? My husband is making me insane.?
I'm at a loss for how to answer this-- it sounds like your husband has more than a few of your In-laws' possessive qualities, if he really intends to go against your wishes with the baby for the sake of ??? I don't even know what makes him think babies are ';supposed to'; stay the night away from their parents in the first place? The only thing I can think of is that his parents have been nagging him about it and he'd rather deal with his wife being mad at him than his folks.





I don't envy you being caught in the middle because it sounds like he doesn't respect you or your feelings much. I don't know how you can make him change his mind, but you have every right to refuse to let your baby stay away from you for the night, and to choose who he stays with if he does need to at some point, for some reason. Probably any way you approach this right now is going to cause a confrontation.





You could try to turn it around on him-- approach him and let him know that the way he's treating you lately feels very controlling, and you have some serious concerns about your relationship lasting if he continues showing signs of pre-abusive behavior. Maybe that will open his eyes to the situation from your perspective, but it could also open up a whole new can of worms and show you a very ugly side to him if he responds poorly to the suggestion that he is being compared to an abuser.





Good luck. I hope you can find a way to compromise while still sticking to your convictions on this. Your baby's needs are the most important thing to focus on here, not which parent is wrong or right.Advice? My husband is making me insane.?
My children did not stay with ANYONE until they were much, much older. If you are not comfortable with your son staying ANYWHERE, then he should not. How are you going to enjoy an evening with your husband alone if all you can think about is your son and what he is doing??? Tell your husband he is just going to have to be patient. When you are ready then it will happen. Personally for my husband and myself we were never ready. We finally just bit the bullet and let them go. They were over 10 years old by that time.





Good luck!
Your baby, your decision. If you don't agree, it doens't happen.


I can't see the point, anyway. Why should he go and spend the night with them?????


Maybe you could suggest you all going and staying the night. But I never left my baby with other people and I just don't see why it should even happen.
i would never leave my child at 6 months, tell your hubby no, and that it is not open for discussion, i think you must have more problems in your marriage then you want to admit, if this is how he talks to you, i think you should see a couples counselor, your child is only 6 months, the decisions only get bigger, what then, if you two can't even discuss this one, wow i am sorry for you, this is a giant red flag
you are right you are his mother and if you don't want him out of your sight yet so be it


what will he do take him to his parents then you can go and get him back after an hour if you even want to leave it that long his parents can;t tell you you can;t take your son





i never let my son out of my sight at that age either but since i was breastfeeding i had an excuse for a long time





anyways make sure you don;t make this about you not being comfortable with your son staying at his parents make it about you not being comfortable with him staying anywhere this is a battle you need to fight for though you are his mom therefore get the final say he can;t speak for himself yet so you are his voice


my son is 2 and has never stayed anywhere over nite








PPS back up plan ----- let him go then get so upset and worried not that they are treating him ill but that you don't want to be with him that you have to go and pick him up right away cry your husband will never tell you you can;t see your son if you are crying
sorry, but he's a jackass. it sounds more like a power struggle than anything else.my mil always wanted me to let her take my kids for a couple days. that went on for years. after saying no thanks a million times she finally got the hint. could it be that your mil is doing the same thing to your husband and he's giving in? or maybe he can't stand up for himself?


stand your ground. the baby isn't even 6months. a mother should not be forced to leave her child anywhere if she doesn't want to and there is no need to. it's very normal for you to be protective and want to be the one who cares for him. best of luck. keep us posted.


edit - what kind of preacher?
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and know what you are doing. It sounds like you just needed to vent to someone about this.


The only advice I can offer (which sounds like you don't even need) is what I say to all of my girlfriends when their husbands or SO's are upsetting them is that ';people will treat you however you let them and do what you let them do';.


You are in control and you have the ability to say ';no, what you are proposing is not acceptable and not negotiable.';


When it comes to your infant child - you have the right to say something like that.


Perhaps just keep in mind whether this and any future issues are really worth causing major friction in your marriage over.


I know wasn't ready to be away from my first baby until he was almost a year old so I can relate. I wish you well.
Your husband is pouting, kicking him in the shins, drawing lines in the sand, will only make him feel he has to retaliate by being an obstinate Jack A :) its how we men deal with being vulnerable. He needs you, While he loves his child and you, sometimes being a simple creature as most of men are, he wants what used to be ';before there was a child';, he wants the familiar that ';made him feel safe';, you will hear him ask that the child be removed for the night only when he is feeling neglected or insecure, this will happen often when he feels attention being taken from him and addressed towards your child, You are the ';care giver'; in your family group, that means give care to ';all'; the members of your group, I suspect that if you give him ';specific attention';, in fact not at the loss of the child, but create a scenario that looks like you are choosing to take care of him over the child, make deliberate actions that ';your man can see you choosing him 1st'; not all the time and again not at the actual detriment of the child, but as a show as a symbol, I assure you he will soon forget to ask you to let anyone keep your child and problem solved, men are visual we need to see we are important, that will make us feel better ;) any action or reaction of yours that defies him, alienates or points out other family members as not fit or poor choices will only make this worse, remember the grand parents had you both when you were (6) six months old and you turned out okay. do this for a month and let me know how it works.
OK- I don't know any history of this--my son spent the nite with my mother at 4 weeks---spent the nite with hubby's mom 2 weeks after that--we needed time together and Gramma's needed time to bond with their grandson--there was no harm done and my son has wonderful memories of his Grammys (both have passed on---he was 5 and 8 years of age when they did). Oh well--I'm an ole fart and can remember calling my great gramma for advice---guess that doesn't happen anymore (sad part--I'm only 50!!!)--AHHHHH family!!!!!!
First of all, you have my sympathies. I am angry for you. My mother in law is a mean cow, herself.





Second of all, if your husband really needs quiet time, maybe he should go spend the night at his parents. My son is 18 months old now, and I only let him stay with my mom and dad when I have to. When he is older if he asks to go, he can go. I think a child should be given a choice, if possible. If they don't want to go, they shouldn't have to. Your child doesn't have the verbal skills to let you know if he doesn't want to go. tell your husband to stick it in his ear.
Just came out of no where


for some unknown reason.


It's his mother pushing him.


Now he's pretending to have


balls enough to tell you how


it's going to be. Stand your ground!!


But in a smart way. No fighting,


no arguments. Just plain and


simple it's not time yet. Make sure


your mother in law gets the point.


That no amount of brow beating,


or bullying is going to change your


mind. Your son will be old enough,


when he's old enough to talk. The


person who cares for the child, the


most, knows more about him than


just how to change a diaper. They


know how he is feeling and what he


needs. (Without Words) Other people


who may care for him for a few hours,


would not be able to see small changes,


that may mean he is getting ill, or is


becoming frightened. But if he can


speak for himself, no body has to guess.


Everyone can relax, and baby is safe.


A couple of hours during the day, may


settle every ones nerves. They can't totally


ruin him in that time. Just because they are


related doesn't mean your child feels secure


in their home. You might want that first two hours


to be in your home.
I understand. It sounds like to me his parents are pressuring him to let the baby spend the night. I think you must both agree. He needs to understand your point of view. It is hard to let go and trust others to care for your baby. It's how the human race has survived. I have a 6-month and a 2-year old. The baby has never spent the night with anyone and my toddler has only twice. Once was when i was having the baby. It's your instinct to want to keep them close and as the mom it's your perogotive. He needs to try and work with you, not mandate what you will or won't let happen.
Maybe he wants alone time, or maybe he has a special night planned for the two of you. I think its alright as long as you trust the sitter. (mom or dad)
i would send the baby then i would call every 15 minutes to see how he was the parents wont like been woke up all hours and they wont bother with asking any more
i'd feel the same as you. if i don't want to and don't trust them it's a no as far as i'm conderened. i'd try to talk to him again but boy would my hubby hear it if he ever said ';we'll see about that';...is he your first baby?


i kept our first with me at all times...the first time she went to a bbsitr is when our 2nd daughter was born 2yrs 3weeks and 3 days after our 1st.....it was even with my mother in law and i absolutely adore and trust her but it still took me that long to feel ok about leaving her.....i felt like i was droping my responsability on someone else.....i feel for you..


if you really don't want to then DON'T...you don't need to be stressed the entire time...i'd say when you are ready start with a 1/2 hr here and there and then take if from there....by the way can i slap your husband? (lol)
I'm guessing that your husband is getting pressure from his parents to have the baby. Sometimes its hard to be assurtive with your parents even though we are adults. Tell your husband you understand that the grandparents won't to have the baby, but your not ready. Being a mom is the hardest job and we are mama bears when it comes to our children. Invite the inlaws to your house to visit. That way they get to see the baby and you call all the shots. Maybe if you give them a little the pressure will be off of all of you.
It seems as your husband just wants a full night alone with you, without waking up for the baby or the baby being there with you if he is trying to plan a ';special'; night. If the baby is almost 6 months old, there is nothing wrong with letting him stay overnight at somene's house once. Unless you husband just wants to for no reason (and I can see many reasons as to why he would want just one night away from the baby) then I don't see why you are making such a big deal about this. Maybe your husband just wants some alone time with you. Or maybe he just wants you to have a night alone to sleep and do what YOU need to do....Just a suggestion, but to me, it seems like you are overreacting.
It would be a really good idea to have some trusted friend babysit him for a while. Yes, maybe even overnight.





Imagine how tough it would be on the baby if something happened and he had to get along without you for a while. Like, if you had to have an emergency surgery and stay in the hospital for a few days. The baby would have some terrible separation issues.





If your inlaws were as possessive as you claim, then I would not want them watching him. Can you get a friend to do it?