Don't buy the crap that all men watch porn and men are visual so watching porn should be justified...My husband doesn't watch porn because he respects my feelings about porn....that doesn't mean that he hates porn....but he values my feelings more than he does a cheap thrill....Guys, I need advice. My husband looks at porn.?
It doesn't mean that he finds you unattractive or that he even plans on cheating or anything else. Men look at porn as a fantasy, they know they wont have it but they like to look. Now , if he is constantly looking at it, ignoring you, hiding the fact that he's doing it, if he Denys doing it, seems like he's being obsessed with it, then he has a problem and you need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel. My husband was addicted to porn, he would hide the magazines and movies and deny they were his. I finally told him that was enough and I wasn't putting up with it!! We worked it out and he doesn't have anything to do with it anymore. If two people are married and one person is doing something regardless of what it is, if it seriously bothers the other person and is affecting the relationship, then it needs to be addressed and dealt with.
There are at least two possible things happening: neither one means that he finds you unattractive.
First, he may be using porn as something like a drug, to kill pain in his life of some sort. This can be the pain of anxiety, fear, guilt, or just the frustration of having emotions he doesn't know how to deal with. Like those who numb themselves with alcohol or other drugs, he may be numbing himself--distracting himself--with porn. It feels good, and real life doesn't feel good for some reason (again, not necessarily you).
The other possibility is that you are real: intimacy with you involves real issues, conversation, feelings of helplessness, trying to fix things when you want someone to just listen--all the things that make life with someone of the opposite sex interesting, fascinating, and difficult. The women on screen--or on paper--are (literally) two-dimensional: they exist to serve him, but make no demands on him. Yes, it's living in a delusion.
Men who misuse sex like this--especially those who flee bad feelings--can sometimes end up flat, and unemotional, except for anger. We end up with emotions that never become what they should, because we've never exercised them against any heavyweight issues (like life gives us).
You might find some help through the website of Harvest USA (http://harvestusa.org/ ), Harvest seeks (graciously) to transform the lives of those affected by sexual brokenness. On the website under the ';NEED HELP?'; entry on the left, there's a section ';For spouses'; that answers some questions you might have. You can also call and speak with one of the women on staff, especially their director of women's ministry, and see if she can help you work through some of these questions.
I volunteer there, and work with men who struggle with attraction to porn (among other things).
most guys look at porn cause its women doing things that he either wants done to himself or wishes he can do. he wonders if he can F***k like a porn star and can his woman give it like one.lets get foreal half of the stuff that women do in porn movies the average woman is not going to do, or if she dose she isn't as good as the pro porn woman is, but we love when you try, then its all the different types of women. its all a fantasy and a dream. soon as the average women understands that the better.
Do you have a vibrator? Maybe you masturbate on the tub faucet or hand-held shower? Do you think the vibrator is better than your husband? More attractive?
Here is the deal, the true facts. Almost all men look at porn. As a genre of films, it amounts to 25% of video rentals, more than any other category. That does NOT happen because ';only a few'; look at porn. Another fact...MOST men that say they don't, actually DO, they just have a good place to hide their stash. So to the women who say ';my husband respects my wishes';...most likely only enough to be very sneaky about it. A shame really, it is part of his sex life, it should be shared and not hidden from his wife. My wife doesn't hide her vibrators from me!
It is a masturbatory aid, likely nothing else. Relax, he loves you, you are beautiful to him.
And for those who say men are NOT visual...please note ALL fertility clinics have porn magazines and DVDs to help the men along giving ';samples';. You think they want to pay people to wait around while the poor guys try to rub one out unaided???
I doesn't necessarily mean that he finds you unattractive... he just likes looking at women like all guys.
There is problematic porn consumption... when he looks at porn to the exclusion of spending time with you... and if he allows porn to devalue how he treats you. However, not all porn is that way, and if it loves on you and treats you like his queen I'd say he's healthy. Have you ever thought about looking at porn with him? It would probably give him (and you) a thrill and bring you together for some new fun.
It all depends on what kind of porn. If it is child porn, he is a pedophile and that means that he finds children more attractive. If it is gay porn, he finds guys more attractive. If it is animal porn, he finds animals more attractive.ETC,ETC,. But if it is straight porn, he finds women attractive. Most likely all women, including you. You can get jealous and angry, but that just might get him looking at dead people porn, which is necrophilia. Then it would be a good idea to move far far away!!!!!!
My husband does the same thing.
My bigest problem was him looking at myspace at all the hoochies w/out their cloths on.
I confronted him, and it has been an ongoing problem since we got married, he has been to couseling, and it seems like it is getting better.
If you have a problem w/ it you should tell him. If that is something you find disrespectful then tell him to stop. If it is a problem for him then have him get help.
You may have these guys say all guys do it blah blah blah, but if it is so common that they all do it then they can stop when asked i would assume, unless it is an addiction.
If it bothers you then he should stop.
No, it doesn't mean he finds you unattractive. It just means he has interest in this type of entertainment. A lot of people (men AND women) look at porn, and it's not a reflection of how they feel about their partner. When you go see a movie with your favorite actor in it, does it mean you find your husband unattractive?
Absolutely not, it has nothing to do with how attracted he is to you. In my experience, men are very ';visual'; sexual beings. They like to ';see'; sexual things.
If you are talking about movies, why not try watching with him? It may really excite him to know you are watching it. You may find you even like it if you've never really tried it before. Then it may enhance your sexual relationship.
I see no problem with if you have a happy, healthy relationship. If it's bothering you a lot, talk with him and find out his reasons for it. I'm thinking it's nothing to worry about. BUT, if he's totally addicted to it and ignoring you and other responsibilities he has, that could be a problem that definately needs to be addressed.
Just talk with him. What do you have to lose in communicating with your husband. I come right out and ask my husband about his actions I don't understand. Otherwise I might go crazy wondering and trying to understand. Guys are different than girls in some ways. We don't know what they're thinking until we ask.
Good luck...don't jump to conclusions, just talk it over. It'll be fine, I'm sure.
I think it means he like to look at sex. You married a man that has alot of experience and if it really bothers you then get off the computer and talk to him and tell him.
You also have to consider that he may need a little more in the bedroom department then you are puttin gout.
And it also depends on what kind of porn he is looking at, If its underage then there is a problem and councelling is need ASAP
Not all men look at porn. However, if yours does you can either accept it or move on. You might try looking at it with him once in a while. I am sure that he would find that kinky. If you can't deal with it move on. Tell him that you see it as a problem in the relationship and if you can't come to an agreement, then it's over.
If that's his only bad point don't worry about it. At 48, he might be losing his abilities a little and looks at porn to get aroused enough to satisfy you.
I check it out now and then myself. It works and I'm considerably older than him. And I still love my wife.
It means he likes to look at porn. I like to look at really fit women and sometimes a little porn. It just makes me want my girl more.
If he's spending more time looking on line than feeling at home. He may have developed a habit that requires some willpower and maybe some help to break.
My husband looks at porn even right after we get done having sex. I think it is just habit. I actually like to look at it with him sometimes. I don't really think he thinks you are unattractive, he just likes to look at other sexy women too.
';Some friends of mine asked me if I wanted to go to a strip club, and I didn't... want to. 'Cause, back me up on this, fellas: once you've seen one woman naked, you... wanna see the rest of 'em naked.';
Ron White: They Call Me Tater Salad (2004)
No it doesnt mean your unattrative just that he likes porn,its pretty simpleċ˘ to be over annaylized,you shouldn't feel insecure about it,he just enjoys looking at other naked women%26amp;there's nothing wrong with that really.
Men look at porn because they are visual creatures. Has absolutely NOTHING to do with his attraction for you.
Good luck!
I think your husband needs to get with girly-mans wife, and you need to get with girly-man. It sounds like you two have a lot in common.
My wife says she don't care where i get my appetite, as long as i'm eatin at home.
It means he's just like the 99% of men who look at porn. It has nothing to do with you.
Nah. It means he's curious. It's a little like a traffic accident...it's there and you can't help but look sometimes.
Men are very, very visual. It has nothing to do with you at all. It's how they are hard-wired.
It means he is a dirty old man.
You asked.
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