ok married for 11 years, 3 girls. Over the last six months we have had a really tough time keeping our marriage together. I have found several text messages, on e-mail and now have a person saying that they seen him being more than freindly with another woman while he was at a conference. That is pretty much the last straw for me. I just don't know what to do now. Where do I start? Or What should be done first? I prefer christian based advice and not the kick him to the curb stuff. This is serious and I have 3 girls to think about and I really want to know how to handel this in a Godly manner.Christian advice needed, what do I do when I find questionable evidence that my husband is cheating?
My parents went through something similar except he really WAS cheating. They went through counceling at our church and got Godly counceling from the couples in the bible study they've been involved with since 1980. Dad ended up choosing his family (mom and us four daughters) over whoever it was he was messing around with. The last 5 years of their marriage before he passed away (3 years ago in an accident) were the best since the honeymoon stages.
I know this because when he passed, (as the oldest of 4 girls) I became moms best friend. She shared with me the trials they went through, helped me greive as did her. But this is what I learned from her on this topic...
Its definitely something that HE needs to wake up to. As his wife, you need to confront him with your querys and possibly go to him with one or more people who are seeing the same signs. These need to be people that HE respects and will hear from.
All you can do as his wife is pray intensley for him (Power of a Praying Wife) and contiually life up your relationship to God in both your prayers and your actions. If your husband lets the Lord guide his feet, then he WILL be brought back to you in a fuller and more passionate way than before. But ultimately, the darned human nature and the fact that God gave up the option to chose our fate will be where this batte gets sticky. Plead with God on behalf of your marriage and your children and show your husband that your arms WILL be fully open to him once he has fully turned his eyes back on God first, then your family.
Go read Hosea....think how hard it was for him to receive Gomer back into his life after she willfully ran from him back into her life of prostitution...inexplicably hard, but do-able through the grace of God...Christian advice needed, what do I do when I find questionable evidence that my husband is cheating?
well, i truly believe the god tests us and the devil tempts us. in order to find out the truth, outwardly ask him, ';did you cheat on me'; as him if he's happy in your marriage...if he answers that he isn't cheating, you should trust your husband. if he is cheating you really should see a marriage counselor (your church can probably provide you with names of marriage couselors or a mentor couple to coach you both) as christians, we are often taught to ';forgive'; as we have been forgiven (because jesus died for our sins), but as humans, it's pretty hard to not be hurt...which is why i really suggest the marriage counselor..to help you both through this.
as i said, i think it's best just to outright ask him.
best of luck and god bless
Is this yours and your husband's first marriage? If so, this is your covenant spouse. We are commanded not to divorce. I am aware of the exception clause in Matthew, but that is a translation error from Greek to English. The correct translation is fornication regarding the Jewish espousal period. There is no biblical reasons for divorce period.
Ok, now what to do? You need to pray for your husband (especially with his name in scriptures). Pray for hedges of thorns around your husband and other women. You need to fast. This is serious spiritual warfare! Your husband, if he hasn't done anything yet, is being tempted by Satan to fall into sin. If he has done something, then he is caught in Satan's trap. Your husband is NOT the enemy. Satan is the enemy. He wants to see your marriage destroyed and your family torn apart.
You do NOT want to check up behind him and see what he is doing. Turn a blind eye so to speak. The bible says we are to win them over without a word. Do NOT speak harshly, argue, nag etc etc. Be a loving wife. Keep the house picked up. Start making your kids behave if they are not behaving. Get them under control now!
Check out the links below to help you understand what standing for marriage is about and the prayers to pray over your husband. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me.
First read ';1 Corinthians chap. 7';, reflect and pray on what you read.
Don't panic or over react. Move slowly.
Contact :Retrouvaille
An organization experienced and equipped to help renew and restore hurting marriages. (Once on the Retrouvaille home page click ';listed telephone numbers'; for an international directory of local Retrouvaille leaders.)
Check in with your church for a support group and local resources. A church is the fastest way to get some help and guidance. much better than what you get in ';yahoo answers';.
Search the web for christian marriage sites
And big thing here is family, both sides, open up-to them for support. do not accuse your husband of anything, but convey your worries and fears.
Trust in God, Trust his plan for you is not a divorce, God hates divorce.
My thoughts and prayers with you.
OH... Ok. I get it now. I read your newly posted statement first.
';Lead us not into temptation'; your husband has been led into that temptation. His actions are not that of a faithful husband. you should confront him about his actions. ask him to honestly tell you if he wants to stay married to you. If his answer is a truthful yes. Then state that you would like counseling for the 2 of you. Contact your pastor/priest/whatever your clergy leader is... and ask for marraige counseling.
COMMUNICATE!!!! God did not give you that mouth to close it. Open it up and talk to your husband. Do not let it go.
Your vows are sacred. you adhear to those vows. So should he.
Side note- I am educated in most religous sectors. I, however, have not found a religon I condone or will participate in. I am very spiritual and my fundemental beleifs are that of a christian basis. and are firm. I admire you for keeping your faith and hope you find out what is really going on with your hubby.
you pray and ask for discernment. God will guide you and will give you wisdom and knowledge on what to do. talk to godly people whom you can trust -- Christian family members, church-based friends and even your church leaders.
as a Christian couple, God should be at the middle of your relationship. however, remember that when God is at work, the enemy is in close watch and is ready to devour on you and your relationship anytime. so, when things come your way, learn to identify which is from God's and which is not from Him. Envelope yourself and your family with prayers. God will show you the way.
Talk to your husband. Don't accuse nor nag him. As a Christian wife, that makes you different from others. Stand on your faith's virtues. with God at your side, how can things go wrong, right?
I would suggest a book called ';The Power Of A Praying Wife';. You need to pray, pray, and pray some more!!! I would be more than willing to talk more and help pray with you and for you. Feel free to e-mail me.
Go to your church and talk to your minister. Explain the situation to him. If you want advice that leans more towards the christian, you both will have to get into some heavy duty counseling. Both of you will have to make an effort to resolve why this may have happened. Be open and be honest. The christian faith believes that all marriages are sacred and that it is a ';constant work in progress.'; Mistakes will be made, it just depends on if both of you are willing to rebuild it.
Forgive / Repair / Rebuild Trust / Close the Door to Temptation
It seems difficult to forgive when our spouse has been unfaithful. But that's just it, we are so intent that WE have been wronged by our spouse that we WANT restitution at all costs and this of course is completely understandable. We have been hurt deeply by the unfaithfulness of our spouse and justify our own bad behavior by making ourselves the victim of our spouses sin. But who really is the victim here? We are only a victim when we make our self FEEL that way, and then react on those feelings.
The other side to ponder is this, did our spouse really do this wrong to us? Probably not. Most of the time when a spouse is unfaithful it has nothing to do with the other spouse. The reasons behind this behavior stems from the need for constant self gratification, no matter what the cost, low self esteem, and lack of Spiritual knowledge. If we believe that our spouse deliberately wanted to harm us or that they don't love us, we will retaliate with our own angry back lashes and sinful behavior. This is not what needs to be done.
When a spouse is unfaithful, it usually goes something like this. First the idea to be unfaithful is imagined in the mind. Secondly it is mediated on with vivid scenes and great clarity. Thirdly, adultery somehow becomes justified because of wayward thinking, and cultural influences. Finally the act of adultery is actually carried out in the physical sense. Usually, but not all the time, the offender feels guilty about what they have done and they do not do it again. In either way, the adulterer has not asked for the guidance of the Holy Spirit to help them turn away from tempting and enticing situations.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.
Bless you and good luck, I'll be praying for you and your daughters.
sorry to hear hes done this to you.. i would first go to your preacher and talk to him about it.. then maybe go to a counseler and talk to them about it.. and see what your willing to do to make this work if thats what you want to happen.. then he needs to be confronted with this. just dont put it under the rug.. its hard to start all over again but you can do that if thats what happens.. also he will have to earn your trust back and he has to be willing to be a open book and you check on him at anytime and see that hes doing what he says. if he cant be an open book to you then he still has things he want to hide. and that all can be a deal breaker. if your both willing to work on this together it can work. but he will have to earn your trust and that could take months even year or 2 but hes got to be willing to let you check on him at anytime and not get upset about it..if hes willing to do that then you have a chance. i wish you will. good luck and god bless
My wife cheated on me last year, and we had 2 young kids together.
Speaking from a christian point of view, there are a few things you have to work out inside your head. My then wife was cheating on me, and speaking from my own experience, you need to either confirm it or debunk it. You need proof, either seek outside advice, keyloggers on the computer, or a private eye... something like that. Don't do what I did and confront him with very little proof, because after that they will just be more careful and it will be harder. Once they know you may be on to them, they will be steps ahead of you. Once I confronted my then wife, they figured out how I was putting things together, and they changed things, and my source of ';intel'; dried up a week after.
Second, you need to figure out whether or not you can get past it. If your husband is cheating on you, you would have to seek advice whether or not you can truly forgive it. With my wife, she was out on ';dates'; doing god knows what, when I thought she was either working late, or out on ladies night. Once the barrier of trust fell, I couldn't accept it. For me, trust was everything, and without that, I couldn't do it anymore. I loved her, every day I tried hard to keep her happy, but once she betrayed me, I hit my breaking point.
Third, marriage to me was a promise between us and God. It was more than just words to me, and I had to work out in my own head exactly when our marriage was over. For me, it was the point when she started plotting schemes and plans on how to get together with him, it was for me when I stopped being a husband in her eyes, and started being an obstacle between her and him. That was the hardest thing I had to work out, and once I did it became easier to file for divorce.
I don't know what you would consider a Godly manner. I believe in forgiveness, I believe in trying to be a good person, but I don't think God would want people like me (and you) to be a door mat. Infidelity is a really hard thing to go through, it wasn't until after my divorce was final and I moved on with my life, I was finally able to forgive her.
Talk to your church, ask questions, but they will probably just point you in a direction and have you walk that way yourself. I hope I helped in some way, it's tough. Just remember, you're not the only one it has happened to.
Have you talked to the pastor or minister of the church you belong to? I am assuming that you go to church being that you want christian advise. I would suggest that you insist that your husband have an honest discussion about your relationship. Ask him directly if there is anything going on with him that involves another person. Based upon what you have said...I would agree that he is cheating or planing to cheat.
I agree with most in here, you need to find out who in your family will help support you in this situation. I believe if he is bold enough to cheat, he will be bold enough to lie and cover it up. You already have proof his interactions with someone is incorporate, the church is a good place start, but sometimes even people in church can steer you wrong. I know a couple that was in our church the husband had his eye and other body parts on other females, the wife was advised to stay in the relationship, she was eventually attacked by her husbands pregnant girlfriend. Be careful of the advice given, pray don't be to afraid that GOD may be moving you and the girls from your situation for your own good. Look and listen for his voice.
I know you don't except email so I really want you to email me because I don't want all to see what I share with you. Jess_cppentecostals@yahoo.com
Ask your church for help. They must have counselors that can help you.
I would get the support of your pastor or someone from church you trust. Talk it out with them first and make a plan before you go forward so it doesn't get out of hand.
I am a Christian too. I know you are concerned with wanting to do the right thing, and you should be.
If you really believe him to be cheating, and have enough evidence, you need to first talk to him, and get to the root of why he is behaving this way. You need to find out where he stands where your marriage is concerned, and if he still loves you and whether he is willing to work it out. If he is still in love with you, and wants to work it out, then I would get marriage counseling., and do everything to work things out.If he is not repentant for his actions, and otherwise does not want to work it out, and you have solid evidence that he was unfaithful, You are not sinning to divorce.You can divorce on the grounds of unfaithfulness. ( adultery) Even if divorce is a sin, it is not unpardonable.It isn't worth you remaining in an unfulfilled, unhappy marriage, and your children don't deserve this either!
I will pray for you.
There is only one word. LOVE. Do you believe in the power of love? If you still love him, he will one day understand how much more love he has got from you than others. Spend more time with him. Usually ';cheating'; happens because LACK of COMMUNICATION. Go for romantic talk and second honeymoon without kids. Remember : LOVE is full of forgiveness, understanding and sacrifice. It is a gift and free. Pray for your love relationship. God bless you both. I'm SURE if you do your BEST, HE will do the REST.
As a woman with children who I love, I would like to answer. I would think very slowly about leaving. That would be my last option. Affairs happen for many reasons and marriages can build back up and regain trust when people deal with what causes people to pull away. You have a bond, a faith and if he shares that, it should help you come together again.
Your children want to live in a home with their father and you have spent 11 years with this man. You married him under God and this is the worse part. Break it down-why are you struggling? Is it about power, sex, money? These things you can control and work out.
If you feel you have compelling evidence of cheating then you must ask him directly to stop it and have no contact if the marriage will continue. You must tell him that you think you two are worth saving and it can't be just for the girls.
What is happening that is making things so hard. Can you think of what he does right and bring some positive into every day. Can you find praise for him and look at him as someone who completes your family in a way no other man can?
I don't mean be a doormat for this behavior, it is unacceptable. However, some people fall into bed with other people because they think someone else appreciates them, this other person has all the advantages of being new and not having to nag about dirty socks or trash needed to be out.
Hopefully he is just playing around for a little ego food. If the worst has happened, try to vent your feelings to a trusted friend and think about what it really means to be with your children and him living somewhere else. Ask him to consider this too, but above all this has to be about you and him, He has to feel that he matters to you even in the face of this betrayal. Jesus was betrayed and still found love in his heart and you will have to follow that example. You are correct, in this disposable society we quit marriage easily. No single event is more painful for children. Stop and think right now today is different. I am going to be a wife first. And as a wife, I want to make my time, attitude and manner something he wants to be around. Nice gets nice, Compliments get compliments. You can't control his behavior, only yours.
Good Luck.
well....you do have the right to divorce, from the bibles view. Now i know its easier to say then do but give him 1 more chance to make a family with you. Divorce is what the devil wants and dont let him win, fight for this family, specially since there are 3 angels involved in this. Talk to your husband, ask him why? tell him you know about whats been going on with him and that if he wants a family with you then this needs to stop now. If he tells you why he did it then try to correct it so it doesnt happen. It will be hard for a few weeks, months maybe even a year but we must forget and forgive which is very hard to do.
All i can say is PRAY, PRAY, And PRAY. Prayer is a very powerful weapon, use it. Pray for this problem, pray for your hubby and the family. God listens, and we must go to Him not just in times like these but every day we must communicate with him daily. His the only one that cares about us. His the only one that wants good in our lives.
I know this is a time when you need encouragement, to tell you the truth dont come here to decide what your going to do because some people tell you to do it, do what God wants you to do, and i believe he wants a family to be united. I myself have been through trying times, and very very difficute ones and i have turned to my right and left to get the answers and when i couldnt find the ones i wanted i turned to God. My mistake and learned my lesson...God should be the 1st we turn to and not a last resorce.
god Bless
if you ever want to talk give me a email :)
Ok, I've been here. When a spouse cheats its a by product of other issues in the marriage. You need to sit him down and talk to him and find out what he is missing or needing from you. You may not be able to give it to him and it may be something that he needs to figure out on his own.
Most churches have christian cousling, sit down and talk with your priest/pastor/rector and let them know what is going on. The church will not tell you to kick him to the curb, it will tell you to forgive and love him.
I wish you the best of luck and hope he is not cheating on you.
then why didn't you post this in the religion section?
i was going to give u some advice, but i'm not a ';christian';.
when u go out to eat, do u ask for christian waitors only?
best wishes
No comments:
Post a Comment