About his adult son, my husband said, ';Blood is thicker than marriage license';---Advice?

My husband has an adult son from his previous marriage.





When we first got married, the adult son asked to live with us in our new house. My husband wanted that, so I agreed.





Soon, we had disagreements/miscommunications about household expectations. While discussing this with me, my husband said to me, ';Blood is thicker than marriage licenses.';





I've never forgotten that. It hurt me deeply. I was NOT asking him to choose between us.





Can you shed some light on this for me? Advice? What's your take on it?About his adult son, my husband said, ';Blood is thicker than marriage license';---Advice?
his priority is to his son, as it should be. this is why marriages should last longer and people should work harder. if you had a child, then remarried, your priority would HAVE to be with your child.About his adult son, my husband said, ';Blood is thicker than marriage license';---Advice?
He is his son from a prior marriage. Bear mothers will kill to protect their young. Your husband is being the mother bear. I don't know how old the adult son is but unfortunately, you agreed to him moving in. If the son is really disrupting your household (we don't know what he is doing), you can always leave and tell your husband you'll be back when he (your husband) begins to treat you with a little more respect. If he has always allowed his son to get away with murder, you are in for a long haul if you stay with your husband.
Go to him, ask him the same question again.


To make sure last time it is really part of his thought or something come out of anger.





If he still think Blood is thicker than marriage license. That mean he think love between son and brother is more important than love between husband %26amp; wife. It is not acceptable in fair relationship.





Then ask yourself, do you want to live the rest of your life with people with that kind of value of life? Yes, it hurt now, but it will hurt more if this is part of his value of life.





But, before you blame him, give him one more chance the answer the same question.
It was a crude way of saying that his son, be it that he is now an adult will always come first. This is necessary when a child is still a child and financially dependent. However old he may be, a divorce always creates guilt issues for parents. They know deep down that their failure to keep the marriage together will always be a burden for their offspring who had no choice but to absorb the fallout .
I don't think he was trying to hurt you so much as he was trying to warn you not to make him choose. And although you found it hurtful, would you have maintained respect for him if he did not cherish his children? Would you want to be with a weak-willed person who didn't show love for his children? I bet not. Let go of your hurt feelings. You are nourishing them and allowing them to effect your overall happiness. Put all this away and work on having a good marriage.
Watch your step or you'll be gone and it'll be a bachelor pad. Sorry.





EDIT:


I think it's BS that an adult child should be a priority over a MARRIAGE. He should be out and on his own and you should be able to count on the vow your husband made to you. This isn't a dependant 5 year old that you can't get along with, so a choice must be made.
you need to let him no he hurt your feelings!and if his son is an adult why doesn't he go get his owner place to live?kick him out and if your husband dint like it tell him to go with him!good luck
I totally disagree. My first prioroty is to my wife.
I think it means he and his son are a package deal. Wow, that's a tough way to put something like that. He cut straight to the core and let you know where things stand. The problem is this - his son is an ADULT. He needs to be out on his own, fending for himself, and if your hubby had his head screwed on straight, he would tell his son this: ';The woman I married is a woman I love and my commitment is to her. You are an adult now, kiddo, and can make your own choices, but I can't let you come in the middle of my marriage. Sorry, kid, time to grow up.'; My sons are off to college soon, and they already know that when they are adults, we'll help them in any way we can, but my wife and I have our own lives to live first. The kid must be an ASSET to you and your husband...and if he can't be that person, the kid needs to hit the road.
Run for the hills. Get to a therapist and discuss this., but do NOT take this lightly. You will regret trying top sweep it under the table...Divorce! You have grounds: Extreme mental cruelty. Bolo9od IS NOT thicker than water!!!!!!!!! I've thankfully let my entire family go spare one daughter because of poor treatment both emotionally and physical, and I am over 60.... and I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs.





Quietly, move out of the bedroom...do NOT do his laundry, no cooking, no cleaning, no SHOPPING for him.,...ZERO! If you think I am kidding, I am not. If he harasses you before tomorrow or argues or calls you more names, when he's at work, clean out everything you own and move somewhere else and leave no forwarding address or phone.... take your valuables, and clean out joint anything, like bank accounts. Any joint credit cards, spend a lot tomorrow to get resettled...Get The Divorce Handbook...





Let's see him make Iove to his Son, or try to have a mature relationship with his son, have his son do what you do, Let his son cook, clean, shop, care...Let them both get drunk with with one another, They deserve it...Screw him. You deserve FAR better. If he takes what he said back immediately, ignore it.





++++That horribly insensitive and cruel statement said 10 thousand words by itself. He finds no value in you other than slave and whore...





Don't fall for his trying to undo this. I am a man telling you this. I'd never do this to anyone, especially a woman I call a wife. I did not even do it to my long term ex who crapped all over me daily. I eventually just cut off all contact during the divorce which she started, to her amazement.
There's no way to judge this without knowing what the disagreements and miscommunications were about, and how you, your husband and your step-son have acted. Your husband *could* have been warning you off from making him choose, due to something you said that he misunderstood and that he thought was threatening. So: misunderstanding.


Or, it could be that you were saying something unreasonable and so he rightfully alerted you to that. So: you were being unreasonable.


Or, he could have been out of line, being like many divorced fathers in underdisciplining his child because he feels guilty about the divorce. So: he was being unreasonable.





Ignore that crazy guy above with the long rant about cutting off all ties. It comes down to this: there are a lot of adjustments to make when families are blending. It's unfortunately not the Brady Bunch. There is a lot of potential for hurt feelings, miscommunications and such. Your husband and you might benefit from some counseling to communicate better about these issues, setting boundaries and ground rules. Don't read too much into your husband's comment--if he didn't love you, he wouldn't have married you. He's planning to live with you every day for the rest of your lives. But as a divorced father dating, he's likely come across some of the many women who expect their divorced husbands to ditch their kids, and DO make them choose. So it's a sensitive issue. If the two of you misunderstood each other, then you can both forgive each other, too.