Any advice for a devastated husband?

My wife of 10 yrs is leaving me for my best friend (no joke). She says she hasn't been happy for years but I never realized it. I'm trying my best to make it better but she is set on leaving to try her new relationship (she says they have been only talking on the phone for about a month, and nothing physical has happened yet). Our separation will be final in two days. I'm crushed. BTW we have to girls, 7 and 9.Any advice for a devastated husband?
I am very sorry!! It sounds like she has already made up her mind. The only thing you can do is just take it one day at a time, and eventually it won't hurt as much. I wish you the best, try and be strong for your girls, as this will also be very hard for them.Any advice for a devastated husband?
Dude, I can relate. My wife and I just recently separated. She also it turns out hasn't been happy for awhile and just never said anything. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. You have to just try and get through each day, one at a time. You need focus on your little girls and creating a life that keeps them happy as this is probably pretty hard on them as well. The second thing you need to do is focus on slowly figuring out what you want out of life in the future.
First, if you really want to persuade her to stay. Remind her that she has 2 daughters to take into consideration. And if your in a legal seperation/divorce then it seems like she is really serious about this. Be wary though make sure you stand your ground if she trys to take the house etc. I know from personal experience that being in the middle of a messy divorce caused by an affair can be the most damaging thing for a child. If nothing physical has happened yet, there may still be hope. But I would try and focus on your daughters, they will be affected greatly through this.
If she hasn't been happy for years she should have spoke with you about it instead of sparking up a relationship with your best friend. Somehow i really doubt that they have not had a physical relationship. If she is set on leaving there is nothing you can do. The best advice I can give is be a good father to your girls and the best revenge is happiness. Don't ever let her see you cry.
The best thing that I can say is ask her to go to marriage consoling... for the children. If it doesn't make things different, then you have to face the facts.





It's horrible you have had to go through this, and I feel terrible for you and your two daughters. Your wife is being very selfish (not to mention your friend as well for taking your wife and a mother away from her family).





It happend to my parents. My mom was unhappy, and she cheated on my dad, wanted a divorce, and the only thing he asked of her was to try marriage counsoling, and if it didn't make things better, then she could leave.





Well, luckily for my family it did work. I now have two baby brothers to be thankful for every day :)
Honey, I am sorry. There is nothing you can do. And even if there was, would you really want to force or control it? You deserve better than this. You've been blatantly disrespected by both of them. You know what? Your best revenge is to sit back and watch both of them make each other miserable. Because they will. They are both pieces of crap to do that and they'll pay the price. Just focus on your girls now and yourself. Focus on emotionally healthy ways for you three now. That's what's important. Let her go and run off to act like a teenager. Trust me, one day she'll be kicking herself in the @ss and begging you to come back. Good luck to you. I'm sorry you're going thru this.



I'm sorry for you and your girls. But if you really take an honest look at the last 10 years you should be able to see that maybe she wasn't as happy as you thought. It doesn't matter now, it hurts and will hurt for a long time.





You can beg her to stay and try counseling, but if she is adamant then you have no choice but to let her go....I guess depending on your situation I would fight for the kids, if you can hire a lawyer. Does she work? can she support them?





I'm so sorry for your pain, your wife and your best friend..Double Whammy!! ..there is love out there I know you will get through this and find happiness after the long struggle.





Good luck
Nothing can be done when a person wants to leave. I find it unfair that she didn't tell you what was making her unhappy. It's almost like she didn't give you a chance to make her happy. I'm in a similar situation. Those people keep it to themselves then they find a replacement and take off not caring how much they hurt others. I feel like everything has a solution if both are willing to work out.





As far as your ';friend';, he's worth crap. Maybe they're meant for eachoter
Ask her to go to marriage counseling if only for the kids. I'm sorry man. She and your friend are behaving terrible selfishly.
Yea let her go. If its not meant to be then I am sure there is someone that will be happy with you and you might even find yourself even happier with someone else. =( HUGS.
Let her go. She's making excuses for her poor behavior. You don't need people like her and your supposed best friend in your or your daughters' lives. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Let the scum go from your life. If she could do this to your daughters, then who needs her?
aww im sorry to hear! but u can start a new life. everything happens for a reason
yes get in church






I'm so sorry for your loss - it is a loss, and I'm sure you're devastated.





That said, your wife sounds like she's being an awful coward...she's ditching one problem to jump right into the next! I mean, someone who was really searching for a healthy, fulfilling relationship wouldn't jump right into one romantic fling before she's had closure with another!





And not to mention her questionable judgment about the choice of a new partner - what makes her think that things are going to be any better with a man who would actually become romantically involved with his best friend's wife, regardless of how bad she portrayed the marraige to be? Any real friend would have told her NO and would have come to you and let you know the gravity of how bad your marriage was (since you say your wife didn't come to you).





It also sounds like you probably missed some unspoken clues that your wife had been giving you for some time about the state of your marriage. I'm no expert, but I do know from my experience as a woman that we women don't usually tend to abandon our relationships altogether until we've given our partner a bellyfull of how bad we think things are. Are you sure your wife didn't nag, complain or act depressed in any way and you were completely blindsided by this, or is the reality that maybe you ignored the signs and chalked it up to a bitchy wife? Just a thought.





Either way, you can do as much as you can to show her that you're committed to making your marriage work if she's willing to give it a shot. Let her know you'll go to counseling, you'll move out of town, whatever it takes to romance her and so on. Chances are, though, that if she's got it in her head that this other guy is her long-lost knight in shining armor, then you won't be able to stop her from leaving, so don't bother trying to guilt her into staying by bring up what it will do to the kids, etc, or you'll only make her more peeved and push her away.





Why not seek some counseling for yourself, too, whether she comes back or not? This could really help you deal with the sadness you're undoubtedly feeling, and could give you some positive ways to deal with the changes your life is going to take and how to best relate to the needs of your children during this trying time. If you get to the point where you know your wife is not coming back, put your focus into healing your heart and making sure that you maintain a strong relationship with your daughters.





If all else fails, know that this can be a real learning experience for you, if you'll only allow that. You will have a good understanding of what you'll need to bring to your next relationship to make it a success (like listening skills, and attentiveness) and your heart will be rewarded in the long run when you find someone who will love and respect you more than your current partner.





If your wife does come back, remind her that it will take BOTH of you to mend this marriage. Two wrongs don't make a right, and she can't use the excuse of her unhappiness to justify infedelity.





Best wishes,


BJ
u know at least u can c and admit that mayb u could of been more attentive 2 her %26amp;it truly takes a real man 2admit fault, but at the same time if she had any ounce of respect/love 4 u and the kids she would b willing 2 make the effort and at least give it one last ditch attempt 2 make it work, but obviously the love is gone!! :(


im sorry 4 u, no i dnt pity u im jst sorry that ur being man enough to admit and take some blame and yet she's ready 2 off and walk with noT only another man but ur work mate/best friend :((( ,honey life sucks at the best of times but its much worse wen the ones we love change and turn into ppl we nl longer even reconize!! the worst is the pain she is about 2 put ur 2 innocent girls through, and 4 wat... a man she doesnt really know, and 4all she knows may up and walk wen the going getrs tough... but that will be her karma, but all the while your 2 innocent girls have 2 witness the hardships of ur seperation and deal with no longer living with their daddy, thats the worst part that she would or could do that 2 them!!!! your an adult, it will hurt and u will have bad days, yet we know how to cope with tough situations yet 2 lil girls dnt have the capabilities or maturity 2 deal with such things and in most cases end up feeling that its their fault mummy left daddy, maybe they were 2 naughty.. thats the way kids think!! so all i can say is make sure u dnt lose touch with the fact that its not jst u hurting, rtemember ur 2 lil princesses always will need their daddys love and support so try and put all ur energy in2 them give urself time 2 heal and to grow and learn wat 2 do better next time.... wat nxt time u say, yes sweetness life goes on, and who knows maybe she wasnt ur true love u might have yet to meet her, so stay strong and learn to trust again... love,light n peace 2 u and ur lil princesses xxx :)))))))) SMILE!!