Communication advice dealing with defensive husband?

can you recommend any good books or advice on communication and conflict resolution with a spouse? my hub is very defensive and takes things too personally I need some help because we are unable to resolve a lot of conflicts. he resorts to underhanded tactics, which I have long since outgrown. he is a wonderful guy, but if we do not find a way to communicate and solve our problems together in a mature manner, i really do not know how i will cope?Communication advice dealing with defensive husband?
It's going to take time and persistence and some open-mindedness on both your parts - but from the experience of myself and my husband (we both have very different communication styles) I'd say it's definitely possible to achieve.





The most helpful thing you can do is accept that you may need to make as many changes as your husband. Although you have outgrown some of the underhanded tactics he still resorts to, it may well be that there is negative behaviour of yours that is itself triggering some of his negative behaviour. If you assume that you are both at fault there's a better chance of you two acting as a team trying to develop communication skills. If you see it as only him having a problem then it'll remain ';your'; project and he will continue to sabotage it.





It may also help if you consider that men and women often have quite different communication styles. You might check out the book ';Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'; for an explanation of how some of that tends to work. Online, the site http://www.heytom.net/index.php provides answers to women from a male perspective on anything from household repairs to dealing with in-laws. If you often don't get ';guy talk'; this is a great resource for straight-forward explanations of the Guy Code.





But you might just be best off asking your husband if he can explain some Guy Code to you. If he's willing, the shared activity is bound to improve your joint communication skills. Alternatively marriagebuilders.com looks at all the core skills a couple needs in a marriage - including communication - so you might find some useful stuff there.





Good luck!Communication advice dealing with defensive husband?
through a lawyer
Go and see a counsellor! If he's not game for that, then perhaps google Conflict Resolution in Relationships and see if any of those sites have some useful advice/sources. Good luck! I grew up in a relationship where my father was defensive and ended up lashing out verbally against my mother when she pointed things out - it went on for so long without her taking a stand (ie. walking out for a little while, forcing him to see a counsellor, etc) that it became an ingrained pattern and he regularly verbally abused her when she suggested another way of doing something (she rarely criticized him directly). It was a household of fear and I wish they'd thought about their ability to resolve conflicts before having kids.