ADVICE PLEASE! Husband's single friend doesn't understand need for private time when I get home..?

I need some advice with dealing with my husband's single friends staying too long..





He has a few friends, one in particular, that comes over quite a bit. He's very nice and I DO like him, but he never seems to get the subtle cues that it's time to go.





For example, he and my husband are both from the same country, so while he's over, they're both speaking in their language, which I can somewhat understand, but they can both speak English. I am not so monstrous to demand that they ONLY speak English, but when I'm sitting in the same room with them, that they at least try and fill me in on things. My husband will tell me things, but the other guy is like a motormouth and never bothers to say anything in English.





Then there are other things.. For example, my husband and I often have different work schedules. I work a regular day job where I leave the home at 5:30am and get home about 4:30pm. He usually leaves home in the afternoon and gets back at night. Time with him is pretty (CONT.)





* 1 day ago





Additional Details





1 day ago


precious and it's important that we get to spend time together.





He and his friend actually work together a lot of the time, so not only do they see each other socially, but also on the job.





Today, for example, there is a football (soccer) match on tv. My husband wanted to invite him to come over in the morning to watch the game, but doesn't REALLY want to invite him over, because he knows the guy will stay until he has to go to work, and after I come home, and thus no private time.





My husband and I are both horrified at the idea of saying ';okay, you can go now';, not to mention that it would be a major faux pas in his culture as hospitality is highly regarded..





Now, is there a polite way that isn't so subtle (the guy is either thick skulled or stubborn) to set constraints on his time staying over? (he doesn't get that he should go when I get home since DH and I haven't seen each other in what seems like ages)





Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we value friends and privacy!





1 day ago


P.S. I don't think the staying too long is malicious, it's just that they are single and somewhat naive as many of them, due to religious reasons, have never even really dated.. They don't understand the need/desire for privacy between couples as they are used to just mooching with their friends all day. One would think however, that even not being in a relationship that they could IMAGINE that a married couple might desire some privacy when they are together, especially when the friends see each other so often!





Please don't think of me as some controlling wife, as I do let him have his friends over, of course, and I don't mind.. I just don't want them staying over hours upon hours and even staying after I go to bed - never getting the hint!ADVICE PLEASE! Husband's single friend doesn't understand need for private time when I get home..?
I have been in an *identical* language situation as yours. I used to just come straight out and say ';Hey I'm interested in the conversation, could you speak %26lt;English%26gt; so I can understand easier?'; And privately I mentioned to my wife that it was a little bit rude to not use a language that was good for all three of us (even though I knew it was more natural and comfortable for her to use the other language).





If your husband and you are both asking the friend to use English, that alone might encourage him to leave a little earlier.





Also, I'm guessing from what you wrote, that public displays of affection might be a bit taboo in their culture? I suggest not going all out and offending him, just sort of hover on the boundry of what is acceptable, and try to push the envelope a little. Maybe just snuggling up to your husband might be enough? Or a peck on the lips or even cheek ? Just enough to make him uncomfortable, not deeply offended. Get your husband's agreement on this one first, if possible.


That should have the friend looking at his watch quick smart! ;)


This is also a tactic I've used.ADVICE PLEASE! Husband's single friend doesn't understand need for private time when I get home..?
I feel sorry for you, i have almost the same case.


You have to talk to your husband fist than he should talk to his friend and try to explain to him in polite way that he wants to be alone with you sometimes etc etc.
Speak up and tell your husband that you want to be alone with him. You could tell the friend that you have a relaxing evening together and that he needs to leave around such and such. Or that dinner is at 5 so he will have to leave so you can eat. He should understand. If you serve him and your husband serve only your husband. Sounds like said guy is very lolenly.... Find others from his country that are single and introduce him and perhaps he will go to their home too.
as much as you don't want to ';offend'; this person by asking him to leave, you really don't have a choice. If you want private time with your hubby, give the friend exact times that he can come over and for how long. example: tell him that Friday and Saturday are times you can come over from 4 pm until your hubby leaves for work, then you must go home, or something similar to that. He will be offended but if he is a true friend, he will understand and follow your requests
Your husband needs to communicate this to his friend: My wife and I barely have time to see each other, and I really enjoy your company. However, I would like to spend more time with my wife and I would appreciate it if you could respect that. Also, if you could, please, when she is home, speak her language so that she can be included in the conversation. She likes you, but she can't always understand what you're saying.
You are not a controlling wife, if anything you've been way too accommodating for this extra addition to your family. While I understand traditions and customs, there's one thing that should translate across cultures! Married couples need privacy and if your husband's friend can't appreciate that then it's basically because he's never been taught that he should respect your privacy.





Its obvious that he may not have other friends and therefore finds solace when he's hanging out with you guys. But you can slowly begin to ween this guy from your lives slightly by stating you two have plans to go out, or if he calls tell him that you won't be available until so and so time. But the bottom line is that your husband should be able to talk to his friend and tell him that he wants to spend quality time with his wife... so the ball should be in his court, regardless of how difficult he may view it. It's either that or pull out the sofa couch because you'll both have a permanent roommate!!





Good luck!
Ok. First of all. You have to get control of the situation. Plan a nice weekend getaway every couple months at least for just the 2 of you. Leave the friend to fend for himself. He is a big boy I am sure. The reason I say get away is because if ol'boy is always coming over then if you are gone, he cannot come over and if he does he can sit and watch tv by himself. Second, make it clear noone else is invited. Another way to handle this is just a simple date night. This way if you cannot afford a weekend getaway you can go a cheaper route and still have him alone. Make sure this is Weekly thing tho. The same night every week NO Matter WHAT. So tell your B/F to choose the day WISELY! This way you get to spend time alone with him without making it seem as if you are trying to keep him all to yourself and you have something to look forward to each week. Also, ask him to make it very clear this is your DAY and his friends need that as well.
First of all, it's your husbands place to set time limits for his Friend, there is no easy way to tell someone that their not wanted, so you have to be direct, if he's a true Friend he'll understand.