I'm not sure if I still love my husband. Any advice?

To give some history...I met my husband and he failed to mention he was separated from his wife, I didn't find out until his mother was talking about his wedding. Not a good start but, I stick with him through his messy divorce and him going back and forth to her and me twice. I didn't want to be the other woman but by the time I found out I was already blinded by love. He was good to me but had a drinking problem, which did get violent a couple times. I ended up getting pregnant and we decided to marry about 4 months after his divorce was final. Now we have a house and a son he has really did a turn around. He has gotten violent throwing things and got in a fight with my brother once about 7 months ago. That is the only instance. As the dust is settling on our marriage I'm beginning to see that I may not truly love him. I think I was caught up in the love affair without realizing what I was getting into. I am a happy person at work all day but as soon as I hit the driveway sadness consumes me. I just think I could do better for myself and my son but I don't want to be selfish. I will be miserable if my son is happy. He is only 9 months old, we have been married almost 2 years and it is not completly miserable but I'm just not in love. It is more of a brother like thing almost except for the obvious. I know I would miss my husband if I left. Am I just feeling trapt? I find myself flirting also to make myself feel better! I need some major advice!I'm not sure if I still love my husband. Any advice?
Let's see, you married a violent alcoholic who left you for another woman twice and now you can't figure out why you're not happy. Sorry, no, I just can't imagine why you would be feeling trapped with this wonderful man!I'm not sure if I still love my husband. Any advice?
You need a good reason to leave your abusive and dishonest husband? I can't think of one.
this is a hard one as you kind of like him but not love and you don't want to leave the safety for unknown. Let me say there is no guarentee's in life that things will get better You have to really do some soul searching and write down what is important to you and then make a decision. Is there anything your hubby can do to improve things? work on those but being unhappy for long period is also not they way to live life.


Also keep in mind now you have a child that loves his daddy I am sure and any changes will effect him. This is very important to consider.
get out divorce him if you want to give up and take the easy route flirting will only get into more troubles and some one nite stands get to work on your marriage you should ahve bailed out from the get go
You poor thing...I feel for you.





Ok, there are two things I see here which are the biggest cause for concern:





1. His drinking and violent tendencies


2. The way you feel happy when you are at work, but sad when you come home to him





These are major issues which don't sound like a good base for a good relationship. However, neither of these things mean it's a dead loss. You could salvage something back from this if you want to.





Think about your options carefully. You are never trapped. However it may feel, you can get out if it is what you really want. However, marriages take effort and compromise on both sides. You owe it to yourselves and your son to at least try to put it right before throwing the towel in.
You and your husband need to talk. You should be honest with him and allow him to express his feelings about you, the marriage, etc. You might have rushed the marriage too soon after his divorce and I would certainly be concerned about any kind of violence in this relationship - I don't care when it happened - it happened. That is a sign that more is to come. You don't mention if you have God in your life or if you have a pastor that you can talk to. Seek some kind of counseling. It is important that your son not experience any kind of abuse or violence in your relationship. If you don't feel that you love your husband any longer - you need to voice that. Separating might be an option until you can sort your true feelings out. Joy, peace and happiness should be the order of your day- everyday and this overwhelming sadness that consumes you when you get home is not healthy. Do something.
I'd leave.





Life is too short to have second thought or doubts. And with his history you are bound to have problems in the future.
Your son is still happy because he is a BABY. If he grows up with a violent father, he is not going to grow up a happy child. And if you stay with a man who treats you badly, he will grow up believing women are to be treated badly.





That said- every relationship has loving times that waxes and wanes and it's normal to not ';feel'; the love anymore. My husband and I have gone through the brother/sister love thing many times, and nearly divorced many times, but somehow the flame always seems to come back. It took work for us both though, it's not a one-person job.





Never put up with a man who is violent. Before long he will be taking it out on your son.
Run far, run fast. If he is being violent by throwing stuff, then he is being mentally abusive. As for your child, I am sure that he would like to live in a safe happy environment more than he wants mom and dad to live in the same house. As for the being in or out of love. Marriage isn't just about loving someone. It's about two people who choose to go through life together supporting one another (emotionally, physically, financially). You need to talk with your spouse about this and maybe find some counseling. (if you can't afford it, then try a preacher/priest, a parent, or friend)
If it was me, I would leave now while your son is still a baby. Obviously you're unhappy. And everyone knows ';if Mom's not happy, nobody's happy';. You love him, but you're not in love with him, is that it? I understand. You have been through so many hard times, it's hard to find good reasons to still be in love with him. You don't even want to go home. I think that it sounds like you are eventually going to break up anyway. It will affect your son worse later if he's already accustomed to having mommy and daddy together. Good luck.
Your question hits close home. I have an older sister who has exactly the same problem, except that her husband is not alcoholic. He was dating my sister while he was married to his 2nd of 5mon and they were going through separation but he did lie to her and he didn鈥檛 even tell her he was married till that go married that he was married 2nd time. No she has daughter with him and she never trusts him 鈥榗ause of that. I don鈥檛 think my sister will ever be married to him if he told the truth.
Focus on your self esteem. Your child needs a strong mother, not a codependent one. Once you focus more on what's right with you, you'll make the right decision for both of you. You and your child deserve to be happy, but only you can define what happiness means in your life. I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I wish you well!
honestly.. get that baby out of there.. you think your kid wants to see daddy beating the crap outta mommy? what kinda life is that... besides sounds like he is beyond the loser stage.





get over that.
Just leave him,,How will you know if you will miss him if you havent left yet?Your son is only 9 months he will be ok.Just allow the man vistitation. Never stay with a man who ever hits u sweety......You may need to see someone for your low self esteem...
Perhaps your concept of love is a little too fantasy like. Especially at two years, those feelings of ';love novelty'; as I call them start to ware off. Some main questions you need to answer:





Are you confident enough in your self you don't need a man to make you feel good about yourself?





Do you enjoy his company (ie do you have fun with him, do you have similar interests, similar types of humor, similar hobbies?)





Is love about romantic feelings or about a passion for partnership?





Are you happy? Is it because of your husband or for other situations?





- try taking a week vacation by yourself somewhere and see if you miss him.





best luck, I empathize, it must be a hard situation.
You are in dire need of counseling!! Also your husband has all of the signs of being a wife abuser. Please get away from him and arrange for a divorce pronto. You need to get out while you still have your life and dignity. Good Luck. LJK.
It's not about whether or not you love him. It's not about you anymore. It's about your son.





1) Your son will grow up watching his mother being abused


2) Your son will eventually be abused himself.


3) Your son may have to see his mother beaten to death by a viloent alcoholic


4) Your son may be beaten to death by by a violent alcoholic


5) Your son may go to jail for killing the man who beats his mother





6) YOUR SON WILL GROW UP TO BE A VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC --JUST LIKE DAD





You need to get out before your or someone you love gets hurts. You need to get counseling. Your husband needs to get treatment. You do not need to be in swing distance of him until he makes that choice.





You NEED to make certain your son is safe.
While I agree that you didn't meet (or marry!) your husband under the most ideal circumstances, and he has had some issues with the bottle and with controlling himself, it sounds as though _you_ are suffering from depression. I'd recommend counselling and therapy for _you_; it will help you put other things in your life into perspective and then you can make an informed and sensible choice about what direction you want your life to take.
Get something on the side to take the edge off.
I am so sorry to hear about this. I suggest that you sit down with your husband and talk out how you are feeling and be ready to hear some things you may not like. If you both agree to put effort into improving the situation then great! If he is not compassionate to your feelings then you have a crutch in helping you to make your decision. Your son needs an role model and if your husband is not being the role model of a good husband, man or dad then there is something wrong. Your Son also needs a happy Mom. I do suggest doing some heavy thinking before doing anything in a rush. Be honest with yourselft and each other. Don't get involved with someone else! I know that you have probably already been given this advise but I stress to you that it will cause much more problems than the fleeting moment of happiness that you may find. Don't settle for your situation. You are the only advocate for your son and None else is going to improve the situation for you. You have to work at it and be logical about each step you take. Be honest with your husband without raised voices, if you can talk calmly to him you may uncover solutions together. By the way the first couple of years with a baby are exhausting, make sure that you are both getting enough sleep - that alone can cause resentment! Best of luck...Michele
Well, I can almost bet you feel like you're counting the days until he leaves you for another flavor of the week.





Not to be mean here, but you WERE the other woman, which in turn has your trust issues out there.... PLUS he isn't all that great... I mean drinks and violent?? I think you need to leave and enjoy being a mother.... Concentrate on your son.