Spouse advice: My husband told me he is tired of tolerating me and that I make him feel bad, guilty, etc.?

I don't think he believes I love him. I look back over the past 20+ yrs. and can understand his points. I've been diagnosed bipolar this year. I feel I'm just now on the right track of understanding myself and really want to be a better wife and mother. After he said that, I have been crying SO much; my heart hurts for him and myself. I don't want to lose him. I am sick with worry. (I know he has always loved me.) How can I even begin to make things right? HelplSpouse advice: My husband told me he is tired of tolerating me and that I make him feel bad, guilty, etc.?
Well you can only do what you can do! You were hardly being bi-polar and a bad wife or mother because you WANTED TO - your mental health was the issue and now all you can do is move on and past it and repair fences as best you can. Counseling together would be a positive helpful start and you probably need some professional help to give you both a mediator in getting up over the hurdle that the past has placed before you both %26amp; your family.





All you can do is communicate as much as possible and SHOW HIM you are trying to be different and TELL HIM you hope he will give you another chance to make the future different than the past. IF HE has guilt and intolerance from the past - YOU HAVE no control over that - only he does. He needs to take accountability for his own emotional PLACE as do you and hopefully you can BOTH be united to trying to fix the past for a better future together. BUT you gotta be willing to WORK together. Hopefully the investment you have both already MADE in your marriage is worth the additional time, work %26amp; effort you will need to put in for the future rewards!Spouse advice: My husband told me he is tired of tolerating me and that I make him feel bad, guilty, etc.?
Clearly, he spoke about specific behavior of yours that causes him to feel the way that he said that he does. As long as you continue to behave in the ways that he spoke about, he will continue to feel unloved by you. I don't care what diagnosis you have, there isn't any excuse to be behaving that way, if you are serious about wanting to stay married to him.


But, it doesn't appear that you want to empathise with what he told you, because your reaction is to hold a pity me, me, me! party. As long as you hold onto this idea that you are always the victim, then he is right to want you out of his life.


If you want to make things right ( Love is a verb. ), then you have to stop being all wrapped up in you, and start to listen to what he tells you, and you then need to THINK about what he said about your behavior towards him, and start to ACT to change your behavior. Stop being a passive wuss.
Wow, There are no easy answers to solve your problems with your marriage here on Y%26amp;A...


You should be talking with a therapist who is prescribing you medicaitions for the treatment of bipolar behavior..


This is not your fault, but an inbalance in the brain, but it is very difficult to live with someone who has bipolar personaility.





Even with medications the relationships are often times rocky. my twin brother is married to a woman who is bipolar and their relationship has had many ups and downs.





Counseling and marriage counseling have helped them both deal with a lot of the issues,and also the right medications for my sister in law.





Best of Luck
Life is hard, and we all have to pay for our decisions and mistakes. If you are bipolar, be responsible and take your medication and see a psychiatrist if you need to vent.





The book that was mentioned by another poster is a good one. Read it and try to talk with your husband. Perhaps you could also consider going to a marriage counselor as well.


Good luck.
Honey, this is way beyond the scope of us amateur agony aunts here at Yahoo. I kind of understand your situation because my ex was depressed for many years (still is) and it was so crushingly hard to live with. Don't take advice from this site - go get professional marriage counselling help. Ask your doctor to refer you. Good luck.
I totally agree with Clio. You need real help.





I commend you for realizing your shortcomings. Although it is harsh of him to say that, a lot of people just cheat or leave without airing their concerns. At least he brought it up to you.
What's done is done. The damage has already been done. Accept it, now you need to learn to forgive yourself %26amp; move on. Your husband can forgive you only in time %26amp; can not forget. Let it go. Lessoned learned.
So glad you are taking responsibility for your part in this. Read ';The Proper Care %26amp; Feedings of Husbands'; by Dr. Laura Schlessiger and implement. Your husband will be thrilled and won't be looking elsewhere for love! Good luck to you!
Just take your meds and wmake the god times count, show him that the times you are right are the times worth being around for.
Talk about insensitive!





Talk to him about what he said, but move forward with your healing, because that is most important. You don't need him to be happy.
You won't find the solution here,should have proff.help,feel sorry for you and your husband,with the right help things will work out fine.Good luck