Wow... I totally can sympathize with you on this, I know that feeling of being so mad- it's adrenaline that'll push you to confronting him, you know.
Well, I'm fairly sure that following him to the lunch will do nothing except cause a scene, and make public something that you should be handling in private. Even if you think right now that you can handle seeing them together, there is no way you'll be able to pull it off. Say you get there, and he says ';Oh, hey, I just bumped into (insert slutty McBimbo's name here) and we decided to get lunch together and catch up!'; Then that puts you in a spot. Do you let him get away with lying? That'll leave even more questions for you- like WHY IS HE LYING? If you call him on his lies you have to admit that you knew he would be there and planned to show up. Then you're going to look like a crazy stalker.
You really have to make a decision- are you going to accept what he's done, or are you going to leave him over it? To be honest, what he says to explain it really doesn't matter. If you can get over it, you'll believe it. If you can't handle it, it's always going to look like he's lying to you. If this is something that is going to eat at you for the rest of your life, then you might as well end the relationship because it'll eventually end anyway. If you can get past it, then you need to make up your mind to forgive him before you confront him, so you 2 can have a rational conversation about it. If you fly at him in a rage, you're going to make yourself look bad.
When you do confront him, be prepared for him to turn it around into YOU being wrong for ';snooping.'; Don't let him distract you with it.
If I had to make a guess, I'd say he's trying to get back with her, and if her email was ';nothing bad'; then he hasn't been successful. Obviously these lunches mean something to him, since he isn't telling you about them, and I think they'll probably continue as long as she's willing to meet him, and you're willing to be left in the dark. Even if he says that he didn't tell you because he knew it would upset you, that means that he knew you would BE upset but decided to go ahead with this relationship.
I could be totally off the mark here, but I completely believe in Gary Neuman's theory that any effort you put into a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is effort you're taking away from your spouse. I recommend if you and your husband decide to work on your relationship that you both discuss your feelings on emotional infidelity- what you each think defines being emotionally unfaithful.Any advice on husband secretly contacting his ex?
kick his sorry ******* *** out right now. you shouldnt have to spy on him, you should be able to trust him. kick his *** out now while you are mad so you dont end up staying with him and continue to have this problem. once a cheat, ALWAYS a ******* cheat!
Wow this is a tough one. If I were you I would want to know more. I would maybe park in the lot of the restaurant and see how they depart from each other (do they hug or kiss?) I would continue to monitor the emails if possible. IM too if you can. Good luck!
Dump him. Seriously. It doesnt matter if you physically cheat or emotionally cheat....it is cheating. If these meetings with his ex were so innocent, he would have told you about them..or invited you to go with.
Like Dr Phil says...if you are doing something behind your spouses back..that you wouldnt do if they were standing there, that is the mark thats says you shouldnt be doing it.
Nothing wrong with catching up with an old friend, classmate or flame. But if you are married...your spouse should be included. You should not even have the appearance of wrong doing.
Ouch! That hurts. One thing to do is to follow him to the 'lunch' and 'turn up'...be charming and friendly...and remain calm. See what happens. Good luck.
well go to the lunch. don't tell him. wait about ten min after they are supposed to meet there and then go. walk up to there table and confront them. that way he can't lie to you about her when she is right there in front of her. the trick is not to let on that you know anything tonight when he comes home. try not to act mad. good luck and happy spying.
Stay calm! Spy some more make sure you have enough evidence before you go off the handle.. Other wise he'll sweet talk his way out of it.. Then calmly tell him you know hes been meeting his ex. Wait for him to explain!! But don't tell him how you found out.... Then its up to you weather you can trust this man..
bump into them where they r meeting for lunch.....take a frnd along....n when u do meet them..ask him upfront that y hez didnt tell u abt him meetin his ex....lets see what he has to say..even ask him wether this was da first lunch wid her or did he go out with her earlier also....dat y u'll know if hez tellin u da true or nt?
Don't tell him that you know about the meeting, but ';accidentally'; have lunch in the same restaurant where he plans to met up with the ex.
Wont they be shocked when you walk in, caught in the act!!
Yikes... I'd be pissed as hell too. I wouldn't bother spying more to get more info... confront him now. Take the responsibility of reading his email... who cares. What he's done is worse. Slinking around for lunches with your ex, is.... just not cool. It would lead one to believe that there is something more going on.
You need to confront him but chances are that he was on the path of cheating. He should have never kept it hidden from you. If I were you, I would show up to the lunch place where they are planning to have lunch.
There are two sides to see this from as an outside person looking in.
The first is the most obvious, that he's meeting up with her, and has done prior to this for a quick bit of hanky-panky.
The second is the fact that he KNOWS you'd be pissed off if he went to meet his ex even if it is just for an innocent luncheon. and he's only not telling you because it will spare a pointless argument.
The only thing you have to ask yourself is, ';is he capable of cheating on you?'; if you think yes straight away, then i'm sorry to say it, he probably is, but if your first instinct is no, then it probably is just a harmless meeting.
Either way, i think you need to AT FIRST give him the benefit of the doubt, and if his story starts to show holes in it, THEN you can flip. If you come out all guns blaring straight away, it'll never help the situation.
i would spy on them a little more then get the evidence u need %26amp; then confront him. good luck
Lay low--don't say anything, watch,read, and listen. The same thing happened to me and instead of taking my own advice, I confronted him about it. Naturally he tried to weezle out of it, and lie to me about it. He ask me how i knew what I did and I told him everything. BIG MISTAKE----He locked me out of the computer, so I could not peep into his emails any longer. This action has GUILTY written all over it. I know you are mad, and I so much feel for you, cause I've been there. Good luck with everything--stay quiet for a little while longer. The bastard will eventually hang himself. Again, GOOD LUCK, I hope it all works out for you.
You have every right to be angry. Afterall, your husband had luch with his ex on more than one occasion and you had no idea about it or no idea that they were even communicating. I would sit him down and ask him what is going on. If he really had nothing to hide and if he felt that there was nothing worng with what he is doing, than he would have told you about it in the first place. But, he kept this from you and most of the time when they hide it, there is more to the story.
I think you should come right out %26amp; ask him about it. And tell him how you just seen the email,just like you said in your question! Dave
they still want something together!!!
dont tell him about the email u saw because if you do, he will learn his lesson and be more CAREFUL in future! My experience!
just appear in that lunch place COINCIDENTALLY
Confront him. You are his wife you have the right to know why he's having lunch with his ex. If nothing is going on then why is he not telling you about it. Show up at the place where they are planning lunch.
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