Christian Advice. My husband of 4 yrs just started looking at porn and I'm 5 months pregnant with our 4th?

First of all, if you're going to say ';all men do it';, ';grow up and get over it';, or ';watch it with him';, you're not a Christian. The Bible clearly states to becareful what you watch and see because seeing something can turn to lust and lust can turn to sin...Hello, King David watching the woman bathe (can't get more porn than that). So, please don't respond.


If you are a Christian and have advice for me, I welcome it with open arms...


My husband and I have been married for 4 years. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with our 4th child. I notice something wasn't right last night when he didn't even want to snuggle with me in the bed, much less have sex with me. Our marriage toed the line of an affair when I was 8 months pregnant with our second son. It didn't get physical, but I got ahold of some pretty vulgar texts between him and the woman.


This morning, the TV was too loud so I got up to turn it down so it wouldn't wake up the babies. He was in the living room on the computer. I didn't see what he was looking at. But my husband barely knows how to turn on the internet, so I knew something was off. After he went to work, I looked at the history and saw that he'd googled ';naked girls'; and then looked at a porn site. That got me thinking so I started doing some digging and found that he's googled and looked at several porn sites within the past 2 weeks.


I'm very conflicted and have no idea what to do. I feel like it's my fault, but what I try to please him sexually and I try to talk to him and what I'm NOT doing that he'd like me to do...It always comes back to ';everything is fine';. Please help me, from a Christian perspective.


Thanks - Sorry it's so long.Christian Advice. My husband of 4 yrs just started looking at porn and I'm 5 months pregnant with our 4th?
Your husband does not seem as Christian as you, as it was him who sent vulgar text messages and was on the verge of an affair once in your marriage already. I'd say he is a weak individual who wants more sexual satisfaction than he is getting. Unless he becomes a more devout Christian, or just a better person for that matter, I believe it's only a matter of time before he cheats (if he hasn't already). Sorry for the blunt opinion, but he doesn't have the best track record.Christian Advice. My husband of 4 yrs just started looking at porn and I'm 5 months pregnant with our 4th?
The bible is right!Looking at porn is not normal.it leads to lust and then to sin!


I am not a Christian but I know because this stuff ruined my marriage.





confront him and let him know that you don't approve!
Your story really hits home for me. I have been through this exact same thing with my husband about 8 months ago. We had also been married for 4 years, we had a 3 yr old daughter and i was about 3 months pregnant at the time! My husband was looking at porn on the computer as well as ordering it thru cable. I felt horrible. Especially being pregnant made it 100 times worse! I already felt fat and unattractive and knowing that my husband would rather look at those other girls while i was carrying his child was miserable. I absolutely confronted him about it and he just said he was sorry and he was stupid and blah blah blah... I let him know that it was NOT acceptable and it was not something that i wanted in our home. It was really tough to deal with and its especially hard when you have no one to talk to about it because its really very embarrasing. Luckly i was able to talk to his mom about it and she was really helpful. She had gone through the same thing with my FIL!! I think that my husband knowing that his own mother knew what he was doing really helped him to stop. We all prayed about it and it stopped. My suggestions to you would be to first and foremost pray about it. Pray for the strength, wisdom and words to be able to talk to your husband about it and get it to stop. You may also want to seek counceling at your church. Im sure you will not be the first couple to deal with this and the bottom line is that we ALL struggle with sin! We are human and we are all sinners! Being a Christian doesnt mean being perfect, it means knowing that we arent but God is and he loves us anyway! My prayers are with you and your family sweetie! Remember that you can do all things through Christ!
It is wrong for him to do it but what other options are there? There is basically no way to change his behavior. Getting pissed off at him will only make it worse. Although it may hurt your feelings you have to think what is best for your marriage and family. I think ignoring it would be the best thing. If he were having an affair with someone else that is a different story but I think it is in your best interest to consider this a minor annoyance that you will probably have to live with.
According to the word of God, the Bible..sexual sin is sexual sin..Porn is sexual sin..we are to repent, turn away from such sins..he is the one with the problem not you..seek counseling with your pastor about his porn..he has sin issues
I'm not a devout christian or anything, but I believe my advice to be worth something anyhow. This is not something that you should just have to ignore and get over. As a husband myself, I can say that what he's doing is selfish. That's exactly what porn is about....fulfilling your own desires with no regard for your mate. I do agree that getting mad or angry will do more harm than good, though. I would think it better to have a one on one talk with him and let him know how much it hurts you when he looks at other women like that. Let him know that you want to find out what the underlying problems are here and get your marriage and sex life back on track. Porn is probably not the only problem. It's usually a symptom of other problems, as is an affair. Marriage counseling can do wonders though and I highly recommend it if he's willing.
There is a section for religious questions where I believe you will find both helpful answers, and support. You have laid out guidelines that I not being Christian, cannot follow for an answer. I am wondering why you chose an obviously mixed forum for such a specific question?
As a Christian and who believe in prayers ,first of all i will request you to start praying for your husband ,nowadays the devil have come in to homes and that why porn sites are all over the internet and your husband is a victim of the devil,U need to sit him down and ask him why he is doing it,tell him you dont like it and as a cChristianits wrong,.


He can change but from what i know men pretend,just talk it out and see whats happens pray for him and fast prayers works wonder,en dont fight about it just be cool,en he can learn more from you
Your question is not long or out of order. Congratulation on your upcoming birth, one of gods greatest gifts. You have not done anything wrong, so do not feel any blame for your husbands condition. Your husband appears not to have the same level of religious commitment that you share, this is the problem. Talk to your husband about your discovery and ask him to speak with your clergy. Maybe between you and the clergy, you can pray to give him strength in his moments of weakness. Good luck sweetie, and stop blaming yourself for your husbands weaknesses.
I see your dilemma. If you say something he might get offended and blame you for invading his privacy and if you don't say anything he may continue to keep doing it and may go further with an actual affair. It's a tough situation but remember that God doesn't give us more than we can bear. You too are bonded by the ultimate gift of marriage and both of you have to respect that. Approach him and tell him how you feel and give him a chance to confess, if he doesn't tell him what you found.Allow him to know that you can forgive him and that you want to move on to continue a ';hopefully otherwise'; good marriage. It's important to be open with each other and to share some of your flaws as well. If this doesn't help the situation then at least you will have the understanding as to how your relationship stands and you can adjust accordingly.





P.S. When I say adjust accordingly I mean stay strong and move on if your have too.
Has it ever occurred to you that everyone is not as ';Christian'; as you'd like to think? I too am a Christian but I too enjoy sex. Whether you feel it's right or not people are going to look at porn. Simply put it happens. As you pointed out yourself the Bible is full of sex. There's not much racier than the Song of Solomon. Since you are pregnant he's most likely missing the beautiful you from before. And yes it's true that all men are not turned on by a pregnant woman. This will pass as your pregnancy does. I honestly wouldn't make so much of an issue of this. It could be that you're pushing him away from his Christianity.





Edit: Not sure why I'm getting so many thumbs down. Is it not christian thinking to most that sex really is a good thing? My deceased father in law was a minister for near 50 years. In his early 60's he had a prosthesis put into his penis so he could have erections when he wanted. He once told me that he wanted to go out with a smile.
okey doke....well first off he should have never been looking at porn thats a big no no! plus your pregnant with kids. how would that effect your children if they saw it while he was looking at it to? i think you should confront your husband about it. It will definitely open his eyes and if not..then he's not faithful to your marriage. And honestly (this is for the immature people that answered this question) if you didn't want to answer it and didn't care a thing about then why did you answer it in the first place??? Seriously guys grow up! and by the way...I would pray about it if it becomes a problem..and i'm pretty young for my age and i pray a good bit
How could it possibly be your fault that your husband makes bad choices? Though I sincerely wonder why you'd keep getting pregnant when your husband behaved so badly with #2?





http://pornaddicthubby.com/





This website has a Christian slant. Good luck. BTW, we aren't Christian, but I wouldn't TOLERATE my husband bringing porn into our marriage. It's not normal, natural or necessary.
Well, I am a devoted Catholic so I know a lot of the things you may want to know. I am devoted enough to know some of the old ways of the church that still are supposed to be followed. An example is that a lady must wear a hat in church still, because it distracts the men if they do not, the hair is classed as a beauty part of a women and therefore needs to be covered. The Pope never abolished this. Ya, we can say the Vatican may have said something and then the media blows it out of proportion, but the Pope never spoke Dogma on the chair of Peter about this, so it is still fact and since it was already said on the chair of Peter, it can never be revoked. Remember, Jesus said to the first Pope (St. Peter), Whatever you say on earth will also be bound in heaven. Again, this is to show an example of how devoted I am. Not a bragging thing. Sorry if it is perceived as this.





Well, it is a sin what he is doing. He is not being faithful to you and he is committing adultery. Ya, we can say, ';well, he did not go out and cheat on me with another women, so it is not adultery';. This is false. We did not go out and kill someone with a gun or knife (fifth commandment) but we still smoke or drink excessively which kills us slowly because we are not looking after ourselves. Smoking and drinking excessively (more examples I am sure) is still a form of killing, in this case, you are killing yourself. Ya, we may consult to doing it, but we consult to suicide and is still the same sin despite the fact we consulted to it, consulting to it makes it more worse because you purposely did the sin anyways. Anyways, in this case, he is ';killing'; your marriage and killing your emotional well being, he is killing your happiness with him by what he is doing. So, he has committed the fifth commandment. He has committed the sixth commandment, which again is adultery, he was not being faithful to you, he did this behind your back and was still looking at other women. He may not have gone out and cheated on you physically like most people would interpret this, but he has still committed this sin. Anything that you commit that you know is wrong in the eyes of the church, is automatically classed as a mortal sin because you knowingly accepted and willingly did the sin anyways. So yes, an example of this could be masturbation. Remember, Jesus said, those who look at another women with lust has already committed adultery (Matthiew 5:27). As far as a marriage perspective is concerned, talk to him. Communication is key to any marriages survival, and in this case, you need to sit and talk with him about it. I would not get bold and harsh with him because that will be a definite fight. Just talk nice and never use the word ';you'; when you tell him something, it makes what you are saying sound very blunt, bold and harsh when confronting someone, him in this case. You can help him beet the temptation by making him by buying ';net nanny'; or something that blocks all sights like this or you could get it also and make it a password of numbers and letters so he can never figure it out. Help him get more hobbies. But you do need to sit and talk with him openly about this. Maybe this is why he has not been sexually as active lately as he used to be. Every marriage is going to have its up and downs, as your marriage vows state, for better or for worse, sickness and in health, until death do you part.'; In this case, it is the worse. You will overcome this with him, and if something happens for the worse with you, then he needs to help you overcome. Marriage is a commitment to each other and is team effort, when one falls, the other helps them up and vise versa. Pray for him and have faith in God that all this can be overcome. Through him and only him can the clutches of evil be overcome. A good prayer I know that helps to protect against evil goes like this, ';Come holy spirit, come by means of the most powerful intersession, the immaculate heart of marry, your well beloved spouse.'; You can pray this to yourself in times of temptation or for another. Also, the prayer to St. Michael, the Arch angel is another good one, simply praying is good too. Hope this helps.








The Pauper
Your husband is just hungry for sexual attention. Let's see, you are having your 4th baby and how many times you and your husband had sex in the last 7 years? Exactly! Christians are not monks, so this has nothing to do with that. If you cannot satisfy him, then he will just have to find a way to satisfy himself.
As a Christian woman, I will tell you what I said to my husband when I found out that the reason he didn't want to have sex with me was because he was addicted to porn. It was many many years ago, but I think that the gist of things is probably the same.





';I understand that this is something that you want to keep doing, but this is my marriage too, and I don't feel like you are living up to your end of the bargain. This is cheating, and I deserve better than the man that you have become. I do not want to live in a marriage like this for the next fifty years so you need to make a decision: either keep to your vows and forsake all others, or find another wife that will be okay with this behavior. If you think that looking at porn rather than having sex is okay(and he seriously thought there was nothing wrong with it) then that is fine, but I am not going to stick around and live this life also';.
I think it is relevant to know whether it is just you who is Christian, or if you both are. If you married him knowing he did not share your Christian values, then I don't think you have any recourse - maybe it is a sin, but in today's society, it's normal. Pray for the strength to accept him as he is without judgment, just as God, for Christ's sake, loves us, in spite of our sins.





If your husband does profess to be Christian, I think what you should do is ask him to pray with you about it. Praying about it puts it into God's hands, while at the same time giving your husband the clear understanding that you know what he's doing and that you do not approve. And continue to do just that, every so often, for as long as he continues to transgress.





PS - I hope you'll ignore the people telling you that you're posting this in the wrong category - this is clearly a M%26amp;D question. A fairly large percentage of questions here qualify who they want to answer in some way. Ex: ';Men only: why do you cheat?'; ';Women only - what does your husband think of your pregnant body?'; Etc. Yours just happens to be for Christians only. It's still a question about an issue important to your marriage.
Oh I hate porn with a passion. I'm sure this hurts and I am sorry you're dealing with this, especially during your pregnancy because it can cause stress. Definitely confront your husband about this. Don't hide the fact that you know what he's doing because it's just going to build up and build up and no one needs that, and once again, especially being pregnant. Suggest that you two go to Christian Counseling. Every couple could use that, even those who don't have major problems in their marriage. If he is a good Christian man, it won't be too hard to talk to him about it. Christians slip up too. Good luck and pray about it. Better yet, pray together for your marriage if he will.
Your husband is in the wrong. He needs to grow up and learn some maturity because real men don't watch porn. Real men appreciate their partner.





You need to tell your husband straight up you're not going to put up with that garbage on your computer or television. Porn is so bad for marriage, it really is. And it's sad that people are so addicted to it they can't even aknowledge the fact that it is poison to a relationship. All those dumb girls out there thinking everythings fine that their man wants to watch other women naked and masturbate to it? Hello take a hint ladies.





You need to guard your marriage against this world and all of it's poisons that try to leak into you every day, everywhere you go there is smut now. No wonder divorice is so high. Tell your husband how hurt you are by this, and that you're afraid it may lead to another possible affair. Tell him you want it cut out of your marriage and that you guys need to have sex more, like 3 times a week, because it does sound like he's not getting enough.





My husband and I had a huge fight about porn once, and I kicked his *** out, he came back and I told him I was going to leave him if it ever happened again. I've never seen a guy suck up before like he did. Guys respect a woman with standards who doesn't put up with garbage they don't like. It's sexy ;) Plus it shows them you know who you are and what you want from liFe and you wont take less. Stand up for yourself and do what is right.
as a christian you have every right to belittle your husband. how dare he have needs or feelings. i think thats cruel that you would interfere with your husband watching porn just because you dont approve. men have needs too. would you rather have him come in the bedroom and have to fantasize about something else. i find it commendable that a man would take it upon himself to satisfy his own needs rather than ask his big pregnant wife to bend over so he can get some. try being a little less insecure about yourself. porn is not cheating and it has nithing to do with the way he feels about you, it is just an escape into a fantasy world where anything can happen. if you keep on telling him to stop it will become an issue later down the road.
O sweetie, I can feel your heart breaking. THis is very painful isnt it.


First of all, it is not your fault. This is not about you. You could be doing everything possible for him and he would still have this going on. Its something he chose and the porn industry is very lucrative because they know how to lure you in and hook you. Personally I would get rid of the computer. What do you really need it for? You can go to the public library you know. THis is something that is very addictive and he may need to get this book: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-Work鈥?/a> and work in it with you every night.


This is a gateway action...meaning he starts by looking at it, then he is opening accounts and subscribing to meet girls, then he emotionally cheats online, then he physically cheats. Satan is very sly and cunning. He opens doors a little at a time till one day you are on the other side and cant get back very easily.


You need to make an appt with a Christian Marriage counselor also. There are things you need to do to help each other heal from this....yes, you are hurt and need healing too.


Go together to see the movie FIreproof. In this movie the husband gets into porn on the computer and it shows how to heal....in fact just buy the movie and watch it at home together so you can pray together after.


God bless and hope you find peace. check out these websites:


www.truthaboutdeception.com


www.womansavers.com


www.marriagebuilders.com


www.divorcebusters.com
whats the bible?








is it a new porno mag?





i have no religion





i dont believe in god





if god existed there would be no evil in the world.
OH JESUS CHRIST???? HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE CHRISTIAN ADVICE??????????????????? Sorry I can't help you. I'm not a christian??????? OH BROTHER??????????? Plus it's WAY too long anyway. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ANOTHER HOLY ROLLER AND BIBLE THUMPER!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a christian??? I'm better then you??? BLAH BLAH BLAH