Any advice? My husband is furious with me about a lot of things and I want to make it right...?

I'm a ';saver'; he's a ';spender';...I'll come home from work to find a motercycle, laptop, new watch, etc etc because he just decided to buy them on a whim. He doesn't ask me. He doesn't discuss it with me. He just buys things. I prefer to budget things out and think things through. Because of this he is saying that I'm controlling all of the finances and won't let him have his way in ANYTHING in life...





~He blames me because I can't rationalize having children because we wouldn't be able to afford our mortgage if we both weren't working.


~He's pissed that I wanted to talk about what to do with our tax rebate...he says that, ';I don't trust him...I think he's going to go spend it all on something we don't need.'; Well...YEAH. I do. CAUSE HE WILL.


~He is currently blaming everything that is wrong with everything on me.





Does anyone have help or advice for me? I keep trying to talk to him in a calm manner, but he just keeps blowing up in my face and yelling and stomping around.Any advice? My husband is furious with me about a lot of things and I want to make it right...?
having a different opinion on money is often the main cause for problems in a marriage. if he is blaming it all on u he has a serious character flaw and is immature. he sounds like a big baby who doesn't like to be told anything, and if your not both in agreement about money it will wreck a marriage.Any advice? My husband is furious with me about a lot of things and I want to make it right...?
is he spending his money or yours? if it's his, let him do whatever he likes, buy whatever he wants. This is his money.





As long as you both share the bills, mortgages etc. You don't change his habit. Man can't accept that.





However, if you are responsbile for most of the expenses and he spends his money on toys, then see an adviser. If a man thinks he can spend his money on toys and let his wife pay the bills then I would re-consider being with him.





He may be feeling insecure or unhappy at work so spending money is the only way he feels he is in control. Try digging out more in this area. Remember he said you won't let him have his way......





apart from money, can you think of any areas in your life that he can have some ';control';over??





blaming you is an act of passing the responsibility. Sis, sometimes men are less mature than us, and we have to take it as an opportunity to help them grow. As for having kids, wait until you both are more stable before planning for this major business.





Good luck.
There's a reason why 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. Try counseling. See if he'd be willing to work with a financial adviser, and seek help. If he won't, its not your battle anymore. You can only do so much. If he won't do his part in the marriage, say adios muchacho.
Money is the biggest problem in marriages. When i found this out, my husband and I decided that we would never split up because of money. You have 2 people raised 2 differnt ways, with two different styles of living trying to live ans one.


Whatever you do you need to protect your credit. He has the issue of not being responsible, while you are. This is too much structure for him. I will warn you that he will bring your credit down if he doesn't change.





Please seek a financial planner and he may need to take some classes. (You should join him )





Best wishes.
maybe you need to start yelling and stomping around so that he will listen to what you have to say too -


dont back off when he gets angry - stand your ground and make him understand that you DONT have the money to be spending as he is - if he doesnt like it oh well


he needs to hear it from you and not in a calm voice either
Theres a lot of information one would need in order to make a conclusion, but the only thing I can think of right now is have separate accounts.





Split all the bills in half and each keep their own accounts separate. That way he doesn't feel like you're controlling his finances..or that you're not letting him do or buy anything.





Which one of you makes the most money? Perhaps he feels he can spend freely because he's not the one earning the most or vice versa, maybe he feels he earns most of the money so he can spend it however he wants.





I had a friend whose marriage was on the edge of divorce because they couldnt stop fighting about money. They each decide to pay for certain bills and keep their own spending budgets and it's pretty much resolved. When they go out to dinner and movie, they go dutch. Maybe that will work for you.





One thing you have to be prepared for though, is that because he's such a free spender at some point you might have to bail him out. If thats the case, you can remind how he blew up at you for being a saver, next time he'll think twice about spending too much.





Good luck!
Keep trying into talking to him. Always say what is right and what you feel without offending him. At the end he will know that you are right and listen to you. Be patient. I went to the same thing and you need to find out if there is another reason why he is not lisening to you or why he doesn't care what you think.
Congratulations! You are the mother of a grown up baby boy.
If you don't have kids get a divorce. It almost sounds as though he is hiding something much more from you because he is acting guilty. People who blame generally are doing something they shouldn't be doing. Find out because if this were my husband it would be all over. You sound young still so it's not too late to move on and he can keep all his toys to play with. But still is sounds suspicious, he is acting guilty about something is he is trying to divert the blame on you that is a big RED flag that something more is going on. Some people just aren't meant to be amrried and maybe he is one of them. My husband let's me control all the money and if he didn't we would be living in a box.
Everyone argues about money. What will solve your problems on that is separate bank accounts, but he has to give you two dozen blank checks signed. Every month write two checks from his account, one to pay the bills and the other to save. Then you pay half the bills from your account and half from his contribution (or split is 60/40, whatever). Then what he has left he can blow on bullshit. If (when) he complains you are draining his account, show him the accounting of the bills (say, ';should I have blown off paying the electric bill so you could buy those new composite fiber golf clubs?). If he is reasonable he will be okay.





If he can't live with this, then YOU can't live with HIM.





Financial problem solved.





Now, as to kids, that one is a fatal flaw. If you don't want children, SAY SO, NOW. If that breaks the deal for him, you are better of than if you lie to him and he ends up resenting you.





For more of my advice see


http://journals.aol.com/silentfastdeep/i鈥?/a>
It's difficult trying to share finances, especially when you have two people on opposite ends of the spectrum. And you both have valid positions (somewhat). He needs to have a certain amount of money which is allotted to him (don't use the word allowance - it sounds juvenile) to spend on whatever he wants. This amount would already be figured into the budget, which should work out for you in keeping track of the $$. And let him have some of the tax rebate too.
Tell him it's time to grow up and stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum over not getting his way. He's not ready for children because he can't even have a discussion about the budget without crying like a little kid that he can't have what he wants.





Truthfully, I think I would consider leaving him now before any kids are brought into this mess.





In my household, hubby recognizes that he is a spender and not as responsible with money, and he trusts me that I will do what it takes to keep us above water, paying bills, etc.





Until your husband admits that he is irresponsible and is willing to listen to your suggestions, you will never get anywhere and this will always be a vicious cycle. Right now it's easier for him to blame you as a control freak than it is to admit that he's horrible with budgeting.
What you resists persists. Sounds like you will not see eye to eye unless one of you changes. Since you can't change other people then I guess you have to change.





Save whatever you make in your own account. Let him spend what he wants of his own money. What ever you have in the joint account is a joint decision.
If it is his money let him spend it how he wants,as long as the bills are paid.y not,blokes love their gadgets.Dont not have a kid cause you r worried bout money.The happiness a child will bring will be more than all the money in the world.Could bring u closer 2 your husband 2!
First of all, would you really want to bring a child into this chaos?


Second of all, limits need to be set. I agree on to account, set him up an account, give him some money see how long he makes it last.





How long have you been married? Has this happened alot? All the time? He isnt ready to commit to a child because nothing makes him happy now. I have someone in my life who is in the same situation. Every tax return he gets new shoes, new clothes, new computer stuff, and his kids come last. They spend money on the dumbest stuff. They were even talking about getting their kids new laptops. The oldest is 10 and the youngest is 7. I disagree with getting kids cellphones much less laptops.





I would try to sit down have a civilized conversation with him and show him on paper whats what. Other than that good luck. Sorry to hear about that.
Your husband is just your oldest child.





Accept it and accept the fact you are not going to change him.





Next you need to realize that he is ABUSING you!
Yes you can say he is abusing you but that is not going to make things better. I assume that you are wanting to find a solution to keep your marriage by asking this question.





Talk to your husband and tell him that maybe you are being unreasonable and you are willing to consider that he may be right, that you are trying to control finances.





Then ask him if he is willing to try to get some help that would give you a third, unbiased opinion. If he agrees, and he will if he wants to save your marriage, make an appointment with a financial counselor. This person can look at your finances, at your incomes and then ask them if you are being unreasonable.





Perhaps they can come up with a compromise that will allow him to have a certain amount of money to blow any way he wants while the bills are still getting paid.





As for having a baby, never agree to have a baby until both of you are 100% sure it is what you want.





Good Luck