I need advice-my husband has a drinking problem and he hides it from me. I caught him in a lie this weekend.?

My husband has depression and anxiety issues and is an alcoholic. He doesn't get drunk very often but he buys the little pint size(I think it's a pint) vodka's and drinks straight from the bottle only chasing it with something like coke or whatever. I'm not sure often he drinks them because he doesn't always drink in front of me- I can tell sometimes when he has been drinking but I don't know if he drinks them everyday or what. Well Friday I sent him to the store to pick up soemthing for dinner and I gave him a $5 bill to buy a tomato from the people that sell them on the side of the road. They were closed so he just bought the tomato from the store instead and put everything on the debit card. Well Saturday I asked him to go get $20 out of the ATM and go to the dollar store to buy a gift bag for a present for a birthday party and get change so I could put a $10 in the birthday card. Well he said he forgot to use the cash to buy the bag but he went to the convenient store to get our little girl an icee and him a Dr. Pepper and got change. We are tight on funds now since he was out of work sick for almost 2 weeks and today they let him go and we have 2 kids and another on the way. Well later on Saturday I could tell he had been drinking so I asked him about the change from the $20 since he gave me a $10 for the b-day card and I also asked him what happened to the $5 bill for the tomato that he ended up buying at the store instead and paying for with the debit card- well he avoided the question, changed the subject and wouldn not tell me where the rest of the money went. He has lied to me before and so I can't trust him much, I knew he had been drinking and I had just had it with him hiding his drinking and lying to me. I told him that I wanted him to leave by the morning since he had been drinking and I didn't want him to drive right then so he left yesterday morning and went to his parents. I just need advice on what to do. We have a little girl that is almost 4, a 7 1/2 month old little girl and another baby due in November. Should I stay with him for sake of our kids, I work full time, I don't know if I can do this on my own. I know he loves me with all his heart and he loves his kids, and I love him to but I have resentment towards him for the things he has put me through. He is not abusive to me or anything or to our kids, he's just got so many issues like the depression and anxiety and drinking problem which he has admitted that he's is alcoholic. His job let him go because he was out sick for 2 weeks- he went to the doc and had an upper respiratory infection and told him to rest and put him on antibiotics and he works in the 100+ degree Louisiana heat doing construction so he couldn't go work while sick and antibiotics plus he has IBS(irritable bowel syndrome) which the antibiotics triggered and he was constantly on the toilet. I think they are in the wrong to discharge him- they put the reason as absenteeism even though he called or texted his supervisor everyday he was out and has hardly ever missed work in the year and 3 months he has been there. Anyway so he lost his job and his family in a matter of 2 days. What should I do- try to work things out?I need advice-my husband has a drinking problem and he hides it from me. I caught him in a lie this weekend.?
Do not stay with him for the sake of the kids. The kids don't need to be exposed to alcoholic behavior. You can do it on your own easier without a drunk in your life. Leave him, tell him to sober up and deal with his alcohol problem and you MIGHT consider taking him back.





Unrelated - regular yogurt or acidophilus pills from the health food store will help prevent/cure the diarrhea caused by antibiotics.I need advice-my husband has a drinking problem and he hides it from me. I caught him in a lie this weekend.?
Alcohol creates problems... good luck.
wow sounds like my family... my dad was and still is an alcoholic and my mom was pretty much a single mom from the time i was 3 and my little sister was 16 months old. Im now 19 and shes now 16 our parents divorced when i was 4. And i have to say now that im older speaking from a child in your type of situation i would rather my parents be separated and getting along than together and fighting or arguing. It's not health for your kids to have to go through that and it wouldn't be fair for them to be raised in a house seeing two ppl together pretending to care about each other over a lie. Granted it would be hard on you. But you truly have to think about what would be best for your kids. a good healthy home in which ppl care and love each other (being your and your girls) or a home where the father drinks to escape from his depression and a mother being torn in both ways... think about that
You should demand one of two things and do it in an intervention. This is where other people are involved and it is tough love.


If you stay married in this case your life may just be and ugly expression of what it could be.


So, he needs to be sober, get help, go to aa meetings and you need to, in my opinion get everyone together that supports you and do an intervention. That show is on TV if you have cable and it works lots of times.


If you have to go it alone you will be able to handle it. Just do the right thing and what happens happens, if he REALLY loves you he will face his addiction, that is the truth.
Alcoholics LIE! Addicts LIE!





You either want to be in or you want to be out...Until you can clearly see the role you play in this sick relationship you won't be able to make an informed decision about how you want to live your life.





I recommend strongly that you go to Al-Anon and get some help for yourself. You really need to understand how you play into this relationship.





At the end of the day - man or no man - you should be able to be strong and independent...and able to support yourself. If there's one thing you can count on from an addict - it's that you can't count on them.





Good luck!
I sent you a super long e-mail instead of answering this question here. About my experience with an alcoholic Husband (he's sober now) and I hope that you are able to take at least a little something from it and that it helps you.
Oh my... sounds like he has a lot on his plate and that you are the rock of the family at the moment. Very sorry to hear about your difficult situation.


Is he being treated for the depression and anxiety? the drinking sounds like an instant soother or security blanket for times when he is feeling low and it obviously goes hand in hand with the depression. Has he opened up to you about his depression? Im guessing since he is sneaking the booze he is ashamed and knows how you feel about it. This has put you in a very awkward position because he is in dire need of help but at the same time his misfortunes are also causing you to be the victim.... his self worth has to be very very low right now so you guys are going to have to get to the source of his misery and treat those problems if you are to be happy again and if he is going to find self esteem.


I don't know if counseling is an option but it sounds like you guys are in desperate need of it and not many people know it but your medical insurance most of the time covers marital and personal counseling so call your insurance company and find out your benefits. I would sit down with your husband and let him know that you care about him and you want him to be happy again and for your family to move forward in a positive way. Remind him of the reasons why you married him, hearing those things could help his ego and also inspire some guilt for the way he has been treating you with the lying. The trick will be to not use ';you'; too much and emphasize that you want to get through this as a team. If you put him on the hot seat and remind him of how crappy he has been, it will only put him in defense or lying mode.


Tell him that you would like him to join you in counseling.. . just as we go to the Dr. when our stomach is upset or we have the flu, people go to counseling when their mind and emotions don't feel right. Many men see it as a pride thing so emphasize to him that you two can do this together in private. It should be just between you two because involving family and friends will only make him feel more miserable and worthless. You could also bring up the things about yourself that you need help with from a counselor so he doesn't feel like the only person that needs it and feel singled out. I know you do deep down feel he is to blame for a lot of this... but at this point he knows that!!!! If you have the patience and love for him, now is the time to step up and really start making strides to get your relationship mended and his life back to normal. Lowering yourself just a little on a realistic level will make him more likely to respond and open up to you.. right now you are the saint and you hold more power in the marriage. If someone feels embarressed of his or herself why would they feel comfortable for opening up to a saint?


Being the supporter is going to feel empty for a little bit but it's honestly amazing how close counseling can make you feel. My husband and I go to couples counseling once a week for our issues and we leave there with a better understanding with ourselves and each other.... I can't tell you how much it's opened up my husband and made him more willing to forgive himself and be better all around.


I really hope you both find peace... make it clear to him that you want him to get better and making strides with you to improve is his only option. He and you deserve happiness, especially because of how hard you work.... your little girl and the baby on the way need their parents strong and happy... so look at the baby's birth that is coming as a goal for your two's recovery!!!!!!!! :)