Hello,
I would like peoples honest opinions on this one. My partner and I have been married 2 months. Recently I have found out he has sold most of his belongings which I have brought him as presents in the past. I have also found missing 2 engagement rings which he brought me, a ring my mother brought me when I was 18 and a couple of computer games that were brought for my daughter by her father (not the same person)
I don't care about the things that were his to sell but the engagement rings were given to me from him and yet the reason he is giving me for selling is that he brought them for me, I don't wear them anymore.
The 18th birthday ring I've had for 10 years and when times where hard I never once thought about selling it - it isn't confirmed that he has sold this ring but it is missing so presumably it has gone.
My daughters games - she got accused of losing or even giving her games away at school to other children, so she was told off by me for losing her games and him when he knew damn well that he had taken them and sold them.
I must add all these things have been sold to people who deal with that specific item so the money he got for them was very little.
Now his reason for doing this is because he has no money in his pocket - well put it this way - I have been trying very hard to get some debts cleared, which I wanted cleared within a small amount of time. So therefore money has been tight BUT we have had everything the household needs food, heating, electric, clean clothes etc so therefore I feel there is no need to waste unnecessary amounts of money on stupid things i.e energy drinks which are expensive, sandwiches from sandwich shops - also have found out *although I knew about the occasional one or two* some of this money has been going on tobacco/cigarettes when he was supposed to be trying his hardest and had actually told me he had given up.
So where do I go from here?
Can anyone help?
What would you do in my situation?Honest advice needed....husband troubles?
Honestly - is it possible he has a gambling problem?
He must have an addiction of some sort - people with addictions can be very cunning and very sneaky and become experts at hiding things from those closest to them. I doubt he is selling such important items without some huge reason behind it. Gambling would be my first bet. Otherwise, drugs as well. People who get addicted to something - anything (drugs, alcohol, gambling) - will stop at nothing to feed their habit. Doesn't matter how little he gets for the items, it's still something to feed whatever habit it is he is hiding from you.
If I were in your situation I would be very upset. Selling things that belong to you is totally inexcusable. He has no right. If he is in some sort of trouble, he should be talking to you about it and trying to figure it out together. Is there any way you could possibly follow him when he goes out to see what he's up to? It doesn't sound like he is going to come clean about what he's up to unless you confront him with the facts. Good luck.Honest advice needed....husband troubles?
You might want to really look in to his activities. This is huge tell tale sign of drug use. Especially the need for money and selling everything. Talk to him and state your concerns, don't BS about it or half step it. Stop any problems before get too deep.
He has either gambling debts to pay or is gambling. Possible drug addiction. Nail this one right away. He does want to get caught as he cannot stop whatever he is doing with the money and it is more than cigs, etc.
I am going to guess that you didn't date very long before you got married. Red flag.
This will only escalate and get worse. Make plans to leave. He will not get better before you find yourself in some serious trouble.
He is addicted to something alot more serious than cigarettes and beer. Go to AlAnon or Narc Anon; they help people with spoues/partners addiction issue.
For him to be selling things like that, it seems as if he as an addiction of some sort. You might want to investigate this further.
lay down the law, tell him that he had no right to sell those things. You should discuss the things you want to sell in the future.
I'd leave him. He is being sneaky and dishonest. Just as bad if not worse then cheating on you with a chlamydia-infested hooker. On that note, I'd get tested if I were you.
That's weird. Are you sure he's not into drugs? Selling those things to buy drugs? That's weird behaviour and I would watch him closely from now on to see what he's really up to.
He sounds like he has gambling or drug addiction problems.
He is not the man you and your daughter want to be with!
In Jr High my grandson had stolen expensive items from us and sold them at school for money. He just wanted money. He was also gambling by the way on the school bus and at school. At that time gambling was his one issue. Now, I took him to the school police and he told him that stealing from family is the lowest of the low, policeman have no respect for those that steal from family. He told me, not in my grandson's presence, that when someone steals from family they are apt to do anything. They have no conscience and end the end usually end up in jail at one time or the other. What bothered me the most was when he told me that ...they have no conscience.
I would not trust this man. It sounds like he has a drug addiction. He is basically stealing from you and your child for his own needs. He is also lying to you. There is no telling what else he is doing. Do you really want to stay with a person who you can not trust?
Well, I see some issues...you are too controlling with the money. I understand about bills but everyone needs some pocket change to do with what they want. Does he work? Does he have some income? If so, he is entitled to spend some money on what he wants to spend it on.
As far as what he did...that is down right horrible and you have every right to be very very pissed. Personally, I would tell him to get the items BACK and NOW.
I think that he probably did this to get back at you because he didn't have any money. This is a bad situation...you guys need some therapy and financial counseling so all parties can be happy. he also owes your child an apology
if his habits are too out of hand, the only thing that you can do is put him out! he has not reached his bottom, so he is going to continue to do those things that he is doing.His addictions are stronger than his love for you. He should be thinking about working to help catch up with the bills if he's not already. And if he is working, then he should consider working a second job so that he can support his habits. A person that steals from his/her family, has no regard for anything but themselves, and they need tough love to understand their position. I must say that counseling is an option also, only if you are able to get him to go. good luk
He sells gifts he gave to you! He raided your jewelry box! He invaded your privacy! I bet he has a drug problem! tell him if he touches your things again you will knock the you know what out of him! I have jewelry that I do not wear often and my husband would never filch my jewelry! We have gotten rid of things we had too long, but we always tell each other. you husband is a selfish jerk!
first off..... you say... you have been trying to get the debts paid off.....
perhaps... that has left little money for anything else.
Granted getting debts paid off...... is a good thing.... but it has to be something that you both decide upon.... and that you both agree on how the money is to be spent.
perhaps, you have too tight a grasp on the money, and he feels that the only way he can have some.... is to sell things.
Perhaps.... the best place to start now...... COUNSELING.
Vicxie, you have taken up with a thief and a liar. I think that what you need to do is give him an ultimatum-stop smoking and stealing, or you are history. Personally, I cannot put up with theft or lying. What you do is your business, but this is a bad start to a marriage.
I wish you well. Good luck.
Regards,
Dan
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