Just a few newlywed husband issues... advice needed.?

My husband works 4 days a week, 12 hour nightshifts. He uses the exhaustion as a reason hes bitter all of the time.





Today, after I spent the day unpacking alot of our belongings, he comes out around 3PM after just getting up. I ask him to unpack a single box of his books for me, after I have unpacked 12 - 13 boxes of his stuff. He complains as he unpacks three items from the box - he then finds a game he hadnt played in awhile, and sits down and starts playing it.





He got mad at me when I asked him to please put the rest of it away since I was very tired - and got up, turned the game off, grabbed one of his books, and went into the bedroom to read it. When I went in there later to apologize for my tone of voice I probably had, he told me nothing was wrong in a very cold voice.





He just doesnt want to help out with anything - it all started after his mother made a comment about the wife needing to do all the work. What can I do... or say...Just a few newlywed husband issues... advice needed.?
Talk about it with him. Greet him with a good morning when he awakes...maybe a cup of coffee or whatever he likes in the morning, and once he wakes up, sit down and discuss this. Don't point fingers at him, or his mother as this will just bring up the wall again. Let him know you understand he is tired, and you feel that way too. Keep your emotions under control. It could be some problem at work he just does not want to bother you with, but might be affecting his moods.Just a few newlywed husband issues... advice needed.?
Tell him in case he forgot your his wife not his mommy and you shouldn't have to unpack, pick up or clean all of his ****.
Wow 9 yrs and no hints? I have been with my husband for 18 yrs and he still gets like that. His mother did EVERYTHING for his family-all the cooking/cleaning/laundry/shopping. We have it worked out that I do all of the inside stuff, the majority of it anyways, and he does all the outside stuff. It works out pretty evenly (we have a big yard and outdoor animals). Yea it is a drag to come home and cook dinner and do dishes, but let me tell ya-It's really nice to sit inside with a mug of cocoa while he is out in a snow storm shoveling/plowing, or raking or cutting grass or ....the list is endless! If you have an outside yard, let him do all of that. If he wants a hand with any of it, trade him an indoor chore. He should get the point. Its really hard to break them of habits that are there from birth from their mothers. If it really bothers you, don't back down just to keep the peace. Let him know you won't live like that.
uh oh the mother in law complex.its a toughy. you not only married him,but his mother too. must be a mommas boy.as far as advice,i wish i could help you, and i wish you luck.


as per your second comment.that cements it, he IS a mommas boy-and your her prime target
This is a very common problem among married couples, I deal with it every day. One of the things I was doing with my boyfriend is when he would help me clean, I would complain that it wasn't ';right'; or the way that I liked it, so he stopped helping altogether. I also learned to ask nicely to get what I want...lol...I know it seems stupid, but it works...Instead of yelling or complaining that he wasn't helping, I would praise him and ask nicely when I needed something done....It works!!! Almost like dealing with a kid, they don't like to be told what to do, but asked. And as we know, men hate nagging....... LOL.....There are some men that will do everything around the house, cook, clean etc., but then there are those that don't want to do anything, and we seem to have that in common...LOL. Good luck.....and try it!
Ooooppps you should of done abit more home work on this guy before marrying him. If your not working , then sure you do most of the house work, but he should be helping out with the unpacking as its his place too.
well u guys a newly together and i don't know if you guys ever sat down and discussed how you guys are going to live together and how u guys are going to help each other out! marriage is 50/50, give and take,compromise, I think u guys need to sit down and discuss what is going on and calmly express ur issues..it won't be fixed over night but its a start!
Do you work? If you work as much as he does, the two of you either need to share the chores, or (if you don't want to be the only one doing them) hire someone to do it. It's not worth arguing about. If you work a less demanding job, you will have to get used to doing more around the house - this is just a fair division of labor. There will often be times when you ask him to do something, and he will not jump up and rush in to do it right away; you have to be patient, and learn to let it go - at least when it's not critical. Pick your battles; you don't need to be arguing about a box of books - so what if the box doesn't get unpacked until the next day? Both of you will have to learn to live with each other; let the unimportant things go.





As you settle into your routine, you'll eventually get a feel for what the best division of labor is for your family. You don't have to insist on him doing 50% of the cooking and 50% of the dishes - perhaps cooking and dishes can be your responsibility, and taking the cars in for an oil change will be his ';job';. Figure out what each of you is best at, and go from there. Keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with hired help. My husband and I used to bicker about the household chores, but we haven't had a single argument since we hired a maid (if only every relationship could be fixed by spending an extra $200 a month!)





Don't worry; things will work out. Be patient, and try to do your best. Good luck.
tell him his Momma is wrong


the wife doesn't need to do all of the work.





tell him he needs to put the video games down, and the books down, and start helping you unpack. Don't apologize for the tone in your voice. You have authority you shouldn't compromise for nothin', and you are right, in this situation. He needs to help.





And in fact, maybe you guys should talk about what his mother said, or any other feelings he may have about this marriage now.





It's better to get things out of the way and in the air now than wait 20 years later you know. Whatever it is... his actions are hurting you so he needs to be held accountable and you guys need to talk it out.
If you can get him to marriage counseling, then you should go. If he wont' go, tell him that if he wants a woman who will do all the work, then he should find someone else or move back in with his mother.
Look I dont believe in giving negative advice so I will not. Speak with his mom about the situation, maybe she can help. Also maybe you should not do so much and stress yourself out. Our men are not perfect, find the good things and see if they outweigh this. I really hope it all works out. Have a great week.
marriage is a TEAM effort...the wife is NOT supposed to do all the work. husband and wife should work together in order for it to be a successful marriage
You already have many major issues and most likely your marriage is already doomed.





1/. Ask him if he's serious about staying with you first.


2/. If he is get him to start looking for a new job or start a training program for something else he likes doing.


3/. If he works all day and you don't you can easily unpack all the things yourself.


3/. Work through your problems together because as it sounds now you'll be doomed otherwise.





You both clearly weren't ready for marriage.
roflmao ....my babe works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, 18 days on with 3 days off...and his commute to work is 50 miles one way...and he manages to help out as much as possible.





if your going thru this ..as a newlywed...it will only get worse with time.





here is what i would do, since asking gets you nowhere....go on strike in a nice way...dont do anything...no cooking..cleaning..unpacking etc..nothing., this will get him mad...when he starts on you...with something like...my mom said...etc etc...tell him ..then get your mom here to baby you. im your wife not your mom. marraige is supposed to be 50/50.





i say this...because a long time ago..same thing happened...i was working also..long office hours and raising 3 daughters...after work i picked of up girls from sitters, i would come home ...kick off my shoes, cook dinner, clean kitchen , help with homework, laundry, keep a spotless house....well you get the picture..he never wanted to help...so i quit...quit doing everything..we all want to be superwoman..but face it ..we get tired too. after 6 days of me not cooking dinner..washing dishes..doing laundry, grocery shopping etc..he got angry...so i said ..hes not the only one who works, im tired too, and until i start getting help...nothing will get done. was very hard for me..i like a clean house etc...but it worked for me..he started to help and life got better.





but honestly if he wants to be treated like his mommy treated him...tell him to go back to mommy.





good luck
He sounds like a sexiest pig, personally people like that dont change unless they go see counciling. Have you confronted him and told him how you felt about the situation? A good relationship has conversation and always talks out there problems.





Another possible answer, It could just be IMS similar to your PMS but with out the blood. =)





My opinion, Smack him men do what women say, women work just as hard as men and to not unload one box, is just plain wrong. As a man I give you permission to smack the crap out of him, if I acted like that I would want the crap smacked out of me.
There are two people in this relationship so you both need to do half the work. He needs to stop making excuses. Sure he gets tired but that doesn't mean you have an infinite amount of energy. Just because his mom might think one thing doesn't mean it's true. You need to tell him that you love him and in a caring relationship you both help with work. You have been unpacking and he needs to help. He sounds very childish. You need to talk to him about it now and be firm or he will walk over you for the rest of your married life. Tell him that you love him and want to help with the house work but he needs to help too. Tell him that he needs to realize that as your husband he made promises to you and I imagine that you promised to take care of each other (might not have been those words). You both need to respect each other and work together. Otherwise he shouldn't be surprised when you start getting grumpy and ignore him.
I have been with my husband for over 10 years, married for 4 years. When we first married, he went through what I call a phase. Now it seems to me that he was trying to find out how far he could go with the head of the house attitude. I also recall him trying to still be one of the boys with his friends, still playing video games all the time, and glued to ESPN. Being married and being the ';wife'; are two total opposites for men. My advice is to do what you need to do even if he doesn't help. Believe me there will be times he will say the same about you. Also, he should know how it hurts you, but don't nag him about it. Marriage is a work in progress. This is nothing compared to what you could be going through. Save the argument for the tougher times.
hahaha, i hope he isn't a mama's boy...


you can do


if he doesn't want to help, just put ur stuff away, leave his there. then he ll ask you to help, then you will help him in one condition, he is doing it too. if he stop, you stop.
i'm on his side for a minute...have you ever worked a 12 hour shift? i've been there, 3 days off, 4 days on, then the next week opposite, you are drained, physically and emotionaly. is he a mexican? i only ask cuz my man is and his mom would say something like that. but you know what? you are the wife, not the mom, and (now i'm on your side) you need to kick him in the *** and tell him to get his butt in gear and help whether he is tired or not...but don't bug him when he just wakes up, let him wake up first. you don't liked to be bugged when you first wake up do you?


pick your battles!
tell him yoiu are not his mother...do you work? then he should help around the house too....not that my husband did....or does....hmmmm....I am a traditional type woman I work day and night and he works eight hours......kids meals housework..laundry...more housework....but I get to keep my own kids and love them all day so it is worth while most of the time.....on the other hand some days I would rather have a job


Created to be his Helpmeet is one of those books that talk about a ';womans place'; you might look into it...find out how to help your hubby not feel bitter...good luck...life is rarely fair or equal.....fyi
It sounds like he is grouchy and touchy, did he just start this job? He may be getting used to the change. But that isn't an excuse for being a jackass or acting like a kid. Marriage is a partnership and both of you should participate in everything that needs to be done. Granted, there are some of us women that hate the way our husbands do things and take it upon ourselves to take care of them. It's a give and take kind of deal. But, when he's had a day to rest and stop acting like a kid talk to him about how he's acting and explain that you understand that he is under alot of stress and change but that you expect him to help out around the house as well. It's not just your house, it's his too.
this is now the 21st century and men and women are to BOTH share domestic duties especially if ur the woman doing the manual labor of unpacking your guys stuff in ur home... as for the comment by the wicked mother-in law, its none of her business for one thing wat goes in u and ur husbands own home, secondly couples today share the responsibilities of a household and he should get with the program. try talking to him again about wat u suspect is wrong and then see wat he has to say. good luck
Dont step down. If you step down then he will think he can get a away with everything.


Your trainning days have just begun.
no way....Don't worry about no mother first off.you need to tell him that you guys are a team now and you must work together for it to work.UH..never depend on a man.you tell him like it is.be like im not doing your stuff period!why should u do extra work if you tired,that is his fault for working a 12 hour day job.
gotta be careful as I believe the man should be head of the house that doesn't mean he should not help you out espically un packing. Just tell him he has got help out a little bit or it will be over as fast it started good luck
don't give up....keep talking and ask him to talk with you and not just shut down. You can work it out....it is a hard transition.
Move far away from his mother!!! No joke!!! My mother-in-law has always lived far away, at least 5 hours or more, until 2 years ago, she moved an hour away, and started spending more and more time at our home. We've always gotten along, but I didn't have to spend much time with her. Me and my husband went through what every couple goes through, ups and downs. But always worked things out. Now, after 22 years of marriage, we are getting divorced. Guess what the biggest reason is? Mother-in-law, and a husband who wouldn't stand up to her. Good Luck !!
that man needs to understand that whatever her mother says, is to be taken as advice, not something that needs to be done, he really needs to grow up. you need to talk to him seriuosly about his behavior, because if you go on apologizing about stuff like that, he will be steping on you, and i think his mother is involved with his behavior, seriuosly.
Unless he is a mamas boy, It`s you and him!!!!!!! Talk to him ( in the bedroom, marital situations are very well taken care of there ) and if you can ,in a nice way , tell your mother- in -law to bug off.
what is marriage, it is sharing and caring, giving and forgiven, loving and being loved. walking hand in hand, seeing through each others eyes, laughing together weeping together and always trusting and believing and thanking God for each other. --Ann Rice


Seems someone is not living up to marriage.
Try a talk and a deal he works long days and its hard. give him day 5 to recoup, he wont totally blow the day. days 6 and 7 hes yours to do with until pleased lol lol with a nap or early bed on day 7. if this doesnt work cut him off.