we met in college and since have been fortunate enough to find great jobs.
I am extremely close with my family and even though they live in another country, we talk on the phone everyday and we visit numerous times a year.
Lately, I've noticed that my husband its been bothering my husband that he has no relationship with his family. His parents are extremely religious, close minded to the ways of the world and just a little on the old fashioned side. He has a wonderful relationship with my parents who are fun, outgoing, open minded parents.
I asked him what went wrong...he seems to think its because his parents shelter him so much in highschool that he never opened up to them afterwards. I remember in college when we would go to a party and have a few to many drinks at the weekend, we could always tell my parents about the silly things we did the next day. Whereas his parents would have gotten so mad.
As a teenager he wasn't allowed have MTV.....even though money isn't an issue they never made the teenage years easier for him...his mom often made his clothes etc or bought them in walmart of thrift stores.
We went to visit them 2 months before our wedding day....and the minute we arrived his dad went into the lecture if you are planning on sleeping in the one bed you need to go stay at your brothers house etc.
My husband is a very fun lovely person..He is extremely successful for his age but knows how to go to the bar on Sunday and have a few beers etc. He does this kind of stuff with my family and particularly my dad when he visits.
I dont know how to encourage him to speak with parents...he feels like its just so far gone at this point. He feels like because they were so close minded that they don't even know who their son really is.
does this make sense...i hate seeing him like thisAdvice on husband and parents inlaw relationship?
I do feel for you and your husband, and hear where you are coming from. I am not sure that there is anything you can do about the past - it is as it is and I think acceptance of that simply has to do. However, there is a chance he might be able to work on their relationship in times to come. Are there any activities that your in-laws /do/ like to do? Perhaps your husband and yourself could go with them to some of these, and work on the social aspects of your relationships at these times? You have to accept however that every individual has a right to be who they want to be, and if your parents /like/ being who they are in this way they will not appreciate someone trying to change them, and nor should they have to, really.
Part of what makes the world so wonderful is that so many people are different, and that it takes all kinds of people to balance the world out. Your parents are lighthearted and fun, his are more serious and strict. There is a place for both in the world, I think. Learn to celebrate the differences as much as similarities as much as you're able to, and see if future relationships can be rekindled in the way I suggested above. Asides from that m'dear, I think there's not much to be done. I do hope some of this helped though. Good luck!Advice on husband and parents inlaw relationship?
Yes, it makes sense.
Your husband, if he hasn't already, needs to accept his parents for who they are and probably always have been. He was raise by these people and I'm sure they loved him. I was raised Pentecostal, my mother was so stricked that I was afraid to sing some of the songs they had us sing in choir. I couldn't wear certain clothes, worldly you know, never got to attend dances, games etc.. Let your husband know that he is his own person now, respect his parents, but live his live the way he sees fit. Enjoy good people like your parents seem to be, and don't let his parents judgements weigh him down. In their bible it says judge not lest ye be judged. I have found that if a person follows their heart they will make the right decisions for themselves. It takes a while, believe me to get past your past, but support him and show him that there are other ways to live; slowly. CJ
Based on what you wrote your husband seems to have parents who love and care for him. Despite his having to wear Wal-Mart or thrift clothes and not being allowed to watch MTV he has grown up to be a good person with a good life. So, really why dwell on what he felt wasn't an ideal teenage life?
Sounds to me like your husband needs to give the same kind of acceptance to his parents that he wants from them. He needs to understand that they have a lifestyle that works for them and whether he believes it or not worked for him as well (he turned out great right!). If he spent less time wishing for them to be more like your family rather than recognize the good in them and build upon that then he isn't going to have that special bond with them.
The only thing in the way of your husband having a good and healthy relationship with his parents is himself.
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