My husband has depression and anxiety issues and is an alcoholic. He doesn't get drunk very often but he buys the little pint size(I think it's a pint) vodka's and drinks straight from the bottle only chasing it with something like coke or whatever. I'm not sure often he drinks them because he doesn't always drink in front of me- I can tell sometimes when he has been drinking but I don't know if he drinks them everyday or what. Well Friday I sent him to the store to pick up soemthing for dinner and I gave him a $5 bill to buy a tomato from the people that sell them on the side of the road. They were closed so he just bought the tomato from the store instead and put everything on the debit card. Well Saturday I asked him to go get $20 out of the ATM and go to the dollar store to buy a gift bag for a present for a birthday party and get change so I could put a $10 in the birthday card. Well he said he forgot to use the cash to buy the bag but he went to the convenient store to get our little girl an icee and him a Dr. Pepper and got change. We are tight on funds now since he was out of work sick for almost 2 weeks and today they let him go and we have 2 kids and another on the way. Well later on Saturday I could tell he had been drinking so I asked him about the change from the $20 since he gave me a $10 for the b-day card and I also asked him what happened to the $5 bill for the tomato that he ended up buying at the store instead and paying for with the debit card- well he avoided the question, changed the subject and wouldn not tell me where the rest of the money went. He has lied to me before and so I can't trust him much, I knew he had been drinking and I had just had it with him hiding his drinking and lying to me. I told him that I wanted him to leave by the morning since he had been drinking and I didn't want him to drive right then so he left yesterday morning and went to his parents. I just need advice on what to do. We have a little girl that is almost 4, a 7 1/2 month old little girl and another baby due in November. Should I stay with him for sake of our kids, I work full time, I don't know if I can do this on my own. I know he loves me with all his heart and he loves his kids, and I love him to but I have resentment towards him for the things he has put me through. He is not abusive to me or anything or to our kids, he's just got so many issues like the depression and anxiety and drinking problem which he has admitted that he's is alcoholic. His job let him go because he was out sick for 2 weeks- he went to the doc and had an upper respiratory infection and told him to rest and put him on antibiotics and he works in the 100+ degree Louisiana heat doing construction so he couldn't go work while sick and antibiotics plus he has IBS(irritable bowel syndrome) which the antibiotics triggered and he was constantly on the toilet. I think they are in the wrong to discharge him- they put the reason as absenteeism even though he called or texted his supervisor everyday he was out and has hardly ever missed work in the year and 3 months he has been there. Anyway so he lost his job and his family in a matter of 2 days. What should I do- try to work things out?I need advice-my husband has a drinking problem and he hides it from me. I caught him in a lie this weekend.?
Do not stay with him for the sake of the kids. The kids don't need to be exposed to alcoholic behavior. You can do it on your own easier without a drunk in your life. Leave him, tell him to sober up and deal with his alcohol problem and you MIGHT consider taking him back.
Unrelated - regular yogurt or acidophilus pills from the health food store will help prevent/cure the diarrhea caused by antibiotics.I need advice-my husband has a drinking problem and he hides it from me. I caught him in a lie this weekend.?
Alcohol creates problems... good luck.
wow sounds like my family... my dad was and still is an alcoholic and my mom was pretty much a single mom from the time i was 3 and my little sister was 16 months old. Im now 19 and shes now 16 our parents divorced when i was 4. And i have to say now that im older speaking from a child in your type of situation i would rather my parents be separated and getting along than together and fighting or arguing. It's not health for your kids to have to go through that and it wouldn't be fair for them to be raised in a house seeing two ppl together pretending to care about each other over a lie. Granted it would be hard on you. But you truly have to think about what would be best for your kids. a good healthy home in which ppl care and love each other (being your and your girls) or a home where the father drinks to escape from his depression and a mother being torn in both ways... think about that
You should demand one of two things and do it in an intervention. This is where other people are involved and it is tough love.
If you stay married in this case your life may just be and ugly expression of what it could be.
So, he needs to be sober, get help, go to aa meetings and you need to, in my opinion get everyone together that supports you and do an intervention. That show is on TV if you have cable and it works lots of times.
If you have to go it alone you will be able to handle it. Just do the right thing and what happens happens, if he REALLY loves you he will face his addiction, that is the truth.
Alcoholics LIE! Addicts LIE!
You either want to be in or you want to be out...Until you can clearly see the role you play in this sick relationship you won't be able to make an informed decision about how you want to live your life.
I recommend strongly that you go to Al-Anon and get some help for yourself. You really need to understand how you play into this relationship.
At the end of the day - man or no man - you should be able to be strong and independent...and able to support yourself. If there's one thing you can count on from an addict - it's that you can't count on them.
Good luck!
I sent you a super long e-mail instead of answering this question here. About my experience with an alcoholic Husband (he's sober now) and I hope that you are able to take at least a little something from it and that it helps you.
Oh my... sounds like he has a lot on his plate and that you are the rock of the family at the moment. Very sorry to hear about your difficult situation.
Is he being treated for the depression and anxiety? the drinking sounds like an instant soother or security blanket for times when he is feeling low and it obviously goes hand in hand with the depression. Has he opened up to you about his depression? Im guessing since he is sneaking the booze he is ashamed and knows how you feel about it. This has put you in a very awkward position because he is in dire need of help but at the same time his misfortunes are also causing you to be the victim.... his self worth has to be very very low right now so you guys are going to have to get to the source of his misery and treat those problems if you are to be happy again and if he is going to find self esteem.
I don't know if counseling is an option but it sounds like you guys are in desperate need of it and not many people know it but your medical insurance most of the time covers marital and personal counseling so call your insurance company and find out your benefits. I would sit down with your husband and let him know that you care about him and you want him to be happy again and for your family to move forward in a positive way. Remind him of the reasons why you married him, hearing those things could help his ego and also inspire some guilt for the way he has been treating you with the lying. The trick will be to not use ';you'; too much and emphasize that you want to get through this as a team. If you put him on the hot seat and remind him of how crappy he has been, it will only put him in defense or lying mode.
Tell him that you would like him to join you in counseling.. . just as we go to the Dr. when our stomach is upset or we have the flu, people go to counseling when their mind and emotions don't feel right. Many men see it as a pride thing so emphasize to him that you two can do this together in private. It should be just between you two because involving family and friends will only make him feel more miserable and worthless. You could also bring up the things about yourself that you need help with from a counselor so he doesn't feel like the only person that needs it and feel singled out. I know you do deep down feel he is to blame for a lot of this... but at this point he knows that!!!! If you have the patience and love for him, now is the time to step up and really start making strides to get your relationship mended and his life back to normal. Lowering yourself just a little on a realistic level will make him more likely to respond and open up to you.. right now you are the saint and you hold more power in the marriage. If someone feels embarressed of his or herself why would they feel comfortable for opening up to a saint?
Being the supporter is going to feel empty for a little bit but it's honestly amazing how close counseling can make you feel. My husband and I go to couples counseling once a week for our issues and we leave there with a better understanding with ourselves and each other.... I can't tell you how much it's opened up my husband and made him more willing to forgive himself and be better all around.
I really hope you both find peace... make it clear to him that you want him to get better and making strides with you to improve is his only option. He and you deserve happiness, especially because of how hard you work.... your little girl and the baby on the way need their parents strong and happy... so look at the baby's birth that is coming as a goal for your two's recovery!!!!!!!! :)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Is my husband gay? I need advice on what to do.?
Hello. Found out my husband has been going to Shemale porn websites and has done google searches on fake nails, wigs and sex changes. Then there are websites for Transvestites clothes...and searches on Craigslist Personnals from Thailand to local area for Transvestites looking for men. Is this just a curioisty or something more. We have been together for 10 years and he has never been big into sex....I am just lost and confused.Is my husband gay? I need advice on what to do.?
It's unlikely that he's gay, and it's even more unlikely that he's contemplating 'sex change'. The vast majority of men who visit this sort of website are straight men, who have a transvestite fetish or fantasy.
It may be that your husband is a crossdresser, looking to satisfy his fantasies. It might make you feel better (or it might not) to know that, statistically, 1 in 5 men are regular crossdressers, and more than 70% of those men are happily married straight men.
I suggest that you need to sit down and talk to him about this, in a calm and non-confrontational manner. From the figures above, you'll see that many wives can accommodate this fetish; you may be able to work out a compromise with him, but only if you're prepared to talk to him calmly and openly.
You might find some of the information and advice on this site helpful;
http://www.ladylike.org.uk/
(I promise there is no sexual content,or 'porn', on this site)Is my husband gay? I need advice on what to do.?
YES, your husband is gay, he has an intrest/attracted to the shemale. Talk to your husband %26amp; tell him you know, best to let him go. He's not worth it never been big into sex its because he was living a lie. We had a male coworker that was truely gay %26amp; many years he mislead everyone he was also married %26amp; had two kids. In the end he divorced %26amp; lives a happy life now, wife remained single but dating bc of supports from her ex husband. You deserve better, find another man that'll f*** you good don't settle for less.
ask him, the answer might hurt but knowing is better than sitting around worried and wondering about it. I say just come out and ask him. Go somewhere alone or for a walk or just out and tell him you need him to be honest with you like he's never been before tell him you wont be angry but that you need to know. my opinion is that he is or wants to be a woman. Thats my opinion.
sorry but he is defiantly gay or at least bi maybe he surprised these feelings for a long time and this looking is how he controls it or what is probably the truth he is using these sites to meet men
do a strip tease to him and ask if he wants to see more.if he says no, break your relationship.
OMG. Listen looking may be curious. But the searching for wigs, nails and clothes. He is screaming Gender bender.
If he has done all that, I think he is gay. And if he has never been with a man. I think he wants to try it.
Not 100% sure, but chances are that he is gay.
IT sounds like he is gay, sorry.
It sounds like he might like guys to me!!!!!
No he is transgendered. You need to talk you need counseling
It's unlikely that he's gay, and it's even more unlikely that he's contemplating 'sex change'. The vast majority of men who visit this sort of website are straight men, who have a transvestite fetish or fantasy.
It may be that your husband is a crossdresser, looking to satisfy his fantasies. It might make you feel better (or it might not) to know that, statistically, 1 in 5 men are regular crossdressers, and more than 70% of those men are happily married straight men.
I suggest that you need to sit down and talk to him about this, in a calm and non-confrontational manner. From the figures above, you'll see that many wives can accommodate this fetish; you may be able to work out a compromise with him, but only if you're prepared to talk to him calmly and openly.
You might find some of the information and advice on this site helpful;
http://www.ladylike.org.uk/
(I promise there is no sexual content,or 'porn', on this site)Is my husband gay? I need advice on what to do.?
YES, your husband is gay, he has an intrest/attracted to the shemale. Talk to your husband %26amp; tell him you know, best to let him go. He's not worth it never been big into sex its because he was living a lie. We had a male coworker that was truely gay %26amp; many years he mislead everyone he was also married %26amp; had two kids. In the end he divorced %26amp; lives a happy life now, wife remained single but dating bc of supports from her ex husband. You deserve better, find another man that'll f*** you good don't settle for less.
ask him, the answer might hurt but knowing is better than sitting around worried and wondering about it. I say just come out and ask him. Go somewhere alone or for a walk or just out and tell him you need him to be honest with you like he's never been before tell him you wont be angry but that you need to know. my opinion is that he is or wants to be a woman. Thats my opinion.
sorry but he is defiantly gay or at least bi maybe he surprised these feelings for a long time and this looking is how he controls it or what is probably the truth he is using these sites to meet men
do a strip tease to him and ask if he wants to see more.if he says no, break your relationship.
OMG. Listen looking may be curious. But the searching for wigs, nails and clothes. He is screaming Gender bender.
If he has done all that, I think he is gay. And if he has never been with a man. I think he wants to try it.
Not 100% sure, but chances are that he is gay.
IT sounds like he is gay, sorry.
It sounds like he might like guys to me!!!!!
No he is transgendered. You need to talk you need counseling
Home loan advice for husband with great credit and a wife with bad credit?
My husband and I just did our taxes for the first time as a married couple and found out we owe $4400 dollars.. so my husband wants to take advantage of the first time buyer incentive.
Our problem is..my husband's credit is great. He is at about 730 with only 3,000 in credit card debt. I myself have bad credit at 500. I am going to try to clear off some of my issues...but I wanted some advice about a home loan.
He makes about 90,000 a year and with his good credit, I think he would be able to obtain a ok loan by himself. I was wondering if I should include myself with the loan. I make about 30,000 but with my credit, I am thinking that it would be better if he applied alone.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.Home loan advice for husband with great credit and a wife with bad credit?
He should apply alone if he can qualify for a home loan in the price range of about 240 - 270k. Do you have 3.5% for a down payment? The days of 100% financing are history. Make sure if he does buy a house, that your name is on the deed.Home loan advice for husband with great credit and a wife with bad credit?
being that you only make 90k, if you really wanted to buy in the next year or two, it would probably be better if he applied alone (provided that he didn't have a lot of other debts...like car payments). in the meantime, you should work on starting to clean up your credit today...because those negs are going to take 7.5 years to drop off. as someone else said, you will need to have at least 3.5 percent saved for the FHA downpayment as well as money for closing costs and inspections.
Keep it separate, or his credit rating will go to ****.
Our problem is..my husband's credit is great. He is at about 730 with only 3,000 in credit card debt. I myself have bad credit at 500. I am going to try to clear off some of my issues...but I wanted some advice about a home loan.
He makes about 90,000 a year and with his good credit, I think he would be able to obtain a ok loan by himself. I was wondering if I should include myself with the loan. I make about 30,000 but with my credit, I am thinking that it would be better if he applied alone.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.Home loan advice for husband with great credit and a wife with bad credit?
He should apply alone if he can qualify for a home loan in the price range of about 240 - 270k. Do you have 3.5% for a down payment? The days of 100% financing are history. Make sure if he does buy a house, that your name is on the deed.Home loan advice for husband with great credit and a wife with bad credit?
being that you only make 90k, if you really wanted to buy in the next year or two, it would probably be better if he applied alone (provided that he didn't have a lot of other debts...like car payments). in the meantime, you should work on starting to clean up your credit today...because those negs are going to take 7.5 years to drop off. as someone else said, you will need to have at least 3.5 percent saved for the FHA downpayment as well as money for closing costs and inspections.
Keep it separate, or his credit rating will go to ****.
Need serious advice! My husband won't find a job and we're broke?
Ok, I need some serious advice please..I want to be with my husband but he hasn't had a real job since he got fired last year...he isnt even TRYING to find a damn job and we have a 2 year old.. I was working from home for awhile but I needed more money so I went out and found 2 jobs within a month, and he has been jobless for almost a year...all he does is play computer games all day and now he is going to start college full time so we are definitely screwed cuz he'll use that as an excuse not to work since he has to study... we have bills piling up and literally have no food in the house.. Me working alone for a minimum wage job is not cutting it one bit..
I just dont know what to do!! Everytime I try and talk to him about getting a job he says ';I'll have a job soon, dont worry'; and gets all mad if i keep on him about it... the thing is, he doesnt even try!!
I got him a job at my last company that i worked for (he did nothing to get that job but go to the interview) and he blew the damn job by not showing up even though he claims he didnt know his schedule..
What do i do?? Threatening to leave him wont work..he doesn't take me seriously... and my his relative co-signed for our apartment so it's not like I can just not pay the rent....
He could even get a job at a fast food place in a second and that would help if he at least TRIED but he won't......... I'm so sick of this and need help..Need serious advice! My husband won't find a job and we're broke?
Don't threaten. Do.Need serious advice! My husband won't find a job and we're broke?
WHY are you with him still?
He should NOT be going to school, instead you should be hauling his *** to court!
he is being a lazy SOB! and you have a 2 yr old!?! what is he thinking!!!
forget school! he needs to go get a job! even if you need to find one for him! i cant believe that! if it gets worse you need to say break time and walk out on him. when he doesnt get to see you or the baby for a minute then he will get the hint.!
im sorry you have to go through that. I know it is tough. but hang in there for the baby.
This totally isn't right.You working 2 job's trying to support the household.You mentioned that you didn't have any food.I suggest that you go to Human Services and apply for an EBT card for food.It's a lot of forms to fill out but worth the effort.They base it on the size of your family and what the income is.I had to do this when my husband couldn't find employment.They will assign you a case worker that will help you out.Look up in the phone book under Human Services and locate and office thats close to you.They can process the info fast so at least you can have some food in your house.Regarding your husband not working,he doesn't sound like he's even motivated enough to get a job.I wish I could help you out there.A lot people go through a temp agency to find a job.My husband and son both found job's this way.It's just a suggestion.I wish you luck and hope I've been of some help to you.Sorry for your situation.Please check into the info I provided for you to have food.
You've got a leech attached to you and the only way to get it off is to burn it. Since threatening to leave isn't enough anymore, I guess you need to take it the next step and actually follow through, right?. Even if you do, I'm sorry to say that it doesn't seem to me that he loves either of you anymore, or at least not enough that it will make much of a difference. If you can, get your relative off of the co-sign... get it transferred to the two of you, or take it all on yourself. But then GET OUT.lip gloss
I just dont know what to do!! Everytime I try and talk to him about getting a job he says ';I'll have a job soon, dont worry'; and gets all mad if i keep on him about it... the thing is, he doesnt even try!!
I got him a job at my last company that i worked for (he did nothing to get that job but go to the interview) and he blew the damn job by not showing up even though he claims he didnt know his schedule..
What do i do?? Threatening to leave him wont work..he doesn't take me seriously... and my his relative co-signed for our apartment so it's not like I can just not pay the rent....
He could even get a job at a fast food place in a second and that would help if he at least TRIED but he won't......... I'm so sick of this and need help..Need serious advice! My husband won't find a job and we're broke?
Don't threaten. Do.Need serious advice! My husband won't find a job and we're broke?
WHY are you with him still?
He should NOT be going to school, instead you should be hauling his *** to court!
he is being a lazy SOB! and you have a 2 yr old!?! what is he thinking!!!
forget school! he needs to go get a job! even if you need to find one for him! i cant believe that! if it gets worse you need to say break time and walk out on him. when he doesnt get to see you or the baby for a minute then he will get the hint.!
im sorry you have to go through that. I know it is tough. but hang in there for the baby.
This totally isn't right.You working 2 job's trying to support the household.You mentioned that you didn't have any food.I suggest that you go to Human Services and apply for an EBT card for food.It's a lot of forms to fill out but worth the effort.They base it on the size of your family and what the income is.I had to do this when my husband couldn't find employment.They will assign you a case worker that will help you out.Look up in the phone book under Human Services and locate and office thats close to you.They can process the info fast so at least you can have some food in your house.Regarding your husband not working,he doesn't sound like he's even motivated enough to get a job.I wish I could help you out there.A lot people go through a temp agency to find a job.My husband and son both found job's this way.It's just a suggestion.I wish you luck and hope I've been of some help to you.Sorry for your situation.Please check into the info I provided for you to have food.
You've got a leech attached to you and the only way to get it off is to burn it. Since threatening to leave isn't enough anymore, I guess you need to take it the next step and actually follow through, right?. Even if you do, I'm sorry to say that it doesn't seem to me that he loves either of you anymore, or at least not enough that it will make much of a difference. If you can, get your relative off of the co-sign... get it transferred to the two of you, or take it all on yourself. But then GET OUT.
I need advice, my husband is joining the army!?
My husband is joining the Army and I'm a little worried about him. I have complete faith in him but.....um well he is very kind hearted and buckles very easily. He said he grew up with a very strict father but I am trying to help him understand D.I.'s and nothing like a strict mother or father. He is in for a rude awakening, I'm sure. But I want to see him succeed, what can I do to get him semi-ready for this new life.I need advice, my husband is joining the army!?
You can start by letting him get ready for it himself. No offense, but he's not going to have his wife with him in boot camp to hold his hand.I need advice, my husband is joining the army!?
Hello,
Actually, all you need to do is:
#1. Learn all about the US Army so you can understand what the Army will require your husband to do.
First step is to read all on the Army website:
www.goarmy.com
#2. Write him letters each day that he is in basic army training or as the army likes to call it these days: BCT (Basic Combat Training). No matter what you call it it is still BASIC TRAINING.
#3. Learn to have lots of patience as an Army wife. Remember, the Army ALWAYS comes first before the family. When he goes on deployment he goes. You need to learn to take care of all the household 'honey-do's' on your own.
#4. You can have a great Army life as a family IF you do not resent the Army in your personal life. Take advantage of all the activities on the Army Post and make lots of Army wives girlfriends. They help make the day better.
Oh, don't worry: your husband will become ARMY STRONG!
Best wishes,
Larry Smith
SMSgt, USAF (Ret.)
First Sergeant
My husband is also joining the army. And the way im preparing him is, basically letting him know how it is. Well, im prior service army. So, what i tell him is definitely from my experience. I guess what you could do is let him know that he'll be alright. The Drill sergeants is gonna yell and get all in his face but that's just temporary. When he graduate from Basic and AIT. It won't be as tough when he goes to his new duty station.
you can't do anything to prepare him, because it is a situation unlike anything else. He will have to go through it on his own with help from the other recruits, not you. If he is able to handle it he will be a proud graduate and the member of the armed forces. Unfortunately for you this is something you will not be able to be involved in. The best thing you can do is write him letters frequently while he is in bootcamp so he know's your out there supporting him.
I know this may sound wired. But tell him to find out why the army will have him do the things they till him to do, he will understand more of the millitary is and know if it is truly what he belives in not what they front and make it out to be.
tell him suck it up and don't take things personal and do exactly what the drill sgt says and don't take the easy way out and make excuses!!!
It's not to hurt him but make him stronger.
All you have to do is keep him motivated until he is ready to ship for basic. Once he is in there make sure you write him encouranging letters and send pics when you can. At this point he has made his mind up and all you have to do is be his motivation. Best of luck to you all
Get ready to don the black at his funeral and tell the boys how brave daddy was to go kill the bad muslims.
You'd have to have rocks in your head to live with a spouse who thought their JOB came first. Who gives a **** about the army. Bunch of white privilidged sons-of-bitches private army that goes off to protect their precious oil.
Go ARMY! Hell yeah.
Don't let him he will only realize after he has signed up what a mistake he has made. The only career even worth considering in the army is as an officer with a high up to sponsor you.
Just tell him your thought and fears, and tell him you will support him no matter what he decideds. that all you can do
You needn't do anything.
What is his MOS?
You can start by letting him get ready for it himself. No offense, but he's not going to have his wife with him in boot camp to hold his hand.I need advice, my husband is joining the army!?
Hello,
Actually, all you need to do is:
#1. Learn all about the US Army so you can understand what the Army will require your husband to do.
First step is to read all on the Army website:
www.goarmy.com
#2. Write him letters each day that he is in basic army training or as the army likes to call it these days: BCT (Basic Combat Training). No matter what you call it it is still BASIC TRAINING.
#3. Learn to have lots of patience as an Army wife. Remember, the Army ALWAYS comes first before the family. When he goes on deployment he goes. You need to learn to take care of all the household 'honey-do's' on your own.
#4. You can have a great Army life as a family IF you do not resent the Army in your personal life. Take advantage of all the activities on the Army Post and make lots of Army wives girlfriends. They help make the day better.
Oh, don't worry: your husband will become ARMY STRONG!
Best wishes,
Larry Smith
SMSgt, USAF (Ret.)
First Sergeant
My husband is also joining the army. And the way im preparing him is, basically letting him know how it is. Well, im prior service army. So, what i tell him is definitely from my experience. I guess what you could do is let him know that he'll be alright. The Drill sergeants is gonna yell and get all in his face but that's just temporary. When he graduate from Basic and AIT. It won't be as tough when he goes to his new duty station.
you can't do anything to prepare him, because it is a situation unlike anything else. He will have to go through it on his own with help from the other recruits, not you. If he is able to handle it he will be a proud graduate and the member of the armed forces. Unfortunately for you this is something you will not be able to be involved in. The best thing you can do is write him letters frequently while he is in bootcamp so he know's your out there supporting him.
I know this may sound wired. But tell him to find out why the army will have him do the things they till him to do, he will understand more of the millitary is and know if it is truly what he belives in not what they front and make it out to be.
tell him suck it up and don't take things personal and do exactly what the drill sgt says and don't take the easy way out and make excuses!!!
It's not to hurt him but make him stronger.
All you have to do is keep him motivated until he is ready to ship for basic. Once he is in there make sure you write him encouranging letters and send pics when you can. At this point he has made his mind up and all you have to do is be his motivation. Best of luck to you all
Get ready to don the black at his funeral and tell the boys how brave daddy was to go kill the bad muslims.
You'd have to have rocks in your head to live with a spouse who thought their JOB came first. Who gives a **** about the army. Bunch of white privilidged sons-of-bitches private army that goes off to protect their precious oil.
Go ARMY! Hell yeah.
Don't let him he will only realize after he has signed up what a mistake he has made. The only career even worth considering in the army is as an officer with a high up to sponsor you.
Just tell him your thought and fears, and tell him you will support him no matter what he decideds. that all you can do
You needn't do anything.
What is his MOS?
I need advice about husband ?
Well, first of all.. My husband told me he is not going to his moms house today. I made a meal for dinner and then waiting for him to come over to house and then he is starting to tell me he wants to go to his mom's house. I said ';I thought you were not going there today and you told me you are going there tomorrow?!'; I wanted to be alone with him and watching movie together and then he is starting to tell me ';My grandmother were going to pay movie for 8:45pm'; I told him to go there tomorrow. He went to his mom's house straight 3days this week and i told him to stay with me today and then i told him '; if you really want to go there then go to your mom's house and stay there as long as you want'; He is starting to telling me '; You are very crazy and sick girl'; . I said '; I am very crazy and sick girl because of i am telling you to go to your mom's house?'; I can't believe he is talking to me in that way or is this my fault? I need advice about him?I need advice about husband ?
Either he is going to his Mom's because there is a problem there or he is going out on you. You could call his mom during the week, and get yourself an invite over to find out the truthI need advice about husband ?
sounds like he is hiding something or he is just stressed and needs to think before he speaks. we all think that the man is supose to be perfect casue there the man but i know you can remember a day or two where you didnt talk to him repectfully so forgive and forget and talk it out
Go with him and see why he is so interested in going over there. Did his Dad pass away, or is his Mom single?
You married a mama's boy..sorry
Either he is going to his Mom's because there is a problem there or he is going out on you. You could call his mom during the week, and get yourself an invite over to find out the truthI need advice about husband ?
sounds like he is hiding something or he is just stressed and needs to think before he speaks. we all think that the man is supose to be perfect casue there the man but i know you can remember a day or two where you didnt talk to him repectfully so forgive and forget and talk it out
Go with him and see why he is so interested in going over there. Did his Dad pass away, or is his Mom single?
You married a mama's boy..sorry
I need advice: My husband is very family oriented but my mother in law's house is CRAMPED (please read)?
At his mothers house (a double wide trailor) there is his mother, stepfather, older brother, brothers girlfriend, her baby (1 yr old). And then when we visit it is me and him, our baby (8mo) and two big dogs. His brother / brother girlfriend have been living their for about a year since he got out of jail and everyone said they'd be out by now, but they're NOT. I am a stay at home mom, and am used to being in a low key environment in my own home, when I go there I feel uncomfortable, and he wants to stay there for TWO WEEKS, I can't stand it, what should I do? Please don't be rude I need some serious advice, what woud you do? Like I said his family is very close.I need advice: My husband is very family oriented but my mother in law's house is CRAMPED (please read)?
Personally, I would compromise - stay there for a week and then go home, while he can stay for an additional week. My family lives in a different country and I take lots of time off when I go visit them; my husband can't get as much time off, so he goes with me for 1-2 weeks, then goes home, and I stay with my family for another couple of weeks.I need advice: My husband is very family oriented but my mother in law's house is CRAMPED (please read)?
Only 4 hours away? How nice. Well, sounds like he can always go visit his mom on his own, too. I wish I lived 4 hours away from my parents... For me it's more like 24 hours. Ugh.
Would he make himself uncomfortable for you for two weeks?
Sometimes its not all about making sure the both of you are happy. Sometimes its about sacrificing our own comfort for the ones we love. Especially in this case, it's only temporary. Suck it up and you will be his hero.
WOW~ I would get a hotel room. That is way to many people in such close quarters. How does everyone fit? How many bed rooms are there? Like your supposed to sleep on the floor? NO WAY.
2 weeks in a hotel would be very expensive...but if I were you I would suggest a compromise with your husband. Stay in their house the first week, then a hotel the next. Make it a fun thing for his family...get a hotel with an indoor pool, kids will love it. Offer to have everyone over for a pizza and swim party one night...that way you can contribute to some of the fun and cost of feeding everyone, you get SOME space...and the little kids will have a blast!
Personally, I would compromise - stay there for a week and then go home, while he can stay for an additional week. My family lives in a different country and I take lots of time off when I go visit them; my husband can't get as much time off, so he goes with me for 1-2 weeks, then goes home, and I stay with my family for another couple of weeks.I need advice: My husband is very family oriented but my mother in law's house is CRAMPED (please read)?
Only 4 hours away? How nice. Well, sounds like he can always go visit his mom on his own, too. I wish I lived 4 hours away from my parents... For me it's more like 24 hours. Ugh.
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Would he make himself uncomfortable for you for two weeks?
Sometimes its not all about making sure the both of you are happy. Sometimes its about sacrificing our own comfort for the ones we love. Especially in this case, it's only temporary. Suck it up and you will be his hero.
WOW~ I would get a hotel room. That is way to many people in such close quarters. How does everyone fit? How many bed rooms are there? Like your supposed to sleep on the floor? NO WAY.
2 weeks in a hotel would be very expensive...but if I were you I would suggest a compromise with your husband. Stay in their house the first week, then a hotel the next. Make it a fun thing for his family...get a hotel with an indoor pool, kids will love it. Offer to have everyone over for a pizza and swim party one night...that way you can contribute to some of the fun and cost of feeding everyone, you get SOME space...and the little kids will have a blast!
I need advice? My husband he has credit card dead about $50000. I dont know where he spend money and he doesnt?
give me a clear answer. (however I think he borrow money and spend it for his 30 year old brother who is married and is always between job) He makes about $150000 a year and pay tax also. Because of his credit card payments he has to pay lots of money every month. currently I am homemaker with three young kids. I thought I might get job and bring some money home ,but it is impossible because daycare center cost a lot in ca. I really dont know what to do? even we are not qualified for anygovernmentt program such as medical assistance or statesponsoreddpreschoolsl, because of his earned income is high. Also, he believes in this situation he has to pay for his brother of friends visitation(buy thicket, hotel expense, etc) now I want to know if you were me what would You do? do I have enough reason to get seperated!!!Please give me all answered details and sorry for my bad English.I need advice? My husband he has credit card dead about $50000. I dont know where he spend money and he doesnt?
It's a hard situation. My ex-wife had similar spending/credit problems, and the only way to get rid of them was to divorce her. But I didn't divorce over money, and it's a tough call if you're in love and have 3 kids - maybe marriage and credit counseling can save your marriage and credit.
But while you're married, his debt and bad credit rating are your debt and bad credit rating. The only way I could save my financial life was to divorce, lose half my assets, and start over in a new life where I might be poor, but nobody was going to spend my money like crazy and make me poorer or keep me from saving. Now, 5 years later, I have a house again, I have investments, and my ex-wife has credit cards and home equity run up to the limit - and it's not my problem.I need advice? My husband he has credit card dead about $50000. I dont know where he spend money and he doesnt?
He is just trying to help his brother out in a time of need. I would do the same thing. He will have to pay more on the card than what is do every month to pay it down quicker. You should get a job and find someone to watch the kids that is inexpensive. Your husband makes a lot of money so you will have to get a job now.
Its pretty easy to check just call the credit com ask for a full credit history where ever he used it you'll find out..
I think Zeep is right. That said:
Do your household budget. Know what your bottom line is including haircuts, shoes, clothes and the kids extra-curricular activities. Include Everything.
Sit your man down. Tell him you see there is a problem and you want to help. Give him the bottom line.
If he insists on making payments to his brother, choose a finite number out of whatever is left, say, he gets $300.00 a month and then that is all he gets til the next month.
All the numbers, household expenses, discretionary income AND what is paid to the brother need to equal hubby's monthly income. This is called The Budget.
Then make a list of all your credit debt. Time to cut some cards. Get rid of them all. No, you don't need to keep one ';just in case'; - you have a budget.
If you approach the man with a reasonable cure for what is wrong he may be inclined to work as a team. Tell him he can tell his brother you made him do it. If you want to leave once the debt is paid down,that's up to you. He's going to have one heck of a time paying Child Support, credit card debt and keeping a roof over his head.
I would hope he doesn't like the situation as much as you don't and he is willing to take a reasonable solution.
I wish you luck, dear,
and God bless you and yours.
It's a hard situation. My ex-wife had similar spending/credit problems, and the only way to get rid of them was to divorce her. But I didn't divorce over money, and it's a tough call if you're in love and have 3 kids - maybe marriage and credit counseling can save your marriage and credit.
But while you're married, his debt and bad credit rating are your debt and bad credit rating. The only way I could save my financial life was to divorce, lose half my assets, and start over in a new life where I might be poor, but nobody was going to spend my money like crazy and make me poorer or keep me from saving. Now, 5 years later, I have a house again, I have investments, and my ex-wife has credit cards and home equity run up to the limit - and it's not my problem.I need advice? My husband he has credit card dead about $50000. I dont know where he spend money and he doesnt?
He is just trying to help his brother out in a time of need. I would do the same thing. He will have to pay more on the card than what is do every month to pay it down quicker. You should get a job and find someone to watch the kids that is inexpensive. Your husband makes a lot of money so you will have to get a job now.
Its pretty easy to check just call the credit com ask for a full credit history where ever he used it you'll find out..
I think Zeep is right. That said:
Do your household budget. Know what your bottom line is including haircuts, shoes, clothes and the kids extra-curricular activities. Include Everything.
Sit your man down. Tell him you see there is a problem and you want to help. Give him the bottom line.
If he insists on making payments to his brother, choose a finite number out of whatever is left, say, he gets $300.00 a month and then that is all he gets til the next month.
All the numbers, household expenses, discretionary income AND what is paid to the brother need to equal hubby's monthly income. This is called The Budget.
Then make a list of all your credit debt. Time to cut some cards. Get rid of them all. No, you don't need to keep one ';just in case'; - you have a budget.
If you approach the man with a reasonable cure for what is wrong he may be inclined to work as a team. Tell him he can tell his brother you made him do it. If you want to leave once the debt is paid down,that's up to you. He's going to have one heck of a time paying Child Support, credit card debt and keeping a roof over his head.
I would hope he doesn't like the situation as much as you don't and he is willing to take a reasonable solution.
I wish you luck, dear,
and God bless you and yours.
Need helpful advice...my husband is turning the domestic violence case into psychiatric evaluation via CBS?
Hi
It`s the summary of what`s going on with me and my family;
My husband is a contolling and abusive person since the beginning of our marriage,it`s five years now,3 yr old son ,6 months old daughter and I am pregnant again.Last year I all 911 and went to the shelter when he beats me[though after that he never beat me again].In shelter the workers notice a bump on our son forehead and that`s how the CBS was involved,though my husband never beat our kids but he was trying to move him out of the way and accidently our son strike with the door and got bumped.
My son love both of us a lot,in shelter he kept crying day and night,he miss his father and his home,he got sick with high grade fever,I get panic and came back home,I couldn`t see my son suffering.
when I came back to home ,our relation became better but my husband filed a lawsuit for affecting parent -child relationship requesting the court for my and my both kids psychiatric evaluation......contd below...Need helpful advice...my husband is turning the domestic violence case into psychiatric evaluation via CBS?
You need court ordered temporary support from your soon to be ex-husband. Consider seeing a female family law attorney. Since you have already been to a local Women's shelter, they may offer some direction. Hopefully they documented the visit and the bump on your son's forehead.
The Ex-hubby is trying to have you deported (what country?) and maintain full legal custody of the kids and not pay any child and spousal support.
You will need copies of any child protective services reports, police reports. Consider “statements of sworn truth” or affidavits signed by folks with a sound mind of your ability to be a good parent.
Because he is a licensed psychiatrist, the state will have disciplinary action records on the ex-hub. Get copies of all actions and search for victims that he mistreated, pedophiled, and molested.
This man is emotionally not available, distant, controlling, condescending, and very abusive. He wants to destroy, control, and separate you from your children. You need a restraining order to keep him away from you and the kids so you can feel safe.Need helpful advice...my husband is turning the domestic violence case into psychiatric evaluation via CBS?
Okkkk, he's still trying to control you! He is doing this to blame you for everything. Why did you go back? Children get through divorce. Abuse leaves marks. Get out while you can. And it's CPS out west.
your husband is a con-artist ,,you need to divorce him , and seek counsling for the kids and yourself ,,,,get a oder of protection on him too .....stay away from him ,,,he sounds dangerous !!
Do whatever you can to get out. It will be hard for your son, but while you live there, **this man is teaching your son how to treat women.**
Ask the domestic violence/shelter workers for help. They have seen everything -- if you can find the right person to advocate for you, they should be able to help.
It`s the summary of what`s going on with me and my family;
My husband is a contolling and abusive person since the beginning of our marriage,it`s five years now,3 yr old son ,6 months old daughter and I am pregnant again.Last year I all 911 and went to the shelter when he beats me[though after that he never beat me again].In shelter the workers notice a bump on our son forehead and that`s how the CBS was involved,though my husband never beat our kids but he was trying to move him out of the way and accidently our son strike with the door and got bumped.
My son love both of us a lot,in shelter he kept crying day and night,he miss his father and his home,he got sick with high grade fever,I get panic and came back home,I couldn`t see my son suffering.
when I came back to home ,our relation became better but my husband filed a lawsuit for affecting parent -child relationship requesting the court for my and my both kids psychiatric evaluation......contd below...Need helpful advice...my husband is turning the domestic violence case into psychiatric evaluation via CBS?
You need court ordered temporary support from your soon to be ex-husband. Consider seeing a female family law attorney. Since you have already been to a local Women's shelter, they may offer some direction. Hopefully they documented the visit and the bump on your son's forehead.
The Ex-hubby is trying to have you deported (what country?) and maintain full legal custody of the kids and not pay any child and spousal support.
You will need copies of any child protective services reports, police reports. Consider “statements of sworn truth” or affidavits signed by folks with a sound mind of your ability to be a good parent.
Because he is a licensed psychiatrist, the state will have disciplinary action records on the ex-hub. Get copies of all actions and search for victims that he mistreated, pedophiled, and molested.
This man is emotionally not available, distant, controlling, condescending, and very abusive. He wants to destroy, control, and separate you from your children. You need a restraining order to keep him away from you and the kids so you can feel safe.Need helpful advice...my husband is turning the domestic violence case into psychiatric evaluation via CBS?
Okkkk, he's still trying to control you! He is doing this to blame you for everything. Why did you go back? Children get through divorce. Abuse leaves marks. Get out while you can. And it's CPS out west.
your husband is a con-artist ,,you need to divorce him , and seek counsling for the kids and yourself ,,,,get a oder of protection on him too .....stay away from him ,,,he sounds dangerous !!
Do whatever you can to get out. It will be hard for your son, but while you live there, **this man is teaching your son how to treat women.**
Ask the domestic violence/shelter workers for help. They have seen everything -- if you can find the right person to advocate for you, they should be able to help.
I need advice. My husband had a baby with another woman.?
Well, I have been with my husband for almost 10 years. We have a two year and three month old daughters. Around the time our first daughter was born he was on drugs and cheated and got another woman pregnant. He had gotten clean, was in rehab %26amp; we were finally happy together again, when this woman contacted and said she was 6 months pregnant with his baby. Now the baby is 1 year old, her mother is in jail, and I am raising the baby with my husband. Sometimes I just feel so angry toward her. I try so hard to love her and not let it show, but I feel myself have less patience with her than my other kids. My husband sees it too. I am so frustrated. I feel like this is a lot of my husband to ask of me. I don't feel I have had enough time to even adjust to him having this baby. I am so angry. What should I do?I need advice. My husband had a baby with another woman.?
You really should find a supportive counsellor. Your situation is more complex than any one simple answer can offer you. You're still angry about past events and this child is a reminder. This is a transference issue that needs to be sorted out with proper counselling.I need advice. My husband had a baby with another woman.?
The fact you are still with him shows you are still willing to work on the marriage. Go to the beach or a field and scream your lungs out then go home and take care of the baby and the rest of your children like the good mother you are and brave yourself to being the mother to that baby since chances are you will be the only mother she will ever know.
Seek a counselor who can help you work through the emotions you are feeling... I can't imagine the strain this is putting on you, but remember that you shouldn't be angry or frustrated with the child.
This child is innocent to the behavior that gave her life... She is a beautiful child regardless of any other details...
Take time for yourself, and find a good stress reliever while you get through your lingering emotions about the situation...
Good Luck to you...
Jealousy? Maybe you know deep down inside it's not BOTH of your guys kids, it's his and another woman's, while your other kids are your guys Maybe you're feeling like you're missing out on that bond? When I'm upset or feel something aggravating, I go run or punch a punching bag or something, but don't take it out on that little girl, she wasn't the one to choose this situation, you know?
You really need to be talking to a therapist about all this: its A LOT to deal with a nobody can tell you it isn't!
I would try this: SEVERAL times a day, say this out-loud to her ';You are an innocent child who deserves love and care despite this situation.'; See if it doesn't soften your heart.
I'm SO sorry you're in this spot, Honey!!
xoxoxoxo
Since you have accepted that this child will be raised with the rest of your children, I strongly advise you to get counseling NOW. The older the child gets the more they will know you don't want them - you have to fix yourself to accept and treat this child equally to your own children. Anything less then that is wrong. Why should the child suffer?
Why did you agree to this arrangement? This is insane.
There is no human way you can treat this child equally to your own children... she is a constant reminder of your husband's infidelity.
Tell your husband he will simply need to make other arrangements for his mistress' offspring. It's too much for anyone to ask of you.
I'm not your saying your the same ';level'; as these people you've chosen to co-mingle with, but it just goes to show ya, you have to be careful who you associate with. You wanted to slum it when you were younger, and now your reaping what you sow.
Either that, or your all a bunch of white trash junkies. Can't tell, really.
This is a deal breaker!
Now you have to decide where you want to take your life.
The child is not going away.
Accept, or leave. It isn't gonna get easier unless you make one of those two decisions.
Trust me. I know how you feel!
You are 100% right on how you feel. Dont let anyone tell you other-wise!
Congratulations?
You are officially submissive!!!!
And you can look forward to the ho getting out of jail and moving in with her baby daddy! Yaaaay.
Hope you like sharing your husband with his GF in the same house.
in my opinion.not advised. you forgive your husband.because you accepted the baby. right. so move on.How will you move on if you always looked back the past.That your husband did it to you..
I wouldn't do it. The other options aren't good, though. Foster care? Are there any grandparents who would do it? Frankly, I'd divorce him and he could deal with it on his own. I feel for you, and I totally understand how you feel.
Go to the gym, jog, kickbox, anything, but please, don't take it out on the child, she's the least guilty of all.
Is it the mistake of that baby.
She is innocent and even dont know who is her mom.
so try to give her love if you can or join her in good rehabilitation centers or ashrams.
Go to therapy, you can't take your anger for your husband and the other woman out on an innocent baby.
You have already accepted the situation. Better put up with it till you can.
divorce your cheatin husband to start....the child is not to blame, the mother is not to blame...your husband told her he loved her before she spread her legs...
Love the baby kill the husband
Therapy and quick before you do something stupid!
girl both of you need to go to counselling because that feeling is'nt going to go away.
that really sucks!
I can tell you from experience that you have to give it some time. My daughter's father had a baby while we were together and I didn't want anything to do with the baby at all. His mom was a dead beat and my daughter's father asked me to watch the baby from time to time. I ended up taking to baby everywhere with me and to this day I love him like I love my own daughter. When I call home, he answers the phone and we talk for a long time before giving his dad the phone(I moved out of state) He tells me he misses me and I really do miss him. Birthdays and Christmas he gets the same treatment as my daughter. It took about 2 years to get to that point but he is the son I never had and I love him to death.
It is not the baby's fault, who you need to be angry at is at your husband. This baby did not ask anyone to come into this world. The baby does not owne you honesty and faithfulness. REMEMBER IT WAS YOUR HUSBAND THAT CHEATED NOT THIS INNOCENT BABY!!!!!! How would you feel if someone treated your kids in the manner you are treating this child. You decided to take this man back into your life then you must deal with it but not take it on the baby. Have you realize how you make this poor innocent baby feel? This baby probably thinks your his mother since his biological mother is not around. I'm sure this baby feel your rejection and that you prefer the other kids.
If you can't take this find someone else to take care of the baby and make that worthless husband do it. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT YOU ARE TAKING IT OUT ON THIS POOR BABY AND NOT YOUR QUILTY HUSBAND, WHO IS WHO YOU NEED TO BE ANGRY AT. If you don't want your kids to be treated bad don't do it someone else's baby.
First of all stop thinking of that woman when you look at that little girl. I know your hurt and angry but she is just a little girl and she needs her daddy. If this doesn't work out she will have no where to go and your husband will have to leave with her is that what you want. I would hope you wouldn't send her off with other family members..She needs her daddy just as much as your two little girls, because her mom is obviously a loser and is in jail..She needs your love and guidance as she gets older. Don't be the wicked stepmother from Cinderella...maybe you should go to counseling to get help with your emotions, because to take out your frustrations and anger that you should have for your husband not just that women or definately not that little girl..Its not alot for him to ask of you because your the one that stayed with him and knew he had this child. You either have to make the decision to divorce and move on or control your emotions give the love that child needs and deserves. I feel bad for her. Poor little baby..
First of all, I give you massive kudos for trying to make this work. Many of us might not have that kind of stamina (or something). You're dealing with 2 big violations: the cheating and then he reorganized your family without your permission.
Trite as it sounds, I'd suggest you and your husband get some good couples counseling. If this is going to work long term, you have to find a way to get past the anger and resentment, which are 2 separate issues. And your husband needs to hear from a third party what is being asked of you, and what he needs to do to help both of you succeed.
Also, I'm sure you've thought of this, but I assume the paternity of the child has been confirmed by DNA? If mom is in jail for drugs, your hubby was probably one out of quite a few during that month.refill
You really should find a supportive counsellor. Your situation is more complex than any one simple answer can offer you. You're still angry about past events and this child is a reminder. This is a transference issue that needs to be sorted out with proper counselling.I need advice. My husband had a baby with another woman.?
The fact you are still with him shows you are still willing to work on the marriage. Go to the beach or a field and scream your lungs out then go home and take care of the baby and the rest of your children like the good mother you are and brave yourself to being the mother to that baby since chances are you will be the only mother she will ever know.
Seek a counselor who can help you work through the emotions you are feeling... I can't imagine the strain this is putting on you, but remember that you shouldn't be angry or frustrated with the child.
This child is innocent to the behavior that gave her life... She is a beautiful child regardless of any other details...
Take time for yourself, and find a good stress reliever while you get through your lingering emotions about the situation...
Good Luck to you...
Jealousy? Maybe you know deep down inside it's not BOTH of your guys kids, it's his and another woman's, while your other kids are your guys Maybe you're feeling like you're missing out on that bond? When I'm upset or feel something aggravating, I go run or punch a punching bag or something, but don't take it out on that little girl, she wasn't the one to choose this situation, you know?
You really need to be talking to a therapist about all this: its A LOT to deal with a nobody can tell you it isn't!
I would try this: SEVERAL times a day, say this out-loud to her ';You are an innocent child who deserves love and care despite this situation.'; See if it doesn't soften your heart.
I'm SO sorry you're in this spot, Honey!!
xoxoxoxo
Since you have accepted that this child will be raised with the rest of your children, I strongly advise you to get counseling NOW. The older the child gets the more they will know you don't want them - you have to fix yourself to accept and treat this child equally to your own children. Anything less then that is wrong. Why should the child suffer?
Why did you agree to this arrangement? This is insane.
There is no human way you can treat this child equally to your own children... she is a constant reminder of your husband's infidelity.
Tell your husband he will simply need to make other arrangements for his mistress' offspring. It's too much for anyone to ask of you.
I'm not your saying your the same ';level'; as these people you've chosen to co-mingle with, but it just goes to show ya, you have to be careful who you associate with. You wanted to slum it when you were younger, and now your reaping what you sow.
Either that, or your all a bunch of white trash junkies. Can't tell, really.
This is a deal breaker!
Now you have to decide where you want to take your life.
The child is not going away.
Accept, or leave. It isn't gonna get easier unless you make one of those two decisions.
Trust me. I know how you feel!
You are 100% right on how you feel. Dont let anyone tell you other-wise!
Congratulations?
You are officially submissive!!!!
And you can look forward to the ho getting out of jail and moving in with her baby daddy! Yaaaay.
Hope you like sharing your husband with his GF in the same house.
in my opinion.not advised. you forgive your husband.because you accepted the baby. right. so move on.How will you move on if you always looked back the past.That your husband did it to you..
I wouldn't do it. The other options aren't good, though. Foster care? Are there any grandparents who would do it? Frankly, I'd divorce him and he could deal with it on his own. I feel for you, and I totally understand how you feel.
Go to the gym, jog, kickbox, anything, but please, don't take it out on the child, she's the least guilty of all.
Is it the mistake of that baby.
She is innocent and even dont know who is her mom.
so try to give her love if you can or join her in good rehabilitation centers or ashrams.
Go to therapy, you can't take your anger for your husband and the other woman out on an innocent baby.
You have already accepted the situation. Better put up with it till you can.
divorce your cheatin husband to start....the child is not to blame, the mother is not to blame...your husband told her he loved her before she spread her legs...
Love the baby kill the husband
Therapy and quick before you do something stupid!
girl both of you need to go to counselling because that feeling is'nt going to go away.
that really sucks!
I can tell you from experience that you have to give it some time. My daughter's father had a baby while we were together and I didn't want anything to do with the baby at all. His mom was a dead beat and my daughter's father asked me to watch the baby from time to time. I ended up taking to baby everywhere with me and to this day I love him like I love my own daughter. When I call home, he answers the phone and we talk for a long time before giving his dad the phone(I moved out of state) He tells me he misses me and I really do miss him. Birthdays and Christmas he gets the same treatment as my daughter. It took about 2 years to get to that point but he is the son I never had and I love him to death.
It is not the baby's fault, who you need to be angry at is at your husband. This baby did not ask anyone to come into this world. The baby does not owne you honesty and faithfulness. REMEMBER IT WAS YOUR HUSBAND THAT CHEATED NOT THIS INNOCENT BABY!!!!!! How would you feel if someone treated your kids in the manner you are treating this child. You decided to take this man back into your life then you must deal with it but not take it on the baby. Have you realize how you make this poor innocent baby feel? This baby probably thinks your his mother since his biological mother is not around. I'm sure this baby feel your rejection and that you prefer the other kids.
If you can't take this find someone else to take care of the baby and make that worthless husband do it. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT YOU ARE TAKING IT OUT ON THIS POOR BABY AND NOT YOUR QUILTY HUSBAND, WHO IS WHO YOU NEED TO BE ANGRY AT. If you don't want your kids to be treated bad don't do it someone else's baby.
First of all stop thinking of that woman when you look at that little girl. I know your hurt and angry but she is just a little girl and she needs her daddy. If this doesn't work out she will have no where to go and your husband will have to leave with her is that what you want. I would hope you wouldn't send her off with other family members..She needs her daddy just as much as your two little girls, because her mom is obviously a loser and is in jail..She needs your love and guidance as she gets older. Don't be the wicked stepmother from Cinderella...maybe you should go to counseling to get help with your emotions, because to take out your frustrations and anger that you should have for your husband not just that women or definately not that little girl..Its not alot for him to ask of you because your the one that stayed with him and knew he had this child. You either have to make the decision to divorce and move on or control your emotions give the love that child needs and deserves. I feel bad for her. Poor little baby..
First of all, I give you massive kudos for trying to make this work. Many of us might not have that kind of stamina (or something). You're dealing with 2 big violations: the cheating and then he reorganized your family without your permission.
Trite as it sounds, I'd suggest you and your husband get some good couples counseling. If this is going to work long term, you have to find a way to get past the anger and resentment, which are 2 separate issues. And your husband needs to hear from a third party what is being asked of you, and what he needs to do to help both of you succeed.
Also, I'm sure you've thought of this, but I assume the paternity of the child has been confirmed by DNA? If mom is in jail for drugs, your hubby was probably one out of quite a few during that month.
Help! need advice? my husband and I dont agree!?
my grandma died this week and her memorial is this weekend. my husband doesnt want to take him with becuase he gets axiety when otherss try to hold him or touch him as do I. but i also have never been away from him and I get axiety when I am. also i do understand where my husband is coming from and he understands my reasons.he is 4 mo old and this is just really hard for me and we are argueing about what to do! my question is wht would you do? my husband also doesnt wan my son around everyone when they are so sad. my husband doent deal with death so easily cuased from his older sisters horrific death. please help? i dont like fighting with my husband.Help! need advice? my husband and I dont agree!?
If you husband is that concernd then maybe he should stay home with your baby.or Take him/her with youHelp! need advice? my husband and I dont agree!?
why don't you just talk to him about it and talk it through instead of asking the world?
wouldn't be be offended that you've asked the whole of yahoo answers how to make something right between you two instead of confessing him and sorting things out?
Death is as beautiful a part of life as birth is. Children are family members like every one else. I include my children in every family event, be it sad, happy or otherwise Children learn how to behave by watching the adults around them, sheltering them is not always the best thing to do. Deal with the hard stuff and explain everything to the child, yes I know he's 4 mo, children are often way more intelligent than we give them credit for. It's not worth fighting with your husband over, nor is it worth traumatising yourself and bub, take him. You will all survive.
sorry bout grandma...........
I think you should leave the baby at home with your husband. A funeral is no place for a baby. You will be fine for a few hours. One day to go to your grandmother's memorial won't kill you. You will have your son the rest of your life. Don't force your husband to go if he is that uncomfortable. But you need to go. This will be the last thing you ever have to do for her.
As sad as it may be, people die and they feel grief for a variety of reasons. Not going to your own grandma's funeral is going to prevent that. You people are on a path of sheltering your kid from life, and keeping one another sheltered. It seems like because your husband never learned to deal with grief he is beginning to do the same to your child.
If you husband is that concernd then maybe he should stay home with your baby.or Take him/her with youHelp! need advice? my husband and I dont agree!?
why don't you just talk to him about it and talk it through instead of asking the world?
wouldn't be be offended that you've asked the whole of yahoo answers how to make something right between you two instead of confessing him and sorting things out?
Death is as beautiful a part of life as birth is. Children are family members like every one else. I include my children in every family event, be it sad, happy or otherwise Children learn how to behave by watching the adults around them, sheltering them is not always the best thing to do. Deal with the hard stuff and explain everything to the child, yes I know he's 4 mo, children are often way more intelligent than we give them credit for. It's not worth fighting with your husband over, nor is it worth traumatising yourself and bub, take him. You will all survive.
sorry bout grandma...........
I think you should leave the baby at home with your husband. A funeral is no place for a baby. You will be fine for a few hours. One day to go to your grandmother's memorial won't kill you. You will have your son the rest of your life. Don't force your husband to go if he is that uncomfortable. But you need to go. This will be the last thing you ever have to do for her.
As sad as it may be, people die and they feel grief for a variety of reasons. Not going to your own grandma's funeral is going to prevent that. You people are on a path of sheltering your kid from life, and keeping one another sheltered. It seems like because your husband never learned to deal with grief he is beginning to do the same to your child.
Desperate for advice about husband and porn?
My husband looks at porn, though I am not happy about it I have definitely come to terms with it and never mention it. We had an understanding that I don't care about it as long as I don't have to see what he has been looking at. Today I came home from work and he left shortly after for work, and I clicked on ';open all recently closed tabs'; in the internet browser. I found several websites where he has been looking at TEEN porn, girls that are OBVIOUSLY young, I am guessing about 12-13 yrs old. I have no way to get ahold of him, and I don't even want to. We are young (I'm 24, he's 23) and have only been married 7 months. He is a computer tech and is supposed to report anyone who looks at stuff like this, but HE is doing it! I am disgusted, and totally ashamed that my husband is obviously a pervert. PLEASE can someone PLEASE give me some advice here? I have a terrible case of the shakes right now and am extremely confused... please help..Desperate for advice about husband and porn?
Most porn is made in California. There, it is legal to pose for porn at age 18 and up. So-called ';teen'; sites put up pictures of young women who are either 18 or 19 years old. They go to great lengths to make the girls appear even younger than they are. To this end, they typically choose females with small breasts, and/or who wear braces. They put their hair in pig tails, give them lollipops to suck on, and photograph them on beds with stuffed animals, in front of walls with Jonas Brothers and High School Musical posters on them.
I'd be willing to bet that your husband was looking at the kind of legal porn I described above. Please, stop freaking!Desperate for advice about husband and porn?
you need to get out of that relationship before his infatuation with young girls goes too far. for one thing he should be happy with you and what you look like. he shouldnt be looking to other women for his sexual desires. second, he shouldnt be doing something to you that obviously hurts you in anyway. third, if he is looking at something like that on the computer, he is looking at the same thing in the real world and there is no telling what that will lead him to do.
Nothing wrong with porn, but underage porn is very serious business. Look at the sites, make sure it is underage girls, an call the cops. Child pornography is sick and illegal. Who knows what he is doing outside the home, as well. For all you know, he could be messing with, or god forbid, raping, underage girls behind your back.
I would confront him about the teen porn... that is pretty sick, but maybe he's never seen it before and was just curious? That's why i would confront him on it now while it's fresh on your mind. Hopefully he will stop after you shame him a bit. If he doesn't stop then you will know he has a problem and then you can decide whether the marriage is really worth it.
Sorry, i realize you're having a pretty crappy day- hang in there!
You should not be confused. This is to be expected. That is what porn is all about, destruction of relationships and perversion. Maybe I am not the person to give advise as I am a very drastic person and one strike with me and they are out. I am the type of person that once a man shows any signs of pervertion, unfaithfulness, or lack of love...my love and respect for them flyes out the window never to return.
oh that sounds horrible, I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as him. I am a very moral person, but god, he doesn't deserve you. And also I would never accept my husband looking at porn, especially in my house. Appreciating an attractive person is one thing, but looking at stuff like that is I dont know what....
when a porn site says teen porn. Chances are it's girls OVER18 who happen to look young. If it says pre teen then you have a problem. look at the sites again and it will say somewhere that all models are over 18. Dozen hand jobs!!! Damn girl. Why can't i find a girl like you
Is he saving any and then trading them with others over the Internet?
You may want to report him to the police and let them have the computer. It might mean the end of your marriage, though.
You have my sympathy.
I highly doubt they were 12-13 as that would be an illegal site. Settle down already! Maybe if YOU took better care of him in the bedroom, he wouldn't need the porn.
If it is that much of a deal breaker, JUST LEAVE! Again, life isn't that hard.....
i think u should express that it hurts u and tell him that u want a more pure relationship with him. tell him that it would make u feel good and a turn on for you knowing u urself is the only woman he sees naked and in that manner.
Call the police and pack your things before he comes home. That is seriously sick. He needs help. If you had planned on children I'm very sorry, but you don't want to have children with a man that is attracted to tweens.
ETA: Do not confront him. He will delete it before the police can see it. Call the police before he gets home from work!
See looking, at porn is one thing, but looking at Child Pornography is disgusting. He needs to be reported for his actions.
I'd like to know what websites he's looking at that he's seeing 12 %26amp; 13 year old girls...Most of those ';teen'; websites use women that are of age but look young.
They could be 18 year olds that look younger. I do not believe a site with 12-13 yer olds would be accessible. Not knowing for sure what your looking at, I would say nothing until/unless I was sure they are under age girls.
go hide the PC somewhere outside your house, then keep it as a blackmailing tool to get whatever you want.
Im sorry But you need to report him
You need to report him. You know it's not right!
KT, You are just gonna have to follow your heart. I can't tell ya what to do. I wouldn't be suprised if its adults that really look young. My sister in law when she married my brother was 18 and seriously looked 12. Anyways. You could tell him how you feel. My husband has made comment after comment that he has everything he has ever wanted at home with me. No need for him to be looking elsewhere. Now remember, people will say ';its just porn, its not like he's being unfaithful';. When YOUR husband is LOOKING at OTHER women besides YOU, he in a womans line of site is unfaithful emotionally.
Don't need to leave just yet, have it up on the computer when he gets home and explain to him that it bothers you. You didn't think it would but as time goes on, it does. Take care
Well first I am sorry for you that he is doing this.... you don't deserve that. Second, what he is doing is illegal and should be reported. You never know how far this will go. He may be deeper into than you know by actually seeking young girls. I would report it turn over the computer and let things take its course. I'm really sorry that your husband has turned out to not be the man you thought but you are young still and have a full life ahead of you.... don't waste it on him. Good luck in what ever you choose to do.
The models he's looking at are probably 18-19 or so, but just look young. No website is going to go through the legal problems of having underaged models when there are plenty of legal-aged models that look young.
But anyway, to answer your question. When my dog starts to chew furniture, I use substitution--I give her a chew toy or rawhide bone. Maybe you can use substitution--take some porn of yourself, and be more sexually aggressive and adventurous. It may not work, but it's worth trying.
There are no websites that have underage porn. A lot of teen porn is 18 and 19 yr old girls who look young. The younger the better because that's what the customers want. The girls you saw are 18+ and just happen to look young. They might even be 21 or older. They can lie about her age as long as they are not saying a 17 or younger girl is 18+.
Also, if you don't want to see what he looks at, don't open all recently closed tabs. That's just stupid. And just so you know, sometimes he could be looking at one thing and another tab will just pop up with an ad for something totally different. He could be looking at MILF porn and an ad for barely legals will pop up. Doesn't mean he was looking for barely legals.
If you REALLY came to terms with the porn thing, start acting like it and not just saying it.
I know porn can be a touchy subject for many. I look at it once in a while and my husband has no interest in it. I admit that I shouldn't. I just want to tell you that I think it's not a big one to worry about. Your husband is just over-sexed and can't get enough of it. I think people watch it just to get off over and over (I know it sounds sick, but it's the truth!) As for the teen stuff.. most of those websites will state anything to get you to click on. I guarantee you those girls are not underage or that company would be heading for shutdown and prison. You ought to go look for yourself. They look like like 30 year old woman made up to look teeny, but it's all a crock.
I think some people watch it out of boredom and entertainment, too. Ya, it's sick, but that's the truth girl! Hell, my whole family knows my 75 year old father is always snuck off to watch it. We all act innocent and say that dirty ol perv! Than like I said I watch it, too. It's just one of those things. I wouldn't flip out over it like you have.
I'm so sorry - how horrible. I would suggest making a copy (either hard or soft) of what you've found - that way if he clears his computer log you still have whatever you need if you decide to go forward and report him. Then I would ask him about it. If his answer is weak or you sense avoidance or other evasion, then I'd go ahead and report him, even though it will probably be the most difficult thing you may have done.
Think of this - what happens if he does have serious criminal and psychological issues and you have a child together... what then?
For all those people that say that those girls cant possibly be 12-13, or that he couldnt access those sights because they are illegal you are all wrong. Just because they are illegal doesnt mean you cant find them. He is an IT tech and I am sure he can find those sights.
As to your question as to what to do. Your husband is sick, nothing you can do will change this. This is the first step a pedophile takes on the road to abusing some poor helpless child. You NEED to confront him and if he refuses to get help you NEED to report him. IF you dont, you may be unwittingly enabling him to molest some poor child in the future.
NO PLEASE DON'T POST THE LINKS
HI, I surely know how you feel about it, i am 36 and i to have a husband who looks at porn with teenagers in it and i think it is SICK STUFF, and i can say that it does get better, i mean if it is meant to be with yall and he is not acting on this um i could understand more on why is looking a teenagers, but kids like 12 that is weird and well, my husband is 37 and looks at young women in there 20's and maybe they are younger than that...he should def not be looking at 12 yr girls
I personally don't like porn, and would never settle for my husband looking at it or having it in the house here!! I think it's disgusting!! Theres no need for it. And YOU my dear shouldn't settle for less because your husband views it. BUT 12 and 13 year old girls!!! That IS sick!!!! I would confront the sick son of a *****. I would be SO DISGUSTED!!!! I don't know what advice I can give you but to let him know YOU know!!!!!!!!!! Then take it from there. I would not be happy about this situation at all!!!!!!!! And my dear%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;don't say you've come to terms with him looking at porn??? Just because other people don't mind looking at it, doesn't mean you have to feel the same way!!! You have the right to feel any which way you want. And if you don't like something, then say so!!!!!!!! Don't act like it's ok when it's not. Speak up!! You have every right not to want that TRASH in your home!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd be VERY CONCERNED about the young girls??? You people crack me up on here! saying that you don't believe these girls are 12 or 13!!! Are you saying the porn industry is on the UP AND UP and they don't USE young girls!!!!! Well your full of SH*T!!!!!!!!!!! It's the porn indusrty. They will use what ever they can as long as it sells!!!! It happens every day in the good old U S A!!!!!! And in other countrys. So don't go give this lady bullsh*t the way some of you have on here!!! The chances of these girls being that youing is QUITE POSSIBLE!!!! because of you sick son of a bitc*es out there who want to view this TRASH!!! Thats why these young girls are doing this!!! YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF SICK BAS*RARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY VIDEO PRODUCTION!!!!!!!! PORN IS PORN!!!! whether it's child porn or adult porn!!! It'a ALL SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEEZ%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; Let me guess?? It couldn't be the sicko porn freaks that are giving me the thumbs down could it??? NAW??? I must be wrong??? LOL LOL
Most porn is made in California. There, it is legal to pose for porn at age 18 and up. So-called ';teen'; sites put up pictures of young women who are either 18 or 19 years old. They go to great lengths to make the girls appear even younger than they are. To this end, they typically choose females with small breasts, and/or who wear braces. They put their hair in pig tails, give them lollipops to suck on, and photograph them on beds with stuffed animals, in front of walls with Jonas Brothers and High School Musical posters on them.
I'd be willing to bet that your husband was looking at the kind of legal porn I described above. Please, stop freaking!Desperate for advice about husband and porn?
you need to get out of that relationship before his infatuation with young girls goes too far. for one thing he should be happy with you and what you look like. he shouldnt be looking to other women for his sexual desires. second, he shouldnt be doing something to you that obviously hurts you in anyway. third, if he is looking at something like that on the computer, he is looking at the same thing in the real world and there is no telling what that will lead him to do.
Nothing wrong with porn, but underage porn is very serious business. Look at the sites, make sure it is underage girls, an call the cops. Child pornography is sick and illegal. Who knows what he is doing outside the home, as well. For all you know, he could be messing with, or god forbid, raping, underage girls behind your back.
I would confront him about the teen porn... that is pretty sick, but maybe he's never seen it before and was just curious? That's why i would confront him on it now while it's fresh on your mind. Hopefully he will stop after you shame him a bit. If he doesn't stop then you will know he has a problem and then you can decide whether the marriage is really worth it.
Sorry, i realize you're having a pretty crappy day- hang in there!
You should not be confused. This is to be expected. That is what porn is all about, destruction of relationships and perversion. Maybe I am not the person to give advise as I am a very drastic person and one strike with me and they are out. I am the type of person that once a man shows any signs of pervertion, unfaithfulness, or lack of love...my love and respect for them flyes out the window never to return.
oh that sounds horrible, I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as him. I am a very moral person, but god, he doesn't deserve you. And also I would never accept my husband looking at porn, especially in my house. Appreciating an attractive person is one thing, but looking at stuff like that is I dont know what....
when a porn site says teen porn. Chances are it's girls OVER18 who happen to look young. If it says pre teen then you have a problem. look at the sites again and it will say somewhere that all models are over 18. Dozen hand jobs!!! Damn girl. Why can't i find a girl like you
Is he saving any and then trading them with others over the Internet?
You may want to report him to the police and let them have the computer. It might mean the end of your marriage, though.
You have my sympathy.
I highly doubt they were 12-13 as that would be an illegal site. Settle down already! Maybe if YOU took better care of him in the bedroom, he wouldn't need the porn.
If it is that much of a deal breaker, JUST LEAVE! Again, life isn't that hard.....
i think u should express that it hurts u and tell him that u want a more pure relationship with him. tell him that it would make u feel good and a turn on for you knowing u urself is the only woman he sees naked and in that manner.
Call the police and pack your things before he comes home. That is seriously sick. He needs help. If you had planned on children I'm very sorry, but you don't want to have children with a man that is attracted to tweens.
ETA: Do not confront him. He will delete it before the police can see it. Call the police before he gets home from work!
See looking, at porn is one thing, but looking at Child Pornography is disgusting. He needs to be reported for his actions.
I'd like to know what websites he's looking at that he's seeing 12 %26amp; 13 year old girls...Most of those ';teen'; websites use women that are of age but look young.
They could be 18 year olds that look younger. I do not believe a site with 12-13 yer olds would be accessible. Not knowing for sure what your looking at, I would say nothing until/unless I was sure they are under age girls.
go hide the PC somewhere outside your house, then keep it as a blackmailing tool to get whatever you want.
Im sorry But you need to report him
You need to report him. You know it's not right!
KT, You are just gonna have to follow your heart. I can't tell ya what to do. I wouldn't be suprised if its adults that really look young. My sister in law when she married my brother was 18 and seriously looked 12. Anyways. You could tell him how you feel. My husband has made comment after comment that he has everything he has ever wanted at home with me. No need for him to be looking elsewhere. Now remember, people will say ';its just porn, its not like he's being unfaithful';. When YOUR husband is LOOKING at OTHER women besides YOU, he in a womans line of site is unfaithful emotionally.
Don't need to leave just yet, have it up on the computer when he gets home and explain to him that it bothers you. You didn't think it would but as time goes on, it does. Take care
Well first I am sorry for you that he is doing this.... you don't deserve that. Second, what he is doing is illegal and should be reported. You never know how far this will go. He may be deeper into than you know by actually seeking young girls. I would report it turn over the computer and let things take its course. I'm really sorry that your husband has turned out to not be the man you thought but you are young still and have a full life ahead of you.... don't waste it on him. Good luck in what ever you choose to do.
The models he's looking at are probably 18-19 or so, but just look young. No website is going to go through the legal problems of having underaged models when there are plenty of legal-aged models that look young.
But anyway, to answer your question. When my dog starts to chew furniture, I use substitution--I give her a chew toy or rawhide bone. Maybe you can use substitution--take some porn of yourself, and be more sexually aggressive and adventurous. It may not work, but it's worth trying.
There are no websites that have underage porn. A lot of teen porn is 18 and 19 yr old girls who look young. The younger the better because that's what the customers want. The girls you saw are 18+ and just happen to look young. They might even be 21 or older. They can lie about her age as long as they are not saying a 17 or younger girl is 18+.
Also, if you don't want to see what he looks at, don't open all recently closed tabs. That's just stupid. And just so you know, sometimes he could be looking at one thing and another tab will just pop up with an ad for something totally different. He could be looking at MILF porn and an ad for barely legals will pop up. Doesn't mean he was looking for barely legals.
If you REALLY came to terms with the porn thing, start acting like it and not just saying it.
I know porn can be a touchy subject for many. I look at it once in a while and my husband has no interest in it. I admit that I shouldn't. I just want to tell you that I think it's not a big one to worry about. Your husband is just over-sexed and can't get enough of it. I think people watch it just to get off over and over (I know it sounds sick, but it's the truth!) As for the teen stuff.. most of those websites will state anything to get you to click on. I guarantee you those girls are not underage or that company would be heading for shutdown and prison. You ought to go look for yourself. They look like like 30 year old woman made up to look teeny, but it's all a crock.
I think some people watch it out of boredom and entertainment, too. Ya, it's sick, but that's the truth girl! Hell, my whole family knows my 75 year old father is always snuck off to watch it. We all act innocent and say that dirty ol perv! Than like I said I watch it, too. It's just one of those things. I wouldn't flip out over it like you have.
I'm so sorry - how horrible. I would suggest making a copy (either hard or soft) of what you've found - that way if he clears his computer log you still have whatever you need if you decide to go forward and report him. Then I would ask him about it. If his answer is weak or you sense avoidance or other evasion, then I'd go ahead and report him, even though it will probably be the most difficult thing you may have done.
Think of this - what happens if he does have serious criminal and psychological issues and you have a child together... what then?
For all those people that say that those girls cant possibly be 12-13, or that he couldnt access those sights because they are illegal you are all wrong. Just because they are illegal doesnt mean you cant find them. He is an IT tech and I am sure he can find those sights.
As to your question as to what to do. Your husband is sick, nothing you can do will change this. This is the first step a pedophile takes on the road to abusing some poor helpless child. You NEED to confront him and if he refuses to get help you NEED to report him. IF you dont, you may be unwittingly enabling him to molest some poor child in the future.
NO PLEASE DON'T POST THE LINKS
HI, I surely know how you feel about it, i am 36 and i to have a husband who looks at porn with teenagers in it and i think it is SICK STUFF, and i can say that it does get better, i mean if it is meant to be with yall and he is not acting on this um i could understand more on why is looking a teenagers, but kids like 12 that is weird and well, my husband is 37 and looks at young women in there 20's and maybe they are younger than that...he should def not be looking at 12 yr girls
I personally don't like porn, and would never settle for my husband looking at it or having it in the house here!! I think it's disgusting!! Theres no need for it. And YOU my dear shouldn't settle for less because your husband views it. BUT 12 and 13 year old girls!!! That IS sick!!!! I would confront the sick son of a *****. I would be SO DISGUSTED!!!! I don't know what advice I can give you but to let him know YOU know!!!!!!!!!! Then take it from there. I would not be happy about this situation at all!!!!!!!! And my dear%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;don't say you've come to terms with him looking at porn??? Just because other people don't mind looking at it, doesn't mean you have to feel the same way!!! You have the right to feel any which way you want. And if you don't like something, then say so!!!!!!!! Don't act like it's ok when it's not. Speak up!! You have every right not to want that TRASH in your home!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd be VERY CONCERNED about the young girls??? You people crack me up on here! saying that you don't believe these girls are 12 or 13!!! Are you saying the porn industry is on the UP AND UP and they don't USE young girls!!!!! Well your full of SH*T!!!!!!!!!!! It's the porn indusrty. They will use what ever they can as long as it sells!!!! It happens every day in the good old U S A!!!!!! And in other countrys. So don't go give this lady bullsh*t the way some of you have on here!!! The chances of these girls being that youing is QUITE POSSIBLE!!!! because of you sick son of a bitc*es out there who want to view this TRASH!!! Thats why these young girls are doing this!!! YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF SICK BAS*RARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY VIDEO PRODUCTION!!!!!!!! PORN IS PORN!!!! whether it's child porn or adult porn!!! It'a ALL SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEEZ%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; Let me guess?? It couldn't be the sicko porn freaks that are giving me the thumbs down could it??? NAW??? I must be wrong??? LOL LOL
Husband problems? Need advice.?
So me and my husband had this horrible fight about nothing. It was really stupid. Anyways after the fight he left and didnt come home. I assume he has been at a hotel or friends house. I havent seen him for a week and we havent talked to each other for a week either. I am a vet and own my own vet practice; he is an architect. Can the crazyness of our jobs be getting in the way. I have tried to call him but nothing. Need help.Husband problems? Need advice.?
Seems that the worst fights are usually over the most insignificant things! This is just an indication of a more serious, underlying problem that remains unaddressed. You need to find out what this unresolved issue is. As for him staying away %26amp; out of touch for a WEEK?? Totally inexcusable!! If he were with a friend....a TRUE friend would call you %26amp; let you know he is safe, etc, so you wouldn't be worried. What are the chances he has a mistress?? Seems to me like the ';fight'; was simply the excuse he needed to ';escape'; the marriage. You need to start finding out what's going on %26amp; why. Divorce could be in your near future. Don't get caught blindsided - financially OR emotionally.Husband problems? Need advice.?
Both of you have jobs that indicate that you are educated but apparently you have never learned the art of fighting without hurting the other person. It isn't the jobs but your inability to discuss your problems. I assume you are leaving messages at his work since you don't know where he is. After a couple, that is too many. You may want him back but if you get him back, will you just have more stupid fights? You need professional counseling either alone or with him. I'm sorry to tell you that you are about to learn a serious lesson in life. The only thing you can do is go cruise and look for him but have a plan if you find him. He will probably not want the same old routine any longer. Good luck.
No doubt work interferes with relationships.I would go as far as to say that it,s the biggest destroyer of relationships.It is a big thing to leave the family home and unless he,s an exhibitionist he,s obviously upset as he hasnt answered your calls.Do you think perhaps he has another woman in tow and you,ve given him the excuse he was looking for to leave.No doubt with your other job as a teacher you didnt have much time to spend together.Perhaps he left because you are a pathological liar and cant spell
Dont talk to the friends,
If they've seen him, they aint telling.
Dont go to the office.
Bosses hate when you bring personal problems to the work place.
An option you could do is call one of HIS best friends that actually CARES for his well being. Tell him that you just want him back, for this all to work out. You dont want to live without him. Tell them that even if you havent seen him, when you do, relay the message.
Find a way to combine the work thing together,
tell him some of the crazy things (funny things even he would be amused by) at dinner or something.
Try to take a night that he is off and go out to a NICE dinner,
not a dollar menu.
But you have to stick to the jobs and try to deal with it.
Someone has to pay the bills.
He is punishing you by being gone and not answering. Training you for the future? Maybe your jobs are adding stress. Try having date night. Making more time for each other. He is the most important thing in your life and vise verse. Call everyone and tell them that you are worried. You need to know if he is ok! Don't try to call him anymore. Seems like he is playing games. I would be steaming mad at him for putting me through all this worry over nothing. He is acting like a child! You two need to go back to the basics of what brought you together in the first place. Or get a divorce and stop wasting your lives.
I wish you well and hope that you hear from him soon. This is crazy!
honey as painful as it is right now,let him go.if he comes back and wants to openly and honestly talk,not just about how wrong u are but for him to take some responsibility as well for his part in any problems.then get some counseling,if he doest want to work through it then your better off alone.i know how painful this must be,but he sounds really immature just from the little u wrote.focus on u,not him,take a good look at the mistakes u have made in the relationship and deal with u.if it doesn't work out with u and him at least u have worked on u,its always 2 peoples fault in all relationships when they tear apart.so then u will be ready when your heart is ready for a healthy happy relationship.just remember to work on fixing u,good luck
You should be consulting with him not yahoo answers. ';IF'; you cant do this, yall dont need to be together. You know that.
If my husband went away for a week and didn't talk to me, I would definitely think he is up to something. I don't know who started the fight, but if he did, it looks like he was looking for a reason to leave. I would do some serious checking up on him.
If he has been gone for over a week with no contact. I would call the police and file a missing person report. If you find out that he is ok, I would get a divorce. any person that is gone for over a week and will not call and say they are ok is not worth your love.
This guy is a loser and will never change. Put all his stuff in black sacks and leave them on the doorstep. This behavior is unforgivable and not how a married man should behave. You have done well in your life and can cope on your own and also find someone far better than him.
go to anywhere you think he will be.
you say hes your husband.
tell him that marriage is a sacrament and a promise in front of the lord
aak him does he really love you the same way he loved you when he said '; I Do'; when you was getting married
hope this helps
Silly me, I assumed a Veterinarian could read and write proper English!
Where did you go to school?
Oh and to answer the question - it sounds like you both need to grow up.
go to a marriage consular if you have to go by yourself
Ask his friends where he is
Find him
Apologize and compromise
I'd go to his office.
dump his sorry azz
Seems that the worst fights are usually over the most insignificant things! This is just an indication of a more serious, underlying problem that remains unaddressed. You need to find out what this unresolved issue is. As for him staying away %26amp; out of touch for a WEEK?? Totally inexcusable!! If he were with a friend....a TRUE friend would call you %26amp; let you know he is safe, etc, so you wouldn't be worried. What are the chances he has a mistress?? Seems to me like the ';fight'; was simply the excuse he needed to ';escape'; the marriage. You need to start finding out what's going on %26amp; why. Divorce could be in your near future. Don't get caught blindsided - financially OR emotionally.Husband problems? Need advice.?
Both of you have jobs that indicate that you are educated but apparently you have never learned the art of fighting without hurting the other person. It isn't the jobs but your inability to discuss your problems. I assume you are leaving messages at his work since you don't know where he is. After a couple, that is too many. You may want him back but if you get him back, will you just have more stupid fights? You need professional counseling either alone or with him. I'm sorry to tell you that you are about to learn a serious lesson in life. The only thing you can do is go cruise and look for him but have a plan if you find him. He will probably not want the same old routine any longer. Good luck.
No doubt work interferes with relationships.I would go as far as to say that it,s the biggest destroyer of relationships.It is a big thing to leave the family home and unless he,s an exhibitionist he,s obviously upset as he hasnt answered your calls.Do you think perhaps he has another woman in tow and you,ve given him the excuse he was looking for to leave.No doubt with your other job as a teacher you didnt have much time to spend together.Perhaps he left because you are a pathological liar and cant spell
Dont talk to the friends,
If they've seen him, they aint telling.
Dont go to the office.
Bosses hate when you bring personal problems to the work place.
An option you could do is call one of HIS best friends that actually CARES for his well being. Tell him that you just want him back, for this all to work out. You dont want to live without him. Tell them that even if you havent seen him, when you do, relay the message.
Find a way to combine the work thing together,
tell him some of the crazy things (funny things even he would be amused by) at dinner or something.
Try to take a night that he is off and go out to a NICE dinner,
not a dollar menu.
But you have to stick to the jobs and try to deal with it.
Someone has to pay the bills.
He is punishing you by being gone and not answering. Training you for the future? Maybe your jobs are adding stress. Try having date night. Making more time for each other. He is the most important thing in your life and vise verse. Call everyone and tell them that you are worried. You need to know if he is ok! Don't try to call him anymore. Seems like he is playing games. I would be steaming mad at him for putting me through all this worry over nothing. He is acting like a child! You two need to go back to the basics of what brought you together in the first place. Or get a divorce and stop wasting your lives.
I wish you well and hope that you hear from him soon. This is crazy!
honey as painful as it is right now,let him go.if he comes back and wants to openly and honestly talk,not just about how wrong u are but for him to take some responsibility as well for his part in any problems.then get some counseling,if he doest want to work through it then your better off alone.i know how painful this must be,but he sounds really immature just from the little u wrote.focus on u,not him,take a good look at the mistakes u have made in the relationship and deal with u.if it doesn't work out with u and him at least u have worked on u,its always 2 peoples fault in all relationships when they tear apart.so then u will be ready when your heart is ready for a healthy happy relationship.just remember to work on fixing u,good luck
You should be consulting with him not yahoo answers. ';IF'; you cant do this, yall dont need to be together. You know that.
If my husband went away for a week and didn't talk to me, I would definitely think he is up to something. I don't know who started the fight, but if he did, it looks like he was looking for a reason to leave. I would do some serious checking up on him.
If he has been gone for over a week with no contact. I would call the police and file a missing person report. If you find out that he is ok, I would get a divorce. any person that is gone for over a week and will not call and say they are ok is not worth your love.
This guy is a loser and will never change. Put all his stuff in black sacks and leave them on the doorstep. This behavior is unforgivable and not how a married man should behave. You have done well in your life and can cope on your own and also find someone far better than him.
go to anywhere you think he will be.
you say hes your husband.
tell him that marriage is a sacrament and a promise in front of the lord
aak him does he really love you the same way he loved you when he said '; I Do'; when you was getting married
hope this helps
Silly me, I assumed a Veterinarian could read and write proper English!
Where did you go to school?
Oh and to answer the question - it sounds like you both need to grow up.
go to a marriage consular if you have to go by yourself
Ask his friends where he is
Find him
Apologize and compromise
I'd go to his office.
dump his sorry azz
Any advice on husband secretly contacting his ex?
I went to check my email and my husbands was still up on the computer. I was not trying to snoop, but when I went to log off the last email recieved caught my attention because it was his ex gilfriend! Of course I read it (nothing bad) and I had to sneak back to see his response. I was shocked to see that they are planning lunch tomorrow and according to the email they had lunch a few months back too. He has never mentioned anything about her besides from the beginning of our relationship 7 years ago. I AM FUMING MAD AND CAN BARELY SEE STRAIGHT! I have not confronted him yet, because I was so caught off gaurd and I almost want to spy some more to see if I can find anything else. Any advice out there? Thanks!Any advice on husband secretly contacting his ex?
Wow... I totally can sympathize with you on this, I know that feeling of being so mad- it's adrenaline that'll push you to confronting him, you know.
Well, I'm fairly sure that following him to the lunch will do nothing except cause a scene, and make public something that you should be handling in private. Even if you think right now that you can handle seeing them together, there is no way you'll be able to pull it off. Say you get there, and he says ';Oh, hey, I just bumped into (insert slutty McBimbo's name here) and we decided to get lunch together and catch up!'; Then that puts you in a spot. Do you let him get away with lying? That'll leave even more questions for you- like WHY IS HE LYING? If you call him on his lies you have to admit that you knew he would be there and planned to show up. Then you're going to look like a crazy stalker.
You really have to make a decision- are you going to accept what he's done, or are you going to leave him over it? To be honest, what he says to explain it really doesn't matter. If you can get over it, you'll believe it. If you can't handle it, it's always going to look like he's lying to you. If this is something that is going to eat at you for the rest of your life, then you might as well end the relationship because it'll eventually end anyway. If you can get past it, then you need to make up your mind to forgive him before you confront him, so you 2 can have a rational conversation about it. If you fly at him in a rage, you're going to make yourself look bad.
When you do confront him, be prepared for him to turn it around into YOU being wrong for ';snooping.'; Don't let him distract you with it.
If I had to make a guess, I'd say he's trying to get back with her, and if her email was ';nothing bad'; then he hasn't been successful. Obviously these lunches mean something to him, since he isn't telling you about them, and I think they'll probably continue as long as she's willing to meet him, and you're willing to be left in the dark. Even if he says that he didn't tell you because he knew it would upset you, that means that he knew you would BE upset but decided to go ahead with this relationship.
I could be totally off the mark here, but I completely believe in Gary Neuman's theory that any effort you put into a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is effort you're taking away from your spouse. I recommend if you and your husband decide to work on your relationship that you both discuss your feelings on emotional infidelity- what you each think defines being emotionally unfaithful.Any advice on husband secretly contacting his ex?
kick his sorry ******* *** out right now. you shouldnt have to spy on him, you should be able to trust him. kick his *** out now while you are mad so you dont end up staying with him and continue to have this problem. once a cheat, ALWAYS a ******* cheat!
Wow this is a tough one. If I were you I would want to know more. I would maybe park in the lot of the restaurant and see how they depart from each other (do they hug or kiss?) I would continue to monitor the emails if possible. IM too if you can. Good luck!
Dump him. Seriously. It doesnt matter if you physically cheat or emotionally cheat....it is cheating. If these meetings with his ex were so innocent, he would have told you about them..or invited you to go with.
Like Dr Phil says...if you are doing something behind your spouses back..that you wouldnt do if they were standing there, that is the mark thats says you shouldnt be doing it.
Nothing wrong with catching up with an old friend, classmate or flame. But if you are married...your spouse should be included. You should not even have the appearance of wrong doing.
Ouch! That hurts. One thing to do is to follow him to the 'lunch' and 'turn up'...be charming and friendly...and remain calm. See what happens. Good luck.
well go to the lunch. don't tell him. wait about ten min after they are supposed to meet there and then go. walk up to there table and confront them. that way he can't lie to you about her when she is right there in front of her. the trick is not to let on that you know anything tonight when he comes home. try not to act mad. good luck and happy spying.
Stay calm! Spy some more make sure you have enough evidence before you go off the handle.. Other wise he'll sweet talk his way out of it.. Then calmly tell him you know hes been meeting his ex. Wait for him to explain!! But don't tell him how you found out.... Then its up to you weather you can trust this man..
bump into them where they r meeting for lunch.....take a frnd along....n when u do meet them..ask him upfront that y hez didnt tell u abt him meetin his ex....lets see what he has to say..even ask him wether this was da first lunch wid her or did he go out with her earlier also....dat y u'll know if hez tellin u da true or nt?
Don't tell him that you know about the meeting, but ';accidentally'; have lunch in the same restaurant where he plans to met up with the ex.
Wont they be shocked when you walk in, caught in the act!!
Yikes... I'd be pissed as hell too. I wouldn't bother spying more to get more info... confront him now. Take the responsibility of reading his email... who cares. What he's done is worse. Slinking around for lunches with your ex, is.... just not cool. It would lead one to believe that there is something more going on.
You need to confront him but chances are that he was on the path of cheating. He should have never kept it hidden from you. If I were you, I would show up to the lunch place where they are planning to have lunch.
There are two sides to see this from as an outside person looking in.
The first is the most obvious, that he's meeting up with her, and has done prior to this for a quick bit of hanky-panky.
The second is the fact that he KNOWS you'd be pissed off if he went to meet his ex even if it is just for an innocent luncheon. and he's only not telling you because it will spare a pointless argument.
The only thing you have to ask yourself is, ';is he capable of cheating on you?'; if you think yes straight away, then i'm sorry to say it, he probably is, but if your first instinct is no, then it probably is just a harmless meeting.
Either way, i think you need to AT FIRST give him the benefit of the doubt, and if his story starts to show holes in it, THEN you can flip. If you come out all guns blaring straight away, it'll never help the situation.
i would spy on them a little more then get the evidence u need %26amp; then confront him. good luck
Lay low--don't say anything, watch,read, and listen. The same thing happened to me and instead of taking my own advice, I confronted him about it. Naturally he tried to weezle out of it, and lie to me about it. He ask me how i knew what I did and I told him everything. BIG MISTAKE----He locked me out of the computer, so I could not peep into his emails any longer. This action has GUILTY written all over it. I know you are mad, and I so much feel for you, cause I've been there. Good luck with everything--stay quiet for a little while longer. The bastard will eventually hang himself. Again, GOOD LUCK, I hope it all works out for you.
You have every right to be angry. Afterall, your husband had luch with his ex on more than one occasion and you had no idea about it or no idea that they were even communicating. I would sit him down and ask him what is going on. If he really had nothing to hide and if he felt that there was nothing worng with what he is doing, than he would have told you about it in the first place. But, he kept this from you and most of the time when they hide it, there is more to the story.
I think you should come right out %26amp; ask him about it. And tell him how you just seen the email,just like you said in your question! Dave
they still want something together!!!
dont tell him about the email u saw because if you do, he will learn his lesson and be more CAREFUL in future! My experience!
just appear in that lunch place COINCIDENTALLY
Confront him. You are his wife you have the right to know why he's having lunch with his ex. If nothing is going on then why is he not telling you about it. Show up at the place where they are planning lunch.refill
Wow... I totally can sympathize with you on this, I know that feeling of being so mad- it's adrenaline that'll push you to confronting him, you know.
Well, I'm fairly sure that following him to the lunch will do nothing except cause a scene, and make public something that you should be handling in private. Even if you think right now that you can handle seeing them together, there is no way you'll be able to pull it off. Say you get there, and he says ';Oh, hey, I just bumped into (insert slutty McBimbo's name here) and we decided to get lunch together and catch up!'; Then that puts you in a spot. Do you let him get away with lying? That'll leave even more questions for you- like WHY IS HE LYING? If you call him on his lies you have to admit that you knew he would be there and planned to show up. Then you're going to look like a crazy stalker.
You really have to make a decision- are you going to accept what he's done, or are you going to leave him over it? To be honest, what he says to explain it really doesn't matter. If you can get over it, you'll believe it. If you can't handle it, it's always going to look like he's lying to you. If this is something that is going to eat at you for the rest of your life, then you might as well end the relationship because it'll eventually end anyway. If you can get past it, then you need to make up your mind to forgive him before you confront him, so you 2 can have a rational conversation about it. If you fly at him in a rage, you're going to make yourself look bad.
When you do confront him, be prepared for him to turn it around into YOU being wrong for ';snooping.'; Don't let him distract you with it.
If I had to make a guess, I'd say he's trying to get back with her, and if her email was ';nothing bad'; then he hasn't been successful. Obviously these lunches mean something to him, since he isn't telling you about them, and I think they'll probably continue as long as she's willing to meet him, and you're willing to be left in the dark. Even if he says that he didn't tell you because he knew it would upset you, that means that he knew you would BE upset but decided to go ahead with this relationship.
I could be totally off the mark here, but I completely believe in Gary Neuman's theory that any effort you put into a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is effort you're taking away from your spouse. I recommend if you and your husband decide to work on your relationship that you both discuss your feelings on emotional infidelity- what you each think defines being emotionally unfaithful.Any advice on husband secretly contacting his ex?
kick his sorry ******* *** out right now. you shouldnt have to spy on him, you should be able to trust him. kick his *** out now while you are mad so you dont end up staying with him and continue to have this problem. once a cheat, ALWAYS a ******* cheat!
Wow this is a tough one. If I were you I would want to know more. I would maybe park in the lot of the restaurant and see how they depart from each other (do they hug or kiss?) I would continue to monitor the emails if possible. IM too if you can. Good luck!
Dump him. Seriously. It doesnt matter if you physically cheat or emotionally cheat....it is cheating. If these meetings with his ex were so innocent, he would have told you about them..or invited you to go with.
Like Dr Phil says...if you are doing something behind your spouses back..that you wouldnt do if they were standing there, that is the mark thats says you shouldnt be doing it.
Nothing wrong with catching up with an old friend, classmate or flame. But if you are married...your spouse should be included. You should not even have the appearance of wrong doing.
Ouch! That hurts. One thing to do is to follow him to the 'lunch' and 'turn up'...be charming and friendly...and remain calm. See what happens. Good luck.
well go to the lunch. don't tell him. wait about ten min after they are supposed to meet there and then go. walk up to there table and confront them. that way he can't lie to you about her when she is right there in front of her. the trick is not to let on that you know anything tonight when he comes home. try not to act mad. good luck and happy spying.
Stay calm! Spy some more make sure you have enough evidence before you go off the handle.. Other wise he'll sweet talk his way out of it.. Then calmly tell him you know hes been meeting his ex. Wait for him to explain!! But don't tell him how you found out.... Then its up to you weather you can trust this man..
bump into them where they r meeting for lunch.....take a frnd along....n when u do meet them..ask him upfront that y hez didnt tell u abt him meetin his ex....lets see what he has to say..even ask him wether this was da first lunch wid her or did he go out with her earlier also....dat y u'll know if hez tellin u da true or nt?
Don't tell him that you know about the meeting, but ';accidentally'; have lunch in the same restaurant where he plans to met up with the ex.
Wont they be shocked when you walk in, caught in the act!!
Yikes... I'd be pissed as hell too. I wouldn't bother spying more to get more info... confront him now. Take the responsibility of reading his email... who cares. What he's done is worse. Slinking around for lunches with your ex, is.... just not cool. It would lead one to believe that there is something more going on.
You need to confront him but chances are that he was on the path of cheating. He should have never kept it hidden from you. If I were you, I would show up to the lunch place where they are planning to have lunch.
There are two sides to see this from as an outside person looking in.
The first is the most obvious, that he's meeting up with her, and has done prior to this for a quick bit of hanky-panky.
The second is the fact that he KNOWS you'd be pissed off if he went to meet his ex even if it is just for an innocent luncheon. and he's only not telling you because it will spare a pointless argument.
The only thing you have to ask yourself is, ';is he capable of cheating on you?'; if you think yes straight away, then i'm sorry to say it, he probably is, but if your first instinct is no, then it probably is just a harmless meeting.
Either way, i think you need to AT FIRST give him the benefit of the doubt, and if his story starts to show holes in it, THEN you can flip. If you come out all guns blaring straight away, it'll never help the situation.
i would spy on them a little more then get the evidence u need %26amp; then confront him. good luck
Lay low--don't say anything, watch,read, and listen. The same thing happened to me and instead of taking my own advice, I confronted him about it. Naturally he tried to weezle out of it, and lie to me about it. He ask me how i knew what I did and I told him everything. BIG MISTAKE----He locked me out of the computer, so I could not peep into his emails any longer. This action has GUILTY written all over it. I know you are mad, and I so much feel for you, cause I've been there. Good luck with everything--stay quiet for a little while longer. The bastard will eventually hang himself. Again, GOOD LUCK, I hope it all works out for you.
You have every right to be angry. Afterall, your husband had luch with his ex on more than one occasion and you had no idea about it or no idea that they were even communicating. I would sit him down and ask him what is going on. If he really had nothing to hide and if he felt that there was nothing worng with what he is doing, than he would have told you about it in the first place. But, he kept this from you and most of the time when they hide it, there is more to the story.
I think you should come right out %26amp; ask him about it. And tell him how you just seen the email,just like you said in your question! Dave
they still want something together!!!
dont tell him about the email u saw because if you do, he will learn his lesson and be more CAREFUL in future! My experience!
just appear in that lunch place COINCIDENTALLY
Confront him. You are his wife you have the right to know why he's having lunch with his ex. If nothing is going on then why is he not telling you about it. Show up at the place where they are planning lunch.
Need Advice On husband Horrible @ communicating! Loves me and I love him soo much but its tearing me apart!!?
My husband and I, Have a perfect marraige-ALMOST we are best friends and when its good, its great, but the second anything remotely serious comes up, he completley shuts down, I ask him how can I approach it in a way he will respond to best, and he tells me, and I do it, and then AS SOON as Anything even a little seroius comes up, I try 2 explain it to him, and I pour my heart out to him if needed, and the whole time EvERYtime his body language is saying, I hate this! And his Only answer, Every time is, ';Okay'; or something simular, even about things that are not at all an okay answer, and the thing is, I accept that and wait, and it doesnt happen? I try everythin in my power to explain to him how important this is to me and our marriage, and he just seems to not get it, or care really, Everytime, we end up fighting about the conversation and NeVeR get to the issue, and it never gets resolved, I feel there is nothing I can do? I KNOW he loves me and I dont want/believe n divorce? Help?Need Advice On husband Horrible @ communicating! Loves me and I love him soo much but its tearing me apart!!?
I'm a man and it sounds like you're talking about something you consider serious, but he doesn't. You explained that your relationship is perfect (almost), than what the f...k are you complaining about? If he's taking care of you, the house, the children, and not finding excuses to leave the house without you, what is so important that he doesn't want to talk to you about? Are the bills paid?
Often, what you consider important are not that important to him because he's focused on what he can do to keep you happy, then you bring up some other b--sh--t, and the answer is what ever! Good luck pushing this guy awayNeed Advice On husband Horrible @ communicating! Loves me and I love him soo much but its tearing me apart!!?
You need to chill I can hear the nagging from here. Men do not like these heart to heart talks they dread the deep conversations. they are not comfortable talking about their feelings and you are beating him over the head with it and iwth your needs.
Stop being so needy and leave the man alone. He loves you and you know he loves you so what is there to go on and on about. Your post was making me want to just yell stop it already. give the guy a break and shut up some time if you really need to talk about your serious feelings that much, go to a shrink. You are gonna drive a good guy away with what you are doing and is it worth it? No so lighten up alread you did not marry a deep thinker so let him off the hook
I feel the exact same way. What i have done with my long term boyfriend because we have the same problem, i will write it down in a letter or just scribble whatever you are trying to say and hope that it soaks into their thick brains. Usually if i write it down then he can read it and he knows that i am truly upset and want to discuss it rather than it being one of those menstrual things (he calls it). Then i still have to work at squeezing some information out of him because he says he has a hard time opening up! But it has helped us work through many issues because he knows where i stand before we start talking about it and before an argument breaks out. It also helps me sleep at night when i write things down that are bothering me. Hope this helps! and whatever you do divorce is NOT the answer to any problem it just creates more problems.
Guess what, it happens in a marriage.
Don't push him too much because our time(wives) and their time(husbands) are totally different.
Women want it done now and men will do it later.
Just relax and tell him. You should be glad he listens even though he is tired sometimes. Back off sometimes and let him handle it. He may surprise you.
I'm a man and it sounds like you're talking about something you consider serious, but he doesn't. You explained that your relationship is perfect (almost), than what the f...k are you complaining about? If he's taking care of you, the house, the children, and not finding excuses to leave the house without you, what is so important that he doesn't want to talk to you about? Are the bills paid?
Often, what you consider important are not that important to him because he's focused on what he can do to keep you happy, then you bring up some other b--sh--t, and the answer is what ever! Good luck pushing this guy awayNeed Advice On husband Horrible @ communicating! Loves me and I love him soo much but its tearing me apart!!?
You need to chill I can hear the nagging from here. Men do not like these heart to heart talks they dread the deep conversations. they are not comfortable talking about their feelings and you are beating him over the head with it and iwth your needs.
Stop being so needy and leave the man alone. He loves you and you know he loves you so what is there to go on and on about. Your post was making me want to just yell stop it already. give the guy a break and shut up some time if you really need to talk about your serious feelings that much, go to a shrink. You are gonna drive a good guy away with what you are doing and is it worth it? No so lighten up alread you did not marry a deep thinker so let him off the hook
I feel the exact same way. What i have done with my long term boyfriend because we have the same problem, i will write it down in a letter or just scribble whatever you are trying to say and hope that it soaks into their thick brains. Usually if i write it down then he can read it and he knows that i am truly upset and want to discuss it rather than it being one of those menstrual things (he calls it). Then i still have to work at squeezing some information out of him because he says he has a hard time opening up! But it has helped us work through many issues because he knows where i stand before we start talking about it and before an argument breaks out. It also helps me sleep at night when i write things down that are bothering me. Hope this helps! and whatever you do divorce is NOT the answer to any problem it just creates more problems.
Guess what, it happens in a marriage.
Don't push him too much because our time(wives) and their time(husbands) are totally different.
Women want it done now and men will do it later.
Just relax and tell him. You should be glad he listens even though he is tired sometimes. Back off sometimes and let him handle it. He may surprise you.
Need advice for husband (Marine Recruiter) looking at possible court martial, relief of duty, & discharge?
My husband is an active duty Marine on recruiting duty. His best friend was just killed in Afghanistan, and the Recruiting command here almost didn't approve his leave for him to attend the funeral. The Recruiting Command finally approved his leave, and when we returned from the funeral, my husband made a comment to another Marine recruiter that he ';hated recruiting duty'; because he'd rather be in Iraq or Afghanistan again, and that ';recruiting duty is BS.'; The other Marine recruiter then went to the Commanding Officer, who then contacted my husband and screamed at him and told him he is scheduled for a hearing to determine whether or not he be relieved of duty, and discharged for his comments. I want to know what his rights are and how to fight this. He has been in for 8 years and has been deployed countless times to Iraq- he is well decorated and has never once been in trouble before, not even a Page 11. Please help- any advice is appreciated! And please, no reprimanding about ';well he said it, he needs to suck it up';- the Marine Corps means everything to him.Need advice for husband (Marine Recruiter) looking at possible court martial, relief of duty, %26amp; discharge?
I am a US Army Officer Veteran of 13 years. Here are a couple of points regarding your question:
#1 - Your husband is a Marine. He's been screamed at by his CO before, and he'll be screamed at by his CO again. Count on it. Your husband can handle this. Let it go.
#2 - A hearing is just that, a hearing. Not a discharge. In my opinion, This hearing is a simply a threat by the CO. Good recruiters are hard to come by, and if your husband is a good one, he'll keep his job. I can't imagine discharging a Soldier for a comment such as the ones you describe. It just doesn't happen.
#3 - As for ';fighting'; the hearing (if it does come to pass), you can't. A Soldier is ordered to attend his/her hearing. To fight against having a hearing would be the refusal of an order. That would be a huge mistake for your husband, and I'm sure he knows it.
#4 - My final point is going to sting, so brace yourself. And I don't mean it to sound cruel; but you are asking for advice, and I am a woman, a Veteran, and the spouse of a Soldier so - I offer this advice with the greatest of intentions and the hope that it helps your situation. Here it is: Leave this alone. Let your husband handle it. There is more going on here than you are aware of. The wife (or husband) of a Soldier who gets involved in a situation like this only makes things worse. See? I told you it would sting. Now, settle back down and listen to me. The Military is a ';good old boys club';, always has been and will continue to be for a long time to come. A civilian (especially a wife) who vocalizes protests like yours is viewed as a troublemaker and you don't want that. It will do nothing but make life hell for your husband. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't care, nor that you shouldn't be there for him, nor that you shouldn't help him deal with it. I'm saying that you're making a mountain out of a mole hill and it'll all blow over soon.Need advice for husband (Marine Recruiter) looking at possible court martial, relief of duty, %26amp; discharge?
He's not going to be discharged for it. He's got a right to his own opinions. He did not publicly disparage the Corps. They could give him a lousy evaluation and boot him off recruiting duty, but that's about it.
If his record was not spotless he'd have never been sent to recruiting duty in the first place.
He has the right to consult with defense counsel in the event any charges are brought against him.
He has the right to refuse NJP and request trial by court martial.
If there is even a possibility of being relieved of duty and discharged then your husband is not telling you the truth as to what he said. No Marine is going to be discharged for saying they hated recruiting duty and no other Marine is going to snitch for such a minor comment. It is possible that your husband said something totally inappropriate about sending people to die or questioning the civilian or military leadership. You need to find out the truth as to what your husband said. The story as told seems a bit fishy to me.
He's not going to get discharged for that. I don't know what's up the CO's ***, Marines complain all day long. Most commanders believe the saying: ';a bitching Marine is a happy Marine.';
Recruiting duty isn't for everybody. I know I would much rather be overseas than being a recruiter. I wouldn't worry too much about him getting in trouble, it's not the first time a Marine has called the Marine Corps BS
He needs to talk to JAG. Yahoo Answers is not going to help his case. Neither is your name, which is against good military order and discipline, but fortunately, you are just a spouse, so that shouldn't have any bearing on his case.
I am a US Army Officer Veteran of 13 years. Here are a couple of points regarding your question:
#1 - Your husband is a Marine. He's been screamed at by his CO before, and he'll be screamed at by his CO again. Count on it. Your husband can handle this. Let it go.
#2 - A hearing is just that, a hearing. Not a discharge. In my opinion, This hearing is a simply a threat by the CO. Good recruiters are hard to come by, and if your husband is a good one, he'll keep his job. I can't imagine discharging a Soldier for a comment such as the ones you describe. It just doesn't happen.
#3 - As for ';fighting'; the hearing (if it does come to pass), you can't. A Soldier is ordered to attend his/her hearing. To fight against having a hearing would be the refusal of an order. That would be a huge mistake for your husband, and I'm sure he knows it.
#4 - My final point is going to sting, so brace yourself. And I don't mean it to sound cruel; but you are asking for advice, and I am a woman, a Veteran, and the spouse of a Soldier so - I offer this advice with the greatest of intentions and the hope that it helps your situation. Here it is: Leave this alone. Let your husband handle it. There is more going on here than you are aware of. The wife (or husband) of a Soldier who gets involved in a situation like this only makes things worse. See? I told you it would sting. Now, settle back down and listen to me. The Military is a ';good old boys club';, always has been and will continue to be for a long time to come. A civilian (especially a wife) who vocalizes protests like yours is viewed as a troublemaker and you don't want that. It will do nothing but make life hell for your husband. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't care, nor that you shouldn't be there for him, nor that you shouldn't help him deal with it. I'm saying that you're making a mountain out of a mole hill and it'll all blow over soon.Need advice for husband (Marine Recruiter) looking at possible court martial, relief of duty, %26amp; discharge?
He's not going to be discharged for it. He's got a right to his own opinions. He did not publicly disparage the Corps. They could give him a lousy evaluation and boot him off recruiting duty, but that's about it.
If his record was not spotless he'd have never been sent to recruiting duty in the first place.
He has the right to consult with defense counsel in the event any charges are brought against him.
He has the right to refuse NJP and request trial by court martial.
If there is even a possibility of being relieved of duty and discharged then your husband is not telling you the truth as to what he said. No Marine is going to be discharged for saying they hated recruiting duty and no other Marine is going to snitch for such a minor comment. It is possible that your husband said something totally inappropriate about sending people to die or questioning the civilian or military leadership. You need to find out the truth as to what your husband said. The story as told seems a bit fishy to me.
He's not going to get discharged for that. I don't know what's up the CO's ***, Marines complain all day long. Most commanders believe the saying: ';a bitching Marine is a happy Marine.';
Recruiting duty isn't for everybody. I know I would much rather be overseas than being a recruiter. I wouldn't worry too much about him getting in trouble, it's not the first time a Marine has called the Marine Corps BS
He needs to talk to JAG. Yahoo Answers is not going to help his case. Neither is your name, which is against good military order and discipline, but fortunately, you are just a spouse, so that shouldn't have any bearing on his case.
Marriage advice...Leaving Husband...?
im here to vent more than anything...but i also need some kind of good support...i know in the end its my decision and my decision only...but this is a big change for me and frankly im scared..i dont do good with change at all! So me and my husband been married for 8 years...we have 3 kids age he is a wonderful father...a great dad to his kids..i am also 6 months pregnant...but..We argue nonstop...for the past few months literally i dunno last 7 months he has been drinking nonstop....we are barely making it money wise...let alone afford his beer habits and all...when he drinks he will drink brandy and beer....at times...and when we only have 5 bucks to our name he will get beer ...he becomes very cocky..and very annoying...when he gets drunk...and even start crap with me for no reason..just to get on my nerves...im not saying i am no angel here there is times i may say things out of line or etc...but i dont do as near as the things he does and has...as soon as he walks in the door he complains about everything why the house isnt spotless and etc etc...i do clean...as much as i can..i have 3 kids running around and im pregnant..and im depressed...i have a car that will only make it 2 mins down the road b4 it goes hot on me...i am always dealing with that...my family lives 30 to 40 mins away ..and i just feel like the walls are inclosing in on me....persay...i never have money to do anything...nor a car to get anywhere except take my son to school....i am not some uptown girl i dont need alot of things to make me happy as long as bills are payed and food is on the table i am fine..but i must say i get tired of be enclosed all the time ...not too mention dealing with him and his attitude and the way he drinks and etc....i have no friends ....i am just here with me and my kids...he goes out and works 12 hours a day...why i sit in the house....i have come to the point of being so depressed that i spend alot of time on the computer ....now dont get me wrong i take care of my kids....i do i love them with all my heart ...but in any spare time i get im on here with people i have made friends with and etc....its like an escape for me to go to and actually have fun and be myself...without all the crap here and etc....the thing is with my husband....i frankly do not want to have sex with him ...the last time i did ..i was just sicken by it and was in tears...bc i just did not want too....last night he was drunk i was on the computer reading some articles on the net and etc...and he comes and sits right up on me next to me...then starts to insult me and just nag nag nag...i told him to leave me alone he just refused to listen to me but kept acting like a child and kept going and going...the whole thing was he was telling me something that he has already told me on numerious times and frankly i get so tired of when he gets drunk he repeats himself and just doesnt shut up...i asked him to talk about something else or to stop talking about that all the time ....it wasnt a big deal really i could have sat here...and listen to him brag about the dogs againnnnn like he always likes to do..which is annoying and he is the type if he is talking to you...he will tell you look at me...or if your not looking at him he will be like you hear me? so annoys me so i told him to stop that he was aggravating me ...and that in return...he started to insult me with little things and before we knew it ...it was a full blown arguement...he literally put his face up to mine..you know how some people will literally get all up in your face and talk smack..well he was doing that and i told him what exactly i thought of him bc i felt it and i was tired of it and i put my hand in his face never touch him though...it was more like get out of my face like talk to the hand sorta thing lol but wasnt meaning to do the talk to the hand lol ...was just trying to get him out of my face....well he started calling me names and etc...and then slammed his hand on my arm...and roughed me around a little then did it again to my wrist....then i told him to take his hands off of me ..he tells me there is consquences to my actions and etc etc...that i provoke him to be the way he was and etc and no i felt it was the other way around with nagging me and me saying nicely several times just leave me alone and etc....i dunno my kids love him to death and i would really hate to break up the family...but i just dont know what to do anymore the more and more i try...i just get so unhappy..im not happy....im depressed..all i do is cry..i dont ever feel like doing anything i just i dunno....so basically i just wanted some advice and etc...please no rude comments bc this is as real as it gets to real....and it may be silly to some people but to me it isnt i have to live with it everyday...
i know i got alot into detail but it just felt i needed too..to get the advice ..and etc...thanks guys and i appreciate itMarriage advice...Leaving Husband...?
Well first off if he is getting in your face and trying to tell you that you have to suffer consequences from him for your actions then that's a RED flag right there saying that you need to get out of that house and out of that relationship. Call around your area for a women and children's shelter. They will take you and your children in and give you the support you all need to get away from this man. I understand that you love him but honey he ain't loving you at all. To stay at home and take care of three children, be pregnant and take care of all the household chores..you are working three jobs compared to his one. He needs to get off his high horse because I garauntee there is no way he would be able to handle all the things you do in your 'daily routine'. Furthermore, it doesn't matter if you are married or not..when a woman says NO she means NO and if he forces himself upon you and it's upsetting you to the point of tears then your husband practically raped you. Please do yourself and your children a favor and get away from this man.Marriage advice...Leaving Husband...?
Honey break your rants up into paragraphs.
Sorry for what you're going through, but I couldn't keep my place in that thing.
uh leave him its gonaa be hard by the sound of it but worth it in the end
You can do so much better! Please remember we are all thinking about you and support whatever decision you make. From experience leave now before it gets worse. There is a man out there who will love you and take care of you and the kids. You man needs help and he won't get it sounds like so go if you have family that close call them to come help you leave. Hardest call I ever made best call I ever made. Good luck
You need to leave and the sooner the better - maybe not forever but as long as your there and dont give him any consequences to his action and act on them he will continue doing what he is doing. If you think you still love him and may still want to be with him just tell him that if he does not stop you will leave.. and actually do it..he may finally realize you are serious and stop doing stupid stuff.. but you also have to be prepared in the case that he does not stop - you have to be ready to do everything on your own as a single mom. I know you dont want to beak up your family but you have to realize that in the end it may even be better for this kids.. if he gets drunk a lot he may do something really stupid one day and harm your kids.. and you dont want it to come to that
IF HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS WAYS THEN YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM . GIVE HIM TIME TO CHANGE TELL HIM IF HE DOESN'T CHANGE THEN YOUR LEAVING HIM.
So your husband is an alcoholic, works all day and comes home and drinks to relieve the stress. You are a stay at home mom with no life and you are so miserable you cry when you have sex with him. If you stay in this unhealthy relationship you will not only damage yourself but your children will be damaged by the drinking, fighting and general unhappiness. You need to get out now before his temper harms you or your unborn child. Asking him to get help will just start a fight. Things are not going to get easier and you are only going to get more depressed as time goes on. And you do not want your children to think this relationship is ok. They may resent you now but when they get older they will respect that you had the strength to get them out of the situation.
Before you make that kind of decision takes some time away maybe at your parents house and think about it. Sometimes it is hard to see when you are too close to something it may be best to step back and think of what is best for the children and you but the kids first.
I would leave him especially after he got in my face. That's a sign of disrespecting you as his wife. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I used to be married. I have been with someone else for the last two years. All things are possible. I know it will be hard on the kids. like you said, it is your decision. But think how he might react towards one of them if he got in their face when he is drunk. He may hurt them. Good luck on your decision. I hope things get better.
i know i got alot into detail but it just felt i needed too..to get the advice ..and etc...thanks guys and i appreciate itMarriage advice...Leaving Husband...?
Well first off if he is getting in your face and trying to tell you that you have to suffer consequences from him for your actions then that's a RED flag right there saying that you need to get out of that house and out of that relationship. Call around your area for a women and children's shelter. They will take you and your children in and give you the support you all need to get away from this man. I understand that you love him but honey he ain't loving you at all. To stay at home and take care of three children, be pregnant and take care of all the household chores..you are working three jobs compared to his one. He needs to get off his high horse because I garauntee there is no way he would be able to handle all the things you do in your 'daily routine'. Furthermore, it doesn't matter if you are married or not..when a woman says NO she means NO and if he forces himself upon you and it's upsetting you to the point of tears then your husband practically raped you. Please do yourself and your children a favor and get away from this man.Marriage advice...Leaving Husband...?
Honey break your rants up into paragraphs.
Sorry for what you're going through, but I couldn't keep my place in that thing.
uh leave him its gonaa be hard by the sound of it but worth it in the end
You can do so much better! Please remember we are all thinking about you and support whatever decision you make. From experience leave now before it gets worse. There is a man out there who will love you and take care of you and the kids. You man needs help and he won't get it sounds like so go if you have family that close call them to come help you leave. Hardest call I ever made best call I ever made. Good luck
You need to leave and the sooner the better - maybe not forever but as long as your there and dont give him any consequences to his action and act on them he will continue doing what he is doing. If you think you still love him and may still want to be with him just tell him that if he does not stop you will leave.. and actually do it..he may finally realize you are serious and stop doing stupid stuff.. but you also have to be prepared in the case that he does not stop - you have to be ready to do everything on your own as a single mom. I know you dont want to beak up your family but you have to realize that in the end it may even be better for this kids.. if he gets drunk a lot he may do something really stupid one day and harm your kids.. and you dont want it to come to that
IF HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS WAYS THEN YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM . GIVE HIM TIME TO CHANGE TELL HIM IF HE DOESN'T CHANGE THEN YOUR LEAVING HIM.
So your husband is an alcoholic, works all day and comes home and drinks to relieve the stress. You are a stay at home mom with no life and you are so miserable you cry when you have sex with him. If you stay in this unhealthy relationship you will not only damage yourself but your children will be damaged by the drinking, fighting and general unhappiness. You need to get out now before his temper harms you or your unborn child. Asking him to get help will just start a fight. Things are not going to get easier and you are only going to get more depressed as time goes on. And you do not want your children to think this relationship is ok. They may resent you now but when they get older they will respect that you had the strength to get them out of the situation.
Before you make that kind of decision takes some time away maybe at your parents house and think about it. Sometimes it is hard to see when you are too close to something it may be best to step back and think of what is best for the children and you but the kids first.
I would leave him especially after he got in my face. That's a sign of disrespecting you as his wife. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I used to be married. I have been with someone else for the last two years. All things are possible. I know it will be hard on the kids. like you said, it is your decision. But think how he might react towards one of them if he got in their face when he is drunk. He may hurt them. Good luck on your decision. I hope things get better.
Any Advice Please... Husband vs Wife LOL?
Ok Im going to try to make this short. My husband %26amp; I have been together for 5 yrs. Married almost 1 yr. Between the 2 of us we have 4 kids. He has 1 by another woman and I have 2 by my X-husband, And one we have together, he is 1 mth old. I fell head over hills with my husband and still to this day feel butterflies in my stomach at times for him. At the beginning it was really hard for me b/c how I met my husband was by me sneaking around on my X-husband (which at time we were going through divorce) And spending alot of times at bars etc. Yes my husband loves his beer.
My kids which are 10yrs and 12yrs, stay full time with their dad which is only 10 mins away (and not by choice) and my husbands kid which is 4yrs, stays full time with his mom which is only 5 minutes away.
Ok thats our short life summed up in a short version.
For three years now we moved into his dads rental which has a hugh shop beside it and we are living in a double wide. He bascially lives in his shop... So many times I tell him that I want to spend time with him and his reaction is that we do.. I get so lonely in my home by myself. I know that he is only right outside and I can go out there to him, but I have tried that. But his friend (his other wife) lol... I call him that.... Is always over him helping him work around his shop.. His shop has a kitchen, living room and a paint room and everything a man could want... He drinks every night, and spends money only on his self. I have always commented to him stated that he is for him, not no one else, including ,me. I get so tired of it. And when he isn't drinking he is recovering sleeping inside the house on the couch. For a year I have begged him for a dishwasher and I just now got one, b/c of my bitching. He bought me a car a year ago that he has promised to get painted and it still sits in the yard like a rainbow. It has like 5 tones to it. But yet in a year he had managed to buy him a 5000.00 hot rod car, spent 3,000 on his checkmate boat and put about 2,000 in his 4-wheeler.
When I was pregnant I took the boys room and made it a nursery and took my daughters room and made it the boys bedroom b/c my husband nagged and nagged at me that ';HIS'; son didn't have a bedroom, so I gave him a bedroom (That he never goes in). And I have been telling him that my daughter wants a bedroom and I even mentioned it today and he saids: well my kids are not here full time so why bother... But yet I JUST HAD to give his son a bedroom and now he wont build my girl one. I just get soooo tired of his selfiness.
And when it comes to HIS son, thats another argument.. because he is beyond spoiled... My kids are spoiled but they DO have struture and disclpline...His don't..
Sorry for the long story. I had to vent or pull my hair out.
And advice on how to deal with this problem. Is there any women out there that is going through the same thing?????? Please answer nicely.Any Advice Please... Husband vs Wife LOL?
In a nutshell, he is an alcoholic, a shopaholic, codependent, irresponsible, and more,. He needs psychological trusts for emotional and behavioral disorders and the six anxiety disorders. These are administered in a mental health clinic, specifically, an adult outpatient clinic of a pacy UNIT in a hospital. He has sever problems, the way I see it.
You are waiting for him to get past mental illness. He can't without lots of professional help, continuous AA meetings, every day for months, and probably medication. Get him in to take tests. Call a hospital's psych until for outpatients and find out all bout these tests.Any Advice Please... Husband vs Wife LOL?
Kids and money can ruin a second marriage. Sit down and talk and solve this to fit ';your'; family. A nursery and a guest bedroom for all or whatever. Solve it.
I guess the only question is . . . do you work? Or have you worked at any point in your relationship? People (including myself) can get very resentful when they're the only one contributing financially %26amp; then having to answer to someone else when they do something for themselves.
I see why the kids dont live with you two, good thing. Sounds like an unhappy unhealthy marriage. This is nicely trust me I could be more forward.
I'm glad you kept this question short my eyes were burning.. He don't care about anythings but himself . that simple . Kick his a** out
My kids which are 10yrs and 12yrs, stay full time with their dad which is only 10 mins away (and not by choice) and my husbands kid which is 4yrs, stays full time with his mom which is only 5 minutes away.
Ok thats our short life summed up in a short version.
For three years now we moved into his dads rental which has a hugh shop beside it and we are living in a double wide. He bascially lives in his shop... So many times I tell him that I want to spend time with him and his reaction is that we do.. I get so lonely in my home by myself. I know that he is only right outside and I can go out there to him, but I have tried that. But his friend (his other wife) lol... I call him that.... Is always over him helping him work around his shop.. His shop has a kitchen, living room and a paint room and everything a man could want... He drinks every night, and spends money only on his self. I have always commented to him stated that he is for him, not no one else, including ,me. I get so tired of it. And when he isn't drinking he is recovering sleeping inside the house on the couch. For a year I have begged him for a dishwasher and I just now got one, b/c of my bitching. He bought me a car a year ago that he has promised to get painted and it still sits in the yard like a rainbow. It has like 5 tones to it. But yet in a year he had managed to buy him a 5000.00 hot rod car, spent 3,000 on his checkmate boat and put about 2,000 in his 4-wheeler.
When I was pregnant I took the boys room and made it a nursery and took my daughters room and made it the boys bedroom b/c my husband nagged and nagged at me that ';HIS'; son didn't have a bedroom, so I gave him a bedroom (That he never goes in). And I have been telling him that my daughter wants a bedroom and I even mentioned it today and he saids: well my kids are not here full time so why bother... But yet I JUST HAD to give his son a bedroom and now he wont build my girl one. I just get soooo tired of his selfiness.
And when it comes to HIS son, thats another argument.. because he is beyond spoiled... My kids are spoiled but they DO have struture and disclpline...His don't..
Sorry for the long story. I had to vent or pull my hair out.
And advice on how to deal with this problem. Is there any women out there that is going through the same thing?????? Please answer nicely.Any Advice Please... Husband vs Wife LOL?
In a nutshell, he is an alcoholic, a shopaholic, codependent, irresponsible, and more,. He needs psychological trusts for emotional and behavioral disorders and the six anxiety disorders. These are administered in a mental health clinic, specifically, an adult outpatient clinic of a pacy UNIT in a hospital. He has sever problems, the way I see it.
You are waiting for him to get past mental illness. He can't without lots of professional help, continuous AA meetings, every day for months, and probably medication. Get him in to take tests. Call a hospital's psych until for outpatients and find out all bout these tests.Any Advice Please... Husband vs Wife LOL?
Kids and money can ruin a second marriage. Sit down and talk and solve this to fit ';your'; family. A nursery and a guest bedroom for all or whatever. Solve it.
I guess the only question is . . . do you work? Or have you worked at any point in your relationship? People (including myself) can get very resentful when they're the only one contributing financially %26amp; then having to answer to someone else when they do something for themselves.
I see why the kids dont live with you two, good thing. Sounds like an unhappy unhealthy marriage. This is nicely trust me I could be more forward.
I'm glad you kept this question short my eyes were burning.. He don't care about anythings but himself . that simple . Kick his a** out
Need advice on husband with a bad temper?
My husband is generally a decent person but his greatest flaws are his bad temper and his constant state of denial. What I mean by state of denial is that he will always deny saying something or doing something and it makes it very difficult to communicate with someone who claims ';amnesia'; all the time. He's in his 30s so his ';amnesia'; is not medical related. He just likes to re-write history the way he likes it. There is no point in doing marriage counselling because he will just deny doing or saying anything. My parents have tried counselling us before but it goes no where because he just denies everything and makes stuff up. After he screams and yells at me and gets his frustrations out, he will then be very nice to me afterwards. He is able to forget all the yelling episode quickly but I find it difficult to just forget it. He asks why I can't just let it go the way he does but I simply can't because the hurt is already too deep. We have 2-3 weeks of bliss followed by another 2-3 weeks of pain and anguish and fighting. I don't think I can deal with that anymore because I need a more stable environment. I need him to be a little nicer all the time and not be extremely nice to me after he lashes out at me. I am not his punching bad and refuse to be one. I want a trial separation but my parents won't let me have one because they want us to stick it out. They don't understand the pain I'm going through and I'm really torn. I just need some advice as to what I can do under such circumstance. How do you deal with a husband like this?Need advice on husband with a bad temper?
1. Prozac!!! Seriously he may have depression or bipolar (even mildly) that effect how he can deal with things. I would bet that he will not openly admit to wanting/needing help but that inwardly he wants to be forced to do something about it. Push him to see a doctor, say it is for sleeping problems or something else.
2. Sorry but ';I DARE YOU'; is correct, you have no duty to stay in a bad situation for your parents sake. Your parents are worth honoring if they are good parents, if they want you to stay in an abusive situation then they are bad parents and deserve neither honor nor respect.Need advice on husband with a bad temper?
What a spoilt brat. Tell him to quit the temper tantrums or you're out of there. Don't let it go on a moment longer. He is a bully.
wow...you must be very miserable...why do you allow you life to be this way? I shall never understand...
get out...x
1. Your parents can't stop you from doing anything in your marriage. You're an adult. They have their opinions but that's it. Do what you feel is best. I happen to agree with your parents. Separation is usually the beginning of the end for a marriage.
2. Without specifics it's hard to say if your husband is really mean or you're just sensitive. It could be a combination of the two. Try a different approach with him. When he's in a good mood, talk to him. Don't accuse him of being mean. Just bring up an incident and ask him if he could please try to tell you things before he gets so angry so you can try to do better. Its communication, you just haven't learned how to effectively communicate with each other.
My heart goes out to you, if your husband is unwilling to admit his temper is a real problem then nothing you, your parents or a cousellor can say or do will help. His ';amnesia'; is a form of denial, which allows him to ignore his anger problem and ill treatment of you. The only person who can help to change his behaviour is himself and if he refuses to even admit there is a problem it seems that you have no where else to go with your marriage.
Maybe a trial separation will make him realise he has a problem, if you try this and he does seek help do not be too quick to return until you are certain that he has changed or you will be back to square one. This sort of anger problem cannot be resolved in a few weeks or even months.
No one should have to live in these circumstances, if your parents will not support you and you decide to leave start making preparations now and get some money together and a safe place to go. A couple of sites below with information which can help you do this.
Your parents have no right to tell you that you have to spend your life with an abuser, which is what he is, mental/emotional/verbal abuse can be as harmful and painful as physical abuse. I see that you don't want to hurt your parents but you really have to put yourself first, your husband is and even your parents are putting their own wishes above your needs. It will take a lot of courage for you to do this but for your own sake and for the sake of any children you have or might have in the future you and they deserve better.
Good Luck
';I need a more stable environment. I need him to be a little nicer all the time';
Have you told him this?
If you have, and he continues to ignore your needs then time to separate.
';but my parents won't let me have one because they want us to stick it out. ';
Uh... your old enough to get married, so your old enough to make your own decisions... if you are still doing what your parents tell you to do, then your not adult enough to be married. You sound like you are still a child, so perhaps its best you go move back in with your parents like a child and let them deal with you.
ADD: '; I feel like I have an obligation to my parents to make them happy '; .... actually you have an obligation to your spouse, not your parents. If your parents happiness is all that matters to you, then again its best you go move back into your old bedroom and be a child again. The day you got married, was the day you made it clear to the world you are a grown woman... so act like it!
ADD: '; I just want some impartial advice because obviously I am not getting it from my own family.';
If your own family can't give you advice, then why are they so important to you? If you are obligated to stay a little baby then take their advice and stick with it... it seems you are stuck in a childish mentality, and your mommy's opinion is all that matters... so go move back in with her and be a baby again.
I don't blame your husband, he thought he married a woman but instead he got a child still attached to her mothers teet.
i understand you. i am not in a relationship but is friend with my daughters father who does the same thing...we have been hanging out alot but he wants to be more..and i have told him that i am not interested..i have been in realtionships where my heart was with that person but theirs not with me...so God stepped in and said that it was time for me to wake up and stop wasting my time with these guys who have no good intention...so it makes it hard for me to talk to him or be a true friends he says alot of hurtful things......all i can say to you is turn to God.....he will lead you....pray.. honestly since i have turn my life over to god it has been great..i do not want to be in a relationship any time soon...i think men has alot of growing up to do...and when they do not have god in their life it is a mess.
1. Prozac!!! Seriously he may have depression or bipolar (even mildly) that effect how he can deal with things. I would bet that he will not openly admit to wanting/needing help but that inwardly he wants to be forced to do something about it. Push him to see a doctor, say it is for sleeping problems or something else.
2. Sorry but ';I DARE YOU'; is correct, you have no duty to stay in a bad situation for your parents sake. Your parents are worth honoring if they are good parents, if they want you to stay in an abusive situation then they are bad parents and deserve neither honor nor respect.Need advice on husband with a bad temper?
What a spoilt brat. Tell him to quit the temper tantrums or you're out of there. Don't let it go on a moment longer. He is a bully.
wow...you must be very miserable...why do you allow you life to be this way? I shall never understand...
get out...x
1. Your parents can't stop you from doing anything in your marriage. You're an adult. They have their opinions but that's it. Do what you feel is best. I happen to agree with your parents. Separation is usually the beginning of the end for a marriage.
2. Without specifics it's hard to say if your husband is really mean or you're just sensitive. It could be a combination of the two. Try a different approach with him. When he's in a good mood, talk to him. Don't accuse him of being mean. Just bring up an incident and ask him if he could please try to tell you things before he gets so angry so you can try to do better. Its communication, you just haven't learned how to effectively communicate with each other.
My heart goes out to you, if your husband is unwilling to admit his temper is a real problem then nothing you, your parents or a cousellor can say or do will help. His ';amnesia'; is a form of denial, which allows him to ignore his anger problem and ill treatment of you. The only person who can help to change his behaviour is himself and if he refuses to even admit there is a problem it seems that you have no where else to go with your marriage.
Maybe a trial separation will make him realise he has a problem, if you try this and he does seek help do not be too quick to return until you are certain that he has changed or you will be back to square one. This sort of anger problem cannot be resolved in a few weeks or even months.
No one should have to live in these circumstances, if your parents will not support you and you decide to leave start making preparations now and get some money together and a safe place to go. A couple of sites below with information which can help you do this.
Your parents have no right to tell you that you have to spend your life with an abuser, which is what he is, mental/emotional/verbal abuse can be as harmful and painful as physical abuse. I see that you don't want to hurt your parents but you really have to put yourself first, your husband is and even your parents are putting their own wishes above your needs. It will take a lot of courage for you to do this but for your own sake and for the sake of any children you have or might have in the future you and they deserve better.
Good Luck
';I need a more stable environment. I need him to be a little nicer all the time';
Have you told him this?
If you have, and he continues to ignore your needs then time to separate.
';but my parents won't let me have one because they want us to stick it out. ';
Uh... your old enough to get married, so your old enough to make your own decisions... if you are still doing what your parents tell you to do, then your not adult enough to be married. You sound like you are still a child, so perhaps its best you go move back in with your parents like a child and let them deal with you.
ADD: '; I feel like I have an obligation to my parents to make them happy '; .... actually you have an obligation to your spouse, not your parents. If your parents happiness is all that matters to you, then again its best you go move back into your old bedroom and be a child again. The day you got married, was the day you made it clear to the world you are a grown woman... so act like it!
ADD: '; I just want some impartial advice because obviously I am not getting it from my own family.';
If your own family can't give you advice, then why are they so important to you? If you are obligated to stay a little baby then take their advice and stick with it... it seems you are stuck in a childish mentality, and your mommy's opinion is all that matters... so go move back in with her and be a baby again.
I don't blame your husband, he thought he married a woman but instead he got a child still attached to her mothers teet.
i understand you. i am not in a relationship but is friend with my daughters father who does the same thing...we have been hanging out alot but he wants to be more..and i have told him that i am not interested..i have been in realtionships where my heart was with that person but theirs not with me...so God stepped in and said that it was time for me to wake up and stop wasting my time with these guys who have no good intention...so it makes it hard for me to talk to him or be a true friends he says alot of hurtful things......all i can say to you is turn to God.....he will lead you....pray.. honestly since i have turn my life over to god it has been great..i do not want to be in a relationship any time soon...i think men has alot of growing up to do...and when they do not have god in their life it is a mess.
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